In short, I'm scared of being a spoiled brat.

I really don't want to be seen as or act like a brat. Idk, it just sounds so awful to me. I'd say it's in the top 5 when it comes to things that influence my anxiety.

I hate the idea of being ungrateful and treating people badly. Like, in a sense of being ungrateful and unsatisfiable. I'm fine with beating someone to a pulp if they deserve it, though. Pretty fucked up morals, if you ask me, but nobody asks, so whatever.

I'd say that it's from being with Liam, but I don't really think that's where it started. I've always not liked the idea in general. But to be honest, I doubt many people do like the idea, so good to know I'm only slightly below average when it comes to people.

But whatever the reason is, I just hate it so much. Maybe that's why my dad upsets me so much. Because he calls me a spoiled brat. No, he called me a spoiled brat, he doesn't do that stuff anymore. He's putting in the effort to change, and it's working. But his words still stick.

I really try to be a good kid, because my parents do everything for me. They raised me, spoiled me, fed me, kept me from like, dying, and helped me through my bad years. The least I can do is acknowledge that they're amazing. At the same time, though, it stops me from speaking up about stuff. 

I'm used to getting all the attention or none of the attention, with no in betweens. It kinda sucks, because when I do get attention, it's usually concern or something bad. And like, that's a good thing that my parents are concerned and care about me, but I'm really tired of that being the only kind of attention I ever get from like, anyone. Can people just talk to me because they enjoy my company or because they actually like me, please? No, because people don't like me. They just don't want another corpse on their hands to deal with. 

It's weird, because I really hate being the center of attention, but right now I want to be the center of attention to my parents. But I want it to be because my parents love me, not because they're worried about me. And I know those two go hand in hand, but I just want to feel like they enjoy my company, instead of 'if we don't talk to her she'll suffer'.