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chapter fifteen. sad beautiful tragic

the end usually seems like a beginning, even if it's just the intermission

The first time it had started, one would say it was a tv show, a sitcom that had been going on for years, a modern fairy tale ever since both Katherine and Conrad were merely children. To some, it could have been seen as a gradual change. Strangers to friends to something more. Something that could be beautiful. Was beautiful. Is beautiful.

Conrad had always felt drawn to the young girl. She was his best friend.  The one he told his secrets to. The girl he kept extra candies in his room for. Ever since both of them were young, or rather the whole Conklin-Fisher clan, it had been predicted. Katherine and Belly were both going to end up with one of the Fisher boys each. Susannah used to joke how having a daughter for Steven was a missed opportunity, but that was that. The Conklin girls were predestined for the Fisher boys. More than that, if chemistry outside the classroom was ever to be trusted, Katherine Conklin was made for Conrad Fisher. For Conrad, falling in love with Katherine was something that was always there, only ever growing as the days and then years had passed. Growing away as time passed.

However, the same was not to be said for young Katherine Conklin. Perhaps the feeling, the butterflies, had always existed but one day, in a sudden manner that only life can surprise us with, she realised that her heart had been stolen away.

The days never changed, but in time, they did. They grew up. He was next to her almost every day during that summer, under the guise of not feeling the 'party mood' that Steven and Jeremiah had suddenly left the house in. Susannah and Laurel were mostly away, doing their own thing and Belly would be nearby, her attention solely on her phone or her romance novel for the week that one could easily forget she was even there,

This all usually ended up with his feet kicked up on the coffee table after they've gotten into some argument or another, watching a movie in silence, until the need to make a joke overcomes on Conrad, and he breaks it. Katherine starts the arguments, pulls out the movie as a truce, just to get him to stay at the house with her. It's all a pretense, not-so-carefully and yet so meticulously crafted. She's always needed someone in close proximity. (It wasn't like Conrad was going to leave anyway, spending time with Katherine was worth more than any drunk teenage rager)

Once, she had fallen asleep on his bed, her head on his shoulder, the movie on the laptop still playing but muted. Audrey Hepburn was a sight to gawk over but when she turned her head a bit slightly, Conrad's face, ever so peaceful, was more enchanting. She had left the morning after, still wearing his sweater, how she got it on—one large black hole. He never really asked for it back, the blue sweater that had been pulled from the hems and smelled like cinnamon and surf. He never asked and she never gave it. She just hoped that he never came knocking into her room in the middle of the night to find her sleeping in it. Even after they broke up, she would sleep in it.

Falling in love with him again— or rather acknowledging her feelings again because no matter what happened, she never fell out of love with Conrad— was different this time. She had resisted it, knew in her head that it was a bad idea. She knew nothing good could ever come out of it. But yet.

Her mind filled with what-ifs as he kissed her, i love you's whispered as their soul met each others. So full of life. Her mind is thinking a million things at once, thinking about the time Sebastian had kissed her and how she had compared him to Conrad.

Sebastian was very different from Conrad. She hadn't wished to make comparisons, but there was always a part of her that missed Conrad in some far off way, in the way you'd miss a city you've never actually been to. And now it felt like she had everything she could want, in the palm of her hands.

Conrad Beck Fisher was kissing her.

Katherine always wanted to belong to someone, she always had. She wanted someone would would want her, her and only her, forever and ever, like the happy ending of a windswept romance. She fell fast and hard and it never failed to consume her, eat her up from the inside out and she would always let it. She wished, as Conrad stared at her with those damn blue eyes, that this time, for once, it would be enough. She wished she would be enough.

"I love you, Conrad." He has hurt her before. He has kissed her like this before and let her go. She remembers it quite well. But this time, it feels different. She is in love again, and everything in the world makes sense.

"I love you, Katherine."

He loves her. The world doesn't even have to make sense.

When Katherine woke up that morning, she did so with a smile. Last night's events were clear  as crystal in her head. The beach, the moon... Conrad. Steven had told her, advised her not to go down this road again but how different was she from any other eighteen year old to think that maybe this time things would be different.

