CHAPTER FORTY TWO
[42]
song: let it burn by goat

They walked for miles. Uphill, on rocky, unpaved paths. Through humid air, and cobwebs, while swatting away mosquitoes and palm leaves with their machetes simultaneously.

At one point, it was starting to feel completely hopeless. No one was really confident that this hike they were going on was getting them anywhere. And the farther they climbed through this jungle, the more worried they became that they might forget their way back out.

"You're sure we're going the right way?" Kiara had spoken up at some point, in between heavy breathing as they'd just walked up a steep spot.

Pope, who lead the group, pushed some branches out of the way. "Positive. We're trying to get to that peak up there."

JJ squints at the sunlight beaming through the leaves, trying to see what peak Pope was pointing to. "That's gonna take us all night."

"I didn't say we'd get there quickly." Pope had responded.

Cassie wasn't sure if the pain in her side had truly subsided, or if she'd just gotten used to it. Every once in a while, she'd completely forget it was even there. That is until they have to bend down under a fallen tree to get past, or Rafe has to pull her up by her arm onto a tall rock.

Her backpack and jacket did well in concealing the blood that seeped through the bandana. She couldn't tell if it was still bleeding, she hadn't had a moment to herself to check.

It hurt, and it slowed her down a bit, but more than anything, she didn't want to be the reason they gave up and turned back. Just by being here, somewhere deep down in Cassie's mind, she still felt like a burden.

Like someone who tagged along but wasn't needed. Someone who was really only there because she was JJ's sister, and no matter how much she pissed them off, they couldn't shake her.

And Cassie knew they didn't feel that way. But that didn't mean all of these thoughts she'd had her whole life would suddenly just disappear when someone would tell her that wasn't the case.

But now, with this gaping wound in her side, all of her fears were coming true. She could already see the knowing, bothered glances exchanged if she told them she couldn't carry on. Or the way JJ would feel obligated to stay back with her, even though she knew he wanted to carry on.

She'd tried so hard to feel like a valuable asset to the team. And for a second there, she felt like she'd finally settled into this lifestyle that they all continuously lead. But here she was, recoiling in pain with each step.

"You got it?" Rafe asked, turning around and reaching his hand out to help Cassie step onto a rock in a small stream they were passing.

She grabbed onto him and tried not to slip. "Mhm." She muttered back.

Rafe watched as she sucked in a sharp breath through her teeth before making the next move onto the other side of the stream. "Your arm still bothering you?" He asked, as they began to follow after the rest of the group again.

"Yeah." Cassie responded. She'd told Rafe her arm was bothering her after he'd noticed her wince and clench her teeth too many times. "Must've pulled something."

She could feel herself sweating, the color draining from her face. And she was desperate to know how much walking was left until they reached their destination. That way she'd know if she was able to make it or not.

Cassie knew she had about a good ten hours left in her before things got concerning.

She pulled the old fisherman's hat over her head again, covering her sweaty face, and frizzy, blonde hair she'd tied into two braids.

At times, the group was separated by half miles, everyone breaking off into their respective pairs, following each other's tracks in the mud. Other times, they were all right on top of each other. Though all silent, too exhausted to speak, the sound of their small scoffs of laughter when they saw how rough the other looked, kept them company.

Rafe wasn't fit for the outdoors. Not these outdoors, at least. He was built to sit on yachts, and in polished backyards with freshly mowed lawns. With air conditioning just a few steps away, and the luxury of a quick shower when it got too hot.

Kiara, and even Cassie, got out hushed chuckles when they caught Rafe swatting away mosquitos, or peeling a cobweb off his arms.

"Better check for those Brazilian wandering spiders, too." Cleo hollered out to Rafe.

Rafe, who'd remained unamused at the group's attempt at toying with him, dusted the cobwebs off his hands. "What?" He asked.

"Deadly." Cleo added. "I've seen a few, too."

"Wait," JJ pokes his head around, not sure if Cleo was joking or not. "Like, for real?"

"Mhm." Cleo says. "Big, orange furry ones. About..." she measured the size with her fingers. "This big."

JJ kept steady eye contact with Cleo, not yet ready to accept the fact that they'd probably walked through their nests. "Alright." He nodded, unsure. "Pope, how much longer because I swear to God—"

"I'm not a GPS, dude." Pope responds, hatching a path through the leaves with his machete.

Cassie looks at Cleo, who gives her a wink before Rafe rejoins her at her side. "She's messing with you." Cassie says as they begin walking again, and Rafe continues to dust off his shirt.

"Cassie, what's—" Rafe starts as she steps in front of him in the narrow path. "What is that?"

She tensed, immediately looking down at her waist to see the blood that had to have been seeping through all three layers for him to say something. But there was nothing. "What?" She looks up at him, confused.

Rafe goes to move her jacket collar out of the way. "That—"

She squirms, letting out a loud shriek as she realized he was pointing out a bug, or more likely, a Brazilian wandering spider crawling around on her neck.

She flung out her arms, frantically swatting at her neck to get it off as all logical thoughts drained from her body and only a tingling sense of fear and disgust remained.

When Rafe, instead of helping, started laughing, Cassie then realized he was messing with her now, too.

The whole group had stopped to see what was happening. "Oh good," JJ says. "Now Singh definitely knows we're coming." He says, the sound of Cassie's shriek still echoing in his ears.

"Seriously?" Cassie got out a loud scoff, still squirming a little as she went to push Rafe's shoulders. A sad attempt to wipe that pleased smile off his face.

"I thought I saw something." He says innocently. Arrogantly.

"This will never not be weird." Kiara says, as the group watches Rafe and Cassie poke fun at one another amidst their laughter.

"Yeah? Won't last long." JJ says, still not even close to being on board. Still watching Rafe like a hawk. "Someone's gonna get greedy and drop her again." He says, beginning to walk forward after Pope.

Kiara followed him. "You think he'd do it twice?" She asked quietly, glancing behind her to ensure Rafe and Cassie weren't close enough to hear before they continued their conversation.

"It's Rafe." JJ says, shaking his head, biting at the skin of his bottom lip.

"But it's Cassie." Kiara says. "She's smart."

"She's smart but she's very—" JJ searches for the right word. "Naïve. She grew up with her mom most of her life. I grew up with Luke. I wasn't allowed to be naïve. When I was, I got hit."

Kiara clenched her jaw, eyes falling to the ground as they continued on. "We should give him a chance. He came all the way out here for her. Don't you—" Kiara shrugs, not fully convinced herself. "Don't you want something like that for her?"

JJ was already shaking his head. "He came all the way out here for El Dorado, Kie. Don't let his little—" he searches for the right words again, "—Cameron charm work on you, alright? I'm immune to that."

Kiara snorted. "Yeah? What about Sarah?"

JJ always forgot Sarah and Rafe shared the same last name. "Okay. When I say Cameron, I mean this one, and his daddy." He gestures behind him, speaking quickly. "Sarah's on the nice list."

"Right." Kiara nodded along, though it was clear in her face she wasn't convinced by whatever he was setting in place.

"We should set up camp for the night." Pope announced, a few hours later, as the sun was setting. "It'll be too hard to see anything to keep moving. And my back's killing me."

"I can feel the Ten Poguelandia Commandments rushing back." JJ says, wafting the air as if that would help.

