I couldn't pretend I hadn't seen anything in Gage's bathroom. As hard as I tried to discard the thought, it remained stuck inside my head with the endless horror that resided there every night. The little sleep I had gotten before I'd come across the mini-pharmacy of prescription bottles had become nonexistent. I instead sat up until the earliest hours of the night laying in my bed and staring blankly up at my ceiling. It also made it harder to face him every day, knowing that behind the joking and comfort was a monster of his own creation.

One time the week after did I almost bring it up to him. We'd been sitting in our usual spot in front of the brick wall. He'd been catching up with homework he'd let pile up while I stared at the stack of missed work on my lap. It was enough to bind together and create a novella. He had ear buds in and was bobbing his head to the music, hair an unruly mess in his eyes, but he didn't look in my direction. It was as if he felt all of my apprehensiveness and was doing his best to avoid my bringing up of the topic.

It was later that afternoon when I'd explained that April had offered to drive me to therapy that he kind of looked a little hurt for a moment. But he'd offered a side hug and left before the conversation could escalate further, into what he clearly didn't want to talk about. Unfortunately the constant thought of it had me running my mouth the second I shut the door to April's beater in the school parking lot.

"I think Gage is doing drugs."

I wasn't sure what startled her; my abrupt interruption of her peaceful silence or the words I'd spoken. But she jumped a few inches in her seat then grasped the steering wheel tightly, lips parting then pressing together repeatedly as she tried to figure out the best angle to approach my words.

Finally, she whispered, "That's not our business or our fight, Marley."

Gage had said almost word for word the same thing. "What do you mean? He's our friend, I care about him, therefore it's definitely my fight too."

"But it's not." The soft spoken girl I'd held on the bathroom floor was gone. In her place was a broken, angry and bitter woman, "People have different ways of coping with their trauma, Marley. You cut. I stick my fingers down my throat. Gage does drugs."

I stared ahead for a moment, horrified by what I was hearing. How was it that both of them were under the impression that anything outside of their own paradigm wasn't their problem?

"I grew up with a crack head mother, Marley, and believe me when I say that it's not a situation you want to confront. Especially since you already have your own shit going on."

I looked to her in the seat beside me, at the way her fingers were curling then releasing the steering wheel in a continuous loop. I recognized it as one of the coping mechanisms Joe had explained last week, surprised that she even paid enough attention to remember it.

"He's got his own demons." she started the car. "Just like you. You don't need to carry the weight of someone else's emotional baggage right now."

*

The minute April pulled over to run in to pay for the gas, her phone lit up in the cup holder between the seats. I slumped back in my seat and rested my head against the window, but the phone continued to vibrate. Picking the phone up slowly, another text came and gave me clear view of the slew of others that had proceeded it.

Drew: wheres the money

Every other text was from the same person, Drew.

come on. Ik u worked last night

fcking slut, answer the phone

yk what happens when u ignore me, April

Before I could see the three that had proceeded those, her phone was torn from my grip. "What the hell are you doing?"

"April, who is that?"

"None of your fucking business." she finished filling her car then climbed into the drivers seat and slammed the door behind her. Not even five minutes later her phone started ringing. She muted it and started the car, training her eyes ahead of us as she pulled out of the parking lot. She was blinking quickly, clearly trying to prevent tears from escaping. Which meant her vision was likely blurred and she most definitely couldn't see or focus.

"April, pull over."

"No."

"April, we need to talk about this right now."

"I'm dropping you off at Gage's." she said, ignoring my previous comment. "You want to try and fix someone tonight, it can be him."

I opened my mouth to protest again, but something about the warning in her voice was enough for me to press my lips together. Once she'd pulled into the apartment complex and slowed to a stop in front of his, I climbed out. Within seconds of me exiting the car, she reached across the console, slammed the passenger door and sped off. I stared after the car for a while, reeling in shock, before trudging up the sidewalk to his front door. I knocked gently, and was surprised to be greeted with Mayor Griffin staring down at me.

"Maverick!" the man shouted over his shoulder. "Your girlfriend is here!"

I thought about correcting him, but at this point, I didn't care to try and explain anything to him. Not after what he'd done to Gage at his banquet the other night. Luckily, the tension in the air was severed when Gage jogged to the door, in the midst of pulling a shirt over his head as he nudged his father out of the way. His entire expression was unreadable, likely do to what I'd assume was an unexpected visit from his father.

