Therapy was a fail. I had no idea why Mom would think if I didn't talk to her, that I'd talk to a complete stranger getting paid to pry information out of me. Of course, Dr. Chao had marked it down that the session was a great opener, even though I hadn't uttered a single word to her. By the time I stepped out of the elevator beside her and she led me down the long hall to where the support group was being hosted tonight, I wanted her to disappear so I could sneak out and sit outside. This building, despite being three stories with multiple suites lining each floor, was claustrophobic, I felt as if the walls were closing in on me every second, ready to squish me between them until I could no longer breathe.

She must have had words with Mom, because she didn't leave until I was actually in the room and staring at the large circle of chairs around one in the center of the room. A lot of teenagers around my age were lingering by the fold up tables lined with snacks and beverages talking. It was actually pretty shocking seeing how many people were in the room, how many people had survived a suicide attempt and was here today to talk about it.

Even more surprising was seeing Gage leaning into a table with one of his legs crossed over the other, stuffing a brownie in his mouth. It shouldn't have made me stare in awe, as his Dad was the Mayor and had literally everyone at his beck and call, but nonetheless I stared agape.

"It was wonderful meeting you, Marley. I'll see you same time Friday."

I barely glanced in the petite Korean woman's direction as she finally left me on my own. I readied myself to head for the door, but Gage had overheard the loud, sharp voice and was approaching me.

"Hey." he said with a wave. "You stalking me?"

I felt the corners of my lips twitch at the joke, something that hadn't happened in over a year.

"Gage!" a man's over enthusiastic chirp filled the air. "Ah, you must be Marley! You two know each other?"

Gage shoved the rest of his brownie into his mouth and spoke to the man slowing to a stop beside him with his mouth full. "We go to school together."

"It's always nice to have a friend." the wiry bald man said with a grin that made his eyes squint a little. "I'm Joel. Please do find a seat. We're about to get started."

Once the man had walked away, Gage made a face and I looked away as my lips twitched again.

"Half the shit they say here is garbage you can find on the internet." Gage said, falling into step beside me as soon as I started toward the chair circle. "The other half is what Dr. Chao tells us every session. But every once and a while they have something to say that actually makes me feel better. I guess that's why I come back. Because I hope for that one percent.'

I sat down in the fold up chair and squeezed my legs together, my nails digging into my thighs as I looked around. Gage leaned back in his chair beside me, pretending to doze off, but the girl on my left looked just out of place and ready to make her escape as I did. Feeling my eyes on her, she turned her head a fraction and I saw myself staring back at me.

It was an easy guess that at one point she'd been absolutely stunning, even now she was beautiful. She had long blonde hair that cascaded over her shoulders and down to the middle of her back, blue eyes that were fanned by thick, long lashes. But those eyes were sunken into her sickly looking face, lips as bloodied and chapped as my own, and continuously being gnawed on now. My eyes flickered from her face to her hands and I found her hand nearly bone, bruises up and down it. She didn't look to me much older than me, which made my heart ache even more for her.

"April, this is Marley." Gage broke through my train of thought, having seen my eyes on her. The blonde lifted her head and turned in our direction. She tried at a smile but it must have hurt because it faltered as quickly as it'd appeared.

"Hi." she whispered, waving.

I returned the gesture before resting my hands back against my thigh. Watching Joe settle down the rest of the teenagers, I waited for him to sit at the chair opposite of Gage and introduce himself. Feeling a kick against my shoe, I looked quickly at Gage beside me.

'It's okay.' he mouthed, then made the gesture as he mouthed another word. 'Breathe.'

**

Despite my silent protesting of stomping my foot and shaking my head repeatedly when I walked through the front door and was forced to sit down at the table to eat with the family, Mom pulled a chair out and sat be down between Rodger and Xavier. Louis sat at the end of the table opposite his dad, scrolling through his phone with one hand and stuffing Mom's spaghetti into his mouth with the other. Xavier was beside me, rolling a meatball between his hands and giggling. It was a sight that would have made my heart full and had me smiling ear to ear. But now all I could think about was Louis. His heavy breathing across the table, the way he moved his long, slender fingers against his phone and around the fork.

"So how was therapy?" Rodger broke the silence, eyes on me as he shoved a forkful of spaghetti into his mouth, then once he's swallowed asked, "And support group? Do you like it?"

Louis looked up from his phone, suddenly interested in the topic, and I quickly dropped my gaze to the floral table cloth under my plate.

