Chapter 9

Tahimik lang ako at parang batang nakasunod kay Zeus nang papasok na kami sa kaniyang bahay. I wanted to walk as quiet as I can, but I couldn't keep my heels from clicking on the floor. I watched his tensed shoulders as he stepped into his house.

When he turned, he was already loosening his tie with a dark, mysterious look on his face. I nibbled my lower lips and watch him threw the tie on the couch nearby before unbuttoning the first three buttons of his white inner shirt. Then he shoved both his hands inside the pockets of his black trousers.

"Well... let's talk."

I ran my fingers around my neck, looking everywhere but him. Tahimik akong hinihingal at hindi mapakali. I shifed uncomfortably on the balls of my feet a few times before I lifted my gaze to him.

"May problema ba tayo?" sa mas marahan at malambing na boses ay tanong niya sa akin.

I saw Monica from a distance, approaching us with an iPad on her hands. When she sensed the tension between the two of us, she immediately halted and turned away before Zeus could turn to her.

"I know you're upset about Orianna..." he continued when I didn't answer. "Is it about the kiss?"

Tumulis ang nguso ko. I may have been carried away by my emotions tonight, seeing how that elegant girl kissed Zeus on the lips. Pero sa kabila ng paghihimagsik ng selos sa isipan ko, dumidikdik pa rin sa akin ang katotohanang wala naman akong karapatang magselos. We're not in a relationship in the first place. Kissing doesn't mean we're committed to each other and though he had called me his lover, I think we have differing definitions of the term.

Maybe for him, a lover is just a woman he could take into his house and consume anytime he wants.

My heart constricts in pain just by thinking about it.

"Naia...?"

Marahan kong iniling ang ulo. Nag-iimbak ako ng hangin sa baga ko at lakas na rin ng loob para sabihin sa kaniyang okay lang ako, wala siyang dapat na ipangamba at walang problema sa aming dalawa. Anyway, in just a few days, I'd be gone.

"Walang problema, Zeus."

I was expecting that he'd get angry at me. Instead, he just continued staring and later on expelled a heavy breath. Napatingin ako sa kaniya but he was already walking towards me. Zeus gently reached for my hand and pulled me closer to him.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa gulat, kasabay ng pagdidikit ng mga katawan namin ay ang paglusob ng kaniyang panglalaking amoy sa ilong ko. I inhaled as quiet as I can of his scent and though my eyes are clearly darkening with bliss, I clamped my mouth shut.

Slowly, the corners of his lips lifted in a lazy, crooked smirk.

"Walang problema, huh?"

Iniwas ko ang tingin ko. Zeus was quick to capture my chin with his fingers and slowly made me turn to him again. Inilapit niya ang kaniyang mukha sa akin. My heart leapt to my throat.

"Hindi ka nagseselos kanina? Hmm?" malambing niyang bulong sa akin.

My brows knitted together. I pursed my lower lips and tried to pull away from him but he is too strong. He didn't even budge a bit. Sighing and admitting defeat, my hands fell lifeless to my sides. I stifled a gasp when his other hand traveled to my bare back, tracing my spine and making my knees tremble.

With a sigh and clinging to what was left oy my self-control, I took a step back. Nakakulong pa rin ako sa mga braso ni Zeus pero may konting distansiya na sa pagitan naming dalawa. Sapat na iyon para makahinga ako nang maayos.

"Zeus, kung nobya mo si Orianna, dapat sinabi mo na sa akin noon pa," kalmado kong wika.

"And what makes you think that Orianna is my girlfriend?"

"She kissed you earlier."

"Yeah, damn right." He raked his fingers through his hair. "And that's what you're upset about, right?"

"I'm not upset—"

"I'm not buying it, Naia..." he reached for my hair and gently tuck a strand beneath my ears. Zeus pressed his forehead against mine and planted a soft, chaste kiss at the tip of my nose. "I'm sorry, baby."

"Sorry?" kumunot ang noo ko. "For what?"

"I couldn't stop her earlier. You must have been taken aback."