"Commandment number one." Cleo says.

"If I can hear it, I can smell it." JJ puts a finger up as he recalls his rules. "Move that potty break farther away."

"Oh jesus, dude. Really?" Kiara squirms at the sentiment, swinging her pack off her shoulders and dropping it to the ground.

"Just trying to lay some ground rules here." JJ shrugs it off. "Commandment number two— no Pogue on Pogue macking when there are five people sharing a cave with you." JJ recites. "That's pretty specific. We can rework it. We can rework it."

Cassie dropped down to the log beside her, bringing her pack down off her shoulders and to her feet, where she unzipped the front pocket for something to eat.

She'd forgotten the gun in there, and when she caught sight of it, she shuffled some spare clothes around to hide it.

"Here." Cassie says, pulling out an unopened bag of trail mix and a mushed protein bar from the bottom of her bag. "Dinner." She says, tossing it out to the middle of where everyone grouped together.

"You're saying you don't want to go hunt for our food?" JJ says. "Like the good 'ole days?"

"I've had enough unseasoned fish and burnt coconut to last me a lifetime. Thanks." Kiara says, being the first to walk over and grab what Cassie had tossed out.

Rafe, who had sat down beside her, spoke quietly. "Aren't you hungry?" He asked.

Cassie shrugged and shook her head as she watched everyone pass around the trail mix and empty a bit into their hand. "Not really. They didn't pack anything, so—"

"Well that's their own fault." Rafe shrugs.

Cassie looked at him. Wondering who was more morally correct here. If Rafe was being too selfish or if Cassie was being too selfless. But too much of anything would always end up being a fault.

For a moment, she wondered if she'd just given up her only food just for the thrill of being appreciated, or if that wasn't her motivation at all. If deep down, that was just her nature. A caretaker. Selfless, and nurturing. She hoped it was only that.

After fishing some gauze from the first aid kit she'd packed, she tucked it into her pocket before standing up. "I'm gonna go wash up at the creek a mile back. I feel disgusting." Cassie says.

"I'll come with—" Rafe stands up too.

But Cassie shakes her head. "No, it's fine. I'll just be a sec. There's a blanket at the bottom of my pack if you wanna set up and get some sleep."

Rafe clenched his jaw as he nodded, not entirely satisfied with the idea of her going through the jungle alone. But the creek wasn't that far, anyways.

Cassie was thankful the full moon was bright enough to guide her through the trees. No one thought to bring a flashlight, and the only matches she had left were used on the fireworks.

She clung to her side, hissing at the sudden pressure she put on her wound but feigning for the relief water would bring it.

She bent down at the stream, her knees digging into the mud as she went to pull off her bandana. What remained under it was unsightly, and she squirmed as she examined what she could see.

She dipped her bandana in the water and washed off the dried blood, then used it to clean what was left on her skin. She sucked in through her teeth when she made contact with the five inch gash across the side of her ribcage. A perfect line across her body, that showed just how close she was to having the bullet in her.

Cassie thought back to the wound she'd gotten on Portis' plane. It healed by itself, no stitches, no doctor's visits. And this wasn't as bad. Right? This was much smaller. But the cut from the plane certainly wasn't this deep. And she didn't have anything to clean it with besides water from the stream. Which could also make it entirely worse.

She let out a deep breath, not sure if it was the loss of blood or the sight of it that was making her nauseous, but she rewrapped it with her clean gauze. It had to do for now.

Everyone struggled to sleep that night, though everyone tried. When the sun went down, the jungle grew cold. And it reminded Cassie of long nights spent on the island, where they clung to each other for warmth and the thought of never being able to take a warm bath ever again plagued their minds.

She rest her head on Rafe's chest, curled up against him as the familiar rhythm of his breathing brought her comfort. She tried to sync her own with his, to try and fight through the pain at her side and take in air without flinching at the sharpness in her skin.

She wondered if he questioned why she wouldn't let him hold onto her while she slept. If he wondered if she was upset with him, or that she just didn't want anyone to see them cuddling anymore than they already were. When in truth, when Rafe tried to pull her closer it just hurt. Everything hurt.

They didn't wait for the sunrise to get up and moving again. It was the birds that woke them and acted as a never-ending alarm clock for the tired group of unprepared hikers on their jungle floor.

"You think they found it yet?" JJ asked at one point.

"Found what?" Pope responded.

"The gold. Sarah and John B."

No one said anything.

"I hope they're on their way back down with it now. And they meet us halfway, or something." JJ says. "That trail mix isn't trail-mixing. Actually, it's—"

Rafe scoffed.

This made JJ stop, and unwillingly, everyone who followed behind him stopped too. JJ looks at Rafe, like he was eager for whatever Rafe said next. "Do you wanna say something, dude?"

Rafe pursed his lips into a frown and shook his head innocently. "No, man. I just think it's funny." He shrugs.

JJ gave him another look. "You think what's funny?"

Cassie felt like she could topple over if they didn't keep moving, hoping the hat on her head was protection enough from her inevitably pale face. "Guys, just keep moving." She says, her voice weak and quiet.

JJ shakes his head, moving his way from the front of the group to the back where Rafe and Cassie stood. "No, say it. You've been awfully quiet this whole time and I would love to know your thoughts right now. What, your— your feet hurt? You're tired? Need me to go grab a waiter to blame all your problems on?"

Kiara stepped in. "Hey, stop." She says. "We're all exhausted. Just shut up, both of you."

"Cassie didn't eat anything, by the way." Rafe spoke now to the entire group with pride. "In case any of you noticed. That was her food that—"

Cassie shut her eyes. "Rafe, please—"

"—that she brought. And she gave it to you." He says, then shrugs it off again. "But no, I bet you're hungry."

JJ smiled, getting out a small scoff as he nodded. "I bet you feel really good about yourself right now. What is this? What are you doing here, really?"

"I'm over this shit." Pope throws his hands down frustratedly, and begins walking again.

When Cleo starts to follow after him, Kiara speaks up. "Guys, wait. Hold on."

"Pope's cross wasn't enough? Need to steal something else from us?" JJ awaits an answer.

Cassie exhales a shaky breath, fighting the urge not to break out into unprompted, frustrated tears. "JJ, you walk ahead we'll stay back a few miles." She tries to speak calmly.

"Right, 'cause what you guys need is some more alone time." JJ snaps at her.

"Grow up, JJ." Rafe says.

As JJ sprung toward Rafe, the group erupted into yells of protest, all lunging forward in an attempt at holding the both of them back. "Hey, hey, hey, chill out, man." Pope hollered, as he yanked JJ's arms back.

Cassie put her hands up defensively, like she was trying to make herself smaller when she found herself caught in between their line of fire.

"Yeah, try it again, let's see how that works out for you." Rafe yells over the commotion, egging JJ on.

"What's on your shirt?" Kiara says.

Cassie, whose focus had been on stepping out of the way, hadn't realized Kiara was speaking to her until she made her way over to her.

"Cassie, you're bleeding." Kiara spoke again, moving Cassie's jacket out of the way of her side.

When she tried to lift her shirt, Cassie quickly pushed her arm away. "It's fine, chill."

Kiara was taken aback, her eyebrows narrowed in concern. "What's that from?" She asked.

