There was something so incredibly bittersweet about sitting outside the courthouse. All the sleepless nights, the anticipation of Louis' next move, the nightmares that consumed me and followed me into every waking moment of my life. It felt as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, but the emptiness, the fear, still lingered deep inside of me. Fifteen years was nothing; Louis would be out in a little over a decade and I had no doubt he'd find me if I were to stay here. As soon as the judge and jury had come to the final verdict, my mind had immediately jumped to anywhere and everywhere I could go and just disappear. I'd create a little life for myself, possibly take April with me, and we'd change our names so Louis had no lead to follow when he was finally released.

"I think they should have given him life." my head immediately whipped toward the familiar voice, sending my body off the short wall I'd been sitting on in hopes the fresh air would help clear my mind. "Because no matter how hard they try to come down on him, it'll never take away the nightmares, the feelings, the fear."

I just stared.

"I'm really here." Gage continued as if he could hear every thought bouncing around inside my head. "I had to make sure you were going to be okay."

I dropped my purse to the ground and closed the distance between us, burying my face against his chest and breathing him in. Though he didn't have the usual outdoorsy scent of his cologne, it still lingered on the sweatshirt he'd thrown on. He didn't hesitate to press me into him, lips against the top of my head.

"Mom hired a nurse to watch me." he said it with no emotion in his voice. "A nanny is more like it. This "nurse" is supposed to keep an eye on me until I graduate to make sure I don't relapse. It was my father's answer to everything; get me out of that rehab facility, but make sure that I didn't succumb to my demons again and all that."

I could feel the bitterness, but I knew it'd be in my best interest to not say anything. In this particular case, I had to side with Alyssa and the Mayor. Though his father had motives himself, Alyssa was only looking out for Gage's best interest, and that most definitely meant having more than just a couple pairs of eyes on him. It'd allow me to breathe a little knowing that he had a professional there if he felt even the slightest inclination to do anything.

"Are you okay?" he finally whispered, pulling away so he was staring down at me in concern. "Hell, that's a dumb question. How are you holding up?"

"I'm okay." I answered honestly. "I just. . . I'm just scared of what's going to happen once he gets out."

Gage looked toward the building behind me. "You don't need to worry about that right now. That won't be for a long time. Right now you just need to breathe, Mar. Learn to live your life again."

"I don't know how." I confessed into his chest. "I don't even know who I am anymore."

He reached out to tuck my hair behind my ears so it wasn't a mess across my tear stained cheeks. "You're Marley, the most selfless, kind-hearted girl I know."

I heard the loud clanging of the metal door shutting behind me and turned to look over my shoulder. My mother had ventured off to find me, likely because we needed to get back to my grandparents house to pick up Xavier before he drove our seventy-two year old grandmother to the brink of insanity. Unlike me in my gray blouse and a pair of dress pants, my mother had made sure to dress so formal that one would of thought it was her in court. She wore a white button up with a black blazer over a black pencil skirt. Her hair, usually in a messy updo, was slicked back into a tight ponytail. Though she hadn't cried at all during the last few days as the jury discussed the final verdict, she'd been the reason I'd walked out. She had started crying as soon as they grabbed Louis roughly and shoved him out of the room.

Now, her cheeks were blotchy and tear stained, mascara smeared a little under her eyes, but she had managed to carry her dignity out the door with her.

"I don't think we've formally met." my mother extended a hand to Gage beside me. "I'm Anne, Marley's mother."

Gage took her hand and offered her a small smile. "Gage."

"Your mother was just telling me I'd probably find the both of you out here." My mom said with a quiet laugh, though it caught in her throat, I appreciated her attempt at trying to be normal. "I was going to drive Marley back home, but if you would rather do so yourself, I have no issue with that."

I looked back to Gage, who was nodding. "Yeah, I've missed her a lot. I'll have her back home in one piece by ten, I promise."

*

I didn't want to go home. Though Gage and I could have done a million and one things tonight, laying in his bed in almost complete silence beat every single idea I could conjure up. He'd been a little quieter than usual, but I'd chalked it up to the internal struggle he was still battling. He probably felt as though speaking about his feelings in general right now would trigger me to break down after the stressful, grueling week I'd had.

"You finished my drawing." It wasn't a question, but a statement. He had crossed the room to toss his sweatshirt in the hamper, and as he was fixing his t-shirt, he caught sight of the masterpiece that sat behind a picture frame. I had indeed finished the drawing. Though I had been unsure if he were going to use color or just normal shading, I had done my best with the materials I'd found in his drawer and shaded in what I could. I was nowhere near as good as my father or him, but I had hoped he'd appreciate the effort.

"I didn't think you'd mind." I said, crossing the room to him. "I hope you don't hate it, I didn't know—"

"Mar, I love it." He cut me off before I could finish, turning to me with a grin. "It's perfect. Makes it much more personal too that you finished it yourself."