She got out of her bed and just as she was about to out on her slippers, Susannah gently knocked and then entered her room. Seeing the older woman brought sudden woe to her heart and Katherine chastised herself for forgetting about what reality was. Susannah was sick and Katherine was supposed to act like she had no idea.

"Oh God! Susannah, am I late?" Her eyes opened wide in horror. Sure she wasn't a debutante this year but she still had a place during the ball. She was expected to dance along with the girls and had needed a date. She wondered if Conrad would go with her.

The blonde woman laughed at the girl sweetly, "You're good, Kathy, I just wanted to see if you're fine. You got in pretty late, last night."

Katherine was about to give an excuse as to where was in the middle of the night when Susannah added– "With Conrad."

The brunette girl at once got red, feeling like a thief caught red-handed at his craft, as if stealing Conrad Fisher's heart was a crime one must steer clear of. She sputtered her words–"Oh- Us– We were just you know... coming back from the party. Where everyone was. Obviously."

Susannah raised an eyebrow at her, "Everyone came back three hours before you two did."

"Traffic." Katherine shrugged. "Loads of traffic."

"In Cousins? Come on, Kath." Susannah grinned at the girl. "I was a teenager once too, kid. I know what traffic is code for."

"SUSANNAH!! Oh my God." Katherine wanted to get back on her bed and bury herself underneath her duvet.

"Anyways," The older woman started to walk away as she grinned at Katherine, "Connie said he's taking you to the ball."

Katherine smiled, the butterflies in her stomach seeming more alive than ever, as if smirking at her the way Susannah already was. Just as the older woman left the room, the girl didn't miss the opportunity to yell, "As friends!"

Later, after she had freshened up (had fought with Steven over the washroom and how he left soapy water everywhere), she walked downstairs, her beautiful white dress in one hand. It was a pretty, vintage-styled one that she had bought a while ago but had never gotten the chance to wear. Laurel had told her that the dress was the type her mom used to love to wear and that alone was enough for Katherine to love it tremendously.

The kitchen was buzzing with activity, everyone already present as Steven ate his cereal and Susannah and Laurel laughed on about something or the other. Jeremiah and Belly were in a deep conversation and Katherine remembered Belly mentioning how she was taking the boy as her date. Conrad was there too, nervously smiling when he spotted her. It was familiar but at the same time it all felt so new.

"Good morning," He greeted her and coughed, pushing towards her a box of muffins out of which three were already gone, two left. "I got you, uh, you know, those muffins you like. For the big day."

Katherine laughed nervously, hesitantly taking one of the baked goods, "Ha, it's not my big day, it's Belly's. I'm just the supporting character, but thank you, Connie."

He smiled, "You are never just the supporting character, Kathy."

Katherine screamed inside like a raging lunatic stuck in a dessert who had just learnt the path to water, but outside, she tried her best to remain her calm posture. "He's got lines today, huh? What changed?"

Conrad shrugged, "I believe Gen-Z calls it rizz."

The girl snickered, "You don't have rizz, Con, just a brooding personality." She got on her tiptoes to whisper in his ear, "It's fine, I'm totally a sucker for blue-eyed brooding boys."

"Katherine, Belly, you should get going." Susannah said, holding Belly's white dresses wrapped in protective covers on one of her arms, the other holding Katherine's heels. "Oh and everyone stay out of the family room. I've done all of your paintings and tonight after the ball we'll have a big unveiling."

She shoved the dress in the direction of Jeremiah, "Can you also grab Katherine's dress and put these in Laurel's car, honey?"

He took them, "Okay."

Susannah smiled as she grabbed the second muffin Katherine was about to eat, glaring jokingly as she gently pushed her towards the door, "Hurry!"

"Uh, aren't you driving us?" Belly asked her mother as the girls rushed before Susannah bursted with the stress and excitement.

'I'm going over with Susannah, so I thought maybe you could drive your cousin and yourself." Laurel held up a set of car keys towards her daughter. Katherine mockingly widened her eyes, as if Belly driving was a matter of personal safety. It could be.

Belly's eyes glistened, "Seriously?"

"It's only a few blocks." Laurel stated, "Unless you don't want to, I can tell Kath to-"

The youngest Conklin teenager grabbed the keys from her mom's hand in excitement, "Yes, yes!"