I bit my tongue to ask him if he's even sleeping with her, considering how intimate they were earlier. Kung tatanungin ko sa kaniya ang sagot at maririnig ko ang katotohanan sa kaniya, masasaktan lang ako. Martyr na nga siguro akong maituturing pero sa kagustuhan kong manatili sa tabi niya ay iniignora ko na ang mga bagay na posibleng makapanakit sa akin.

"Naia..." he cupped both my cheeks and made me look at him. His eyes are serious, allowing me to take a peek of the raw emotions swarming in his orbs and begging to be noticed. It was like his eyes before. When we were young and he was still full of passion.

Well, I guess now he still is that guy. I just didn't have much time to explore the depths of him after a decade of separation.

"I think we're a little old to be playing with each other's feelings. I've had my fun with women before. And believe me, it's not as fun as I thought it would be. Every woman I met, every girl I touch, I would always, always look for you."

"Is Orianna really your...?" I trailed off and watched him with hopeful eyes.

Marahang umiling si Zeus. "No. No. I admit we messed around a few times... but that was it. We were having fun back then but when I realized that she was developing real feelings for me... I uh, well, cut her off. Ito din ang dahilan kung bakit tinanggihan ko ang alok ng Papa niya."

I sighed. When I first met her a decade ago, I know she's already feeling something for Zeus. And now that they must have been spending so much time together, I think her feelings for him only intensified.

And now I'm a threat to them.

"Naia..." Zeus gently tugged my arms. "I'm no saint. And I most certainly don't act to become one. I know you have a holier-than-thou attitude, and it's one of the things that I admire you for. What happened between Orianna and I... I promise to fix it. So don't worry about her, okay?"

Tumango ako ng isang beses.

"Good." He pressed a kiss on my temple. I gazed at the large window and whirled around, drawn to the blinking city lights in a distance. Sighing, I placed both my hands on the sill and watched the picturesque view in silence.

"I'm leaving in a few days."

"I know. And I'm leaving for Canada as well." Sumunod sa akin si Zeus at ipinulupot ang kaniyang mga braso sa baywang ko. "I'll see you off. Or probably send you back to Zamboanga myself, just to see what your workplace looks like."

I chuckled. "The one King Zeus wouldn't approve of." Ipinatong ko ang kamay ko sa kaniyang kamay na nakahimlay sa aking tiyan. Bahagyang nanginginig ang kalamnan ko sa tuwing lumalapat ang mainit niyang labi sa balikat ko. "It's not the kind of place that one would think is suitable for teaching children. The people there are very poor, Zeus."

"And so is the signal, I know." Zeus played with the crystal drops on my ears. "It seems I really need to visit you myself should I want to see you."

"Just focus on the tour." I tapped his hands and smiled sadly. Focus on your music and I'll focus on getting better.

"I will. But it's hard knowing that you're somewhere remote and almost unreachable, teaching children and risking yourself for possible dangers."

Gumuhit ang kunot sa noo ni Zeus habang mariing nakatitig sa bintana. His lips curled downward.

"I'll leave Nigel to look after you."

"Zeus!"

"I'm worried, Naia."

I sighed again. "I see no need for you to be worried, Zeus. The children that I am teaching are very... compassionate and kind-hearted. No one can and will hurt me there."

"But..."

"I'm okay. I've been doing this for years. I'm going to be okay."

Tumahimik si Zeus. Ilang segundo siyang hindi nagsasalita kaya napilitan akong lingunin siya. When I turned, he is staring at me with his dark, mysterious eyes again. I reached for his cheeks and rose to kiss the corners of his lips.

"I'm really going to be okay."

Later on that night, I lay awake on my bed. I couldn't find myself dozing off to sleep. Sa dami ng tumatakbo sa isipan ko ay napilitan akong bumangon at buksan ang bintana.

The two of us agreed tomorrow that I will accompany him for a solo performance for a morning show. I've always enjoyed watching him live but this time, not as a fan.

I bit my lower lips. I'm really trying my best to fit into his world, even though it is a far cry from my own.

