KATNISS

I watched as the train pulled away from the station, picking up speed as I moved along the tracks. I knew he would probably be nervous for the competition but still excited, especially with the prize being so much money. If he won we would be able to get outstanding baking supplies and equipment to replace the ones that were kind of old. When the train finally disappeared from my view, I figured that I should probably head back to the bakery, as there would probably be customers wanting bread and other baked goods. Soon enough, I was back at the bakery and could smell the lingering smell of fresh baked bread that always seemed to accompany it. I opened the door and put on a clean apron, putting some pastries on display and cleaning up a bit. The silence was already unbearable without Peeta here with me. I knew it was going to be a long couple of days, but at least I would be able to see him a little on the TV. I looked down and saw Lupus wagging his tail at me, which he did whenever he wanted to go on a walk. I sighed yet got his leash off of a hook on the wall.

"C'mon Lupus let's go." I said to him.

I walked out of the bakery, feeling a slight breeze as I walked him. I was feeling kind of tired so I decided to just go on a short walk with him. Once I was back at the bakery I once again put the closed sign up, and decided to rest for a little, as I had been doing a lot of stuff. I closed my eyes as I lay in my bed, thankful for the moment of peacefulness. I woke up around 4:00pm. I headed back out to the bakery. A few more customers came before I started closing up. I heated up some food for dinner, but wasn't that hungry, and by the time I sat down, I didn't feel like eating at all. I gave a little piece of chicken to Lupus, then put my food back in the fridge for if I was hungry later. I was still kind of tired, despite the nap I had taken earlier, so I went to bed early.

I woke up and immediately felt nauseous. I groaned and got out of bed thinking it was probably just allergies or something. I went down to the bakery, still not feeling good. I shook my head to distract myself and not think about it. I tied my apron around my waist, getting out the ingredients for a simple cake. I had just put the flower on the counter when I threw up. I stood there shocked before coming to my senses. Shit. I had just puked all over the bakery floor. That's not exactly the happy image you want to give your customers when they enter. I quickly tried to clean it up, hoping that it didn't smell like, well like I had just barfed. What the hell was wrong with me? I thought. First being tired, even after resting, and then this! It's almost like I was.... No. I'm not going to finish that thought. I couldn't be. Right? I wasn't pregnant. God I said I wasn't going to think that. And I didn't. I tried to busy myself with work, even though I was still nauseous and not exactly feeling great. Ugh. I probably just had some stupid stomach bug. But I wasn't going to let that stop me from a perfect day to work. No I would just work through the nausea and stuff. Because I'm fine. A customer came in soon, and I forced a smile on my face.

"Hello!" I said with a fake cheery voice. "How can I help you? Are you looking for anything specific?" I asked.

"Yes, please." She replied. "I'm looking for a cake for my daughter's birthday. She's turning 9 today, and I thought I would get her a cake."

I smiled showing her the section of birthday cakes, pointing out a few that would work. She eventually picked a light yellow cake with white butterflies iced on in a spiral, going up the cake with the words 'Happy Birthday!' iced on in a swirly pattern.

"Thank you for your help." She said, and left closing the door behind her.

I turned around, leaning on the counter for support, as I fought the urge to throw up again, deciding that maybe I should lie down, at least for a few minutes. I got up after about ten minutes, forcing myself to get better, as if I could make myself feel magically better by just willing it to happen. As expected, it didn't work, which left me still feeling like shit.

I sighed as Lupus whined at me, probably wanting to go on another walk. "Sorry, I don't feel too good buddy." I said to him.

He kept whining and it made me lose my patience.

"Lupus! I said I can't!" I yelled. His tail went between his legs, as I had never yelled at him before.

"Aw...Lupus I'm sorry. Hey, we can go on a walk soon okay?" I said sadly to him.

He wagged his tail at me, satisfied now at the promise of a walk in the future. Ugh why did I have to feel so freaking nauseous right now?! I had things to do and a job. But, it doesn't matter. I have a responsibility to Peeta. And I must do this, no matter my pain.

~Few Days Later~

Peeta was coming home today. I bet he was disappointed about losing the baking competition. I knew how much he had been looking forward to it, and the prize. I checked the clock on the Bakery wall. 10:30. I was supposed to be at the train station to meet Peeta at 11:00 so I needed to hurry. I took off my apron, and hung the Closed sign on the door. I was excited to finally see Peeta! It hadn't been that long since I had last seen him but I still missed his company around the bakery and at home. Once I was at the bakery, I immediately started looking for his face in the crowd of people bustling around me. I spotted his blonde hair in the crowd. "Peeta!" I said. His blonde head turned. His face broke out into a smile.

