It's been a long time since I've seen something and thought "wow, I could kill myself with that" but it happened again today and I don't like what that means.

I'm not even under that much stress right now. In fact, things have been getting better in most aspects of my life. But I know there's something wrong when I look at a nail gun or see a picture of a cliff and think "that'd be an easy way to die."

Do you know how fucked up that is? It's fucked up. And the fact that I can't control these thoughts scares the shit out of me. I'm scared that one of these days I'll be in one of my downswings and I'll see some every day object and actually try to kill myself.

Maybe therapy isn't a bad idea...

I'm just realizing how triggering this entire book is. I have a trigger warning in the description, I just hope everyone has read it and heeds my warnings. I really don't want anyone to get hurt because of how I choose to vent.