"Drive slow, obey the lights, wait four seconds at stop signs." Laurel told her. "Katherine, please make sure she doesn't break any traffic rules."

Katherine and Belly were barely listening as they both hurried for the door, "I know, we know."

"We'll see you at the club in a few hours!" Susannah yelled out as they practically ran out. Before Katherine could reach the front door, Belly right next to her, Conrad stopped them, "Hey."

They spun to face him. Katherine tried to force her smile away, "Yeah?"

He smiled, trying to keep his eyes on both the girls, "Break a leg."

Belly's eyes narrowed, a small smile playing on her lips as she draped her arm around her cousin's shoulders, "That'd be bad, Conrad. We supposed to be dancing all night."

"I just.. I- " Conrad stumbled nervously on his words, "I just mean good luck. It's, like, a thing people say."

Katherine's lips parted into a grin as she let out a soft laugh, shaking her head at the boy, "Connie, she's joking. We know."

"Oh, right."

Katherine tucked her hair behind her ear as Belly suddenly spun around, rushing towards the car. "We'll see you later."

He gave a nod, "On the dance floor?"

"On the dance floor."

Katherine stood behind Belly as she braided her hair for the ball. A memory tugged at her mind, reminding her of years ago when Belly was a little girl yearning for the older girl's attention. Katherine used to love braiding Belly's hair for school. Right now, they were in the club's dressing room with all of the rest of the debutantes, all putting on makeup and doing their hair ready for the evening.

"I heard about you and Cam." Katherine said, looking at the mirror, observing Belly's face, "Are you okay?"

Belly gave a gentle shrug, "I broke it off with him. It wasn't easy but it wasn't right to string him along either."

"Because you have feelings for someone else?" Katherine asked her, her mind drifting to when she saw Belly and Jeremiah kiss.

"Something like that," Belly said, finally meeting Katherine's eyes in the mirror.

"I'm sorry I haven't been around as much for you, Belly." Katherine sighed, placing a hand on Belly's shoulder.

"It's fine." The younger Conklin girl shook her hand away, proceeding to apply her lipgloss. Clearly it wasn't fine. Something else was bothering Belly.

Katherine swallowed the hard lump rising in her throat. Belly was Katherine's best friend, her sister. "Belly, what's wrong?"

"Do you love him?" Belly turned sharply, a storm behind her eyes, "Conrad. Are you both a thing?"

"Belly, What–"

"No, Katherine. You knew that I liked him... that I was in love with him and don't even deny it, I have seen the way you look at each other."

Katherine's heart broke at Belly's tone. So hurt, broken, as if.

"You're with Jeremiah, Belly." Katherine shook her head. She was not going to be told off for feeling what she felt.

"But Katherine, I was always in love with Conrad first. I even knew him before you did!" She crossed her arms, and for a second, she showed a remarkable resemblance to Aunt Laurel. "The thing that hurts, Katherine, is not that you're with him. Because I would have backed off, I would buried everything I felt. It's that, you're something now, obviously, and you gave me no warning, nothing! And it hurts because now I feel like I have no right to be hurt."

"Belly, I am sorry, but it's all so new–"

"Somehow, it doesn't seem all that new to me," Belly turned away, "Perhaps I was the fool that never noticed before but you are a bad friend for never telling me that there was something between you two."

The next fifteen minutes rushed by Katherine, her mind unable to grasp at what had been happening. Katherine and Belly fought all the time, as all sisters did. They fought over clothes, over books, over the most stupidest of things. That's what all sisters did, they fought each other, they fought other people together. They did all that but they always came back to each other. No crime was worth being mad over, forever.

Today felt different. Katherine went out the back curtain with the rest of the mentor girls, standing tall next to Nicole, who was also wearing a beautiful white dress. Katherine shook off the words Belly said, that kept replaying in her head like a broken record. She saw her family at the table, all of them sitting together, smiling at her. As she neared the end of the stage, Conrad got up and took her hand.

"Hey," he whispered, "You look beautiful, Kathy."

"This feels like deja-vu," Katherine smiled, "Deb balls really are our speciality."

As they danced, all she focused on was him. Gone were the worries of tomorrow, and the agonies of yesterday. There was only him. There was nobody else in that room except for them. She felt safe in his arms, like no-one, nothing could hurt her again.