"Katniss!" Before I realized what I was doing or where I was I ran up to him and hugged him tightly. "I missed you so much!" Peeta told me.

"I missed you too," I said, my voice muffled from my head being in the crook of his neck. Suddenly a wave of nausea washed over me. "Can we go home?" I asked. He nodded, grabbing my hand and his suitcase.

"Yeah let's go," I tried to keep my face calm but I felt like my breakfast was going to make an inevitable reappearance. I guess my face had turned green because Peeta said, "You good?" I gave him a stink eye.

"I'm fine, Peeta," He gave me a side look, clearly confused by my snarky response. He opened his mouth but before he could talk I said "I'm fine Peeta, I swear." I turned away and rolled my eyes.

"Okay then," Peeta said, looking down like he was guilty of something. "I'm sorry." He apologized.

"What are you sorry for? Annoying me, not telling me about not owning the Bakery or about ignoring my calls?" The defeated look on his face made me oddly satisfied.

"Katniss I," he stopped, and I took the opportunity to cut in.

"No, I'm not doing this here. Wait till we get home." He gave me a look that said so many things I wasn't sure which emotions to read.

"Fine, but please talk to me when we get home, okay?" He asked, his voice so soft some of my random anger faded, which only reminded me of my nausea.

"Yeah, sure." I said as we entered the merchants part of twelve. I looked away from Peeta, I saw a couple people roaming the streets, I immediately dropped Peeta's hand. He looked at me, clearly disappointed I still didn't want the district to know about us. I sped up my walking. Peeta tried to talk to me, hold my hand and other affectionate things, but I wasn't having it. When we got to the bakery I stomped up the stairs and went straight for the guest bedroom. I slammed the door and locked it. Whenever I come out is for Peeta to figure out.

~

"KATNISS OPEN UP!" I heard Madge yell.

I opened the door and Madge came in and sat on the bed.

"Tell me everything!" Madge said. I looked her in the eye, there was no question to what everything meant, I heard her and Peeta's conversation, I looked down and let it all pour out.

"It all started when I started working at the Bakery. He and I, well, this is so cheesy, but we clicked. He made me feel safe, Madge. I don't know what your feelings are right now but he was, he was everything, he changed everything. God, this sounds so mushy gushy. I hate it but life happened. We were in a confusing relationship and one day we kissed, I don't even remember if I kissed him or him me. But he was so sweet to give me time to make my choice, but there was no choice. All my opinions of never getting married, he made them seem less realistic. I felt like it wouldn't be so bad. Madge, so much has happened since then and I would have told you, if, God this is so damn cheesy Madge! If it weren't for Prim's reaction... She was disgusted with me and I haven't forgotten it! Peeta told me to tell you, but I was angry at him. And well, I had a scary thought a while ago and it's all just so heavy on my shoulders, Madge." My shoulders already felt lighter. Even if I don't know Madge's reaction it seems right now that just having someone else to talk to other than Peeta would be nice.

"Katniss, at first I was furious with you. I am still quite upset, but not furious. I think I know what love is and I can't be angry at you for this. You always had more struggles than I did." Madge stopped as Lupus ran into the room.

"Lupus, no!" Peeta shouted. I laughed, and called to Peeta;

"He's fine, Peeta. You, on the other hand, need to stop eavesdropping!" I laughed, glad that Lupus could make the hardest situations happier. I heard Peeta go down the stairs and I turned to Madge. "Sorry,"

"Well, as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted," Madge said looking pointedly at Lupus who now sat obediently by my legs. "I'm not going to be upset with you. Because you fell in love, I'm going to be upset because you didn't tell me. You know, Prim and I aren't the same person. I'm sorry she reacted like that. I am sorry I reacted the way. I did, but well I need to know this scary thought, Katniss. Please be honest with me. I am your best friend." I nodded and took a deep breath. I quickly stood up and checked the hall to make sure Peeta wasn't listening.

"Madge, I think I may," I took a deep breath then continued my whispering, "I think I may be pregnant." I looked at her waiting for a reaction, I'm not sure what I expected but her reaction made me feel so much better.

"Oh my goodness Katniss! You and he.. Oh my goodness! This is big news! We have to find out if you are or not! This could change so much! You know what, I think I may have one or two pregnancy tests at home! I'll go grab them, okay! I'll be back soon!" With that Madge runs out the door and out of the bakery.