Cassie frantically looked around at everyone whose focus was now on her, even JJ's, as he swatted Pope off of him. "What's up?" JJ asked.

Kiara turned around. "She's bleeding."

"It's fine, let's just keep going." Cassie started to walk again.

No one moved with her. And instead, Rafe quickly followed in her path to only grab onto her arm and stop her from moving any further. "Let me see it." He spoke, eyes focused steadily on hers.

Cassie's eyes darted around to the rest of the onlookers before meeting Rafe's again. "It's nothing it's just a scratch."

Her heart was pounding. Not only was she in some ways the cause of everyone's distress this entire trip, she was now a complete liability. A feeling she thought she had gotten past long ago.

"Then let me see it." Rafe insisted.

Cassie clenched her jaw, hesitating. There was no way out of this now. Either way, from here on out, everyone would know something was wrong with her. Either way, she'd slow them down. Maybe if she showed them now, they'd tell her it wasn't as bad as it felt and that they needed to keep moving.

She dropped her pack off her shoulders to the ground, before slipping an arm from her jacket, and lifting her shirt up.

She'd bled through the gauze already, most likely the reason she'd gone lightheaded again, and why Kiara saw it through her shirt. The sight even shocked Cassie.

"Oh god." Kiara muttered.

Cassie moved to pull her shirt back down, but Rafe stopped her. "Can I see it?" He asked carefully.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Pope asked, concerned.

Cassie winced as she pulled the gauze off of her, that stinging, burning sensation returning to the wound the second it made contact with the breeze.

Rafe went still as he looked at it. No, he studied it. He tried to connect the dots.

"I don't know what happened." Cassie spoke. "I must've gotten hit when I jumped off the dock down at the lagoon. I didn't even realize. But, look— it just grazed me it's not even that—"

"Cassie it's already infected." Rafe spoke, then straightened, and turned around to face the rest of the group. "I'll take her back into town."

Cassie shook her head quickly, pulling her shirt back down. "Wh— no, I'm completely fine. We can worry about it later."

Pope had found something to agree on with Rafe. "A bullet wound left untreated can get bad really fast. You could be bleeding internally."

"But I'm not—"

"Yeah? How do you know?" Rafe looks at her, getting to her eye-level to ensure she heard him.

"I—" Cassie shrugs, defeated. "I've made it this far, I understand I need to treat it but it's not like we've got another week out here—"

"No, but we probably have another day. And then a day back down, and then a day on the river." Rafe says.

Cassie didn't know why she looked to JJ, like he out of all of them would be willing to consider allowing her to continue on. Because the look on his face, that empty, terrified look that he wore only when he knew things were really bad, told her everything she needed to know. That this was worse than she was letting on.

It was that same look he had on his face when he picked her up from Kitty Hawk. Just a week after Sarah and John B were announced dead and he'd spiraled into a pit of grief.

Was he mourning for his sister already? When she stood in front of him now, alive, but wearing a death mark on her side?

It freaked her out. All of their faces freaked her out. She wondered now if there had been a timer put on her life the second she was hit, and she was running out of time.

She looked to Rafe now, wondering if in his eyes she'd find any clarity. But she saw nothing she didn't already find on her friend's faces. Only fear.

Cassie clung onto her own last hope. "So, so what— what if Singh is there and you need help, I mean, I know I can't do much but Rafe, he—"

When JJ took a step back and ran his hands through his hair frustratedly, Cassie stopped talking.

Pope moved over to them. "There's another trail that way. East. It's rockier but it's shorter. But it'll be easier downhill." He spoke directly to Rafe, then dug a small wrist compass from his pocket and handed it to him. "Got it?"

Rafe nodded, accepting it. "Yeah, yeah."

Cassie looked to Cleo. "We got it from here, girl." Cleo said.

Rafe picked up Cassie's pack from where it sat at her feet, and swung it over his shoulders. "I'll take her to a hospital in town." Rafe says.

Cassie hated how he spoke like she wasn't right there.

"I can carry my bag." She spoke, going to take it back from him.

Kiara shook her head, reaching her arms out a bit to stop her. "Just let him take it, Cassie."

Here it was again. That all too familiar feeling. The way everyone walked on egg-shells, and no one said what they were really thinking. It was coming back from Kitty Hawk all over again, all of it. The 'Cassie almost died, and if she keeps it up, she's really going to this time' look. Why was it always her?

Why was it that Cassie was always the one to mess everything up?

When Rafe started walking in the opposite direction they were originally headed five minutes ago, Cassie felt she was in a funeral procession as she followed after him. Everyone gave her these subtle nods as she walked by them. Were they nods of approval? Of 'It's gonna be okay'? Or was it 'I hope we see you again' nods?

JJ didn't look at neither Cassie nor Rafe as they passed by, though she looked for his gaze. For something from her brother that told her it was all gonna be alright, like he did when he told her about Sarah and John B's passing. When he said it, and she didn't believe him.

It wasn't until Rafe and Cassie had made it deeper down the path, far enough away from any other ears, that JJ caught up with them.

"I got it from here, man." Rafe spoke, putting out a hand as if to stop him from coming any closer.

JJ, panting as he quickly made his way over to him, shook his head. "No, I—" he looks at Rafe, then to Cassie. "You promised me, you know."

Cassie didn't understand what he meant.

"You said I wouldn't lose you. I— you know I don't have my mom. Or dad. And I don't— we don't really talk to our cousins anymore so," JJ struggled to get his words out in a way that sounded sincere. He always avoided these conversations. But a part of him knew that letting his little sister walk away like this, without telling her how much he cared about her wouldn't be right. "And I know I'm hard on you but—" his voice cracked a little. But he looked at Rafe now. "That's my sister, alright?"

Rafe looked at him, eyes steady.

"So—" JJ shrugged it off. "So just, get her home. Alright, man?"

Rafe nodded. "Alright."

JJ looked at Cassie, then shook his head. "I'm not hugging you."

Cassie knew that him saying all that was already hard enough, and didn't expect much else. So she nodded.

JJ hesitated, rubbing his hands together anxiously as he lingered in his spot for a moment, before turning and heading back to the rest of the group.

Rafe didn't say anything to Cassie for a long time. He held out his hand to her when they crossed a rocky patch, but there was little to nothing exchanged besides a few 'got it?'s' here and there.

She clung to her side, trying to steady her breathing. Though her focus should've been on herself, on the infection that was spreading through her body, she could only focus on Rafe right now. And his silence.

"You're just not gonna say anything?" Cassie asks, in between pants as she struggled to keep up with him.

Rafe pushed some palm leaves out of the way, ducking below them as he continued on down the path. "What do you want me to say?"

She clenched her jaw. "I don't know. You're just being quiet."

Rafe gave her a shrug as he carried on, not even turning around to face her.

Cassie scoffed. "You're upset?"

Rafe faced her now. "Wh— yeah, I am. I'm pissed, Cassie."

"At me?"

"You're smarter than this, I know you are, what—" Rafe squeezed his eyes and tried to think. "What were you thinking? You could be dead right now—"

Cassie shakes her head. "You're making this out to be a much bigger deal than it actually is."

