MADGE

I watched Katniss walk from my house with slumped shoulders. From my window, I saw everything. The curtains hid me well.

The bed cover squeezed around my body like a second skin I kept sobbing, eyes turning small in anger and tears still running down my cheeks.

This isn't fair, I thought. This isn't fair!

Katniss really talked to me all worried and caring the other day, like she was some good friend. Like she actually cared for me.

But... It wasn't really Katniss' fault, I tried to tell myself. Katniss can't control that Gale likes her so much and that Gale doesn't like me.

And that Gale literally told me to fuck off two days ago.

My heart clenched and I cried some more into my hands. Sobbing as it felt like my lungs would jump out of me any second now. This kind of pain. I don't wish this on anybody. I hate this. And I can't hate Katniss.

But it isn't fucking fair that Katniss has Gales heart while screwing around with a baker almost ten years older than herself.

Disgusting.

~

When I walked out of the house of mine twelve days ago, I never expected so many things to happen. I never expected that my heart would break like this.

Everything that ever happened felt like a fairytale. Or just a dream.

Now all I can do is cry.

I had walked to school that day. Just like any other day. It was lonely without Katniss and I missed her terribly. But the girl had to survive some way and even I found work over school appealing. It would be so nice to just do something rather than to listen about hours of Panem's history.

But I couldn't. What would everyone say when they find out that the mayor's daughter is a dropout?

Either way, I have come to peace with that. Instead, I focused on getting the highest grade in the class. I can focus better in class without Katniss. It's hard to listen to the teachers when I have so much to say to my friend.

Twelve days ago, I walked from school with my bag over my shoulder, waving goodbye to someone I didn't know. I took the 30-minute walk home and my whole body felt heavy when I finally saw the outline of my mansion. School started at eight every morning and having good grades requires many hours of study. It wasn't enough that I sweated so much and the bag was so damn heavy on my shoulder. The thought of studying, with my aching legs and the spring sun over me, made me groan in annoyance.

"Something wrong?"

I jumped in fear, a surprised voice leaving my mouth and I dropped my bag in a panic. Many books escaped and I turned as red as my mathematical book laying on the ground.

"Gale!" I almost screamed, my hand on my chest trying to calm my racing heart. The hunter glanced at me with raised eyebrows, leaning against my doorway like I was the suspicious one lurking around the mayor's house.

The last time I saw Gale was at Katniss'. Katniss had screamed at him, angry about something I didn't want to involve myself into. But it was enough for me to understand.

Gale wants Katniss. Katniss didn't want Gale.

I want Gale.

I find it fascinating about my friend's decision to not accept his proposal. Just look at him! His dark, deer eyes, brown chocolate-like hair. Jaws sharp as a knife and body built like a man. Skin covered in dark coal that just made him more appealing.

Butterflies did that thing in my stomach.

But I isn't stupid. Looking beautiful doesn't make someone beautiful. Looks aren't everything, but I see how he treats Katniss. He turns all soft and kind. Not enough to show, but enough to notice.

Maybe that's what made me like him.

It's not like he's kind to me. I noticed his angry glares and his grumpy sighs whenever he saw me. He looks down at me because he thinks I look down at him. Because he is a Seam and I'm that rich Townie brat that has everything. Typical. Not exactly the first time stereotypes ruin it for me.

Yet my heart yearns for him and I am sure, besides his gorgeous looks, that it's the way Gale is with loved ones that make me weak for him.

In my deepest fantasies, it's me he turns all soft and kind for.

"Nothing is wrong, no. Just tired." I finally answered, leaning down to pick up my books. Thankful for the few seconds I can avoid eye contact. But soon I saw two pairs of olive-colored hands help me and my heart raced some more.

"What are you doing here?" I dared to ask as we stacked up my books.

"Got some strawberries to sell but no one's answering." the hunter said bored.

"Yeah, dad's not home and the maid is probably sleeping. Nothing wakes that woman up once she's down." And my mother is so high on medication she can't even open her eyes.

I heard a chuckle and looked up at Gale with wide eyes, letting the image of his smile sink in.

"That's funny." I wanted to die out of happiness.

"But I can buy some now." I stood up with the books clutched to my chest, thanking Gale for the help. "I'll just go and get some money."

A few minutes later, Gale gave me two boxes and I gave him the exact amount he asked for. Not more or less. I know how Seams are.

"Thank you." I said. He nodded and then left.

~

The next day, he came again. I bought three boxes.

The day after, Gale asked why I liked strawberries so much.

"The taste reminds me of summer." I answered, giving him the coins while balancing the three boxes in my hand. Not only that, mother loved them. Whenever she was awake, I would always feed her the red berries while we talked about school and stuff. In some way, it also reminded me of my mother. Happiness.

Gale nodded, putting the money in his pocket.

"Do you like strawberries?" It's a stupid question, but I doesn't want him to leave.

