I decided that it was finally time for me to move on, I can't stay in this pack anymore, not when I am unwanted but who can really blame them.

I have no longer have any ties to this place. Nothing is keeping me here, not even the friendship that is starting to form between Kat and myself.

It is time for me to leave. I need to find a purpose in my life, I need to take the chance to find my real mate. Not just try to take one away from someone else because of the prospect of Jasmine, my cousin, finding me.

I can't be that type of wolf my whole life, my parents would be so disappointed in me if I continue down this path.

I need to move forward with my life, at least that is what I keep trying to tell myself. I know that deep down I am just trying to run away from my issues, run away from my mistakes.

I am a 24 almost 25-year-old wolf with nothing, no mate, no family and at the moment no real friends, which was of my own doing. I got caught out trying to play a dirty game

Which I didn't even know how to play

All for self-preservation, I shouldn't have done what I did but I can't take that back now.

Take a deep breathe, take a deep breath, this is the one thing that I keep repeating to myself in my head. I had one chance to ask this question properly and I didn't want to screw it up.

I had to do things the right way, for once in my messed up life.

"Kat?" I knocked on the door to her bedroom hoping and praying to the moon that she would be in here and that nobody else would be with her, I didn't know where else to look for her. I wanted to ask her this without Kol around. He still doesn't trust me, Not that I can blame him for that though. I tried to mess up the relationship between them more times then I can count on both of my hands.

"Come in!" She called out, she sounded happy, and I liked hearing that in her voice now. I really do regret how horribly I treated her, she is a saint to be able to forgive me for everything I did to ruin things with her mate. I messed things up so bad with her... So bad and she can still look me in the eye and have a friendly conversation.

I opened the door to find her admiring her pregnant stomach it was growing like crazy now that she was looking after herself and the fact that she had twins in there, they were due in about a month and despite having no ties to the pups, I already love them.

I could only hope that one day I have the opportunity to have a family, that is if my mate even accepts me if I find him, if he hasn't already moved on.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked nervously rubbing my hands together, I didn't know what to do with myself. Do I stand still like a statue, as to try and look small and pathetic? I don't know I am not good in situations where I have no control. I like to have control

"Go for it." She smiled at me, I still can't believe that she can be this nice to me after everything. I know I wouldn't be, but then again she is a better wolf than me.

"I was ah, wondering if I could maybe leave...?" I asked not wanting to make eye contact with her.

"Leave?" there was a hint of sadness in her voice.

"Leave where Rose?" she asked again in my silence.

"I feel it is better for everyone if I leave..." I don't know how I let those words escape my mouth. I looked up to see her big and warm chocolate eyes fill up to the brim with tears.

"You don't have to leave..." She cried.

"No one hates you, not anymore." I knew this was just her pregnancy hormones talking, she wouldn't normally cry over this conversation.

I mentally slapped myself, I knew I should have waited, or grew a pair months ago when I decided that this was the best course for me.

I walked over to her and sat down with her on the king sized bed, sinking into the fluffy duvet.

"I do need to leave," I explained.

"There isn't anything for me here, I don't have a family or a mate here." I looked up into her eyes, I needed to get this message across.

"I want my mate, he isn't here I know that. I don't know where he is and I want to search for him. I need something good in my life." It felt good to say that out loud.

"I understand." I didn't believe her words, she still sounded too sad about it.

"I just want help, I want to search each and every pack I can. I just don't want anyone thinking I am a rogue and attacking me when I try to enter." I really didn't want to be killed on sight, I knew that it would happen at every pack I walked into unless they knew who I was.

"I will ask Kol if there is anything we can do. I can't guarantee that we can get you into every pack, but I will try my best." She moved to hug me, I am still awkward with hugs I don't really know what to do so I just let my arms hang limply by my side.

"Thank you." I smiled as I got up to leave.

"Just remember you will always have a home here," Kat spoke as I shut the door to her bedroom.

Well, that went better than I thought it was going to, I knew that playing sad would help... I scolded myself. I can't think that way anymore. I need to stop trying to manipulate the situation around me to ensure I get what I want.

I am sure that Kat could see through that charade, I just hope she still helps.

The only way I can change myself is to get away from this place, it is toxic for me here. I am a toxic person here.

I don't want to be that person.

But I guess old habits will die-hard.

It took almost a week for Kat to get back to me with the good news. I have a pass to go into all of the packs for a week at a time. I have a set plan that I have to follow. I can't just pick and choose which packs I go to, unfortunately.

I am ready to get up and leave now, I packed my bags just after I asked Kat about leaving.

I had to meet an escort at each pack border at a designated spot, at a designated time. I had a two-hour leeway in case I was late or early. If any other circumstance came up I had to call Kol, and the Alpha of the pack I was going to.

At all times I had to carry a document from Kol stating who I was and what was happening. I had to present that at each meeting spot so that I could be identified properly as well. So many checks in place making this harder then it should be.

And when I do find my mate I need to ring Kol so he can inform all other Alphas remaining on the list. If I stray from the plan I will be deemed a rogue and subject to the same treatment as would a regular rogue, meaning not welcome on territories etc.

I know that Kol as he wants me gone, but he doesn't want to make it easy for me.

Kat gave me a phone that has Every Alphas pack number in it so that I would always have it on me, along with a calendar and reminders in it so I would never stray off course.

She was being over prepared for me. Worried that something might go wrong, I honestly felt like a child.

But I guess that's why I'm doing this, right? To grow out of the childish mentality of protecting myself and only myself. Hopefully, with the miles, I collect on my journey my maturity will flourish.

I packed everything into my car, well, everything that would fit. I didn't want to come back here unless I had too, I wanted to take my life with me in so I can set my new life up wherever I finish this journey if it has a finish.

I took one last look around, I knew I would miss this place. It was a massive pack, with a beautiful landscape, if I hadn't of been the wolf I had been, I would miss this place, instead of looking at it in regret, like it was surrounded by a bad smell.

All of them were standing around by my car, Kat, Tara, Sophie and Juliet. We all sort of became friends the night we saved each other, we formed a bond that I don't know if we could ever break.

It may take us all a long time to trust each other and become real lifelong friends if it ever happens.

They all said their goodbyes to me, wishing me well and hoping that I keep in contact and do not forget all about them. I smiled and nodded, I wasn't ready to make promises that I wasn't sure if I could keep or not.

I watched them in the review mirror as I drove away, I saw them all waving and yelling goodbyes at me as dust flew out the back of my car.

This was when the beginning of the brand new and improved Rose starts.

I can just only hope that everything works out well for me.

Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed this first chapter.

I promise you all that it will have just as much drama as The Lost Luna and you will get to see a different side of Rose other then the sneaky little devil that I showed her to be.

I want to get more involved with you guys as you all take time out to read my stories so I will start with some questions.

Do you guys think that Rose can be redeemed? Can she be a different wolf?

Let me know what you think of it!

Don't forget to vote, comment and share with everyone!

Love you all

J xx