KATNISS

It had been at least an hour since the whole dinner fiasco. Johanna was probably still upstairs in the kitchen or family room. Peeta had fallen asleep while next to me, still holding his arms around me. I had just been lying there thinking about everything that had happened. How everyone had left me. Gale. My father. Prim. My heart nearly shattered just thinking about her. I couldn't dwell on that right now though. I needed to clear my head.

I gently removed Peeta's arms from me, and he turned over on his side, still asleep, probably exhausted.

I walked up the stairs to find Annie and Finnick sitting at the table, her head leaning on his shoulder as they talked.

"Oh Katniss," Annie said when she realized I was there. "How are you?" She questioned.

I shrugged. "Good,"

"Hey Finnick, I'm gonna go hang out with Katniss for a while," She said to him.

"Okay," He said, standing up. "I'm going to go try to talk to Johanna again. I'm sorry about her, Katniss,"

I nodded. He left.

Annie led me into the empty family room, and I settled onto a worn down but comfortable couch.

"So," She said. "How are you really?" She questioned, looking at me warmly. She gave me the same feeling I got from Finnick. Like I could tell her- trust her- with anything.

"I," I started, then stopped taking a deep breath. "I'm lonely, I feel like well, what if what Jo said was true?" I breathed, sure I believed Peeta was never leaving me but still, everyone else was gone, everyone else had said the same thing. Annie looked at me, her eyes shone, not with pity but with understanding.

"Katniss, you're not alone, you have Peeta. You will have your babies. Now you have me and Finnick, even if you feel like you're drowning from loneliness you have to remember the people who stayed, who take away that loneliness," Annie said.

I took a deep breath, I knew Peeta was there. His presence was undeniably warm and safe, he was there for me. That didn't take away the loss I felt from not having the people I used to by my side.

Annie must have seen this in my eyes because she continued. "Katniss, I know what it's like. I felt alone even when I had Finnick by my side. It is a hard time but remembering that there are still people rooting for you, following you in your life, things will get better," Annie told me.

I looked into her eyes and she looked so honest and true, I knew she deserved to know everything.

"Annie, my sister died about a month ago, and I lost one of my babies less than a week before that. My best friend, he left me too, the day I found out about my baby he left me. He was the one that everyone says killed my baby, I thought. But I still think that I killed the baby. I was rejected by my family for months up until a couple weeks ago. I still manage to lose the one I cared for the most. I never had too many people there for me. I was there for more people then there was there for me. I've lost a lot of people recently, Annie," I let out. I tried to gather my thoughts and feelings some more. Annie didn't interrupt, just let me think. "Peeta... he came so soon and so solid. He was almost too good to be true and I don't trust myself to care about someone again. But, it's too late. I already do. I care about him so much. I'm in denial, I guess. Now, I have two babies I will care for and have to worry about losing. Telling myself that I'm alone is easier than worrying about the people who are there," I poured out, and laid them on a platter for her to see. Anime didn't look at me with confession. With disgust or even anger. She kept a strong look on her face. A kind, gentle, understanding.

"Katniss, you can't let fear control your life. Love with all your heart, care with everything that you are. Because if you don't, if you spend all your time making illusions lying to yourself in worry, you'll regret it. If something did happen, you'd be upset with yourself by how much time you spent worrying about the person instead of being present with them. Believe me Katniss, I've been there. I've done that. A while ago I was pregnant. Finnick and I were delighted to be parents. I was so excited, but so worried as well. I let that fear -that worry- consume me. I hardly savored the moments. The first kick, the moment I saw them first, when I found out I'd be having my own little girl. I thought I was embracing them. But I wasn't, I was fearing them. Then when she was gone, I felt like I had almost succeeded. I proved my worries true. Now, I realize I didn't savour her presence and even though I worried about her leaving. I was nowhere near prepared to deal with the heartbreak. Ever since then, I've just learned to live in the moment and I try my very hardest not to let fear consume me." Annie told me.

Annie, she is such a strong woman and she's been through so much. But, she still smiles so often. Her smile lights up rooms. It'd be a miracle if I could be half as strong as Annie, I thought.

"Annie I- I don't know what to say. For your sake, I'll be present and embrace reality. Annie, you've been through so much and are still so strong. I hope I can be half as strong as you," I told her wholeheartedly. I felt like we could both shatter at any second.

"No, Katniss, you're already two times as strong as me. I lost one baby and still had the rest of my life. You've lost a lot and you're still staying strong. Not only for your husband and kids, but for you. Katniss, please don't be present for me. Be present for yourself and your family." Annie replied, her voice still steady.

"Okay, I will. I promise. Thank you for this, Annie. It helped open my eyes in a way I never would be able to," I thanked her. She smiled slightly.

"Your welcome, hun. Come to me whenever you need someone to talk to," She said. I nodded and then pulled her in for a hug. She held me tightly, our embrace ended too soon someone rudely interrupted.

"Hey, sorry for ruining whatever mushy girly moment you weirdos are having. But, there is no more beer and I can't find your whiskey so, Annie, pop a bottle for me," Johanna said. I rolled my eyes at her.

"You're still here?" I asked snarkily. "Sorry, but I don't think you need any more alcohol and I don't want any myself," I told her sarcastically.

"I'm surprised you're still here. Well, in the open. I thought you'd be hidden having your disgusting excuse for sex with that dumb blonde. I know you ain't going drink anything interesting, Brainless. You ain't even old enough and you got yourself knocked up," She said rudely, my jaw dropped at her comments as I stated at her, a comeback racing off my tongue.

