Prologue

I stared at my reflection in a full-sized mirror. Nakalugay ang umaalon kong buhok. I've coated my lashes earlier with mascara and dabbed a pink lip tint.

Pinuna ko ang suot na dress. Is this too much? Years of growing up with my Baba taught me that I should never wear something that would describe my body. We, women, should not parade ourselves when we step out of the house.

But it's different now, Naia... You're not anymore tied to your family and religion.

Nag-imbak ako ng hangin sa aking baga at pinakawalan ang isang malalim na buntong hininga.

People say that they could never read my emotions through my eyes. It's too confusing, what my eyes could say. One is a pool of stormy dead black and the other one is dark green, like that of leaves blooming for the first time in spring.

I turned to see the Mufasa plush toy on my bed. Pinulot ko ito at pinagmasdan. It looks ratty, no matter how many times I've washed and cleaned it. It has been with him for years, and it had been with me for a decade.

Napangiti ako. There are signs of usage and that's what makes this plush toy more special to me. I've kept and carried it with me wherever I go because it feels like I'm with him, too.

With a heavy sigh, I grabbed my bag and headed out of my room. Hindi pa man ako nakakalabas ay parang gusto ko nang bumalik sa loob ng apartment.

There are people... watching me.

It's okay, Naia... I told myself. They don't know.

I've never felt so bare walking out of the door looking like this. Yumuko ako at pikit-matang lumabas ng gate. I never had the courage to meet the eyes of the people I meet on the road. Hanggang sa pumara ako ng taxi ay halos hindi ko matingnan ang driver. I mumbled the address of where I'm going and he simply nodded.

Sumilip ako sa bintana. Sobrang dami na ng tao sa labas! I could barely walk out of my house earlier and now I've got to blend with this crowd?!

"Nandito na po tayo, Ma'am," the driver reminded me when I didn't move from my seat.

"R-Right..." I swallowed and with trembling hands, picked the wallet from my bag to give him the fare. Dali-dali akong lumabas. May napalingon pa sa akin dahil sa malakas kong pagbagsak sa pintuan.

I winced. People stared at me as if they knew my very secret. It made my heart race. Yumuko ulit ako at naglakad papasok.

Based on the deafening sounds, I knew the concert had already started. Hinarang kaagad ako ng dalawang bouncers sa entrance.

"Hindi na puwedeng pumasok, Miss. Sold out na din ang mga tickets," istrikto nilang wika sa akin.

I lowered my gaze. Kinuha ko ang gatepass mula sa aking bag at ipinakita iyon sa kanila.

Kumunot ang noo ng isa at sinuri ito nang mabuti. Tapos ay tumingin siya sa akin.

"Are you sure this isn't fake?"

Umiling ako. "It's not. Zoey Monterio is a friend. She contacted me herself."

Tinitigan pa ako ng bouncer. It made me feel uneasy. Yumuko ulit ako.

"Sigurado ka?"

I nodded my head. "Sigurado ako..." mahina kong wika.

"Sige. Pasok na."

I nodded at them gratefully and went inside. Nakakatatlong hakbang pa lang ako ay tumama na ang mukha ko sa likod ng isang tumatalong babae. I couldn't even see the stage! Saan ko ba hahanapin ang pintuan papunta sa backstage?

"Zeus! Oh my God! Zeus Vincenticus Ferrer! Marry me! Oh my God!"

I stepped back, startled. Bigla nalang nagtatalon ang isang babae sa harapan ko. Sa sobrang lakas ng kaniyang boses ay pakiramdam ko matatanggalan na siya ng lalamunan sa kakasigaw.

"Zeus! Zoey! Notice me!"

"Luminaries! Oh my God!"

Someone pushed me. Hindi ako makareklamo dahil hindi ko nakita ang mukha ng tumulak sa akin. Madilim at maingay ang paligid. Even if I couldn't see his face, his voice is dominating the entire place that I stopped on my tracks and let his voice lull me to daydreams again.

"Zeus! Zeus! Zeus!"

Tumingkayad ako upang matunghayan ang stage. Over 50,000 people are jumping simultaneously, screaming the band's name, and going wild. May ibang itinaas na ang kanilang ginawang banner at ang iba nama'y cellphone ang nakataas at nakabukas ang flashlight. Some are recording the band's performance. May isa pang hinimatay kaya naman nagkagulo habang sinusugod na sila ng medical team na nahihirapang makapasok dahil sa dami ng mga tao.

Zeus...

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Nang matapos na nila ang kanta ay saka pa ako umabante. I mumbled my excuses but were never heard. May isang humila pa sa buhok ko. I winced in pain and didn't bother looking back. At least man lang makaabot ako sa gitna ng dagat ng mga tao.

"Ssh..." Zeus raspy voice hushed. Instead of silencing the people, the crowd went wild! Umalingawngaw pa ang nakakaakit niyang tawa sa naging reaksiyon ng mga tao.

"Oh my God, Zeus! Nakakabuntis ang tawa mo!"

