I can't believe you've been gone for a month, Nico. It still doesn't feel completely real. Maybe because I didn't get the closure I would've liked. I still really miss you though. Every once in a while something will remind me of you and I'll have to fight back tears. I'm trying to be happy and keep going on with my life, because I know that's what you would've wanted, but sometimes I still cry so hard that I have a headache and can't breathe.  I'm trying, though. I really am. I got a job, you know. And I've been trying to open up my friends more. I remember you yelling at me a little over a year ago because of me being stubborn and shutting my friends out. I now understand what you were saying about that being unfair to them. Of course, I still do it sometimes, but now I realize it and try to communicate more.

It's really hard without you. Everything seems a little bleaker. Things don't have the same hope or excitement as they used to.

I remember struggling through my first year of high school. I would hope that the day would hurry up and be over with so that I could talk to you.... I really fucking miss talking to you. I don't think you ever realized how much those conversations meant to me, even the ones where you were mad at me. I was always learning from you. I miss your stories and lessons and weird tasks that you'd ask from me to teach me something. I just really miss you.