Chapter 5

One of the graces of being famous is that people will always love you and will look past your flaws, assuming there are any.

I know that the band is famous, having to attend many of their concerts for the past years. But I haven't encountered a fan screaming to my face until now. When news spread that Zeus Vincenticus Ferrer is going to his hometown in Davao, most of his fans gathered in Davao International Airport to greet him. Kahit siya lang mag-isa at hindi niya kasama ang ibang myembro ng banda, naroon pa rin sila at matiyagang naghihintay sa kaniya.

"Kuya, isang picture lang! Kaninang madaling araw pa kaming naghihintay dito!" halos maglupasay na sa sahig ang babae na pinipilit makalapit sa kinaroroonan ni Zeus.

I winced. Five minutes and it will be twelve in the afternoon. Kaninang madaling araw pa talaga siya dito? Tiningnan ko ang babae. I could see signs of fatigue on her face but the glint of determination is stronger. Kitang-kita ko ang determinasyon niyang makita man lang si Zeus. She's wearing the band's shirt and had her hair chopped into a bob cut. The heavy mascara and dark lipstick are telling me that she's really a fan of rock music. She also painted her nails black and her spiked ankle boots frightened me.

"Pasensiya na po talaga, Ma'am. Ginagawa lang namin ang trabaho namin," mahinahong wika naman ng isa sa mga bodyguards ni Zeus.

I bit my lower lips as I continued staring at her. Mayamaya pa ay may isang intern na lumapit sa manager ni Zeus at may ibinulong. Adrianna, their manager, frowned and then pursed her lips. After a while, she nodded and then gestured for Zeus.

"There's an old man who wants to see you. Senior citizen na kaya pinagbigyan na namin,"

Zeus, still exhausted from the flight, popped his eye open. Isa-isa niyang tinanggal ang ear pods na nakasaksak sa kaniyang tainga. He ignored his manager and squeezed my arms, dahilan kung bakit napatingin ako sa kaniya.

"Are you tired?"

"Zeus." Pag-uulit ni Adrianna sa naiiritang boses. Zeus sighed and then nodded his head.

"I'm going out, Addy. I'm just talking to Naia."

My cheeks reddened in embarrassment. I squirmed silently on my seat. Had I known that we will be riding a private jet just for him, be served by long-legged flight attendants, and be treated like a bunch of royalties, I would've thought twice about coming with him. Hindi ako sanay na tinatrato nang ganito. It was such a long time when someone bowed to my feet and my memories of it are fragmented. Mas sanay na akong nagsisilbi kesa pinagsisilbihan.

When I asked Zeus earlier why we're in a private jet instead of a normal passenger plane, his manager answered for me instead.

"We don't have much time for a meeting. So we're making use of the flight time to have a meeting. I hope you're not going to be of disturbance."

Adrianna Gil is a stern young woman with a very shrewd mind and a catty mouth. She's only two years older than me but I could feel the miles and miles of distance between the two of us. She takes the position of being the band's manager very seriously and she's very religious in her job. She's brilliant, I have to praise her brain for that. She's managed to introduce the band to the largest producers and set up meetings with movie moguls in the long run. I believe the efficient job has something to do with her charming face, which she learned how to use when necessary. But Addy is not someone you can joke with.

I'm not even sure if she likes me.

I tried to be as quiet as I am when we were inside the private jet. Nakikinig lang ako sa musika sa cellphone na ipinahiram sa akin ni Zeus. Tinuruan niya ako kanina sa pattern ng kaniyang password at hinayaan na. He disappeared with Addy and a bulky-looking man inside a smaller office and only went out when we were about to land.

"Am I boring you? I'm sorry. We really don't have much time." Zeus gathered a fist of my hair and gently placed it on my shoulders. "I promise I'll spend the whole two days with you. Hindi naman sila sasama sa atin sa Governor Generoso."

"Ayos lang sa akin," tipid ko siyang nginitian. I don't think I have the right to be disappointed when he'd just treated me like a queen and aided to all of my needs during the past 48 hours. Naiintindihan ko naman na marami siyang ginagawa. The guy has a hectic schedule and thousands of fans to take care of. Who am I to whine for his time and attention?

