Okay, before I say too much, you guys need a backstory. I dated this guy
right? We had been together maybe a week. He told me he loved me. I didn't respond. It had been a week, I didn't have those feelings yet. I didn't know if I ever would.

He said it again. And again, I did not respond. He got upset, saying things such as "Aren't you gonna say it too? Don't you love me? Are you using me? Why won't you say it?"

I caved.

"I love you too." My smile was forced but he couldn't tell. It didn't reach my eyes, but those weren't his line of vision. The words rolled off my lips too easily for my liking. My mouth formed the words before my brain had sent out the command. My brain felt uncomfortable and slightly fearful. It didn't get to send a command. It reacted. "Fight or Flight."

After I said it the first time, he kept pushing me for more and more. I ghosted him. I didn't want to. He wouldn't listen to me. He was steadily making me more and more uncomfortable. Eventually, he caught on and one day I received a text. I had deleted his contact but I knew it had to be from him.

"You're a lying whore, you know that? You said you loved me. You lied! I don't need you. We're done. You never talk to me anymore."

And that was that.

A year later, yesterday to be exact, he texted me. He had texted me a couple of times previously, asking questions such as "Is there a game tonight?" I would give a one-word answer and the conversation would end. I had his contact back, simply to avoid confusion.

Yesterday he texted me. Asked if I wanted to hang out. My mom was looking over my shoulder. She didn't know what had happened. I hadn't felt comfortable telling her. She told me I should say yes. It's fair week. I'll be at the fair nearly all week. We could hang out at the carnival. The remainder of the conversation went as follows:

Him- Do you wanna FaceTime tonight?
Me- Maybe
Him- Come on
Me- Sure
Him- So yea?
Me- Yeah
*Two minutes pass*
Him- When are we gonna talk?
Me- When I get home.
Him- Okay
*Five minutes pass*
Him- Are we gonna talk?
Me- When I get the chance.
Him- Okay

*I get home, lay on my bed, and immediately fall asleep. I left my house at 3:00 pm to help with different fair activities and I got back at 8:30 pm. I woke up around 11:30 pm.*

*Sighing, I text him. I didn't really want to talk but I had said I would and I try to stick by what I say. I have been on the receiving end of people not sticking by what they say too many times.*

Me- Sorry, I fell asleep
Him- It's fine b (apparently stands for "baby")
Me- But I'll be up for a little bit
Him- Ok so we can talk
Me- Wanna FaceTime? Just lemme grab my headphones
Him- Sure

*We tried talking but it kept cutting off. Before it would cut off, he continually asked me what was wrong. Nothing was wrong and that's what I told him. He didn't believe me and continued to ask. The calls didn't go through.*

Him- Do you just want to text it's being really laggy
Me- Sure
Him- Ok what's wrong b
Me- Nothing
Him- And don't say nothing because I'm not stupid
Me- I'm fine
Him- You can tell me anything b
Me- Why do you think something's wrong?
Him- The way you sound when we talk something's wrong what is it
Me- I just woke up. I'm trying to be quiet cause everyone else is asleep and I'm not supposed to be on a phone. My headphones weren't working. It's not cause something's wrong.
Him- Oh why are you not supposed to be on a phone
Lol
Me- Idk
Him- What did you say my phone glitched
Oh so do you miss me or nah
Me- Idk. I've been more focused on summer school than my heart soooo
Him- Oh well that's good would you ever take me back or nah
Me- Yeah maybe
Him- Really
Me- Yes *Only because I felt guilt-tripped*
Him- You would take me back
Like rn (right now) like tonight
Me- That's not what I said? I'm not really focused on guys rn
Him- Ik (I know) but would you take me back rn or nah
Me- I
Am
Not
Focused
On
Guys
Right
Now
Him- Oh so if I asked you out at fair you would say no
Me- I'm sorry but I have had my heart broken one too many times
I need to take a little break
Do you want me to be completely honest?
Him- What if I wouldn't break it this time (Um, you didn't?)
Me- Answer my question first
Him- What is it? (I literally just said it)
Me- Do you want me to be completely honest?
Him- Yes
Me- If you asked me out at fair, I would say yes. And tbh (to be honest), it would be because: other people would notice. They'll judge me if I say no and my self-confidence is not high enough for me to handle that. Some people will judge me if I say yes. Idk why, but both scenarios are nerve-wracking. You're cute and nice and funny, but I am not looking for a relationship right now. If you asked me out at fair, I would say yes because I would feel put on the spot. I would feel awkward so I would go with the best received answer. It's nothing against you, I just can't handle a relationship right now.
Him- What my phone glitched
Oh
Him- I'm sorry if I upset you or made you mad and I don't want to break your heart I just want to be here for you and the best way I can think to do that is to be your bf (boyfriend) and I really miss you and ik that I fucked up a long time ago and ik that I was your confidence when we were dating (Excuse me? No?) and I also know that I could make you happy if you gave me the chance (I did give you a chance) and that's all I want is for you to be happy
Him- That's me being honest about how I feel about you and you can tell me if I'm wrong
Me- Thank you for apologizing. And for understanding. I'm just not trying to get back into a relationship at the moment. I'm trying to be happy :)
Him- Am I wrong in what I said or no
And you are welcome (Settle down there, Maui)
Me- You can't be wrong about how you feel about me. Feelings aren't wrong or right. I can disagree with how you worded it, but I can't tell you that what you are feeling is wrong.
Him- Am I wrong in the way I worded it (That's still not what I said)
Me- Some of it
Him- Oh
Me- Only one part really
Him- What part lol
Me- "I know that I was your confidence when we were dating."
Him- Oh so I wasn't
Me- You weren't. You helped immensely, but you weren't the source. True happiness come from within and that's what I want to achieve.
Him- Oh ok
Me- I'm not trying to hurt your feelings
Him- It's fine
Me- Ask if you have any more questions
Him- Ok I will ima go to bed
Me- Goodnight

****

So that happened. It wasn't until this conversation that I realized just how much he had walked over me in our relationship. I stood up for myself this time, it wasn't perfect but it was progress, and I'm proud of it.

Something I'd like to make clear: Girls, if this is happening to you, whether through text or in person, shut it down. Find someone to help you, call someone, or if it's not verging into dangerous territory, you can do it. I know awareness had been raised immensely and that's great, but I won't stop warning until all of these terrible stories end.

Stay safe girls (and boys, I know it happens to you too).

-Serena