"Peeta isn't a dumb blonde. Your dumb though. My sex life isn't any of your business. You just need to make sure your 'nightly flings' don't get you, what did you call me? Oh, knocked up! You bitch, I'm not the brainless one here! You made out with a married man and then didn't expect any backlash from his wife!" I told her, almost yelling but not quite. I'm not willing to waste that much energy on this woman. Before Johanna could offend me any more Annie cut in.

"Jo, you drank all the alcohol here. The beer you soaked up like a sponge was the only stuff left after that day a few days ago. When, erm, things happened, remember?" Johanna's face flushed at Annie's words. I looked at Jo, she gave me a cold glare then turned away. I looked at Annie, she made no reaction.

"What do you mean Annie?" I asked genuinely curious. Annie looked at Johanna who gave her a threatening look.

"Let's just say, Johanna isn't as tough as she seems. A few guys actually get to her," Annie told me, I raised my eyebrows. I was honestly surprised anyone could make a lasting effect on Johanna.

"Oh, really?" I asked. Jo raised her eyebrows at me mockingly.

"What happened, Jo?" I asked her. She surprised me by answering as if I was somewhat human.

"Nothing, really. A guy I thought might actually stick around went and fucked another girl because she had bigger boobs. It's dumb but I actually have him my number and it felt almost real." Jo told me.

"Giving a guy your number makes him real?" I asked. She turned to me, her eyes softer than I'd ever seen them before.

"Well, yeah. After all the shit I've been through, taking little steps like that are big deals,"

I didn't reply, with my eyes I hinted my curiosity, what had she gone through. "Not a kid, my ass. You still have those puppy dog eyes," Johanna muttered.

She sighed then started talking again. "My dad was a drunk. When I was seven, my mom left. She never told me why and she's never tried to contact me again but my sister sure did. My mom gave up on my dad and I. She went and got pregnant, finding an excuse to leave my ass. I grew up with no one to look up to other than my dad. When I got to high school and I started seeing people going off to bigger better things, I knew I'd never do that. I know now that I was only ever going to be a drunk party girl. At first, I was going to try getting a job and get a life. I had twenty different jobs. One of which I met Annie at. I had at least seven boyfriends, five of which cheated on me the other two only used me. Those twenty jobs and seven boyfriends were within a year and a half, I was only 19. I knew my life was going to hell. I just started bar hopping. Maybe I could find a guy who would finish me off. Make my life seem more useless than it already was. I met him when I was twenty. I was drunk out of my mind, stumbling out of one bar to the next, he hit me with his car, it was true love. Or so I thought, that son of a bitch," Jo explained, muttering the end.

"We dated for nine months. I gave that ass nine months of my life! A month before we broke off, I thought I was pregnant. I was a mess and I told him by accident he was so happy and immediately took me to see the baby and whatnot. Well, there was no baby. Then that asshole thought I'd lied to him. He disappeared for three weeks. When he came back he raped me. He tied me down and everything, he left me there bloody and bruised in the bedroom we had shared. He left me saying that hopefully that'd get me pregnant and I could figure out how to explain it to my other man. There was no other man, but I did get pregnant,"

Before I could even open my mouth to ask, she turned to me and said, "You surely are Brainless if you think I kept it. I got an abortion as soon as I could." She said, she rolled her eyes like it had been nothing.

"Ever since then I've been back to my bar hopping lifestyle. This time, I hook up with guys with no strings attached. So, yeah, giving a guy my number is a big deal. Then this ass goes and acts like it means nothing," She ended her speech. I sat there speechless. "Don't you dare say you're sorry, Brainless. I can tell you that mushy type like Ann here," Jo told me threateningly. I sighed.

"You've been through a lot, Jo. I shouldn't have judged you the way I did. It is disgusting of you to try and hook up with my husband though, if you expect me to be human with you, lay off him." I said. She rolled her eyes at me, she sighed.

"I'm sorry for trying to hook up with your husband, he's too old for me anyway. Too old for you too but hey ain't my place to judge. I've been with teenagers before. You're still brainless though," She said, I assumed this was the closest thing to an apology I'd get from her. I nodded at her and she nodded back at me.

"Look at that! You two did it! You made up without my help, I'm surprised and proud!" Annie said, who'd been silent through our entire encounter. I assume she already knew Jo's story.

"Ha-ha Ann," Jo said. "This does not mean I will be doing any girly things with you two," Annie rolled her eyes, smiling at Jo. Annie began trying to make new conversation.

"So Katniss, do you and Peeta know the genders of the babies?" Annie asked.

"Yeah, what are the miniature brainless going to be? are the mini brainless' going to be?" Jo asked. I looked at my stomach and set my hand on the slight bulge.

"No, we don't know. We're pretty sure I'm around three months pregnant and my mom can't tell that soon. My mom is the healer in district twelve, she doesn't have much technology, most of her methods are natural, her parents were apothecaries," I told them I noticed Jo's face as I said I was three months along, she still seemed uncomfortable with my pregnancy. Annie smiled brightly.

"Here in Four, they have more advanced technology and you can see the baby and hear its heartbeat as young as a month and a half. When you're four months, they can usually see if they're a boy or a girl! We should go see your babies!" Annie squealed, I smiled, it would be nice to see the babies, that would make them a hundred times more real.

"That would be fun. Peeta would love it. When can we go?" I asked, trying not to sound too eager in front of Jo.