The feel of his hands on the bare parts of her skin sent shockwaves to other parts of her body, as if igniting her heart, giving her life. His face kept coming so close to hers, she could feel his breath on her skin. This was a fairytale, a dream come true. Conrad's hand found the small of her back, his other still holding hers, as he dipped her.

The mentors stopped dancing as it was time to announce the debs. All the girls were beautifully dressed, the lighting and the aura from the day really making them seem like women, independent and powerful. One by one, the girls were announced. Katherine held Conrad's hand as Belly's name was announced but when she looked around, Jeremiah, who was Belly's date, was nowhere around.

Belly's feet began to walk her forward onto the stage. She was clutching a bouquet of fake red roses in her hand, so tightly in fact that Katherine could see her knuckles were turning white. Her heart broke for her cousin, despite all that had happened between them, merely twenty minutes ago.

When she reached the arch of flowers sitting in the centre of the stage she felt every pair of eyes on Belly. Katherine saw the moms, Belly's dad, and Cleveland sitting at their table whispering and staring in utter confusion.

"Where's Jeremiah?" Katherine turned and whispered to Conrad. The boy also was looking around the place like Katherine was, wondering about his brother's whereabouts. It felt bizarre in the worst way possible.

"I-uh, I have no clue," Katherine's hand, that was previously being held by Conrad, a form of comfort was suddenly pulling away.

"You have to go to her," She said and he nodded, "Go– Go dance with her, Conrad."

He stepped away from her, and perhaps it was the hope that suddenly lit up in Belly's eyes when she saw the oldest Fisher boy at her rescue that Katherine's heart hurt for causing her woe. She stepped away from the stage and joined her family at their table. As Aunt Laurel and Susannah gushed over how pretty she looked, and how happy they were with the woman she was turning into, Katherine's eyes met Belly. All Belly had to do was a simple nod, a tiny smile, as If letting her know that eventually, they will be okay.

They still had a lot to talk about, the summer a whirlwind for both the girls but they would be okay.

As she stared at Belly and Conrad, dancing away, she spotted Jeremiah walking into the room from one of the other exits. She rushed to him instantly.

"Jeremiah Adam Fisher," her tone was strikingly low. "Where the actual fuck have you been?"

"Kathy– I need to talk to Conrad, right now." That's when the girl noticed it. The desperation in his voice, how red his eyes were, as if he had been crying. She had a sinking feeling that he knew.

"Jere, it can wait after the ball," she pleaded. This was not her day, nor Belly's. It was Susannah's day.

"It cannot. It's about my mom." Her suspicions were confirmed. He walked past her, determined to get to his brother and Katherine rushed after him, thinking of ways in which she could stop him from having this conversation right there.

"Conrad, we need to talk." Belly and Conrad stopped dancing at once. The music was just a background buzz as Katherine looked at everyone frantically. Scared. "It's important, it's about Mom. I found something out."

Conrad's eyes flickered between his brother and Katherine. One look at Katherine and he knew then that Jeremiah knew the very truth he had been working hard all summer to hide. "We'll talk about this later, okay?" He voice was pleading, asking him to walk away.

Jeremiah frowned, both angry and upset, "No, it's important."

He tapped a hand against his brother's chest. There was something in his eyes that told Jeremiah that Conrad already knew what he was going to say to him. "It's okay."

The younger Fisher's frown intensified, his anger growing, "You already know, don't you? You've known this whole fucking time and you didn't tell me?"

Katherine looked between the brothers as Belly looked at both of them in confusion. She came between the boys. "Jeremiah, we can talk about this later. Please."

The younger Fisher boy scoffed, his eyes darting between Katherine and Conrad. "Even she fucking knew? Before you told your own freaking brother?"

Conrad heaved a sigh, "Jer."

And that's when Jeremiah pushed past Katherine, swung his arm back and threw his fist right into his brother's face. Summer was almost over, but Katherine suddenly had a sinking feeling that all of their friendships were too.

"I feel so stupid."

Laurel was lying on the bed, holding on to Belly and Katherine, both who were crying their hearts away. Susannah was still there, with them, but still they cried like it was the last time they would have the woman had loved them like she was their mother.

