Im just gonna vent.

Now, clearly a lot of people have mental health problems now a days. I don't know if I do... I just cry a lot when small bad things happen. Like, if my school computer isn't working I'll start freaking out and cry until I'm told to go to the bathroom or office. Sometimes I just stop functioning and just lay in bed, even if I have something fun I can do I just stay in bed.

Um, anyways, *nervous laughter* I kinda try to be happy. You know the stories about the kid who says "I'm fine" with roses and shit, its like that except instead of happy friends and the kid hiding it because they dont want people to worry, I do it because my friends have a ton of problems and I dont want to take attention away from them.

So, I pretend to be the confident friend! I say "I look good!" In the mirror when I'm finding everything wrong with me. I just... Dont know what to do? My friend who doesn't talk about her problems says "its like were the only friends who aren't depressed" to me.

I get so upset because I know what she does to herself and what has happened to her! Maybe she forgets telling me but, I remember! I just want to hug her and tell her in 5 years it won't matter but, in 5 years it will matter because the people who hurt her give her a home!

I have so many problems with myself and I just can't deal with them because I need to help her and my other friends!

I give advice and let people rant to me. I've cried while reading texts from the girl who I followed on the play ground in preschool. I get pushed away from the girl who made me laugh more times then I could count and made me cry even more. I hold the girl that's crying and used to comfort me when people made fun of me.

I just want them to be happy. That's all I want. I dont care about myself anymore! If they were able to smile with hurting it would feel like nothing mattered. I love them with all my heart. If I knew they stopped cutting, crying, throwing up on purpose, I would feel okay.

I was talking about my problems in the beginning but I only care about them. Only them.