"I... I don't know." I raised my eyebrows shocked. "I tasted once as a kid, it was kind of bitter. I don't think it was ready yet. Other than that..." He shook his head.

"But you sell them."

"Exactly. I just sell them." I swallowed nervously, afraid that I took a step far.

"Wanna taste?" I suddenly said, and a few seconds went before my whole face turned red as the strawberries. Why did I say that?

"What?"

"The strawberries. With me?" I closed the door behind me and sat down on the porch, my legs hanging on the edge as I looked up at him. Gale's eye was wide, surprised even.

"No, you just bought them-"

"-and I want to share them with you. Come now!" The hunter looked uncomfortable, glanced around like he's afraid he'll get caught with me, before finally sitting down next to me. I gave him a smile.

We didn't say much, but we ate the strawberries in silence.

~

The day after, we share a box once again.

"So what do you do? In the mines? Is it hard?" I asked after a few minutes of silence, munching on the berries before throwing the little ring of green leaves away.

"Oh you want to know, do you?" A kind of aggressive and nasty tone rang in his voice together with a glance that could kill, and I froze. My blood turned into ice and I didn't understand where this was coming from. We just sat and ate in peace and the next thing I knew he put down the "I'm a Seam, you're a Townie"-card. Like he wants a war.

And I was not having it. Not today. Not when we were sitting on my porch enjoying his strawberries and enjoying each other's company. Why did everything have to be so separate with him?

The ice turned into fire and the fear turned into anger. My eyes became small, as small as his own and my teeth clenched.

"Does it feel better now?" I whispered, feeling the familiar stinging behind my eyeballs. "Does it feel good to put others down because you have it so tough?" I expected him to become angrier, to stand up and leave or maybe give me a slap across the face. But he keeps looking at me, his eyes boring into mine and it only fuels the fire.

"Do you think I have a shit load of money at home? A whole coffin full of gold hiding under my dad's bed that he spends on me? Nice dresses?" I pointed to my clothes, just a plain yellow dress that I had almost two years now. Not any different than other people. "and just stuff that makes me happy?" My vision turned blurry and I realized too late that I had started to cry. But I clenched my jaw together and my hands turned into fists. I won't be weak.

"But you know what would make me happy? If people just saw me as me and not the mayor's rich brat daughter. Do you think I don't hear that crap every day? Do you think I'm only hated by the Seams, and not the Merchants too? Oh, they hate me, they all hate me because of stereotypes you all create. Someone I'm not! And if you are like them and assume stuff about me too, then you can get the fuck out of here." I didn't even look at him when I stood up with shaky legs and slammed the door after myself, the sobs I held for so long finally escaping.

Suddenly I can't believe that I has a crush on him, that stupid, mean and ugly boy. How could I ever like someone so rude?

~

The next day, there aren't any strawberries. But I still has strawberries left that I fed my mother the same night

The day after, at the same time Gale always visits, there is a knock on the door. And as always, it's me who opens. But instead of a big smile, the hunter is greeted with angry and sad eyes and mouth in a thin line that makes it hard to have eye contact. Gale looked down at the porch, ashamed.

"I never looked at it from your perspective before. Sorry." And there. Right there, I saw how he turned all soft and kind. Just for me. It was just a deep fantasy of mine but now it happened. For real.

I forgave him as fast as it came. We shared strawberries on the porch in silence once again and I felt like I was flying. My whole body bubbled and I gave him small smiles and I kept blushing as soon as our fingers touched when reaching for a berry.

Looking back at it now, I feels stupid for forgiving him that fast. Like all that sadness and anger I felt was just nonsense. My feelings are not important. All just for him.

You turn stupid when you're in love, after all.

The day after, we kept eating on the porch and I leaned against Gales' shoulder, taking a deep satisfying breath.

"I'm so full." I said, patting my stomach. "I'll never get tired of it, though."

"My pee is turning red." I looked up at Gale shocked, who looked back at me with dead serious eyes. Few silent seconds goes by before we both burst out with laughter, clenching our stomachs for dear life as we fight for air.

Tears run down my cheeks. And when I opened my eyes and saw Gale's beautiful face while he laughed. I knew I was a goner.

The day after, on the eight days since we started our little friendship, I kissed Gale.

I regret it so much...

~

Gale talked about his siblings between bites of the fruits and I listened with a big smile on my face. He talked happily about his brothers, Rory and the crazy stuff they've done. About the time they caught a rat with their bare hands and let it in the house, and I almost died in laughter when he told me that their mother fainted when seeing the fat creature running around the house.

"You have such a lovely family." I said between giggles, whipping my tears. "I wished I had funny stories like that."

"No funny stories? Nothing?" Gale asked, leaning his body against the wall, throwing a bad berry away. I gave the hunter a half smile, my legs dangling over the edge of the porch as I avoided eye contact the best I could.