I don't think I'm as smart as when I was 15 and now that I am 26. For some reason, I still couldn't establish my confidence and believe in myself. Madami akong insecurities na kinikimkim at sa tuwing nakikita ko kung gaano kalayo ang mundong ginagalawan namin sa isa't-isa, I began to question myself if I'm making the right decision.

"Who are you?"

Tumigil ako sa paglalakad ng biglang may humablot sa aking braso. I turned to see a young woman wearing the same black shirt that the production team has. Nakakunot ang noo niyang nakatingin sa akin.

"Paano ka nakapasok sa backstage? Alam mo bang bawal ang mga fans dito?"

I swallowed hard as my mouth went dry. Hindi ko alam kung anong dapat isagot sa kaniya kaya nanatili akong nakatitig at tikom ang bibig. Hinigpitan ko ang hawak sa bottled water.

"Security! May nakapasok atang—"

"She's my girlfriend, Dana." A strong arm grabbed me by the waist. Parehong nanlaki ang mga mata naming dalawa ni Dana. I dropped my gaze to the hand and swallowed hard.

A tall middle-aged woman who caught what he said stopped dead on her tracks and turned to her, her perfect eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

"Girlfriend? Again with your women toys, Zeus?"

Humigpit ang hawak ni Zeus sa akin. I turned to him and was expecting a grin, for the middle-aged actress and him was known to be good friends on and off the camera. Instead, a dark look crossed his face.

"She's not my woman toy, Tita Linda. And will never be."

The cougar-looking woman was completely taken aback. She turned to us, giving us her full attention as the intern flushed and quietly excused herself out.

"She isn't?"

Umiling si Zeus.

"So... this is her?" she blinked and stared at me, giving me a once-over. It gave me shudders. Pakiramdam ko ay nahubaran ako sa ganung titig niya lang. I swallowed hard. "Naia? The Naia?"

Doon pa lamang lumitaw ang ngisi sa mukha ni Zeus. He chuckled darkly as he gave my shoulder a squeeze.

"Yes, Tita Linda. She's the one I am talking to you about."

Biglang nawala ang tension sa kanilang dalawa. The woman chuckled softly and shook her head to herself.

"Oh, Zeus." She took a step closer and pulled him into a hug. Panandalian akong nabitawan ni Zeus. "I'm so glad to see you again, boy. I wasn't expecting that you'd bring the love of your life in the backstage."

The woman turned to me, gave me a friendly smile, and pulled me into a hug too.

"Come here, girl. I've heard so much about you from my favorite boy here. We should have a dinner sometime to formally introduce ourselves."

Ginantihan ko ang ngiti niya at tumango. I turned to see Zeus and caught a glint of pride in his eyes, like an alpha boasting about something to someone. Or someone to someone. I bit my lower lips and turned to the woman again.

"You are so pretty." She said and touched my hair affectionately. "No wonder why Zeus is so smitten."

Tumawa ako nang mahinhin. "Salamat po... uh, Ms. Linda."

"Tita Linda, please." She waved her red manicured hands and took a step back. Pinagmasdan niya kaming dalawa bago gumuhit ang panibagong ngiti sa kaniyang mukha.

"Look at you two... looking like just the most celebrated couples in show industry. A mixture of... black and white. Completely opposite but totally adorable."

Someone called Zeus from a distance. He glanced briefly at his manager and gave her a nod. Then he turned to us.

"I'll leave her to you, Tita Linda..." ani Zeus bago nilapatan ng halik ang aking noo. Napangiti ako at pinisil ang kaniyang braso. "Tinatawag na ako."

I watched him strode towards where Addy is waiting with a frown. She said something to her. He nodded and turned to the stage. Even in the dark, we could hear the audience's excited cheers and murmurs, knowing that he's next to come.

"So... how long have you known Zeus?" Tita Linda asked me again. Napalingon tuloy ako sa kaniya. By then, she's already pulling a stick of cigarette. Nang titigan ko ang puting stick ng sigarilyo ay bahagya niya itong itinaas. "Do you mind?"