"Come on Lupus. Let's go talk to Peeta." I walked down stairs. And saw Peeta kneading some dough. I walked up behind him and hugged his waist.

"Hi Katniss, are you feeling better?" He said.

"Yeah. Yeah, I am." I replied.

"How long will Madge be gone?" He asked. I rubbed my head into his back.

"Not long, she is bringing me something." He turned around and wrapped his arms around me.

"Okay. Do I have enough time to tell you something important?" I looked at him. What has he not told me, how bad is it?

"Yeah, go ahead tell me." I said in a questioning tone. He looked around.

"Can we sit?" He asks. I go and sit down.

"Oh God, Peeta. What did you do?" I asked.

"I kissed a girl." Did I just hear him? I had to have misheard him.

"YOU WHAT?!?" I yelled, standing up.

"Katniss, when I was in the Capitol, I was at a bar. And well, I saw a few of my friends, well a friend I had just made, his girlfriend and another girl." I frowned at him.

"Why did you go to a bar? Seriously, Peeta. What in your right mind thought that'd be a good idea?" He looked down.

"I don't know, Kat. I was dumb, I felt bad for not winning the Bake-Off for you. And that's how I took it out on myself. I got drunk and they started asking questions about you. The other girl asked me how much I loved you. I said a lot. She said it was the first and last time she did this. I was confused then she kissed me. I kissed her but then I pulled away after realizing how horrible it was.. That I cheated on you after our phone call. The fact that you have trusted your life in me. I'm so guilty, Kat. I am so..so fucking sorry. I-I I just.. hate myself." My emotions went up and down as he talked but it was clear he was not in his right state of mind now nor then.

"Peeta, don't you say that you hate yourself! I'm not allowing it." He was still sitting at the table so I sat in his lap. "I'm so very angry at you. That you'd even think of doing that. I'm also very proud of you for stopping, and telling me. You aren't being very responsible! Please tell me that you have been responsible other than this stuff?" I told him begging him to regain his better mindset.

"Well, yeah. Um.. shit.." He started but stopped himself, which worried me.

"Peeta, tell me the truth." I told him.

"Okay.. Katniss, I-I..I haven't been responsible at all, I'm so sorry." His voice cracked and I watched a tear fall off his face. He then pulled up his sleeve showing his wrist that shows at least 10 scars. Most of them still barely scabbing over.

I felt my soul leave my body. My heart breaks in two.

"Peeta.." I said. My voice broke, "Peeta, why have you been doing this? For how long have you been doing this? Please, tell me the truth. Why would you ever hurt yourself?" I heard my voice get shakier and shakier, I felt the tears fall down my face, I did nothing to wipe them, my arms were around his neck and I still sat in his lap.

"Katniss.. I couldn't stand what I had done to you. You didn't even know...I'd done it. But, I knew how much pain you'd be in because of it. The only fair thing to do was put myself through that pain and more. You couldn't be the only one to feel the pain. I'm so sorry, Katniss." He said. I couldn't stand it anymore. I stood up and pulled him up to be standing with me.

"Peeta!" I said, putting my hands on his cheeks. "You can't be doing things like this to yourself! What if you couldn't undo it? What if you did it and.. Died? What would that do to me? What would it do to us? You can't.. you just CAN'T! Never! But especially not right now!"

I saw the realization in my words hit him. Causing more tears to fall from his face as his hand was on top of mine own. It triggered my own tears, but they were angry. I feel like I could strangle him. I release my hands and grab him forcefully. I place them on his chest.

"Don't you feel that? It's beating for a reason, Peeta! It's because you are meant to be alive! No matter what you do to me.. YOU CAN'T JUST QUIT!" I shout, a river of tears falling and I forcefully hit his chest. I cling to him for dear life. My eyes pierce him with pain and anger. His eyes read shocked and hurt.

"Peeta, you can't hurt yourself! I need you! You can't hurt yourself, we need you! Peeta, you can't do this ever! NEVER! Especially not right now when I'm pregnant! Do you want to leave us alone? Do you want them to not have you? For me to not have you? To leave me all alone with our child?" I sobbed to him, my head not even registering what I'd just said when I heard knock on the door.

His face went blank and his jaw dropped. He took hold of my hands and was about to speak, but I pushed him away. Taking my hands from his grasp. I wiped my tears and patted my face hoping it looked normal. Which would almost be normal, except for the tear stains and my red eyes. I tried to take a deep breath. I opened the door. And when I opened the door it wasn't the blonde hair I wanted to be Madge. But the blonde hair of Peeta's mother.