──────────────────────
[ THIS IS ME TRYING ]
MONICA FOWLER ───── flawed
"why are you being so kind to me?"

"they told all of my
cages were mental,
so I got wasted like
all my potential
and my words shoot
to kill when I'm mad
I have a lot of
regrets about that
I was so ahead of the curve,
the curve became a sphere
fell behind all my classmates
and I ended up here
pouring my heart out to a stranger
but I didn't pour the whiskey
I just wanted you to know
that this is me trying"

this is me trying
taylor swift

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MONICA FOWLER KNOWS THAT SHE'S NO GOOD. People have been telling her that much for her whole life.

She supposes that she's come to terms with it, in her own way. Seeds don't grow right in bad soil, and no one comes out of what she came out of-- a double-wide trailer in a mountain town, two much older siblings who had their own lives to live, and two parents that got laid to rest before her eighteenth birthday-- completely unscathed. It made sense that, no matter where she went, bad things seemed to follow.

Working at Seattle Grace hospital for the past year of her life has done nothing to change her outlook on life, but Monica quickly finds that being surrounded by people who are ultimately only looking out for themselves makes her take a turn for the worse.

Allowing herself to be manipulated into sleeping with her friend and former roommate's fiancé (who also happens to be her boss)?

Not the best decision she's ever made.

Trusting that he remembered to wear a condom?

Definitely the worst.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

→ THIS IS ME TRYING
→ AN ODE TO MONICA
→ PROLOGUE
→ ACT ONE
→ [TBC.]

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CAST

RACHEL MCADAMS as MONICA FOWLER
──── McBun! (like in the oven)
"it feels like everybody's conveniently forgotten about the skeletons in their closets now that mine are on display."

JUSTIN CHAMBERS as ALEX KAREV
──── Evil Spawn!
"if you have this kid and name it george, I'm calling cps from the delivery room."

JESSE SPENCER as MATTHEW CHASE
──── The Firefighter (aka McBoring.)

PATRICK DEMPSEY as DEREK SHEPHERD
──── McDouchey! (previously known as McDreamy!)

ERIC DANE as MARK SLOAN
──── McSteamy!

LAUREN GERMAN as MEREDITH GREY
──── Dark and Twisty!

featuring the rest of the greys anatomy cast alongside...

adam copeland as jack fowler
keeley hawes as denise fowler

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me @ myself

→ WARNING(S): MATURE CONTENT; canon typical blood, gore, and violence; canon typical sexual content (no actual smut); pregnancy, childbirth, and associated things; discussions around abortions; characters struggling with the religion they grew up with; portrayals of drug addiction; major and minor character death; and many more potentially triggering things. please proceed with caution. your readership is not worth risking your mental health!

→ DEDICATIONS: fxllmoons and foxgIoves , because they came up with a bunch of the plot and were moral support through the start of this <3 also bananapopsicIes bc hannah loves monica more than any of us, i fear.

→ I WILL BE MAKING THIS CLEAR NOW: this is a pregnancy fic. she keeps the baby. I do not want to hear any criticisms about that because you've been warned.

→ THIS IS NOT A DEREK SHEPHERD FIC.

→ THIS IS GOING TO LOOSELY FOLLOW THE TIMELINE.

→ MONICA IS NOT A PERFECT PERSON. none of these characters are perfect people. I felt like I needed to also disclose that.

→ DISCLAIMERS: i also only own any original characters, plot lines, and dialogue, everything else belongs to the creators of the original media.

→ A WORD FROM YOUR AUTHOR: you are not required to do anything, but please read with the awareness of how much your interaction and engagement can help an author out. not only does it help boost the book in wattpad's algorithm, but it makes all of the work I do so much more worth it. we authors do this for free out of passion and/or love, but we also do this for you, too. voting and commenting comes at no cost to you, and it makes me want to write more, so please show your support if you're enjoying the book! that being said, i want my page to be a safe space for all people. if you are coming here to be hateful or just downright mean to others, you'll be reported and blocked. please respect my boundaries.

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started on: feb. 23, 2024
ended on:
word count:

(updates might be slow at first)