"No, I'm not. You're too stubborn to admit when you're wrong, okay? And I'm not." He spoke pointedly, sternly. "And I don't know who you're trying to impress but putting your life on the line isn't worth it."

"I'm not trying to impress anyone I just didn't want to cause any problems?" Cassie argues back, not understanding his point.

"You know what would've caused bigger problems? Having to carry a your body back down this mountain 'cause you didn't tell anyone you have an infected gunshot wound." He got in her face as he spoke, and he was so close she could feel the warm air of his breath.

Cassie didn't say anything. But when Rafe realized he'd gone overboard, he leaned back and pinched the bridge of his nose, taking a moment to gather himself. "I already have to deal with my dad. I don't— I can't lose both of you like this."

She got out a weak shrug. "Your dad's fine. He's on his way back to Guadeloupe and—" Cassis reached forward and grabbed his hand, bringing it to her chest where her heart was still beating. "And I'm okay, too. See?"

Rafe closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, his palm pinned to Cassie's chest. Not just her heartbeat bringing him comfort, but her touch too, her warm skin against his.

"Don't freak out on me yet, okay?" Cassie was the one speaking sternly now.

Rafe ran his tongue over his bottom row of teeth, nodding, even if it was reluctantly.

"Okay." Cassie huffed out when she felt she made some sort of progress.

But the longer they carried on, the worse she grew, and it was then she realized her friends were right. She couldn't have made it any farther up that mountain like this.

Maybe it was a product of her father's belief that you don't ask for help. You don't complain, you don't cry when you're hurt. And if you do, you do it in private, where no one can see or hear you.

Cassie's father raised his son and daughter to be strong to a fault. JJ took it too far in the sense that he put himself in bad situations for the sake of being called 'brave' or a 'risk-taker'.

Cassie was 'strong' in the sense that she dealt with her issues by herself. She was so mortified of becoming a burden, because growing up when she did ask for help, or for a shoulder to cry on, Luke told her that it wasn't his job to deal with that. It was hers.

She figured Luke had too much going on himself to deal with her problems, too. And from there on out, that was her assumption with everyone. Cassie didn't ask for help because she'd always assumed she wasn't deserving enough.

And for a while, when things were really bad with Luke and JJ, she wondered if Luke would be what killed JJ. She never thought that maybe Luke would be what killed her.

"Here, sit." Rafe said, a few hours in.

Cassie shook her head, her lips were dry and her eyelids heavy. She wanted to keep going, but he was already taking off his pack.

Rafe turned and pushed the hat off of her head to let it hang off her back. Examining her face before going to lift her shirt.

Cassie pulled it up, then peeled back the gauze. "How does it look?"

Rafe was already shaking his head. "Bad."

That didn't make her feel better. She rubbed her eyes, forcing out a shaky exhale as she slowly sat down into the dirt. "Can we rest here for a while?"

Rafe scratched his eyebrow, not sure what to do. They both needed to rest. But doing that would delay her getting to the hospital, but pushing her too hard could be worse.

The sun was already setting on them again. Not giving them much choice either way. As Cassie rewrapped her wound with the only gauze that was left, Rafe pulled out the blanket from her bag and set up their spot for the night.

"You think they found Sarah and John B yet?" Cassie asked.

"Singh?" Rafe responded, sitting behind her on the log as she lay curled up the blanket, and the bugs began their nightly songs once again.

She shook her head, almost forgetting he was in play here too. "No. JJ and everyone."

Rafe didn't respond which was answer enough. Instead he sat down from the log and leaned his back against it so that he could be closer to her. "Are you going to sleep?" He asked.

"I'm gonna try." She says, she leans her head up on her arm to look at him. "Are you?"

He didn't answer again. He just leaned his arms up on his knees and let his tired eyes stare forward, Cassie on the blanket at his side.

She was desperate for something from him. Something that would make this feeling easier. Something that didn't feel so foreign. Someone who'd tell her the truth.

"Am I gonna die?"

And he didn't respond that time either. Instead he just clenched his jaw and shook his head, going to rub his eyes with an aggression that felt like he was trying to rid the thought off his skin.

She thought all those months ago when Rafe was someone she feared. When he showed up that night at The Chateau, so angry and full of hate, a gun in his hands. His intent to kill. And she hid from him. And cowered behind a dumpster because a part of her wondered if he'd kill her too.

But everything was so different then. Rafe was so different then. She wanted to know so badly how she'd gone from being so afraid of him to desperately craving the comfort he brought her.

She thought about seeing him for the first time since she jumped off the boat to escape him. When they were locked together in a room at Singh's. Where every time he looked at her she felt such immense hatred that she'd actually convinced herself that everything she felt prior was delusion. That she'd never feel the same way again.

But here she was, her life in his hands again but this time he finally held her full trust. Cassie wasn't going to die because Rafe wouldn't let her.

To have this feeling of being so loved and cared for was so foreign to her, that she never really understood how love felt until now. Until her body ached and her mind cried for help, but to know that she didn't have to save herself by herself anymore was so strange. To put her trust in someone else when her body wasn't able to do it of it's own volition anymore, that she couldn't comprehend.

And it was Rafe. Mean, crude, selfish Rafe of all people.

"Rafe," Cassie spoke up.

He looked down at her, then immediately looked up again. A slight shake to his head.

"I love you." She said quietly.

"Don't." He almost cut her off, wiping his top lip with the edge of his index finger. "Don't say that."

Cassie's eyebrows narrowed in concern.

"Not until we get back into town." Rafe says. "Okay? Just—"

She wanted to lean up and talk to him. But the thought of pushing herself up off the ground to meet his eye-line hurt in itself. "But—"

"Just don't, Cassie." Rafe says, his eyes closed as he tried to hold himself together. "Alright? Do you get what I'm saying?"

She did. And though this was one of Rafe's more subtle moments, she knew loud and clear what he was referring to. She nodded.

Cassie got the kind of sleep that made you question if you'd even slept at all. Though she knew a significant amount of time had passed, she wondered if she spent any of it dreaming, or if she'd just been staring at the ground the whole time.

Her bones ached as she shifted. And for the first time in a while, she thought about oxycodone. It came first as just a passing thought. When she wondered what the doctors would give her after her hospital visit. And second when she wondered if they even would given her past.

She'd do anything for it now. It used to be so easily at her disposal. Any of it. In her dad's drawers, her grandma's bathroom cabinet. In a small plastic bag handed to her beneath the bathroom stalls. And here, now, when she needed it most, she couldn't have it.

Where she felt the familiar warmth of Rafe beside her, she now didn't. Her back was cold with the breeze against it. Though it hurt, she turned over to see him, but he wasn't there.

For a moment, in her tired haze, she didn't think much of it. Her water bottle was gone, the filter too. He had to have gone down to the river to refill it.

And so she lay there for a while, her arm draped over the blanket where he should've been. When he got back, she was gonna ask him what time it was. Or if he thought they should get moving again.

When she heard footsteps over the old leaves, she leaned up and looked around through the darkness. "Rafe?" She spoke.

A pit grew in her stomach. Everything around her was so dark and unpredictable. She had nothing to guide her, no light, no Rafe.

She tried to ignore the sinking feeling. She tried to blame it on the fact that she was in the middle of a dark jungle, alone. She tried to be reasonable. She told herself Rafe had gone to get water and he was on his way back.