"Oh, I had the best doctor. Let me go call them. I'd bet they would love to check you out! We could do it while you're still here, before you and Peeta have to leave!" Annie said, excitement filling her voice. She ran out of the room, she went into the study and dialed a number.

I heard her muffled voice talking excitedly on the phone. It was awkward being alone with Johanna, and neither of us knew what to say.

"So...." I stated, trying to think of something to say to her.

"Yeah, look Brainless. I know we've like made up or whatever, but I'm thirsty so I'm gonna go get a-" She started, but I interrupted her, so used to fighting at this point that it was just natural.

"Beer?" I guessed.

She rolled her eyes. "I was actually going to say water," She said. "People change, Brainless," She said with a smirk.

Annie reentered the room, a smile on her face.

"What did they say?" I asked excitedly.

"Well," She said. "They can have us tomorrow morning, if that works for you and Peeta," She explained.

"Okay! I'll go ask him about it! I bet he'll be excited too," I said, rushing out of the room to go wake up Peeta.

"Peeta!" I called, as I walked down the stairs, seeing him reading on the bed. "Annie told us some exciting news!" I said.

"That's good," He said, putting the book down. "What is it?" He questioned.

"You know how we don't know what the babies are gonna be yet?" I asked, and he nodded. "Well Annie said they have this fancy technology thing where they can hear our babies' heartbeats when they are three months along, and they can see them when they're four months along!" I rambled.

Peeta laughed. "Woah, slow down you're talking fast!" He said with a smile. "So they can see our babies?" He asked.

I nodded eagerly, flopping onto the bed beside him. "Yep, that's what Annie said. Although I don't know if they will be able to see them yet or just hear the heartbeats. I don't know if I'm at Four months yet," I explained.

"That's great Kat!" He said.

"I know. It's going to make it all so...real," I finished. Peeta could sense the worry in my voice.

"Hey Kat, it's going to be awesome. You are going to be the best mom that these kids could ever have. It always has been real, and it is such a beautiful reality," He said, kissing me softly on the cheek.

"So when can we go to the place?" Peeta asked.

"Annie said we can go early next morning," I said happily.

"Okay, great!" Peeta said.

"Oh, also I made up with Johanna. Kind of," I said, unsure how he would react.

"That's great Kat. I'm still so sorry about..." He said, his voice faltering.

"Peeta," I said, looking him in the eyes. "Nothing that you do could make me love you less. You're human and you made a mistake, that's all there is to it," I said, and he gave a weak smile.

"Anyways, I can't wait to see the babies!" I exclaimed, attempting to move the conversation away from a more painful topic.

"Me too," Peeta said. "What gender do you think they will be?" He asked happily.

"I'm not really sure, but I still want it to be a boy and a girl," I said, imagining my life with two little children in it.

"Well whatever they are they are going to be stunning. Just like you," Peeta said, with a grin as I blushed.

~

"You ready?" I asked Peeta.

It was early in the morning, but Annie, Peeta and I were all eager to find out the gender of our babies.

"Yep!" He said with an excited smile.

Annie was coming along with me and Peeta. It would be nice to have her there too, because she had helped me so much through everything.

"So what do you guys think the genders will be? What do you want them to be? Have you thought of any names yet?" She rambled.

I laughed. "Annie slow down! You're talking as much as Madge does when she gets excited," I said, thinking to my friend back in Twelve.

"Madge?" Annie asked, confused as I hadn't told her about Madge yet.

"Oh, yeah, she's my friend from Twelve. I've known her since I was little," I explained. "When we met I sprayed her in the face with a hose," I said with a laugh, thinking back to the time when everything was so simple.

"I had found a stray dog and I was washing him off. I was going to show him to...to Prim," I finished quietly. I shook my head to clear out all of the thoughts of Prim that had just come flooding back. This was a happy trip. We were seeing our babies, not thinking about sad things, I told myself.

Annie gave me a sympathetic smile, and we moved into a conversation about the babies, and just anything that was on our minds.

We finally arrived at the building, and a feeling of excitement mixed with nervousness filled me. Seeing the babies was going to make it one hundred times more real, but at least I had Peeta, Annie, and Finnick with me. And kind of Johanna in a way.

I squeezed Peeta's hand as we walked in.

"This is so exciting!" Annie squealed.

I grinned, nodding. "Yeah it really is," I agreed.

We sat in a waiting room until a woman came up to us. "Hello. Are you Katniss Mellark?" She asked.

"Yes," I responded shakily. I don't know why I was getting nervous, but I couldn't help imagining all sorts of things that could go wrong.

She led us into a room with boring white walls and dull colors. I guess the point was to make it seem professional, but to me it just seemed out of place next to the rest of Four with its mixed blues of the ocean and tinted turquoise and blue colors of buildings.

I saw a blank screen accompanied by a table, and some chairs. I assumed that the screen was to show what the babies looked like.

"Mr. Mellark and Ms. Odair can sit in those chairs over there," She said, pointing towards the smooth white chairs. It seemed like everything in this building was either smooth, white, or some form of technology.

Annie and Peeta sat down, and the woman instructed me to lay on the table, which felt cool against my skin. She spread some sort of gel on my stomach, and turned on the screen. She held a device against my stomach, and slowly you could see images form on the screen.

I turned my head to get a better look at them, and could see the shape of what faintly resembled two babies.

"So," The woman said. "It looks like you are about four months along in your pregnancy," She announced.

