So I live in a small town in Ireland.

Clearly off to a bad start for a lesbian such as myself.

The town I live in is verrrrry religious, so pretty much everyone there either thinks being gay makes you some sort of joke, or they just hate you for not fitting into the social and religious norm.

I'm not necessarily ashamed my sexuality. For a while, I hated myself for it, cause I'm the oldest, so the oldest is supposed to be successful and start a family for whatever. But after I went into Pride in Dublin and saw that my parents actually weren't disappointed in me, I learned to accept myself a bit. I think girls are pretty neat, and that's okay.

I have a ton of gay shit I want to wear, but I'm still in the closet to most people. I know that if I come out, there's no going back in. This shithole of a town is so small that all the friend groups and schools are connected. That means once I come out to one person, it'll spread like wild fire.

I've had full on anxiety attacks from people ridiculing the 'bisexual boy' or the 'dyke' in town. Shit like 'what if they found out about me?' and 'what if all the girls think I'm a perv?' always took away any pride I had about myself.

But I've really just had enough. I'm not gonna lie, as a teenage girl, I'm gonna want a girlfriend. If I want to ask girls out or join lgbtqa+ groups, I'm going to have to be more open about it. I just have to suck it up and hope I live until I'm 20. I've started wearing some of my bracelets to school and in town, and as terrified and anxious as I am, I'm still alive. I think I can do this.

I'm really fucking scared. I think that's pretty normal. But I'm doing it and this shitty town isn't gonna fucking stop me.

Now I'm gonna read some fanfiction cause it's 7:00pm and I'm not going outside