Okay... This is something really overdo.  I mean, this entire thing was started so that you all could start to understand who I am.  When I first started, I planned on basically giving you all a break down of me.  And you know what happened?

..... I forgot and it got lost in other stuff...

Yeah, I fail XD But, thanks to Insidiax reminding me, I am getting back to it.  This is technically in the form of a question.  So this is both a post and a reply.  That said, here is the question:

"Describe yourself. Not your hobbies or likes and dislikes. Describe your thought process, how you react and react to the world around you. What goes on in your head when confronted with situations you have no prior experience in? What makes you tick. I'm eager to know. "

Well, this shall be fun.  You all are going to see me delve into my own mind.  Which I have actually been doing quite a bit often.  Why?  Was trying to figure out a flaw that you will see mentioned later on.

Hm..... Where to start?  I guess maybe with the most important part.  I am a Christian.  I am raised as a Pentecostal Christian.  I mean, I don't worry much about people's denomination, but some people will know some stuff about them.  Church services can be filled with loud shouts and people speaking in tongues.  If you don't know what that is...  It is an experience you really need to have.  I have some more conservative views, which you may disagree with.  But each person's road with God is their own, so, to quote Dracula, "blah blah blah."  I love Jesus.  He comes first in my life.  And the moments He doesn't I am trying to improve on.  Trying my best to do good in my relationship with Him.  This is important for two reasons.  The biggest is, as I've said, He comes first in my life.  The smaller reason is it is the reason behind a large amount of my personality.

This may go all over the place now, but I'm going to try to go in some sort of order.  I am very very very loving.  Like, I will love anybody.  They can annoy me until I want to bash my head into concrete and hurt me more than any reasonable person would allow, and I will still love them.  This kind of has a bad side for an obvious reason, because as I just said, they could continual hurt me and I won't walk away because, well, I love them.  People will say they hate someone, and I have had situations where I have every right to hate a person, and I just... Don't.  It actually annoys a few of my friends because there was one person in particular who was, well, basically toxic for me, but I would be there whenever they needed and, well... Get hurt... 

On that note, I'll go into the fact I am a strong mixture of logic and emotion.  I used to run off way too much emotional impulse.  I still will follow my emotions quite often.  Logic says to walk away from someone, but emotional side says I can't for example.  But, at the same time, my logical side is starting to grow.  Like I am able to step back and actually analyze a situation.  Things can not hurt me as easily now as they could before.  Also, another example.  Just last week I was having a problem where I kept getting sad.  Rather than before when I, well... Went into about a year of depression because I just sulked in my emotions, I stepped out of my emotions, prayed to God, and just started doing some soul searching.  So I was actually using my logical side rather than, again, emotional.  May seem like a small example, but if you knew me, you'd know what a big accomplishment that is.  It's hard to put into words how much I let emotions direct me.

Since I mentioned the soul search, I'll tell you the problems I've found.  There are characteristics that are common in people, but if taken too far, they become a dangerous flaw.  An example of this?  The want to be special.  No, my "Help" thing was not an extension of that.  The reason for that will be explained in somewhere in here.  This is more of a "Hero complex" kind of thing.  I am guessing it is because of my history of reading and watching these hero people who could come in and help people both physically and mentally/emotionally.  They were those people you wanted so badly in your life, and felt like you needed them there.  And so because of that... I developed an overwhelmingly strong want to be needed by people.  Like, seriously, I went into a week of depression because I felt like people were beginning to not need me.  I had already been vaguely aware of the flaw, but at that point, I was realizing just how... detrimental it was.  Not only that.. But I was taking the glory from God.  Speaking of, I also have a bit of a pride problem because of this want to feel special.  Where I want to take credit and feel special if, say, I help someone.

That said, I do believe I am genuinely good hearted.  Why?  Because, I mean, aside from the want to feel special problem, I just sincerely want to help people.  I want them to be as happy as they can be while going through life.  Is that so odd?  I will be there and listen and try to offer advice or just a shoulder or just, well, anything.  This may play into the loving part, but I just want people happy.  Does anyone else get that giddy feeling when they see others happy?  That's not the reason I do it, but it is a certain type of uplifting to see someone smiling and just being happy.

Holy cow, this thing is going to be long.  Insidiax, you better be happy.  Anyway, my maturity is in a strange middle ground.  I have been told by a friend of mine that I act mature for my age, and I can be mature... If I want to be.  That's the hard thing.  I just typically see no reason to act mature.  If I'm in a situation where it isn't required I must, I am going to be a ridiculous, childish dork who is going to joke around and do anything to get you smiling.  But need me to be mature and I'll flip the switch.  However... I have been babied and coddled kind of, so I don't know the world as well as I could (maybe should).  That's something I'm going to have to fix since I'm nineteen and going to have to deal with the world...  But yeah, I am a childish little bundle of dork-iness.  Which, along with my appearance, makes people assume I am younger than I am.