Nagtawanan ang mga taong nakarinig sa sigaw ng babae. Pati ako ay natawa't napailing. I squinted my eyes and finally saw the stage. Yes!

Umawang ang bibig ko nang makita siya. This is not the first time I saw him in ten years, but it still feels like our first meeting. I've been to his concerts for the past few years but why does it feel so... melancholic right now?

Zeus sauntered towards the stage, the spotlight blessing him with its rays. He raked his fingers through his damp hair. Bahagya pa siyang hinihingal. A small, lazy smile played on his lips as he adjusted the mic in his hands.

I watched him in awe. Si Zoey ay nasa gitna, nakaupo sa bench ng piano. She looked gorgeous in a red offshoulder gown. Her once-long hair could barely reach her slim neck. Namumungay ang kaniyang mga mata at nakatitig sa keys ng mga piano.

Nagkatinginan silang dalawa ni Zeus. The crowd went wild again with their share of intimate stare. Some people are chanting their name. Nanatili pa rin akong nakatitig sa kanila.

"Shit! Zoey and Zeus!"

"Dapat Z & Z ang pangalan ng banda nila, bro!" ani ng lalaki sa likod ko sabay halakhak.

I shook my head. Every member of the band is important. I know them. All four of them. Hindi lang si Zoey at Zeus ang nagsikap para marating nila kung ano man ang tinatamasa nila ngayon. They're blind if they can't appreciate the effort of Wenceslao and Troy!

Ibinalik kong muli ang tingin kay Zeus. He's clad in an oversized denim jacket that stops in his mid-thighs. Compared to Zoey who looks like she's going to play in a concert hall, Zeus is your 90's rockstar. Ripped jeans, black boots, gold chains, and cigarette hanging lazily in his lips... he is the complete definition of a bad boy turned rockstar.

I sighed at the sight of him. Medyo tumahimik ang lahat nang simulant na ni Zoey ang pagtugtog sa piano. The melody is already familiar to me... makailang ulit kong pinakinggan ang kantang ito. Zoey closed her eyes and tipped her head a little. Zeus nonchalantly walked towards her direction as he sang the first part of the song.

"She's clad in a wedding dress with gold trims... She looks so beautiful walking down the aisle..."

The crowd sighed and started singing with him. Nakatingin lang ako kay Zeus. Tinabihan niya si Zoey sa bench at inilapag ang kaniyang baso ng gin sa lid ng piano. He started playing with Zoey but let her hit the pedals. Nang tumalikod siya sa akin ay nabasa ko ang nakapinta sa likod ng kaniyang denim jacket.

'I wish you were here'

Surge of emotions flooded my chest as I watched the two of them share their music in front of us. Some people started crying with the beauty of their masterpiece while some sing the song with them.

The screams of the people are deafening. Lahat ay nagwawala at may ibang halos mawalan na ng boses sa kakasigaw. I remained on my spot because I couldn't move freely, even if I want to.

"But damn baby, my baby is not walking for me..."

Tumulo ang luha ko habang pinapanuod siya. Is this song for me, Zeus? Is this the song you wrote after watching me get married to another man? After attending my own wedding and pretended that everything was fine?

"I wish I could bring back time, steal her from you, make her mine again..."

The bassist and drummer joined their harmony. The crowd hyped up. Blue and white lights danced in the stage as Zeus' voice filled the entire area. Umiiyak na ang babaeng katabi ko.

Zeus...

He lifted himself up from the bench and grabbed his glass. Tinungga niya ang laman nito sa kalagitnaan ng kanilang performance. Then he stepped on the lid of the piano and continued singing. Patuloy din ang pagtugtog ni Zoey sa baba, maya't-maya siyang sinusulyapan.

"How could I lose her when she's everything to me... losing half of my life while watching you put the ring on her finger..."

I cried as I watched him. He will never know that I'm here. I'm one of the crowd. And he sings his heart out. Someone like Zeus who's willing to die for his music, I couldn't believe he'd succeeded this much.

He tipped his head as the spotlight focused on him. Pawisan ang kaniyang noo. Zeus wetted his lips and placed his mic again. Umigting ang kaniyang panga.

"Ohhh... Woooh ohhh...."

A single tear fell from his eyes. Hindi ako makapaniwala sa nakikita! Is he sharing the misery I am feeling right now?

Zeus... Oh, God. What have I done to you?

"Please be mine again..." he whispered the last of the lyrics and wiped his tears harshly. Mas lalo pa itong nagpa-iyak sa mga tao. Zeus, singing on top of the piano, and shedding a tear tugged the emotional string of many.

His voice carried the words he wanted to say to me, at least that's what I'd like to think. Zeus sings as if he's singing for the last time. I could hear his emotions, clawing at my chest, with every word that escaped from his mouth. He has the power to manipulate you with just his icy voice. And at the same time break your heart.

I sobbed silently amidst the crowd. This is not like the teen fictions I've read where the boy would stop and make eye-to-eye contact with you in the crowd. He wouldn't know that I'm here... I'm always here, watching him from afar...