"Hey, come in." he stepped aside so I could enter the apartment. He kept close behind me until we were in his room. Not even a second after his door shut did we hear a shouting match start between his parents. By the look on Gage's face as he threw himself back on his bed and rested his arm over his head, I'd say it probably wasn't a start but a continuation and I'd just interrupted it.

"You didn't text me you were coming over." He commented when I just stood awkwardly in front of his bed, peeking at me from beneath his arm. "Is everything okay?"

"I didn't have much of a choice." I whispered. "April pretty much kicked me out of the car in the parking lot and left."

He sat upright hearing my response, eyebrows raised. "What? Why?"

"I was snooping through her messages."

"Why the hell would you do that?"

"Someone kept calling and texting her." I lowered myself on to the bed beside him. "I'm worried about her."

I knew he was about to say something in regards to it not being my problem so I just slipped back on his bed and laid down, tucking my legs behind me and staring straight ahead at the portrait of me across the room. After a second he laid beside me, rolling over so we were face to face. There was very little distance between us, and though it should have made me uncomfortable and had me running for the hills, it was actually comforting.

"She'll be okay." he said softly.

I would just have to pray he was right.

"Why?" I filled his quiet, dark room with my words after a few minutes of silence.

"Why what?"

"Why are you doing it?"

His eyebrows drew inward in confusion. "Doing what? You're going to have to be more specific, Mar."

"I saw the prescription bottle." I averted my eyes from his own. "I could see it in and around your eyes, the way you kept sniffling and wiping at your nose. I'm not stupid, Gage."

"Mar, please just leave it alone." The pleading in his voice was agonizing, so full of pain that I almost dropped it for his sake.

"You told me that cutting wasn't an answer. You told me to give you my pain because you could handle it. But you can't." my voice was steadily rising. "Because you're in that bathroom slowly killing yourself, abusing your body. You don't get to do this. You don't get to let me in, give me someone to trust, to live for, just to try and kill yourself again!"

He flinched with every word I spat-or maybe it was the flood of tears that had started to soak my cheeks as I forced every word out that was hurting him.

"I don't want to be here either, Gage!" I snapped through a sob. "But you and April and my baby brother, you make it a little better. You give me, however small, hope that I can make it through each day. That maybe there's a chance I can have a normal life in the future."

"You will." His words were barely audible. "You're strong, Marlene. So fucking strong. Stronger than me, stronger than April. You'll get through this."

"Not without you!" this caught in my throat and I started to sit up but he caught my wrist and stared at me for a moment, his own eyes misty with tears.

"I can't be the person you need me to be, Mar."

I buried my face in my hands and breathed, "You already are you fucking idiot."

"I'm not. I'm a fuck up. I'm a freak. I am screwed up in here." He slammed his hand against his head. "I will never be normal."

"I never asked you to be normal, Gage. I'm all of those things too." I touched a hand to my chest. "But I need the you that's in front of me. You're my safe person. I need you."

I watched his face completely crumble then and he slowly closed the distance between us and before I could process what he was doing, his lips were against mine.

I wasn't sure if it was to shut me up, or maybe it was because he genuinely wanted to kiss me, but it only caused me to cry more. Not because I was afraid of him, that he'd hurt me the same way Louis had, but because I would never be able to have this life. I wouldn't ever be able to kiss a man again without my stepbrother flashing before my eyes, have sex without feeling his hands tightening around my windpipe.

"I'm sorry." Gage whispered, but he kept his forehead pressed against mine, his thumb brushing against my cheeks. I didn't respond. I didn't yell at him for invading my personal space and kissing me. I just stared into his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Marley. I shouldn't have done that. I don't know what I was thinking."

"Can we just not think?" I whispered, pulling away and curling into a fetal position on the bed. After a moment he joined me, his fingers finding mind on the bed.

"I'm sorry."

"Just pretend it didn't happen." I said, wanting him to stop looking as if he were going to get up and leave. "I don't want shit to happen. I don't want to lose you."

"You won't." he whispered.

If only I could believe that, than maybe I would truly have something to live for.