New year, same me.

I don't expect to magically feel like a new person because 365 days have passed and now a 6 has become a 7, but I wish I did.

I wish I could be comfortable with my body. I get dysmorphic every time I see myself. I hide behind baggy clothes so I can forget for a while what I look like.

I wish my mind didn't go to a dark place every time I was left alone. I wish I didn't think about how many easily accessible things could kill me. I wish I didn't think about how long it would take for my family to find my body.

I wish I didn't rely on people to talk me out of doing something stupid. I wish I could control myself.

I wish I could go back to who I was before my brother was baker acted, my parents divorced and my best friend moved away. I wish I didn't hate who I am, and I wish I didn't think everyone hated me.

I've worked so hard to get to 2017, and I'm going to continue to work on getting better so I can see 2018. I'm not done fighting yet. I'm not letting life beat me this year.