"How can you tell?" I asked, confused as to how she could know just by looking at them.

"Well, usually you can see and hear the babies' heartbeats and features around three months, but it becomes more clear at four months, and that's what you look like right now," She explained.

"Can you see what genders they are? Peeta asked.

"Yes we can. You are having two girls," She said, and I smiled. I had always wanted a daughter if I had children. Now I was getting two. I made a promise to myself that I would always try to be my best for my daughters. I wasn't going to be like my father. I was going to hug them, and read them stories, and show them the forest, and a thousand other things.

My heart swelled with happiness, and I looked to Peeta to see his reaction. Annie grinned, and Peeta smiled at me, his eyes becoming slightly teary.

We exited the room, my stomach now free from the cold gel, and Peeta held my hand tightly.

"Katniss!" He said. His eyes shone with love for his daughters. "We're going to have two girls!" He exclaimed, and I laughed at his childish excitement.

"I know! It's crazy. I can't believe this is actually happening." I said. "Annie, thank you so much for telling us about this," I said, hugging her.

"It was no problem! I was just helping out my favorite friend," She said with a smile.

"I wonder what they're going to look like," I said.

"I think they are going to look like you and be the most beautiful things in the world," Peeta said.

"But how can there be three things that are the most beautiful?"I questioned.

Peeta looked at me, confused. "What do you mean three? There's only two babies,"

"And you. You're my most beautiful thing. Well, too bad your own children are going to take that title away from you," I said with a joking smile.

"They would never!" He exclaimed, faking a dramatic gasp. "Right?" He said, bending down to my stomach as if he was talking to them. "You would never do such a thing to your daddy would you?" He asked with a smile as Annie and I laughed.

"Have you thought of any names yet?" Annie asked.

"No, not really," I responded.

"Well, you better pick one out eventually or else these poor kids will just have to be called Baby Number One and Baby Number Two for the rest of their lives," She said with a laugh.

We arrived back at Annie and Finnick's house.

"Finn?" Annie called into the seemingly empty house. Entering the kitchen, my eyes were drawn to a note on the table. Went to the beach with Jo, going surfing. -Finnick I read.

"Annie!" I called. "He left a note, they went to the beach. They're going surfing," I said.

Annie came into the kitchen. "Of course he went to the beach. He practically lives there," She muttered with a smile.

"Can we go?" I asked.

"Yeah sure! Let's change and then we can go down there," She said.

Peeta and I hurried downstairs and changed, excited to go to the beach again.

"You ready, Kat?" He asked.

"Yeah," I responded. I couldn't wait to go back to the ocean. I loved the feeling when the waves were crashing around your feet and everything felt so still except for the water, like the whole world was frozen besides from where you stood.

We went down to the beach, waving to Finnick and Johanna when we arrived.

"Hey guys!" Finnick said. "What did you find out about the babies?" He asked.

"We're having two girls!" I exclaimed happily. I saw Johanna almost do something that might have resembled a smile, but that didn't make sense. She was Johanna for God's sake. She wouldn't be happy for us. Or maybe she would. Just maybe though.

"C'mon, Kat! Let's get in the water!" Peeta said, tugging on my arm.

"Careful, I've got kids in here!" I said with a laugh when I almost tripped from how he was pulling me along with him.

He gave me a guilty smile. "Sorry Kat. And Baby One and Two," He said while I laughed.

"Peeta Mellark, we are not calling our unborn daughters Baby One and Two!" I said.

"Well, I think it's a bit too late for that," He said with a grin, kissing me on the cheek.

"You think that's gonna make it better?" I asked.

"Nope," He said, leaning in and kissing me on the lips slowly. "Did that?" He asked with a laugh, our foreheads still touching.

All I could see were his dazzling blue eyes similar to the ocean surrounding us, and it made me smile.

I stepped into the water, gentle waves crashing against the wet sand between my toes. I stood there for a second, enjoying the moment of calm.

"What are you thinking about?" Peeta asked, coming up behind me.

"Doing this..." I said, and splashed Peeta as he laughed.

"Oh, you're on Katniss Mellark!" He said, wrapping me in a hug and covering me with the salty ocean water.

"Aww, look at the sickeningly cute couple," Johanna said and I rolled my eyes.

"I thought you two made up?" Peeta said, glancing at me to Johanna.

"Oh yeah we did," I said. "This is us being nice," I finished.

"Peeta!" I heard Finnick say. "Do you want to surf?" He asked, his hair getting swept around from the strong wind.

"Oh, I uh...I don't know if I'd be good at that," He said.

"C'mon it'll be fun! I'll teach you!" He said, handing Peeta a blue surfboard with a white stripe down the middle.

Finnick and Peeta went out farther into the water, and I watched as Peeta attempted to surf. Peeta fell over a few times before getting the hang of it more, only falling a couple times. I sat down on the sand, letting some of the water run over my toes before it was drawn back into the ocean. I watched the birds flying over the sea, the waves crashing the sun setting, just everything around me. I saw Annie sit down next to me.

"Hi," She said with a smile. "It's beautiful right?" She said, gesturing to the scenery.

I nodded. "Yeah, it makes you feel so small next to the huge ocean and under the sky. But it really is pretty. If I could see this every day I would never get tired of it," I said.

"Look," Annie said, picking something up from the sand. "It's a spiral shell," She said. She showed it to me. It was swirly and white, with shiny orangish brown lines crossing it.

"Wow, it's pretty," I said.