But Cassie knew something was wrong. 

And there was no one around to ask for help now, so she did what she did best.

Moving slowly, Cassie pushed herself up off the ground and moved herself over to where her bag sat. Though she kept her eyes focused ahead as if she was waiting for something to happen.

She kept her teeth clenched tight together, breathing heavily through the pain as she fished through her bag. "Rafe?" She spoke aloud again.

Her hand searched for the hard metal of the gun. For the one thing in her pack that she actually needed right now. But it wasn't there. She pulled everything out quickly, and tossed it to the side. No gun. 

It was then when she shot to her feet. Her intuition was buzzing. Like a security alarm going off in her head, blaring loud in her ear and screaming at her that something was wrong.

She spun around, eyes darting around the dark trees. "Hello?"

But he'd taken the water too. He'd just gone down to the river and took the gun as a safety measure. That sounded right, that sounded normal. She was gonna walk down there and let out a big sigh of relief when she saw him, and laugh, and tell him that he scared her.

But she didn't feel that way when she followed the sound of the water through the sandy path. She clung to her side, and tried to make out the image of him coming back to her through the moonlit trees.

But it wasn't the sound of the water she was following anymore as her pace quickened. It was the sound of struggle. Of someone laying a punch.

She pushed out the last patch of trees before she ended up at the side of the river. Rafe shoved someone off of him, pushing them onto their back and onto the rocky ground below them.

Cassie peered forward in terror as she saw the man from earlier, the man Rafe almost killed, the man that almost killed Cassie.

His face was covered in his own blood. Old and new, as Rafe clung onto the collar of his shirt, and slammed him down against the ground.

Adrenaline threw her forward, though her body fought against it, she couldn't feel the pain in her side now. Her heart was beating too hard for that to be on her mind.

"Rafe!" Cassie shouted, as the man grabbed a rock at his side.

Just as he looked up to see her, the man slammed it against Rafe's jaw, knocking him off of him. And with it, the gun fell from his pocket, and skid across the rocks.

As Rafe crumbled onto the ground, the man looked up at Cassie. These wide, crazy eyes that felt so white against the red blood staining his face. Against the harsh darkness of the night.

She felt like she was staring at a ghost the way her legs fell numb at the sight of him. She couldn't move for a moment, not until he started climbing over Rafe and toward the gun.

Cassie lunged forward, practically flinging herself onto the ground on top of the gun before he could. She fumbled with it under her chest, trying to get a good grip on it, before he pulled her up by her hair.

She screamed as all of her weight fell into the small strands of her stringy blonde hair. She felt like the skin was being torn from her scalp as she choked out a loud sob, looking up at him. It was then he dropped her hair and instead went for her throat.

The man, one of Singh's, wrapped his hand around her neck and squeezed as he began to peel the gun from her grip. And just before she felt it slip from her fingertips, he dropped her.

Rafe tackled him back down to the ground with another punch to the face, as Cassie fumbled for the gun on the ground. She didn't have time to check on Rafe. She didn't even have time to look up and see what was happening.

She clawed at the rocks below her as she dragged her body toward the gun again.

And then she heard a laugh, not Rafe's, the other guys. A haunting, menacing, real life laugh of a man who'd somehow found the upper hand again.

Cassie looks up, the man had Rafe pinned to the ground. And the sound of his laughter was unlike anything she'd ever heard before. A laugh from a man who'd lost all humanity, all normalcy and morals. A man who'd gone crazy, and was eager to kill.

It was when he brought his hand up, a large rock in his bloody grip, ready to slam it back down into Rafe, that Cassie grabbed the gun, and shot him.

The sound was unlike anything she'd ever heard. Not the gunshot, but the grunt of the man as the bullet his his chest.

He toppled off Rafe and to the side. His body flopping onto the ground with a thud, leaving no question as to whether or not he was still alive. And that was the worst part. Cassie didn't even get to debate it in her head.

She still held the gun in her hand, it was still pointed out towards him seconds after she'd already done it. She could smell the gunpowder. Her arm trembling like she was holding a twenty pound weight.

Rafe quickly shoved the rest of the guy off of him. Eyes wide as he looked up at Cassie.

She didn't move. She was too afraid to do anything. Too afraid she'd pull the trigger again since it was so easy the first time.

But her body gave out on her. Her arms fell, as she sunk into the ground. It was like she'd been holding her breath for hours, and she finally now just let it all out of her lungs.

"Alright, come on—" Rafe struggled himself now to get up and find his footing in the rocks. But he stumbled over to where Cassie sat, trying to lift her up back onto her feet.

But she wouldn't budge, her eyes were glued ahead to the man she'd just shot. The man she'd just killed. "He's dead." It wasn't a question, there was no room to question. He was dead.

"I know, we need to—" Rafe pulled her arm again, but when she wouldn't move, he crouched down in front of her.

Her eyes flickered from the body to Rafe. He had blood on his face, spilling from his lips. A cut in his eyebrow and his chin. The red ran down to his neck. He kept his eyes on her as he slowly pulled the gun from her grip.

"Cassie, you need to listen to me." Rafe spoke pointedly.

She couldn't breathe.

"He was going to kill me. He came out of the woods and tried to kill me. Alright, Cassie?" Rafe said. "He was going to kill me. And then he was going to kill you. And then when he was done here, he was probably gonna find everyone else and—"

"What are we gonna do?" Cassie choked out.

"We're gonna keep going. And we're gonna—"

"Oh my god." Cassie's voice trembled, like she was fighting the urge to throw up as she covered her mouth with her palm.

"Hey, hey—" Rafe followed her eye-line though she leaned away. "I need you to chill out. Okay? Can you do that?"

Cassie had no choice but to nod. All logic and reason had been stripped from her body. She looked past Rafe, over his shoulder and to the body behind him. She wanted to see if it was real. If any of this was real. If that had truly just happened.

But even in the darkness she could see the blood pool around the man as he lay on the ground, lifeless

"Hey!" Rafe's stern voice startled her, and she snapped her gaze back to him. He grabbed onto her shoulders. "Look at me."

Cassie tried to form words. Her mind was racing with thoughts she couldn't comprehend. Her lips moved and contorted but no sound game out, only a shaky exhale.

"We have to keep moving." Rafe says. "You need to stand up, you—" with his hands already on her arms, he pushes her up onto her feet. "Go get your bag, let me take care of this."

She was shaking her head, her eyes were wide but she felt like she'd lost all her vision. "Rafe—"

He pulled her in tight to his chest with a loud sigh, and she leaned against him, trembling. With one hand on the back of her head, Rafe used the other to pocket the gun. "Go, okay?" He pulled away and nodded at her.

Cassie kept her lips pursed together as she nodded. She felt like she was crying, but she was too dehydrated for any tears to spill.

She let her eyes succumb to the darkness as she stumbled her way back into the woods, where only five minutes ago she lay here on the forest floor as a teenage girl. And now, she returned with blood on her hands.

She turned around, just in time to see Rafe push the man's body off the shore and into the river. She felt her knees buckle, and as she stumbled into a nearby tree for support, she hunched over and threw up into the bushes.

Rafe found her again moments later where she hastily threw her belongings back into the bag. "Is that everything?" He asked, stepping his way over to her through the trees.