I was relieved to say in the least. "I was worried you'd hate me because I ruined it."

"I could never hate you." he dropped his arm over my shoulder. "You're the best part of my life."

"I wish we met before. . . before all this happened." I whispered, but regretted it as soon as it left my mouth.

Because, sure, if we'd met before Louis had done the shit he'd done, I would have been a different person, I would have been okay. I wouldn't flinch every time Gage touched me, I wouldn't wake up thrashing and screaming in his arms afraid that my stepbrother was going to strike again.

But his life would have been the same. Because his uncle had been doing it since he was a young child, long before he was even able to comprehend what was being done . And the fact that I had just put my own feelings ahead of Gage's made me feel like shit.

"I do too." he agreed rather than taking offense to the comment. "If were able to do shit over again, I know my life would be a hell of a lot different."

"But if we were both okay, not severely screwed up, would we be standing here together right now? We found comfort in each other because of all the shit we'd gone through, because we could relate to one another." I retorted, throwing him a curious look. "If your uncle had never done the shit he had, do you think maybe you would have become your father? Would I have still followed in my father's footsteps? Or would I be happy? Would we have met at all?"

He didn't answer; maybe he didn't have an answer, or possibly the one he have wouldn't be what either of us wanted to hear aloud. Instead, he walked back over and sat on his bed, running his hands down his face. Contemplation got the best of me, and I stood in the middle of the room for a few minutes before I joined him on the bed.

"I'm sorry, Mar, for all of this shit. For everything that happened to you, for what I put you through. You didn't deserve that." he touched his hand gently to the top of mine. "But I. . . I don't regret any of it. I used to think I would be better off dead, that what Mason had put me through defined who I was. But it didn't. Yes, he broke me, stripped me before I had a chance to become my own person. That isn't me, that's only one part of me. I'm stronger now, because of all that I've endured. I was able to help you and April, because I had lived through the hell, even if it was a different sort than what you two experienced."

I rested my head against his shoulder, and he rested his head against mine, continuing moments later when I didn't interrupt.

"We're all stronger than we think, Mar. We have survived the trauma, the hell, we've hit rock bottom. There's only one way to go from here. Up."

April had said something similar a few weeks ago; she'd explained that the only hope she had to hold on to was the optimism of believing that she'd already hit the bottom and was only going to go up from where she was. Though she was still over a toilet after every meal and Alyssa had covered all mirrors in the apartment, she was in a better place that she had been a month ago, a week ago even. She was in a warm home, surrounded by people that loved her, supported her. She would be okay. So would Gage. So would I. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or even a couple years from now. But one day we'd eventually see that the light at the end of the tunnel suddenly wasn't so far out of reach.

"So, Prom," Gage paused and nudged me playfully. "you going?"

I laughed. "Yeah, I think I'll pass."

"Why?" he looked genuinely confused. "This is your last dance as a high school student. I know the last four years haven't been extraordinary by any means, but we deserve a little happiness."

"You're going?" I questioned, surprised.

"I mean, I wouldn't be asking if I didn't plan to. But I also won't go unless it's you by my side the entire night."

That was probably the sweetest thing he could have said, but it hung in the air between us for a while as my brain tried to process all the new information.

Gage was home, he would be finishing the last few months with me at school. I wouldn't be alone. Sure, Nat and Shawn had welcomed me back with open arms, and most of the student body greeted me as they had Freshman year with friendly waves or smiles in passing, but there was still a loneliness that sat heavily in me as I moved from classroom to classroom. Because these people that surrounded me, though they had their own demons, didn't understand mine. Not truly. I was surrounded by people but so, so lonely.

"Okay." I agreed softly, then said, "I want to talk to student council and staff. Maybe we can get April in with us."

The right side of his mouth tugged up into a half smile. "I think she'd really like that."

"My friend, Natalie, she. . . she's probably going to want to go dress shopping with me and I'm just. . . I don't know, things aren't the same between us. Having April there will kind of lessen the anxiety, you know what I mean?"

"I understand. It's like your past and present colliding and kind of morphing into your new life."

That was the perfect explanation of my feelings; the fact that he'd been able to put it into words made me hug him tighter.

"You're going to have to spend a day with Shawn probably." I pointed out.

He didn't look to thrilled about that. "Eh. Can I take a raincheck?"

"You'll be okay." I said with a smile. "He isn't as bad as Louis, I promise. Just kind of egocentric. Kind of like a huge ball of energy too, doesn't stop talking."

"Oh, wonderful." Gage pretended to be annoyed, but the smirk touching at his lips was a good indication he wasn't actually upset.

I squeezed his hand and allowed my eyes to flutter shut. I needed to get a full breath out. Which had been impossible with Louis everywhere I turned. Sitting beside Gage in his bedroom, I inhaled deeply, feeling a slight tightening in my chest, then exhaled slowly, releasing my fear and anxiety, even if only for tonight,