"Yeah, there are a lot of pretty ones. You just have to get lucky and find them," She explained.

We spent a little looking for shells, and Peeta and Finnick came back from their surfing.

"Hey Peeta!" I said as he flopped down on the beach next to me, his blonde hair wet and dripping from the ocean water.

"Hi Kat," He said with a smile.

"How was surfing?" I asked.

"Fun! Finnick's a good teacher." He said.

"Well, Peeta's a good student,." Finnick said.

"Okay, okay, we get it you're both awesome," I said with a laugh.

"Yes, we really are," Peeta said with a grin.

"Should we head back to the house?" Annie asked.

"Yeah, you guys head back, I'm going to stay here for a little more," I said.

I watched the three of them go, Peeta walked quickly back to the house, leaving Annie and Finnick to fool around on the beach. They eventually got back to the house, I sighed a deep sigh. I leaned back laying my head on the soft sand. My hair spread out around me, slightly damp from the ocean it had sand in it. I tried distracting myself thinking about the sand on my legs that were so itchy, but I couldn't ignore the truth. This trip has done more than let me meet my babies, it's given me five more solid people to care and worry for. I already felt that way about my babies but now, I knew I would have two little girls, two little girls who looked up to me as their main role model. Two little girls I could lose, two little girls I didn't deserve. I have Annie to worry about losing, I have Finnick, the brother I never had to worry and fear losing. I had Jo, that had some way snuck into my heart just enough that I'd be shattered if anything happened to her.

My babies are so precious and innocent but what would happen when they came into the world? Them being twins I'd have a chance of being hurt giving birth to them, they could come early, they could be sick or hurt, I could hurt them. What if they don't like me? What if I don't end up a good mom? These innocent babies could change so much, I'm not sure I'm ready for that. I love my girls, my bugs as Peeta calls them, but what if they change everything in a bad way? What if they change Peeta's and mine relationship? What if they hate me? What if something bad happened to them? Would they ever find out about their other sibling? I'm terrified, I have no room in everything that is me for anything but terror. I thought cowardly. I wasn't ready for this, I wasn't ready for any of this, not even meeting new people. I pulled myself back into reality, I saw the ocean coming in and out but nothing could calm my racing mind and unsteady heart. I began hyperventilating, I couldn't do much of anything, I sat there trying to breathe, the air just wouldn't come, it felt like my lungs were shrinking and my throat was losing up. I had tunnel vision, I'd fallen into my back once again as I only saw the endless blue sky above me and a sliver of the ocean blue. Blue, ocean blue, just like his ocean eyes. I thought before everything went black.

I opened my eyes to see a pale teal roof. I tried to move, my joints felt As if they'd almost forgotten how to move, as they figured it out I realized I was surrounded by blankets. I am in Finn and annie's basement in the bed Peeta and I are borrowing. I realized I was almost drunk. I tried sitting up, but my mind reminded me of everything that's happened, my terror of my babies, my terror of having new people, my ultimate terror of my new life. I sucked in a fast breath, trying to calm my breathing. I sat up in the bed and began struggling to untie myself from the blankets. I ended up falling out of the bed- right on my stomach.

"Oh my god, did I just kill my other baby?" I cried sitting up and holding my stomach in a shaking ball on my stomach. I felt a weird flutter in my stomach and I began sobbing, I'd done it now Peeta would hate me. I heard the uneven steps of my husband, my thoughts had summoned him.

"Katniss! Baby, what is the matter?" He asked, and I sobbed hearing him call me baby. He scooped me up, he sat me on the bed, I could feel his eyes giving me a once over. He sighed seeing nothing wrong with me. "Katniss, what happened?" He asked, concerned.

"Nothing," I murmured. "It's just..," I trailed off.

"It's just what, Katniss?" Peeta asked me.

"Peeta, I'm terrified of everything. I don't know why I even let you treat me like this?" I questioned, making absolutely no sense but feeling like there was no other way to say it.

"Okay, what did I do wrong Katniss?" He asked, an edge in his voice that had been growing stronger, irritation. I felt more tears slip, I'd said it wrong.

"No, Peeta, I meant that I shouldn't have let you love me. I'm too cowardly to care about anyone know your giving me a many people to care about and now I'm terrified to lose them I used to be able to count the people I cared about on my two hands and have extra fingers, now you are filling up my fingers and toes and I'm running out of room," I told him, confusing myself but feeling absolutely helpless, knowing I was in no place to make sense.

"Katniss you are making no sense," He told me. He takes both of my hands in his. I sighed, looking away. He wasn't going to understand me right now so why waste the energy and make the situation worse. "Katniss, you need to talk to me," He said. But I couldn't. I wouldn't. Before he could do or say anything else there was a knock on the door that I was endlessly grateful for.

"Come in!" I called before Peeta could shoo them away. I took my hands from his and he shot me a look. Annie popped her head in, followed by Finnick and Johanna.

"Hey guys, what's up?" I asked quickly. Finnick stepped into the room, Annie by his side Jo stayed by the door.

"Oh, nothing. Just wanted to know if you guys wanted to go to dinner.? Annie said. Suddenly my stomach growled and I pushed down my overwhelming feelings. I smile slightly.