She nodded quickly, then spoke. "I got sick." She admits.

He looked at her, panting, confused.

"I threw up." Cassie's voice cracked. "Isn't that— that's evidence, right? DNA?"

Rafe moved over to her and picked up the bag from the ground. "They find guys like him dead all the time. They know what they get into. He'll wash up twenty miles down the river and—"

"They tied him up, we—" Cassie spoke quickly. "Down at the lagoon, I thought—"

"Yeah. Not well enough." Rafe swings the back over his shoulder. "Are you good?" He looked at her.

Cassie's eyes were focused steadily on him, almost taken aback. The way he was acting made her question if she was overreacting. If this was truly as little of a deal as he was acting like it was. Another small thing to go wrong. Cassie knew Rafe did well in high-stress situations, but this, this was like nothing to him.

"No." She shook her head. "What do I— how do I... go on like this I killed someone?"

"For me." Rafe takes a step forward toward her and points at his chest. "You killed someone for me."

Cassie blinked up at him.

He clenched his jaw, blood draining from the cut in his eyebrow and his lips, wiped across his chin. "I need you to understand that or it's gonna eat you alive."

The words made her body run cold. The realization setting in. Cassie had killed someone for Rafe. She was no better than him now, they were on equal playing fields. Two teenagers, at the wrong place at the wrong time, who'd killed to save someone they loved.

She didn't understand how anyone could pull a trigger and take another human life. But there was a lot of things she didn't understand then that she did now. There was a lot of things she didn't think she'd ever face. She was just a kid. They both were.

They walked through the night. For hours until the sun came back up. They'd gotten on a steady path, walking East along the side of the river until they came across the lagoon.

And every time something came by in the water, a log or some tangled fishing net, Cassie's heart dropped. The sight of those man's white eyes haunting her vision.

She slowed down. At times Rafe walked thirty feet ahead of her without noticing that she couldn't keep up. Her body was fighting with itself. One side was telling her to give up while the other demanded she kept going.

She wanted to sleep. Her eyelids were so heavy and her bones so sore. But it wasn't exhaustion that slowed her down, It was everything else beginning to give up. Her throat was dry. She wasn't even sweating anymore, she was shivering. She couldn't feel any pain in her side. Instead, it was coursing through her veins. Like the infection had already spread.

"We're almost to the boat." Rafe had said to her, when he looped her arm over his shoulders and dragged her along with him.

Cassie didn't want to die today. But there had always been a part of her that wondered if she was supposed to die that night on Barry's lawn. She was pretty close. She'd always thought about it as a matter of time until that caught up to her. Where Death came and took back the victim that had initially slipped through its fingers.

Maybe this was it. Cassie wasn't sure what life she had to go back to after this. She'd done all she could to try and get her life back on track, and she'd only made it worse. Maybe that's all it was meant to be. At least she gave it a good effort.

The second they got onto the boat, Cassie collapsed. Loss of blood, exhaustion, or the fever getting to her head. She awoke to Rafe, frantically shaking her shoulders, now drenched in water that he'd splashed on her in an attempt to wake her up.

"You gotta stay with me, okay?!" He spoke frantically. The second she showed signs of consciousness, Rafe had stood to move the boat out of the lagoon.

She couldn't move. All she could do now was lay against the burley sacks and wooden crates, trying to focus on keeping herself breathing.

Through half-closed eyes, she watched as Rafe fumbled with the map in one hand, and spoke into the VHF radio. He yelled things, things Cassie couldn't comprehend. Though she saw him, she heard nothing. Everything had gone quiet a long time ago.

"Mayday, mayday, mayday, this is La Sirena. Our position is 24:33 east and 74:55 north and we have an injury on board." Rafe spoke slowly but directly into the radio. "We are a 23 foot drift boat, green hull, brown decks with two adults on board and in need of medical assistance."

He watched as Cassie faded in and out of consciousness. He watched as the gas tank lowered and lowered the faster they went.

Rafe repeated the distress signal four times before he got anything back. It was patchy, and in spanish.

He couldn't understand them. "What? English, no—" He shook his head. "I can't understand you. Mayday. Mayday. La Sirena, The Orinoco. 24:33 east 75:55 north." He repeated all he could to get someone on the other end to understand.

"El guarda costa. Eh... do you need coast guard?" They said on the other end, through a staticky signal.

"Yes, yes— coast guard. Si, please." Rafe responded. "Quickly. Emergency."

Cassie's body raged with a fever. She shivered but was hot to the touch. When Rafe removed the gauze at her side, the infection had grown so bad he couldn't even bring himself to look at it.

It was twenty minutes later when the boat ran out of gas. And forty when the rescue boat found them wading in the river.

Rafe helped them pull Cassie off the boat and into theirs, her eyes wide with panic as she watched him fade out of view, an oxygen mask being strapped to her face.

They tended to her first. They did what they could with the medical supplies on board, keeping her breathing steady as they cleaned the wound.

They spoke spanish. Rafe did the best he could in explaining what happened. But it didn't take much to explain that the girl had been grazed with a bullet and left untreated for too long.

"She is very sick." One of the attendants, who held a cold cloth to Cassie's forehead spoke to Rafe through a thick accent.

He held his own towel in his hands. One that they'd given him to wipe the blood off his face. "I know." He responded.

There was an ambulance off the dock waiting for them when they returned. Rafe had heard them call for one on the boat just seconds after they saw Cassie's condition.

They wheeled out a gurney through a crowd of onlookers. Everyone had stopped to see what all the commotion and sirens were for.

At the hospital, Rafe wasn't expecting to be pulled into his own emergency room. When they wheeled Cassie away down the hallway in a different direction, he protested but was told he needed to be treated too.

They checked his vitals. Cleaned his wounds. Gave him stitches in his eyebrow and offered him painkillers in a blue cup. Two orange pills, a green one; and three small white ones. He declined and told them he felt fine.

He asked how Cassie was doing, they told him they didn't know.

Rafe had no one to call. No one to seek support from. He sat in that hospital room by himself for three hours and let his mind consume him.

Would they blame him? Would her friends allow him to come to the funeral? Could he have done more? Was this his fault? All he wanted was for her to stay out of it. But how could he expect that from her when he was the reason she got dragged back in?

If he hadn't pressured her to find Singh's diary. If he was more careful at Mr. Sunn's house. If he hadn't wound up with a gun pinned to his head, she wouldn't have told anyone about John B's dad. And then she wouldn't have been so plagued with guilt. So much so that she threw herself into danger for the sake of making amends. Not for gold, or money, or revenge, or anything of the sort, but because she was a good person. And now he was losing her because of it.

Where would he go now? He'd have to go back to Guadeloupe, and face his dad. To admit that he was stupid to believe he could make a life of his own in Kildare.

He couldn't take another loss. He couldn't take another funeral. He'd finally let himself feel again after losing his mother, even when he knew the consequences. He couldn't return to the OBX again and watch as everyone pretended as if she didn't exist. He couldn't listen to them whisper. He couldn't do it all again.

A knock on the emergency room door and Rafe got to his feet, still dressed in his dirty, bloody clothes. A nurse walked in. "You are family?" She asks.