"Saglit lang 'to," he adjusted his black cap and then slid the door open. The moment he stepped out of the van, his fans screamed in delight. Mabilis ding isinarado ng isa sa mga bodyguards ang binuksan niyang pinto but one of his fan girls was able to capture a picture of me inside. I pressed my face to the glass and watched him interact with his fans.

There was a barricade, in which he ignored and walked past through. Mas lalo tuloy silang nagkagulo. From a distance, Addy is making some calls and watching him with like a hawk. Nang ibaba na niya ang telepono ay iginiya niya si Zeus sa sinasabi niyang matandang lalaki kanina.

Nawala rin naman silang dalawa sa paningin ko. I sighed and leaned back on my chair. Sinilip ako ng tingin ng driver mula sa rearview mirror. He smiled kindly at me.

"Tubig, Ma'am, gusto mo?" alok niya sa akin.

"Ayos lang ako, Kuya..." nakangiti kong sagot sa kaniya.

"Babalik din yun si Sir kaagad, Ma'am..." nakangiti pa rin niyang wika sa akin. "Ganun talaga siya. Hindi niya tinitipid ng oras ang mga fans niya at nakikipagkita talaga siya sa kanila hangga't maaari."

I smiled. That's very likely of Zeus. I am one of the thousands of witnesses of how they treated their fans as if they're family. They humbled themselves to the earth as their fame skyrocketed.

A few minutes later, I spotted him being guarded by the security team as he made his way here. The girl I heard screaming earlier had tears in her eyes, a signed album clutched to her chest. Bahagyang gumaan ang pakiramdam ko na ang pagpunta niya dito ng madaling araw ay hindi nauwi sa wala.

One of the many bodyguards slide the door for him. Patuloy pa rin ang hiyawan ng mga fans. Zeus waved one last time, earning giggles of delight from them, before he slid the door close himself.

He turned to me, wiping a sweat from his brow. "Let's go?"

Tumango ako. The vehicle started rolling. Medyo nahirapan pa si kuya dahil may mga fans na agresibo at kumakatok pa talaga sa glass window. Addy ignored the rest of them and turned to her phone, making calls again. Nang ibaba niya ito ay seryoso ang titig niya sa aming dalawa.

"We'll have a lunch meeting with the team of producers I mentioned to you last time. And also, the agent from the movie is quite persistent."

"Turn him down. I'm not fit to act in front of the camera, Addy, and you know that."

"Maybe they're just looking for a pretty face." She leaned back on her seat and chewed some gum. Mabilis na lumandas sa akin ang tingin ni Addy. She smirked at me. "Ikaw? Gusto mong umakto?"

Uminit ang mga pisngi ko sa kadahilanang nahuli niya akong nakatitig sa kaniya. Mabilis kong iniling ang ulo at nag-iwas ng tingin. I heard her chuckle.

"Why not? You're also pretty, too..."

"Leave her alone, Addy." I could hear traces of fatigue in Zeus' voice as he pressed the heel of his hands to his closed eyes.

"Someone's being protective." She said in a teasing voice, my first time hearing it.

Zeus popped an eye open and glared at his manager. Mas lalo pang lumawak ang ngisi ni Addy.

"Should I have been a road manager scouting for new talents, I will definitely consider Parvana. With a pretty face like yours, all we need is to rough some edges. A link with the famous rockstar is just a bonus, but trust me, I'll get you rich." She winked at me before she pulled the oversized sunglasses to her face.

Napailing na lamang si Zeus. I turned to him and smiled weakly. If I feel uncomfortable, I try not to show it in front of him. Even when I was introduced to a long list of producers and important people in music industry. I sat and ate with them, careful with how I act, how I speak, and what I spoke of.

I watched Zeus over the rim of my glass, other times I'd study his side profile when he's talking politely to the moguls of the industry, and how he can keep up with them. He was always, always in the middle of the attention. He was always considered, always asked first, always on the list. I realized, as I watched them all eagerly listening to him, that this is his world. The glam and the glitz and the money... it's so different from my world.

As we drove home in silence after an exhausting day of meeting with his fans and meeting with the tyrants, I wondered if my sacrifice even took place. Even when I took off my hijab, my world still seems miles and miles away from him.