"That sounds amazing. I'm starving. Peeta and I will get ready then we can go," I told them, they nodded and left.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Peeta asked. I nodded, he sighed deeply. "Okay then," He said, walking to his clothes. I went over to my clothes and pulled out a long sundress, it was green. I pulled it over my head and pulled out some sandals. I went to the unity and brushed my hair, I braided it quickly and turned to see if Peeta was ready. He sat on the bed tying his shoes. I went and sat next to him, I took a deep breath and tried to breathe evenly.

"Let's go," Peeta said, he stood up and held his hand out for me. I took it gratefully and together we went upstairs.

Annie led us outside and all five of us piled into the car. Annie drove for what felt like forever but when we arrived at the restaurant, I could smell the food from the car and I knew the wait would be worth it.

"I chose this restaurant specifically. It has a bar for Jo, and the food they serve isn't entirely aquatic. So, there will be things for you to eat, Kat," Annie explained I nodded. We all got out of the car, I held Peeta's hand tightly. I didn't need another situation with another drunk Johanna.

"Thank you Annie, you're so thoughtful," I said. She shrugged it off with a smile. When we got inside we all sat at a table, it was far from the bar but Jo didn't seem to mind. We ordered food and while we were waiting Jo said she was going to the bar. I laid my head on Peeta's shoulder and just watched the awfully loud restaurant, I noticed Ann taking small sips of her beverage, apple something, I was sure it had alcohol in it. Finnick drank coke, he was the designated driver between him Jo and Annie. Peeta drank his drink that was alcohol free for my sake and I had a simple glass of water sitting in front of me. I watched the condensation drops race to the edge of the cup, these were all very good distractions. I was fine until Johanna came back with two girls in her trail, one has blonde hair that is shaved off on the side with vine tattoos on her head, the other is a shorter girl with dark brown hair and eyes.

"Annie, Katniss. Meet my friends Cressida and Clove," Jo said, totally ignoring Finn and Peeta. I picked up my head.

"Hi, I'm Katniss," I murmured quietly.

"I'm Annie," Annie added brightly. The girl with dark hair scanned me, then she glanced at Peeta and Finnick.

"I'm Clove. Now, who do these gentlemen belong to or can I have some?" She asked. I scowled at her and put a hand on my stomach.

"This is my husband, Peeta," I introduced him. "He is taken. So is Finnick here. He's Annie's husband," I said.

"Well, I'm Cressida," She said awkwardly. I nodded at her with a small forced smile.

"I'm Katniss," I said again. Cressida didn't seem as bad as Clove. Who was reminding me of Jo in a way, but looks could be deceiving I guess.

Johanna pulled up two chairs, and Clove and Cressida sat down.

"Do you care if we sit here?" Clove asked, though it seemed as if she wasn't moving anytime soon.

"No, it's fine!" Annie said cheerfully, starting up a conversation with Cressida.

"So," Clove asked. "How long have you two been married?" She asked, eyeing Peeta. I glared at her, uneasy at the way she was looking at him. What if Peeta gets drunk somehow and then another Johanna incident happens, but this time he realizes that he likes her better than me? I thought. I shook my head, trying to clear these intrusive thoughts. Don't be ridiculous. He's not even drinking. I tried to reassure myself.

"Three months," I replied, bringing myself back into reality to answer her question. "We've been married three months,"

She raised an eyebrow. "Not so long then?" She said. "And you don't look that old. How old are you?" She asked.

I sighed. "Sixteen. Yes, I know. Crazy age gap, right? I've been through this before, so please feel free to ask away all of the weirdly personal questions that are flowing through your head right now," I said, used to the whole thing by now. But maybe everyone was right. I'm only sixteen.

How am I supposed to raise kids when I'm still a kid myself? I thought.

I couldn't do this. I couldn't have two human beings depending on me for everything. My thoughts spiraled, my insecurities growing as I picked out everything that could go wrong and looked it over in my head.

"Katniss?" Peeta asked. "You okay? You look kind of pale," He said, his voice sounding concerned.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm great. This is great," I stammered, probably sounding like an idiot.

Clove turned to me. "So, how did you two get married if you're so far apart in age and all that stuff?" She asked, looking at Peeta.

"Well, she started working at my Bakery and we kind of got close." He said. Clove chuckled.

"What's so funny about that?" I asked.

"Nothing. It's just funny that he goes and gets married to one of the people working at his little Bakery," She said.

"I still don't understand why that's funny to you, but okay?" I said, deciding not to turn this into an argument even though I was getting annoyed by this girl.

"So, any exciting memories in your relationship? I haven't had any good stuff to talk about in forever," She said, and I rolled my eyes.

"Well, let's see..." I said, thinking about how much I should share with this girl. I had a lot, but it probably wasn't a good idea to tell her.

"Well, if you don't have any just say so. Are you ever gonna have kids or something?" She asked.

God, this girl really just wanted to know everything about us, I thought.

"Well, actually I'm pregnant right now," I said.

Why did I keep doing this to myself? Now she's going to freak out of something.

"Wow," She said, shocked. "You two moved fast," She smirked.

I was getting mad at her.

Maybe there was a reason everyone was so shocked that we were married. That I was pregnant. Maybe they knew that I wasn't going to be able to take care of my kids. I couldn't take care of them. They could die or something because of me. I had already killed one of them.

Oh god, it was all my fault wasn't it? How can I even live with the weight of that. How could Peeta still love me? Did he even love me? Maybe it was all an act and he was going to leave me one day, I thought.

I felt tears threatening to overflow.

"Katniss, you sure you're okay?" Peeta asked again.

"Peeta, I'm fine!" I snapped.

Wow Katniss, you know just the right way to ruin everything don't you. I thought to myself.