"Honey, why would you feel stupid?" Laurel ran her hands through Belly's hair.

"All summer long I had been thinking about myself and Susannah was sick and I didn't even know."  Belly barely got the words out, past her tears.

"That's how she wanted it. That's exactly how she wanted it." Laurel kissed both the girls' foreheads.

"How long have you known?" Belly whispered.

"Since the spring," Laurel admitted and looked at Katherine expectantly.

"Conrad told me after the Fourth of July party. He didn't want anyone to know that he knew."

Laurel, her eyes filled with tears, turned to Katherine, whose body shook as she cried, finally being able to do so freely without being scared to reveal the Fisher woman's secret. "Oh my sweet, strong Katherine, it kills me that you had to keep this secret to yourself."

"I had Conrad." Katherine cried, "But you had no one, Auntie Laurel. You had to carry all of it by yourself."

That night was perhaps the second time in her entire life when she saw Laurel cry too, letting the grief she had already been feeling come out.

Over the mess of bodies on Belly's tiny bed, Katherine's hand was found by the younger girl, holding on for comfort and as comfort. It had felt so silly, worrying about boys and love and stupid, stupid things like summer fun when Susannah had been dying. The reality of the situation seemed to dawn on her once again, her heart breaking in a way that no other boy ever could break it. Sebastian, Conrad, partying, all of Belly and her's fights, Steven's annoying habits. None of it mattered over the fact that this summer could be the last that they ever had with Susannah. Sure, the treatment might work, it might just be a temporary scare. But what if it wasn't.

Steven came to the room then, and his tear-stricken face was heartbreaking in the least. "She's not going to get better, is she?"

She hated him for a second there, for always asking the important question. For not looking past logic, not holding on to hope.

"No," Laurel shook her head and brought out her hand to pull Steven into the bed too. He crossed over other side of the bed and joined his family. Katherine, Belly, Laurel and Steven– that was all the family they needed. Jeremiah, Conrad and especially Susannah, they were all the family that they wanted with them.

The sun was beginning its slow ascent from the horizon, casting a warm golden glow across the beach. Katherine and Belly walked side by side along the shoreline, the sound of the waves a soothing backdrop to their conversation. A few hours had past since the whole deb ball debacle, but the day had changed now. It was morning and hope had awoken in everyone's hearts because Jeremiah managed to convince Susannah to do the trial.

Belly took a deep breath, her voice hesitant as she began, "Katherine, I want to apologize."

Katherine turned to her, her expression softening. "Belly, you don't need to apologize, okay. Not to me. I understand why you were mad."

Belly nodded, her gaze focused on the sand beneath her feet. "I was angry because I didn't get it at first. I mean, why you didn't tell me. I mean, I knew you liked him, I am not stupid. But then, when I found out about you two, ...or rather, saw how you looked at each other I realized how much it hurt."

Katherine sighed, her eyes tracing the patterns left by the retreating waves. "I'm sorry, Belly. I should have told you earlier."

"It's not just that," Belly continued, her voice earnest. "I felt like... Before, I used to feel like I was just a substitute for Conrad when we were back at home. Then, I realized that I was not even that. I was not important enough for you to share your feelings. Maybe that was why I was with Jeremiah, because he was the closest I could get to Conrad. To something like what you two had– have."

Katherine frowned, the guilt gnawing at her. "Belly, it's not like that at all."

Belly glanced at her, her eyes searching Katherine's face. "Then why did you and Conrad keep it a secret from all of us? Why didn't you tell me?"

Katherine hesitated before deciding to be honest. "We dated the summer before this one. It was... complicated, and we thought it was better to keep it quiet. We didn't want the pressure of making it work for others, or as Steven said, to keep the group's dynamic intact. I don't even know how it happened, but now... I'm so in love with Conrad."

Belly blinked in surprise, her voice softening. "You love him?"

Katherine nodded, a wistful smile tugging at her lips. "Yeah, I do. I didn't plan on it, but it just happened. And I'm sorry if it hurt you, Belly."

Belly let out a sigh, her shoulders relaxing. "I appreciate your honesty, Katherine. I guess I have a lot to think about too but don't worry, we will be fine. Just give me time."