Rafe nodded eagerly, knowing that if he said no he wouldn't be allowed in her room. He walked over to where she stood in the doorway, and when she handed him a clipboard and a pen, he looked at her confusedly. "What?" Rafe says, examining it. "What is this?"

The woman tried to understand him, but instead of responding she tapped on the top of the page with her pen.

It read in english, 'familial consent and patient release form'. And beneath it was information Rafe didn't give them on Cassie. Information that she only would've been able to give them herself.

Rafe took a breath, then looked up at the nurse. "Can I see her?" He asked, almost impatiently. He pointed at the paper. "Cassie. The girl. Can I see her?"

The nurse hesitated as she tried to understand, then glanced out the hallway. She pointed to the left, opening her mouth to try and direct him but Rafe didn't even give her the chance.

He quickly pushed past her and out into the hallway, eyes darting to each room he passed until he barged into the only one left, the only one with a closed door.

Cassie was asleep in the bed, a cannula in her nose. She awoke at the sound of Rafe stumbling in, and the protests of the nurses that followed him down the hall.

His shoulders fell just slightly, a quiet huff escaping his lips when he realized she was okay. His eyes were big and worried, latched onto her in fear as he spoke. "How do you feel?" He asked quietly.

The nurse caught up. "Asleep, asleep." She spoke frantically, but it was too late.

Cassie shook her head when the nurse tried to pull Rafe out and shut the door. She waved her hands for him to come in, telling the nurse it was fine. Though reluctantly, the nurse shut the door as Rafe stepped inside.

"It um," Cassie started, her head still leaned against the pillow. "I guess when the bullet hit me it brought like, some fabric and dirt and stuff with it which is why it got infected so fast."

Rafe was still in a bit of shock. Though he walked over to the chair by her bed and nodded, he wasn't sure he was really comprehending what was happening.

"And I lost a lot of blood, so." Cassie was trying to process it all herself, too. "But they um, they fixed me up and my vital signs are looking good."

"I thought you were dead." Rafe spoke, after a few moments of sitting in that chair in silence. "They weren't telling me anything."

"Yeah. They wouldn't let me see you. They said I needed to sleep. And eat." Cassie responded quietly.

They were trying to gage the other. They spoke quietly and slowly, knowing that things had been crazy and taking advantage of the time they had to be still.

"Have you eaten?" Cassie asked.

Rafe didn't hear her. "Did they ask what happened?"

Cassie looked at him for a moment. Trying to process what he meant. "No. They don't speak a lot of english."

He nodded. "We got separated from our group and ran into a bad situation on a hike. That's it."

She wanted so badly to ask him every question that was racing in her mind. How long until that man's body washes up? Will she even hear anything about it? Will anyone care?

"Cassie, you can't say anything to your brother." Rafe says. "He won't understand. You know that, right?"

She blinked. She knew exactly what he was saying and exactly what he meant. Which is why it hurt so hard to hear from someone else. It was only confirming that what she viewed of her friends, someone else had picked up on it too. That there was a limit to their loyalty. Right?

JJ wouldn't understand. None of them would. She was a killer. A title that which once you were granted, you would never be anything else again.

But when she looked at Rafe, she didn't see a killer. She saw someone she loved, someone who took care of her. Who risked his life for her. But she couldn't convince herself that her friends would feel the same way about her.

It was isolating to know that the only people who truly knew her now were in this room. Another secret, another lie, another thing to hide from her friends until it ate and ate at her mind and ruined her.

Rafe watched as every thought passed her mind. Knowing that same panic that once coursed through his own body was coursing through hers. Knowing that nothing he could say would bring her any sort of validation. Not for her, not for Cassie. Sweet, pretty Cassie.

Cassie who wouldn't hurt a fly. Now tormented with this never ending debate in her mind where she wondered if she just did what she had to do to survive, and if in doing that, she took her own life with his?

His eyes glanced over to the empty tray of food on the table beside her. And then to the small blue cup that they gave him too. The one full of pills. He leaned up and tipped hers towards him, empty.

Cassie looked at him, quiet, but knowing what he was doing. She continued on as if she didn't notice. "They said I can go home once I get some rest. But I told them I have to wait for my friends to get back, so."

Rafe sat back in his chair. "Right."

Things were off. Everything was off. Both of them were uneasy, looking at the other and wondering if they were okay but not wanting to ask. She was desperate to talk to him, desperate to have him here. The only person she had left, the only person who would love her despite what she'd done. But she didn't say anything.

The following evening, the rest of the group reunited at the hospital. Cassie and Rafe met everyone in the lobby when a nurse came to tell them that a 'big group of kids' were looking for them.

She felt Rafe's eyes on her in the elevator ride down. Like he was watching to make sure she wasn't on the verge of a breakdown. He was hesitant to say anything, but he gave her a nod. One that read as 'you okay?'

She inhaled sharply and nodded. Physically she felt fine. She had enough painkillers in her now that she could get shot again and she probably wouldn't even feel it. Her head, however, was buzzing. Her thoughts were driving her crazy, all these newfound anxieties hadn't left her alone for hours.

It was quiet as the group in the lobby got to their feet. They looked rough, like they'd come straight from the jungle to here. And they had. Each of them covered in dirt, dried sweat. They were exhausted, but they stood anyways.

Cassie smiled, she was told to take it slow but she couldn't help it. When she ran to Sarah and John B, she felt like that was one less anxiety off her shoulders. As a part of her had wondered if her karma would be not getting them back. A price to pay for what she'd done.

"How long have you been here? Are you okay?" Kiara asks, meeting Cassie first with a hug.

"We got in yesterday morning." Cassie responds, looking over Kiara's shoulder and to the rest of the group. "I'm okay now, what happened?"

As Cassie pulls away, she goes to hug John B but instead he pulls out a small nugget of gold and shows it to her. Cassie looks down at it, eyes wide, then back to John B. "What's..." she trailed off, as she processed it.

"Yeah." John B gets out, still in shock himself.

Cassie shakes her head, looking over to Kiara and Sarah for some sort of confirmation. "That's not—"

"Mhm." Kiara nodded proudly. "And there's more of it. Tons more."

She kept waiting for someone to burst out into laughter. To tell her they were joking and that they found nothing. But no one did, actually, everyone was fairly quiet. Cassie got out a shaky exhale, "So— so what? You found—" she stopped herself from saying it aloud, given there were other people in the lobby who could be listening. "You actually found it?" Cassie looks at JJ.

He looked excited. Proud. But there was something else that was keeping him from fully celebrating. Maybe they were all too tired. Maybe they'd done all their celebrating already.

"J told us you got pretty banged up." John B says.

Cassie lifts her eyes from her brother to John B, then nods. "Oh, yeah. I—" she lifts her shirt and shows the stitches in her side.

"Oh, gnarly." John B squirms as he looks at it.

"Shoulda seen the other guy." Cleo jokes.

Cassie felt the hair on the back of her neck stand up as she brought her shirt back down. She looked at everyone, wondering if their next comment was going to be that they found the body. That they knew what she did. But they said nothing.

"But all good now." Cassie nods. "We, uh— well Rafe got me back pretty fast. The doctor told me the infection was bad enough to have killed me if I got here any later, so."

The room went still, and Cassie knew putting those thoughts in everyone else's head wasn't necessary.