Now Peeta was going to be irritated at me.

"Just asking," He said, rolling his eyes.

"Peeta, don't roll your eyes at me," I said, annoyed.

"Sorry, Kat. Didn't mean to," He said.

"Well, then why did you?!" I exclaimed. "You don't just roll your eyes for no reason," I said exasperated.

"Geez, Kat, why are you getting so angry?" He questioned.

"I'm not," I said, looking away from him.

"Aww...is our wittle Katniss getting upset?" Johanna teased.

"Shut up," I said, glaring at her.

Took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. "You guys, okay?" Annie asked, raising an eyebrow at us.

I nodded, knowing that if I opened my mouth I would probably just find a way to make everything worse.

"It's probably because you're pregnant," Clove said. "That's why you're getting all moody," She said, and I glared at her. I mean sure, she might be right, but I just couldn't deal with her.

"Well, how would you know?!" I yelled, causing a few heads of people at the nearby tables to turn our way. "It's not like you're responsible for two lives and have to deal with that every day!" I said.

"Chill. I'm just saying that's probably why-" She said, but I interrupted her.

"No! You don't get to tell me what's happening with me. You don't even know half of what I've gone through!" I exclaimed.

Now I was definitely causing a scene, and the many people staring at me were overwhelming me. I couldn't take all of this pressure. I just couldn't deal with everything that had happened.

Why did it have to be me? I thought.

Why did all of this shitty stuff have to happen to me? Why couldn't I just have a normal life? My girls were going to wish they had a different mother. They would see all of their friends perfect families, and would hate how broken their own mom is. I couldn't even get through a dinner without freaking out. I felt my thoughts spiraling out of control, and I sat down, my hands shaking as I clenched them into tight fists under the table.

"You don't know how hard it is to wake up every day and wish you had a completely different life. Or just no life," I said, quietly, my voice shaking.

Peeta laid a hand on my shoulders, but I shrugged it off. I just needed to escape from all of this right now.

"Maybe.. we should go back to the house?" Annie said softly, and I nodded slightly, relieved to leave this place.

"Can we just go home?" I whispered shakily. "Back to Twelve. I need to be at home," I said.

"Okay. Yeah we can drive you to our place and get your things, then you can go home later tonight," Finnick said.

I walked to the car, oblivious to the people talking around me, the only noise that I heard was the pounding thoughts in my head. How I had just lost control and yelled at some girl. But what I said was true, and no one had even known it before. How I just felt so alone. But why? I had all of these people around me, but I just felt alone, and it overpowered everything else that was halfway good.

I sank down into the back of the car, and leaned my head against the chair, closing my eyes. Everything just hurt so much.

"Hey Kat. What happened in there?" Peeta asked.

"Nothing," I said, turning away. He didn't know how it felt to feel like I did. He wouldn't understand.

"Well, obviously something did," He replied, tracing his finger over my hand, but I pulled away. "You can tell me,"

"Peeta! Nothing happened, okay?" I exclaimed. "Now just, please.... Leave me alone," I said, willing myself not to start crying, because then he was going to ask more questions, and I just couldn't deal with that.

"Kitty, you can't just shut me out like this!" Peeta said, exasperated.

"Says who? And I'm not shutting you out, because nothing happened," I said, but even as I said it, we both knew it was a lie. But I couldn't just tell him everything. He would probably think I was weird, or not love me anymore, and he would see all of my flaws and decide I wasn't worth it. I turned away from him, looking out of the window as I watched the scenery of District 4 whirl by.

We got to Finnick and Annie's place, and I stumbled out of the car and into the house. I quickly headed downstairs, attempting to avoid questions that might be aimed towards me. I didn't need to replicate what had happened with Peeta in the car. Well, I guess it's just my luck that Johanna came and stopped me before I got to the stairs.

I crossed my arms, "What do you want?" I asked.

"Okay, so, I know you don't really like me or whatever but obviously something's up with you. So just spill," She said, raising an eyebrow at me.

"For the last time, nothing is happening! I don't get why everyone suddenly needs to know every single thought that passes through my head," I replied, stepping past her to go downstairs. I needed to just get away from all of them. I couldn't concentrate with everything that was happening.

"Okay then, hope you have fun lying to yourself," Johanna said, retreating back to the living room.

"Ï'm not lying to myself," I grumbled as I walked down the stairs.

I quickly rushed and threw everything back into my suitcase. I went and grabbed Peeta's suitcase. I hated doing this to him but I have to, I have to get out of this place, I need to be alone and the only place I'll maybe be able to be alone is 12.

"Katniss?" I heard Peeta say, I didn't turn to look at him, or acknowledge him at all. He came up behind me, where I was hastily throwing clothes into suitcases.

"Kat, I know you don't want to talk to me, or anybody but I know there is something wrong. Can you please calm down, I doubt all this stress is doing anything good to the babies," he said. I whirled around and scowled at him. I crossed my arms and frowned at him.

"Peeta, are you telling me I can't take care of our kids? Because if that is what you are trying to tell me I don't want to hear it, our girls, your bugs, will be fine. Just shut up would you?" I told him angrily. I used his beloved nickname with venom, that I could see hurt him.

"Katniss-" Peeta started, but I wasn't going to listen to him.

"No, Peeta. I'm going back to Twelve, so you can come with me, or you can just stay here with Finnick and Annie," I said.

"Kat, of course I'm coming with you," He said, turning me around so I was forced to look into his eyes. "I would always go with you!" He said.

