8:15:19

Sadness

I feel sad. I feel sad yet I know I need to let him go. He was everything I wanted, but I was not for him. There are certain kinds of sadness. This one is a calm sort of sadness. Acceptful, yet painful. A sadness that only comes when you are aware of the fact that it is time. The sadness that you feel oddly content with because you know it is okay to feel sad. The kind of sadness like leaves dropping from their branches as they turn to dust and retreat to the earth before winter. The kind of sadness like going home after a vacation. This is the sadness I feel. But sometimes, its angry sadness. The kind of sadness that falls in hot tears and curled fists and tight jaws. The kind of sadness that you didn't know it was coming. The angry sadness like thunder booming and lightning crackling. A feeling like the smoke rising from a fire as the flames engulfed all in its path. It was brash and reckless. It saw nothing but what was exactly in front of it. There was no past, there was no future. Only anger. Then there was quiet sadness. The kind where there was nothing to do. No words to speak. Simply silence. It was all you could feel. Just the empty air to maybe calm the storm in your head and lighten the lead in your heart. A sense of relief sometimes. A feeling like rain washing mud from the tips of your boots. It hurt, yes, but you couldn't help but feel freer than before. No more waiting. No more crying over and over again. The vicious cycle you were caught in finally ends and there are no more bricks in your stomach. Your balloons are now filled with helium instead of cement. This is apart of the sadness that I feel. An awareness. Knowing that it will rain. A relief. Knowing that the sun will soon shine through the clouds.

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