She followed everyone's gaze to Rafe, who stood beside her. But his eyes were honed in on Sarah, focused. Studying her.

When Cassie turned to look at her, Sarah was staring at the ground. The energy in the room was so off-kilter that even a city of gold couldn't cheer them up.

She inhaled sharply and opted to move on, since no one else seemed inclined. "So... what's next, what are we doing?"

Sarah almost cut her off, finally speaking up. "Rafe I need to talk to you."

The sentence seemed to have caught everyone off guard, everyone turning to look at her.

It was clear Rafe had picked up on something being wrong, too. He tried to speak calmly. "Can it wait?" He asks.

Sarah shakes her head quickly. "No. It can't." She says, beginning to step away from the group.

John B turns to her. "Let me—"

But she cuts him off. "No. I can do it."

Cassie looks up at Rafe, confused, and the two exchange subtle knowing glances.

As Rafe begins to follow after Sarah down the hall, JJ steps up and approaches him.

"Rafe," JJ starts.

Cassie tenses, preparing herself for what came next.

Rafe gave him a look that read as 'what now?' or 'not the time'. Already frustrated with his sister, and now him. He impatiently waited for JJ to finish his sentence.

JJ hesitated for a second, then held his fist up, just slightly. "Thank you, man." It was clear that it pained him to get out. That it took every ounce of him to say these words, but he said them, even through gritted teeth.

Rafe was taken aback. Not sure what angle JJ was playing at. He eyed him for a moment, then gently knocked his fist with his before continuing on with Sarah down the hall.

JJ came over to Cassie. "Do they know you don't have health insurance?" He joked.

She shrugged. "Don't think they cared. Rafe flashed his wallet, I'm sure." Cassie spoke, as JJ pulled her into a hug.

He scratched the top of her head. "I knew you'd be fine." He spoke, then turned to everyone else. "I didn't doubt her once, right guys?"

Pope scoffed. "You had this guy tweaking. Biting off all his fingernails and—"

"Alright, alright." JJ pulls away, then frowns at his sister. "Your grandma's gonna kill me."

Cassie nodded through pursed lips. There was no denying that. She then looked over to Sarah and Rafe, who stood and talked far down the hall. "What're they talking about?" She asked curiously, before turning back to the group.

They all exchanged subtle glances. But not subtle enough. There was something they weren't saying, and Cassie picked up on it the second she stepped foot in the lobby. "What?"

John B scratched the back of his head, realizing the group had left it up to him to explain. "Their dad found Sarah and me right before we got onto the river." He says.

Cassie wasn't expecting that. "Wait, he got off the yacht? He was supposed to take it back home."

"He told us he wanted to help. He was— I don't know. He wasn't right." John B says. "So we couldn't just leave him, and—"

"Is he here?" Cassie asks.

John B takes a breath, and that pause was when Cassie realized.

"We ran into Singh, and things got ugly," John B starts.

Cassie turns and looks down the hall. Sarah was crying. Rafe was still.

"They went for Sarah, and Ward stepped in front and took the bullets." He continued.

Cassie watched it all. She watched as all of the light faded from Rafe's eyes. As all the tension returned to his shoulders. Sarah cried and sniffled in front of him and he just stared at her, completely empty, completely numb.

"And my dad, too." John B says.

Cassie whips her head back around to look at him, her face contorting into a frown as she struggled to take this all in at once. "John B," she exhaled as she pulled him in for a hug.

He shook his head, his lips pursed together. "It's alright. I'll be okay." He nodded, but Cassie wasn't convinced by the fake smile he put on as she pulled away.

She looks at JJ, who wasn't convinced either.

And as she turned back down the hallway, she looked at Rafe. He hadn't moved. While Sarah had opted to sit down in one of the waiting chairs, her face in her hands, Rafe hadn't moved.

She wanted him to look up. So badly, she wanted him to meet her eyes so he could see that she was still here. But his world was falling in on itself, and nothing, not even Cassie, could prevent that.

"We should..." he mumbles, looking to JJ for some sort of validation as he gestures for him and Cassie to approach them.

Cassie followed after John B, her heart pounding as she approached Rafe. John B bent down in front of Sarah and spoke to her. So calmly, and so quietly that not even Cassie could hear him when they walked by.

She stood in front of Rafe but he saw nothing. His face was so stoic, so lifeless that it startled her. "Hey," she spoke gently.

She wanted to reach out, to hold him, to comfort him in his time of need, but he seemed so distant, so unreachable. It was as if a barrier had erected between them, forged from the pain and grief that engulfed him.

"Rafe," she whispered, her voice barely above a whisper as she approached him cautiously. "I'm so sorry."

But he didn't respond, didn't even acknowledge her presence. His eyes, once filled with warmth and love, were now hollow, devoid of emotion. It was as if the man she knew had been replaced by a stranger, consumed by his grief.

Desperation clawed at Cassie's chest as she reached out to touch his arm, seeking any sign of the boy she loved beneath the icy facade. But he recoiled from her touch, his gaze turning almost accusatory.

Cassie's breath caught in her throat. She was taken aback, not sure how to react to that. Not sure what that meant from him. She desperately clung to whatever she thought would help. "What can I do— can I do anything?"

But Rafe remained silent, his walls unyielding. And Cassie stood there, as his gaze went cold on her. And as Rafe looked up and down the hall, eyes landing on her friend's, and then to John B, she knew what he was thinking.

She sensed the tension in his muscles, the subtle recoil beneath her fingertips. There was something more in his gaze, a hint of suspicion, of betrayal.

Her mind raced with the possibility that Rafe might blame her friends for his father's death. The notion unsettled her. Were they capable of something like that? Cassie was. What was to stop them? An opportunity to get rid of a man who had only caused them trouble, and grief?

She immediately pushed aside the unsettling thoughts, desperately clinging to the belief that her friends were incapable of such wrongdoing. Yet, as she gazed into Rafe's eyes, she couldn't shake the idea that that's exactly where his mind was.

"Rafe," Cassie spoke, reaching for his hand one more time.

But he pulled away, her fingertips just barely grazing his arm before he stepped back, and shook his head.

The weight of Rafe's silence hung heavily between them, and the uncertainty gnawed at her, threatening to consume the fragile threads that bound them together.

And it was when Cassie felt this hard pang of despair that she realized that because Rafe had lost his father, that she, in turn, had lost Rafe.

The part of Rafe that cared for her, and held her so gently. The part of him that wasn't cold to the touch, that wasn't so stiff, so stoic. The part of him that wasn't so hung up on taking on some role he didn't need to take on. The part of Rafe that loved her.

When she looked into his eyes now, she didn't see him. She didn't see anything. That part of Rafe was gone.

a/n
okay damn yall im sorry this chapter took longer than usual to get out but its 12k words okay ✋🏻 but unfortunately yes this is my last update until season four comes out which makes me just as sad as it makes you :'(

this has been so much fun to write and im so glad people are enjoying it :') i started this book last june and it's now been almost a year since then and i never thought this would get sm love ❤️ thank u all for ur kind words and encouragement.

i will be back when season four comes out and i hope u come back too !!! don't forget about me 😽

love u all and thank u so much for reading so far!!! see u soon (hopefully)
- jane