I shook my head. Tipid na ngiti lang ang ibinigay ko sa kaniya.

"Where were we again?" she asked as she lit the cigarette and placed it on her lips. "Oh, yeah... ilang taon na kayong magkakilala ni Zeus? Because I'm sure as hell that you're not just one of his, dare I say, women toys..."

"Uhm... I met him when I was still in high school, Tita."

"Really? Well that's interesting. Explains why Zeus couldn't move on from you."

We both watched him stepped into the stage with the spotlight following him. Bumungad sa kaniya ang sigawan ng mga tao at kanilang palakpak, hindi pa man siya nagsisimulang kumanta. He smiled at them, the kind of smile that would melt a teenage girl's heart and disturbed older women's self-control.

"I met Zeus a few years ago. Kid got real talents. I supposed his bad boy image is just for business, but he really acts one. Seriously, darling, Zeus is such a pain in the ass... when it comes to women. God knows how many women have stormed into the studio, demanding for him and crying their broken hearts out. Seems like your sweetheart is an expert for breaking hearts, eh?"

I chuckled. I didn't see it coming, too. Him seeking refugee in the form of rebellion to escape the pain.

"Albeit he has his own shortcomings, deep down, Zeus is just a lonely guy who misses someone so much. He's a bad boy with a pure heart, if that's the way you millennials want to put it."

"Masaya po akong nahanap ko siya ulit." Pag-amin ko sa kaniya. Somehow, despite the glaring differences between the two of us, I felt really comfortable talking to her even though I wince every time she curses.

"Yes. You must be. It's been a while since I've seen him genuinely happy. All these wild parties, women, and expensive travels are just charades—a futile attempt to escape his reality. You must really have something before, hija..."

"Hmm."

"Zeus is like a son to me, Naia. And I heard you are a good girl. But being good and being patient are two different things. I ask you to be patient to him because it's what he needs the most right now. He's been wretched when you were gone and now that you're back, I know he wouldn't let you go without a fight."

Binalingan ko ulit si Zeus. He adjusted the straps of his electric guitar and tapped the mic, before smiling lazily at the audience. Nagsigawan ulit sila. He raked his fingers through his hair before he glanced down at his beloved instrument, taking his time in trailing his fingertips through the neck of the guitar down to its strings.

Then he turned to where we were both standing and smiled at me. Not the usual naughty smile that he gave to the audience, but a true, genuine smile. His eyes are shining as he turned to the audience again and murmured the title of the song he's going to sing right now.

"Zeus has been struggling with himself for a long time. There was a phase of denial. He keeps on saying that he doesn't want to see you anymore, he doesn't want to chase you, look for you... but here he is, accepting you right when you stepped into his arms. Ganun ka ka-importante sa kaniya..."

"Tita Linda," I took a shaky breath and pressed my eyes close. Maybe it's because I've missed a few sessions with my doctor that it's starting to mess with my head right now. Kailangan ko na talaga ng kausap. I need some advice. Some wisdom I could use to make a proper decision.

"What is it?"

"I don't want to hurt him anymore." Bigo akong umiling at nag-imbak ng hangin sa aking baga bago ito pinakawalan. I clenced and unclenched my fists.

"Darling, what's a love story without a little pain, hmm?"

"I've never known a girl like you before... now just like in a song from the days of yore..."

"Hindi po yun ang ibig kong sabihin..." mahina na ang boses kong wika.

"Then what is it?"

Kinagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi. "There's something... there's something I'm not telling him right now."

Tumitig sa akin si Tita Linda, tinitimbang ako sa kaniyang paningin. After a while, she nodded and encouraged me to continue.

"I have my reasons, and it's probably shallow reasons. But I just really wanted to be with him."

"Yeah. I've heard you're a Muslim woman before. What happened?'

Ibinaba ko ang tingin sa hiya.

"Here you come a-knockin', knockin' on my door, and I've never met a girl like you before..."

"Well, I supposed you're not going to tell your deepest secrets to someone you just met. But... do you wanna hear what you have to say?"