I am unrealistically optimistic (unrealistically explained later in paragraph).  I don't know why.  In most cases, I just can't imagine bad things happening.  So I'll just kind of continually wait for the good thing.  Now on the flip side, when it comes to me, I am extremely pessimistic.  I doubt my abilities greatly, and because of this, I have a very low amount of self esteem.  I doubt almost all my abilities, so appreciate the little pieces of confidence you guys see.  And typically those are just small things that don't help me out with the big things.

Debating I find fun.  But the moment you start arguing with me over something I believe as fact, I , well... Then you see my temper.  I get epically annoyed and start to struggle not to yell at you.  Just.. I don't go well with what I deem stupid.  I just don't.  I am getting better at just taking deep breath and calming down.  But dang nab it.  If something is a fact, just accept it.  Also, being a jerk irks me.  I mean, there is no reason to be cruel.  You can just go kick a brick you stupid cheese pooping hippos (see what I mean about dorkish child?).  Lack of common sense (ironic sense I have none at times) is just... Ugh at times.  At least when there is no reason to be senseless.  Big egos.  I cannot stand big egos.  They just irk me, and I'm guessing that's because I am so used to my low self esteem. Yet I like confidence, if that makes sense.  I'm weird - I know.  Oh, also, wordliness, if that makes sense.  Like, when someone is just absorbed in the world.  I don't know how else to word that.

I overthink like no tomorrow.  Like, you give me a simple question, and I will overthink what you're wanting me to answer with.  Just look how long this answer to your question is.  You may have only wanted half of this, but I'm not sure, so I figured it would be better to do everything I could possibly think of.  It also leads to a bit of anxiety.  Example: if you ask me something and I'm not sure if I answer right, I will freaking worry about it forever because I don't know if I was wrong, and if I did, what the consequences were and etc.  This will also slip into relationships with people, like if by simply laying my head against them I am being a bothersome pest.  Yet another thing to contribute to my low self esteem.  Yay.

My introvert/extrovert spectrum is very weird.  I am an extremely shy person, but I am also an extremely friendly person.  Like, I'm in Karate, and I acted so shy when I first joined that my senseis didn't think I would say.  Now I am comfortable enough in the environment I talk very naturally to most people who start.  Also, I will talk to basically anybody.  I like making new friends, so I will when I can.  But, again, shy, so usually will try to get you to talk first in some way... 

Again, a flip side.  I love making new friends, but at the same time I have difficulty expecting them to stay.  Not entirely sure how that makes sense.  I guess I just expect to be a friend on the outside of their walls.  Does that make sense?  Just a level or two above acquaintance.  Does that help more? XD There are some people I feel I am closer with, but somehow feel like they could walk away any second.  I'm blaming that on the low self esteem thing.  

Um... I know I had more I wanted to say... Oh!  I am a curious little kitty.  Like, if I am curious, I will try anything I can to find an answer that isn't too pushy (fun fact - I used to be absurdly pushy, but now am okay at judging how pushy I an be).  I just like knowledge.  And answers.  And I'm a bit nosey... But just tell me to stop and I will.  I don't like making people upset.  It actually makes me sad when I upset others.

Stubborn.  I am very, very stubborn.  Again, this can backfire badly.  Why?  Just read over everything I have read and apply being stubborn to it.  If that doesn't explain it, I will be genuinely surprised.  

Oh!  Passionate as well.  Kind of goes alongside stubborn.  But I set my dreams high, and I pursue them without faltering.  Mixes with determination and stubbornness.  It's actually what will occasionally pull me out of my low self esteem moments.

Sarcastic.  I can be a sarcastic little punk.  

Oh, you said new situations.  I both love and hate change.  Hate because I don't know what to do, but love because I'm curious what will happen.  Also, is it good change or bad change?  If something has been going on long enough, though, I will actually act with disbelief and just wing it.  

Okay, I know people are going to read this who know me.  So if you have anything you want me to add because I missed it (because dang - this is over 2k words and I am forgetting what all I said), let me know.  Insidiax, if I missed something, let me know.  If I answered way too much, you can tell me that as well, but this acted as both a reply and just explaining who I am XD.  To summarize me, though, I'm a weird little buttmunch who can be overly stubborn and curoius.  Yeah, I think that it....

Now to see how you all react *nestles into chair and nibbles on pocky*