"Nobody enjoys therapy, Dad." Louis responded. "She probably didn't even show. She wasn't in any of her classes today."

It was such a brotherly thing to do that it was almost normal. But this was the Louis that had been my protector all of middle school. This was Louis, the boy who'd raped and abused me until I could barely breathe before letting his friend have a go too.

"Is that true, Marley?" Mom questioned from the other side of the table, thin eyebrows drawing in anger. "You ditched?"

"One of my friends saw her head off campus with Gage Griffin." Louis went on, as if my lecturing was getting him off. "He's a huge pot head."

Rodger set his fork hard against the plate and wiped at his mouth, saying, "Louis, that's enough."

"You snuck off campus to go smoke?" Mom blinked in horror. "Who are you and what did you do with my daughter?"

I opened my mouth, hurt by the words, but all that escaped was a quiet whimper. Rodger tried to reach out and grab my hand but I stood so quickly my knee jerked into the table and spilt a can of Coke all over Louis' phone and sent a few meatballs on to Xavier's lap. Before I could hear my mother continue, I rushed out of the kitchen and to my room. I slammed the door behind me and slid down it, covering my mouth with my hand to keep in a sob. I waited to ensure there were no footsteps nearing and pulled my pants off so I sat in my underwear, then slowly discarded the sweatshirt so I was in nothing but my undergarments. I reached toward my nightstand and blindly rummaged through the drawer until my fingers locked around the blade and I pulled it out, spreading my legs apart. I touched the top of the blade to my inner right thigh-one of the thighs that had been bruised for a month following the assault.

"You're a slut." I breathed, crying out once the blade pierced my skin. This was my first time cutting since the night of the attempt. The institution had made sure to tell Mom and Rodger that I was doing better, than there was no more desire to cut. Not that they'd know that as I hadn't spoken a word when I was there.

"You deserved it." I moved a down a couple inches and did it again, throwing my free hand over my mouth as I cried out again.

"You should be dead." I switched the blade to the other thigh, my hand trembling.

"Nobody will ever want you." I dug it deeper this time, for Mom.

Because she was right, I wasn't her Marley. Not anymore.

"You don't deserve to be alive." The last cut I touched to just between my stomach and pelvis and dug the blade in. I had to bury my mouth against the crook of my arm to contain my scream.

I quickly pulled my pants back on, cringing when the fabric brushed along the new cuts, and hid the blade under my underwear in the dresser drawer under my TV. Hearing footsteps nearing my door, I grabbed my sweatshirt and pushed my window open, climbing out and crouching outside just as the door opened.

"Dammit, Marie!" Rodger yelled as he slammed my door shut. "She's gone again."

*

I wandered aimlessly with no real destination until I was making my way down the hill I'd been shown this morning. It was almost stark black thanks to a new moon and no lamp posts, but it'd be the perfect place to sit in silence without having to worry about someone finding me.

What I hadn't considered was that the person who'd showed me the place would be sitting there listening to music and smoking a cigarette. It took me turning the flashlight on my phone on for him to notice me approaching and he quickly pulled an ear bud out and looked up at me, his dark eyes wide.

"Okay, now I'm really starting to wonder if you are stalking me." he said, but when he saw my expression he frowned and said, "You okay?"

I sat down a few feet away, hugging my legs against my chest and allowed tears to silently flow. "No."

I don't know who was more shocked by my response; me or him. It was the first word I'd spoke in seven months and my voice didn't sound like my own. Hoarse and lacking any emotion.

"Heh, I'm not either." he pulled a wipe out and wiped one of his earbuds before extending his hand out to me. "We can be screwed up together if you want."

I stared at it for a minute before pinching the small white piece of plastic between my index finger and thumb.

"You don't have to talk." he added quickly. "I don't have to know why you're here or if you're actually stalking me. Just sit and let the music consume you."

I pressed the bud into my ear, greeted by a rock ballad I somewhat recognized. Scooting a little, I was relieved once my back was against the coldness of the bricks. Gage didn't even bother to continue to sit upright, he laid down with his arms stretched behind his head, hair fanning out across them. I hugged my legs tighter, breathing in deeply, then releasing the breath. Then did as Gage had said; I allowed the music to take over my thoughts for a little bit. It was a quick fix, it wouldn't keep them at bay forever, but for now I didn't have to think about anything at all.