I feel like I haven't really been keeping a journal for my thoughts, since it's been more of me explaining my past. It's not giving me the relief I need, so sorry if this doesn't make sense. I'm going to be more talking to myself.

So, an assessment on how things are going.

My parents love Abby, and want me to thank her. I didn't want to tell them that she's started spreading rumors about me, so now I'm in an awkward position.

I have been on edge since my blades were taken away, and so I've started learning a new song on the piano. It's a nice song, kind of melancholy, so I should be happy. I've also taken to stress baking or whatever people call it. Vent art and this journal also work, but not as well. In fairness, I did just explain why. 

Despite my best efforts, nothing is working like self harm. I'm talking to Dolores in school. She's one of the teachers. I like her, and she says she likes my cynical humor, so I look forward to just chilling and venting to her. It's being arranged that I talk or just do something else during Irish class, since I'm exempt.

Studying is going okay. I'm doing better than 2nd Year at least.

I keep having mood swings throughout the day. It's getting really annoying actually. One minute, I'll be fine and dandy, and the next, I'll be on the verge of tears and hysterical. 

I'm worried about Liam. His dad is an asshole and I'm ready to fucking deck him. I've made him hot chocolate, and I'm considering asking my parents if he can stay with us for a while. If he does     run away, he'll need a place to stay.

I keep linking my self worth to Liam's happiness. We didn't have the healthiest friendship in 2nd Year, where he would guilt trip me into staying with him, and I'd encourage his self destructive tendencies by giving him attention. Neither of us were, or are, in the best place to talk about it.

I won't know for sure unless I visit Khan's Academy again, which I am not doing, but I think I might have self worth issues. That could just be me being an overdramatic bitch who overthinks everything though.

I haven't gone back to my friend group downstairs yet. I'm too scared. Jesus, I'm a coward. They seem chummy with me.  Everyone is mad at Abby. Honestly, I'm glad. She's a bitch. She referred to one of my friends upstairs as 'the Lesbian'.

I feel weird. Like, about people. There's a girl that I'm friends with, and a girl that I want to know more about. I feel the same about both of them. Like, a pulling feeling. I want to be around them, and I want them to enjoy my company?? And when they smile when I smile, I'm like 'oh wow'???? I usually know if I have a crush or something, but it doesn't feel like that. Idk, I'm confused.

No one wants to hear about a 15 year old girl swooning over people though, so I'll stop here.

That's all for now