I turned away, and resumed packing. I just needed to be in Twelve. I needed to go home. I gave him his suitcase, because there was no point in me packing it if he was right there. He attempted to talk to me, but I couldn't talk to anyone right now. We went upstairs, and Annie and Finnick were waiting for us.

"So you're leaving?" Finnick asked.

"Yeah. We'll try to visit again soon," Peeta said.

Annie hugged me, and I reluctantly hugged her back, because it was Annie, and I wanted someone here to think I was somewhat okay.

"Bye Katniss," She said, a smile on her face. "Please tell us news about the babies though! I can't wait to see them," She said.

"We will," Peeta said.

After leaving Finnick and Annie's house, we arrived at the train station and soon were on the train, sitting in seats across from each other, as I looked out of a window, watching the buildings and scenery slowly cross the window faster and faster as the train picked up speed. I saw the ocean, shimmering from the light of the setting sun, and I wish I could go back to the beach. It had made me feel a sense of calm, that I hadn't felt in a long time. I closed my eyes, resting my head against the cool glass pane.

Peeta stood up, and came to sit beside me. I looked at him, studying the features that I knew so well. His eyes, almost resembling the ocean with its many hues of blue, were staring intensely into mine.

"Kat, are you okay?" He asked. "Are you actually okay? You can tell me," He said.

I wanted to tell him everything, but I just couldn't. He wouldn't understand, and it would just lead to more fighting or misunderstandings or something.

"Peeta, I'm fine. I already told you that," I said, turning away from him.

I didn't tell him that I was freaking out inside, that I wasn't ready to be a mother, that I knew I was going to mess everything up, and he wouldn't even love me anymore. Maybe we weren't even meant to be married. I mean, we had moved so fast and maybe we weren't right for each other. What if when I had the kids Peeta realized that I wasn't going to be able to do everything, and would just leave me. Maybe I should just not even be married to him.

I closed my eyes and turned away from hum, I wish I could just fall asleep and forget all of these thoughts. I need to clear my mind, but if I go to sleep I'm sure to have nightmares. The only person that can make those go away- He's sitting across from me but it feels like we are miles apart. I leaned back and looked up. I saw the slightly yellow popcorn ceiling of the cart, this train isn't nearly as fancy as the one we came in. I fell into a deep state of thought in which I had no thoughts, it was quite lovely.

I felt Peeta sit closer to me, I assume he thinks I am asleep because he pulls an arm around me and pulls me to him. Against all my right thoughts I leaned into him and laid my head onto his shoulder, maybe I could sleep. Before sleep could consume me I realized I need to try and tell him, even though I know what will come from this not doing anything could make it worse.

"I'm sorry," I said, Peeta glanced down at me, he looked surprised to see my eyes open. "I can't tell you because you wouldn't understand, to you, there would be nothing wrong," I told him sadly.

"Well, you try to explain and I'll try to understand," he replied, almost anxiously as if he was frightened from what could come from this conversation. I was scared too. I nodded at him, he looked down at me and his eyes, they waited so expectantly it was even more scary.

"I don't like that I have people who love me, I don't like that I love them back. I am terrified by love, I don't want to be with new people because they weave their way into my heart. I don't want to have this, I don't want to be married to you because that means I accept your love, but I'm not sure that I do because I hate having so many people who love me. It's too much responsibility and you- you have brought so many people into my life- you have brought so much love in my life and it's terrifying," Peeta looked at me incredulously when I told him this. "Peeta, this is so hard to put into words. I am terrified and feel like such a coward but I don't know how to make these feelings any better, I just have to accept them," I added, trying to make the situation better.

"I'm sorry, Katniss. I don't understand you. Do you want a divorce? So that you have no one to love and no one that loves you? That makes no sense, Katniss. Honestly, a divorce would do nothing. I would still love you. I still do!" he said, almost as if he thought I didn't believe in his love. I did. I did so much it was what caused these problems.

"Peeta, I know you love me, and I love you, that is the problem," I tried explaining again. "I can't have the love. I don't deserve it and it's too much for me," I continued, grasping at straws to make him understand.

"I don't understand you Katniss, but it's okay. We will figure it out. We will make it better- somehow."

His hope was strong, so strong that it made me even more guilty. He would try this hard to make us work and I am here ruining it because I can't accept love. I turned away from him.

"Stop, Peeta. Please, just stop. Stop loving me please," I said. I tried to ignore him. I could feel his eyes staring into my hair, trying desperately to understand me, it just seems like I don't want him to.

~

When we finally arrived at Twelve, I was fully ignoring Peeta. Pushing him out and blocking him from my life. I ignored him as I stepped off the train. I started walking out of the train station, he caught up to me and I let him keep my pace.

"Katniss, when we get home we have to talk. Really this time. We need to figure this out. I want to figure this out," Peeta said, I just nodded.

I had no intentions of doing that. My best plan was sneaking out one night when he is sleeping then a few days later the divorce papers will show up on his doorstep.

We walked towards the Bakery. Suddenly, I noticed a growing grey cloud above the merchant's part of Twelve.

"Peeta, what is that?" I asked. He looked at it and his eyes widened.

"I don't know. But, let's go find out. The Bakery is around there," He said, I nodded, he grabbed my hand and together we rushed to the area that was smoking.

When I saw the burning building my heart sunk, Peeta just stopped, he was in shock.

The bakery was on fire, it was burning down.