They continued their walk along the beach, the weight of their shared secrets and emotions slowly lifting, leaving room for understanding. The sun disappeared behind the clouds, casting long shadows and painting the sky in shades of orange, yellow and blue as they walked, two sisters bound by the complexities of love and relationships.

"I should tell Jeremiah the truth." Katherine smiled at the younger girl as she owned up to her mistakes. "And you should call Conrad. He will need you now more than ever."

"Yeah, you're right." Katherine nodded as Belly hugged her older cousin.

"By the way, even if I am such a bummer for liking the same guy you did, I am Team Contherine." Belly laughed.

"That's a terrible ship name!"

Belly walked away, leaving Katherine alone with her thoughts. She took a deep breath, her heart lighter with the weight of recent revelations.

With a smile on her face, Katherine reached for her phone and dialed Conrad's number. It didn't take long for him to answer, and his voice carried a hint of urgency and relief. "Katherine, is everything okay?"

Katherine looked out at the vast expanse of the sea, its gentle waves. "Conrad, I need to see you. Can you come over to the beach?"

There was a brief pause on the other end of the line before Conrad replied, "I'll be right there."

A short while later, Conrad appeared on the beach, still in his tuxedo which was unkempt, as if he'd slept in it. The sea breeze ruffled his hair, and his eyes bore a mixture of determination and vulnerability as he approached Katherine.

She looked up at him, her gaze searching his eyes as her hands reached out to hold his. He was there and suddenly there was only them. The world was nothing. There was only them.

She asked him one last time, "Being with me, us. Are you sure about it, Conrad?"

Conrad's voice was filled with sincerity as he answered, "Right now, this is the only thing I'm sure of, Katherine."

Their lips met in a kiss as the world around them had already faded away, leaving only the two of them, standing on the shore, where the sea met the land, and where their hearts found their way back to each other.

sixteen years ago

It was a perfect spring day, and the Conklin house was alive with the laughter of children and the soothing sound of their parents as they all celebrated Belly's first birthday.

Susannah stood near the kitchen, her attention divided between her sons, Conrad and Jeremiah, and her best friend's sister-in-law, May Conklin. Conrad, with his wild curls and bright eyes, was a bundle of boundless energy at three years old, his excitement only match with Katherine. May had brought her daughter, Katherine to spend time with her cousins, Steven and Isobel—affectionately known as Belly—to the house for the tiny family party.

Katherine and Conrad, already inseparable at such a young age, were playing on the carpet with a collection of colorful plastic toys. Steven, at two, was toddling around clumsily, while Jeremiah and Belly were content in their father's laps, taking in the world around them.

May Conklin, a striking woman with a warm smile and an air of elegance, observed the children at play with a fond twinkle in her eye. She had known who Susannah was for years, but this was the first time she was meeting her and her children. She was a Conklin by marriage, married to John's brother but she was every bit a part of this group as the others.

"Katherine sure doesn't like to share her toys, does she?" Susannah remarked, watching as Steven reached for one of Katherine's cherished plastic buckets, only to be met with a stern shake of her head. However, when Conrad did the same, she had no problem with it.

May chuckled and nodded. "No, she's quite possessive of them. But she doesn't Conrad, I think. She didn't even bat an eye."

Laurel, Susannah's best friend and the mother of Steven and Belly, joined the conversation with a playful grin. "Well, it's quite clear that those two are either going to be the most annoying sibling-like friendships ever or the cutest couple."

Susannah laughed heartily at Laurel's words, and May joined in. "Oh, absolutely. I'm putting my bets on the 'cutest couple' category."

Laurel grinned. "It's a bet. May gives Susannah fifty dollars if they act like siblings when they grow up and May gets fifty dollars if they end up dating. Obviously if neither of that happens, I get fifty dollars each."

As the children continued their play, building blocks and laughing together, the women laughed, their hearts warmed by the prospect of what would happen between Katherine and Conrad. Little did they know.

A/N END OF SEASON 1 AND THE LONGEST CHAPTER YET??? THANK YOU FOR STICKING W ME LOVESSSS!!! SEASON 2 WILL BEGIN SOON!!! tysm for reading <3 please vote and comment to let me know what u think!! it would mean the world to me <3 ALSO sorry for the lack of TikTok updates! im not able to access my acc rn :(