Tumango ako nang marahan. Banayad niya akong nginitian bago pinagmasdang matupok ang katiting na katawan ng kaniyang sigarilyo.

"Have faith with each other, Naia. I'm not very religious myself, but whatever faith you put in your God, well, you should try with him, too. You've been separated for so many years and now you found your way back to him. Isn't it saying something? It's very rare for the two of you to still have each other despite what happened."

Humigit ako ng isang malalim na buntong-hininga. Maybe this is really the problem with me. I don't have faith in him. Kaya sinarili ko ang problemang ito at gumawa ng desisyon na alam kong masasaktan din siya sa huli kapalit ang konting oras na makasama ko siya. It was a very selfish move. All along I thought I was doing it for him, but I was just thinking about myself.

"Zeus is a walking paradox. He says he doesn't need you, but bleeds himself every day with the pain of losing you. He says he has his own principles, own beliefs, but I know he's willing to change just for you. Countless times he'd said to me that he doesn't want anyone to spend the rest of his entire life with... but here you are now. I'm sure there's nothing he can't handle."

Yumuko ako at bumuntong-hininga. Zeus' voice is so calm right now when he's singing. He's carefully treading the sea of lyrics with his husky voice, sounded as if he's sleepy or he'd just woken up.

Nang mag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya, nahuli kong nakatitig siya sa akin. He's expertly plucking the strings of his electric guitar without taking his eyes off me.

I smiled at him and nodded. Naalala ko ang sinabi niya sa akin. The night when we were sleeping together on the same bed. He whispered in a child's voice that all he ever wanted was to see me waiting for him at the backstage every time he turns around. He just wanted me by his side, is all.

My phone rang. Naputol ang pakikipagtitigan ko kay Zeus. I glanced at Tita Linda and smiled ruefully.

"Excuse me po, I'll just have to take this call." I said, moving away from her.

Nakita ni Zeus ang pag-alis ko. I saw him frown but continued his singing, despite being distracted. I stepped into the shadows, in a quieter area of the backstage and answered the call. It was from one of my co-teachers from the foundation.

"Hello—"

"Parvana! Oh, thank goodness! You answered!" she said hysterically in a broken voice.

"Bakit? Anong nangyari?" I demanded, but she only sobbed softly as a reply. I bit my lower lips. Nang magsimula nang kumalat ang kaba sa dibdib ko ay pinilit kong pakalmahin ang sarili. "Teacher Maggie... anong nangyari?" pag-uulit ko sa isang mas mahinahong boses.

"T-There was... a t-terrorist attack here. The classrooms..." she sobbed again. "There was blood everywhere, Parvana. They attacked the kids..."

Nanlamig ang mga kamay ko sa narinig. I stared blankly at the busy crew in front of me as I could hear the blood pumping in my ears.

"Some of the teachers were injured trying to protect your students... and one of them..." she sobbed again. "one of them died, Parvana."

Kusa nang tumulo ang mga luha mula sa mata ko. Teacher Maggie continued speaking but I couldn't understand any of her words, except for the fact that I need to go there as soon as possible.

"—Chairman Fresco is on his way. Please be here, Parvana." She almost pleaded. "We need your help."

"I will." I said and ended the call. Ilang segundo din akong nakatayo lang at naninigas. My hands are sweating bullets and my mind went blank. Tulo pa rin nang tulo ang mga luha ko.

"Parvana? Dearie, are you okay?"

Napalingon ako kay Tita Linda nang lumapit siya sa akin. I wiped the tears away and took a deep breath. Then I glanced at Zeus. Patuloy pa rin siya sa pagkanta. My chest swelled painfully.

"Pakisabi po kay Zeus... na sorry..." mahina kong wika. "I think I have to go right now."

Sensing the severity of my problem right now, Tita Linda didn't bother to press me for more. Instead, she just nodded and patted my shoulder. Mas lalo lang akong napaiyak. I walked out of the backstage while crying softly.

And I know it was just the beginning of an endless series of my breaking promises with Zeus.