"I don't, actually. I have happy memories, of course. But there aren't many." I wouldn't bring up the times when I was a little girl, sitting in my mother's lap on Saturday mornings with my father next to her, laughing together with the maid that cooked them breakfast. When my mother smiled down at me, hands around my hips that she squeezed whenever she felt like a hug. And I would always complain with laughter.

No, I wouldn't tell him that.

"Maybe it's because I don't have siblings." It's not a lie, but it's a distraction away from the depressed direction we were going. I didn't want to bring up my sad childhood, nobody does when you're together with your crush. And Gale would probably just laugh at me. The mayor's daughter? Sad childhood? Hilarious.

"Maybe." Gale said, scratching his neck. A habit he always did when nervous. "But there is plenty of time to create funny stories, y'know?" I chuckled, nodded as I glanced at the hunter.

"You're right. I think this moment, the rat story and your red pee, will be one funny memory. Happy too." We both laughed until it got quiet again. Leaning against the house in silence while looking out on the road, grasshoppers singing in the spring heat.

"Gale?" I suddenly whispered. He hummed as an answer. "Can I kiss you?"

I had no idea where this courage came from and I ran out of it quickly because I didn't even dare to look at him. Instead, I glanced at him slowly with red cheeks and saw from the outline of my eyes his face expression. Surprised, yet not shocked. Looked at me with a facial expression I couldn't read and one I couldn't face.

But I saw how Gale swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing in a smooth motion before glancing around them. Making sure not a soul was near them before nodding. Actually nodding, approving!

My heart raced, my whole body shook and my hands sweated more than I already had. Yet I sat up on my knees, noticing how tense Gale was. Not moving from his place an inch as the Mayor's daughter sat by him like I was praying.

Maybe I was. Praying for some kind of reaction. Not just the unreadable expression he wore.

With a hand pale as ivory, I placed a shaky one on his cheek and slowly turned his face towards my own. Inches away.

He didn't look at me. I waited for his eyes to stop at mine but it never happened.

So I closed my eyes and took one shaky inhale before leaning down to kiss him.

It was a long, stiff one. His soft lips tasted of salt and strawberries. An amazing combination. Madge had never tasted anything better.

I leaned out, waiting for a reaction. Anything to match my own. My whole body shook and my heart raced. Sure that it would jump out of my mouth.

But nothing. He doesn't even open his eyes again.

I didn't want to think of Katniss. Of the huntress he rather wanted me to be and it hurt so bad. A disgusting, nasty feeling that made my bowel twist and eyes tear. So I leaned in again.

And again.

And again until we are both breathless. Until he finally reacted with shaky breaths and a hand on my waist that kept clenching whenever my lips touched his. Until he finally parted his lips and met my tongue. Until he leaned away from the wall behind him and put his other hand on my back, pushing my body closer to his.

Until many minutes went by and I somehow managed to land in his lap. Both my legs bend beside his and my pale hand combing through his dark hair as we kiss. Lips aggressive yet passionate and amazing, his hands on my thigh and the other on my neck. I wanted to cry during that moment because that had been a dream.

Because the next day he said the cursed word. Or more like, the cursed name.

"I meet Katniss today." I froze, my eyes turned wide and the grip I had around the box of strawberries tightened. He looked at me from the doorway, his gamebag on his shoulder and coal smeared across his face. He looked so damn beautiful and handsome, and my eyes started to tear before he even said the words and he noticed too because he immediately avoided eye contact. I was already sobbing when he said to me;

"We should stop. I have no feelings for you, so we should stop. "

And he left me standing there, crying and crying with the fucking strawberries in my hand before the maid, who woke up by my wailing, helped me to my bed and tried to comfort me. It didn't work.

It wasn't fair...

Heartbroken and frustrated, I wanted to meet Katniss. She was the reason for my misery, but it was not her fault. And I needed someone. Just someone I could talk to because I was always so damn lonely with my working father, sleeping mother and busy maid. I truly had no one and it only made me more fragile than before as I cried and cried and cried.

So when I finally stopped crying, I went to the bakery to visit Katniss. Just to wait until she finished her shift and just talk my heart out because I really needed it. I just needed to-

As I was about to open the door, my whole body suddenly stopped moving and my eyes turned wide in pure shock when I saw the baker leaning his head against the brown-haired girl. I knew very well. There was barely any space between their lips and I was about to burst open the door and save my friend when I saw Katniss' red face and the same excited eyes she had when talking about hunting.

And then he just took Katniss into the backroom, my friend walking in so willingly before the door closed behind them. Leaving me with a wide open mouth, shocked eyes, and my fantasy.

Before I knew, minutes went by and my fingers still held the doorknob. As I let the handle go, I noticed my shaking hands and the tears running down my cheeks before turning around and I went home alone.