Sumakit ang dibdib ko sa kakaiyak. Most of his fangirls are crying too. I could hear his heartache in his voice and I couldn't believe that someone as ordinary as me, could make a notorious rockstar this miserable...

I wiped my tears and found myself weakly pushing through the crowd to get away. Pang-ilang concerts ko na ba itong napuntahan? Clearly, this is not my first time but this is the first time I've seen him cry while singing that song!

Itinakip ko ang palad sa bibig upang pigilan ang pagdagsa ng panibagong hagulhol. I don't think I can face him anymore. Sobrang sakit ang naidulot ko sa kaniya, alam ko.

Nang tuluyan na akong makalabas ay hinihingal na ako. The band played one more song before they went for a break. Naupo ako at itinakip ang aking mukha sa palad. Bigla akong nakaramdam ng matinding pagkaduwag.

Mabilis ang paghinga ko. I stared at my trembling hands and cried some more. Pinilit kong pakalmahin ang sarili nang mag-ring ang aking cellphone.

It's Zoey.

I pressed the answer button and cleared my throat.

"H-Hello?"

"Naia!" nag-aalala ang boses nito. "Where are you right now? Pumunta ka ba?"

I clutched my chest and heaved a sigh. "Yeah..." suminghot-singhot ako.

"After the meet and greet, we'll be staying in the backstage for a while. Pumunta ka sa pinaka-unang room. Look for Beck. Just tell her your name and she will guide you..."

"Okay... thanks..." I croaked.

Nagsimula na ang meet and greet. I doubt it will take just an hour. Sa dami ba naman ng mga taong nakapila. I used the time to fix myself. Nagpunta ako sa bathroom at inayos ang aking buhok. I keep on glancing around, anxious for some reason, and realized that I'm already tired.

Ibinaba ko ang suklay na hawak at lumabas ulit. Girls are screaming as they showed their signed albums to each other. Isa-isa na din silang nag-selfie at itinaas pa ng kanilang shirt na may pirma ang tiyan!

I shivered. I know for a fact that I could never do something like that. I glanced at my long-sleeve old rose satin dress again. It dances in my ankles with every step I take. Even with this dress, I still feel naked...

Napailing na lamang ako at nagtungo sa backstage, gaya nga ng sabi ni Zoey. Hinarang na naman ako ng mga security guard. I explained to them my situation but they wouldn't believe me. Pakiramdam nila ay umaakto lang ako!

"Please, Sir. If you would just let me see Beck—"

"Are you Parvana Naia Bukhari?" isang babae na naka-black t-shirt ang nakakita sa aking nakikiusap sa guard ang lumapit.

"Yes, yes!" I cried, hope filling my chest.

"Oh, God. I'm sorry. I've completely forgotten about you..." hinila niya ang braso ko. "Let's go. This way, please."

"Thank you..." I said softly as I followed her. Even the backstage is crowded. Their manager is pacing and shouting orders. The technical department is busy as well.

"Here..." huminto kami sa nakasaradong pinto. Pinihit ni Beck ang pintuan at nanuot kaagad sa aking ilong ang pamilyar na pabango ni Zeus. I know he's here. Or at least he's been in this room...

I hesitantly took a step inside. It's a large room filled with racks and dresses. A large couch is pushed against the wall. Troy and Wenceslao are bickering at each other but turned to us when the door opened.

"Holy shit..." napatayo si Troy nang makita ako. Even Zoey who still haven't changed from her red gown stared at me with widening eyes.

Inignora ko ang mga titig nila at dumapo iyon kay Zeus. Nakatalikod siya sa akin at nagsasalin ng gin sa kaniyang baso. Hinubad na niya ang kaniyang suot na denim jacket at ngayo'y naka black shirt nalang at pantalon.

Pinasadahan niya ng kamay ang basang-basang buhok. The muscle indentions of his arms are screaming with his every move. Nakatayo lang ako sa amba ng pintuan. Gulat pa ring nakatingin sa akin ang tatlo.

"Habibi..."

Zeus froze. His shoulders tensed as he turned to me. Natatakot pa akong mag-angat ng tingin sa kaniya pero tinapangan ko ang sarili ko.

When recognition dawned on him, his coffee black eyes widened in surprise. Umawang ang kaniyang bibig at nabitawan ang basong hawak. The glass shattered on the floor.

"Zeus..." nanginginig ang mga labi ko habang nakatingin sa kaniya.

"Jesus, Naia..." Zeus continued staring at me. A series of profanities escaped from his mouth as he stormed towards my direction, his eyes raging in anger. "Where the fuck is your hijab?"

My lips trembled. Namuo na ang mga luha sa mata ko at nang makarating na siya sa aking harapan ay marahan kong iniling ang ulo ko. I just wanted to melt in front of him.

"I am not a Muslim woman anymore, Zeus..." pagak ang boses kong wika. I could feel his ragged breathing with the small distance between the two of us. "I did it for you..."

---

Note: Naia pronounced as Naa-yah

will update this once TBCB is done.