"You're so quiet." He glanced at me, before he switched gears, and then speed down the road. "Is something the matter?"

I stared at the empty roads ahead. Mag-aalas onse y media na nang matapos sila. Albeit I was kept comfortable throughout the waiting game, had been offered a variety of food and been suggested some movies to watch while waiting, I still ended up being tired.

Bahagya akong umiling. The pulsing city lights of Davao zoomed past us. We are on our way to the hotel right now where we're going to spend the night before we go to Governor Generoso tomorrow morning.

"Did I do something to upset you, then?" he asked in a calm voice. Napanguso ako. Naglalambing na naman ang magaspang niyang boses. Para siyang may inaamong bata sa tono ng boses niya.

"Wala naman."

He glanced at me again. Biting my lower lips, I turned to face him as well. Then the road. Sighing again, I pointed to the road.

"You'll get us crashed, Zeus." I warned him.

Hindi siya sumagot, pero laking pasasalamat ko ng ibalik niya ang tingin sa daanan. He continued driving in silence but made a u-turn, which had my eyebrows creasing.

"San tayo pupunta?"

"You're clearly upset." He said, glancing at the side mirror and then stepping on the accelerator. He increased the speed and took the wide high way instead.

"I'm not upset, Zeus. I'm just tired."

"Well, that doesn't stop me from showing you my most favorite part of the city."

Mas lalo lang kumunot ang noo ko. Having to spend my college here in the city, I can't remember a place that I thought he might like. Mama-jan was in Sulu back then while I attended a university here. Linggo-linggo akong umuuwi sa kanila.

The roads are lonely and quiet. I glanced at the sky and was grateful for the thousands of stars struggling to occupy the mauve blanket and a lazy big moon, sliced in half, hanging dangerously and cruising through the dark clouds.

Namalayan ko nalang na bumabagal ang takbo namin matapos akyatin ang isang maliit na sementadong burol. I glanced at the window and could see the blinking lights of the city from above. There are some cars parked along side the road, too. I saw a white pick-up with a group of friends filled the back and passing a single bottle of liquor.

"This is your favorite place?" I turned to him, bewildered. I thought it would be some fancy hotel or a nice restaurant that offers ridiculously-expensive foods but he brought me to a hill. A hill that I didn't know existed until now.

"Yeah." He killed the engine and glanced at me. In the dark, his wet lips glistened seductively. A thin film of sweat made some strands of his hair stick to his forehead and his eyes, always so intense and so deep even when he's laughing, glinted dangerously. I could've seen it as a warning, a big red flag that tells me I should just run away. But instead, I grinned sheepishly at him.

"Alright, then." I climbed out of the car as well and gently shut the door. The cold breeze greeted me. I am grateful for my long, white dress but it isn't enough to fight the aggressive wind. In the end, I let my dress dance around my ankles every time I walk as I neared Zeus.

Tinabihan ko siya at labis na namangha sa nakita. Even in the dark, the lush forest in front of us is still a view that would take anyone's breath away. And from a distance, the arrogant tower of Mt. Apo loomed behind the shadows. On the other side of the road is the city of Davao while here... it's like a completely different world. And it's only one road apart.

"You know why I like this place the most?" he glanced at me and then crossed his arms to his chest. I spotted another ink again, inside his left wrist, but wasn't able to catch what it was.

"Why?" I asked, smoothening the long skirt of my dress.

"It's the view of two worlds." He nodded towards the lush, dark forest ahead. "While it is so quiet here, on the other side of the road is the city. A thin separation of black and white. A representative of man and nature. While you could see unfamiliar trees looming around in this open field, on the other side is the towering buildings of the city. I always go back here, every year, just to check if the separation is still here."

"Are you afraid that one day... one day when you come back here, there would be no forest on this side? It will be cities side by side, one man decides to invade this area as well."

I watched his adams apple bob up and down. Kasabay nito ang mabagal niyang pagtango. "Yes. Truth be told, I am expecting it. I don't think this forest will last for so long, having been situated near the city. One day, people will decide to invade, they will decide to build, and it will become part of the city, too. Hangga't sa hindi pa nila nasasakop ang lugar na ito, gusto kong masilayan ito taon-taon sa tuwing bumabalik ako dito sa syudad."

Hindi ako nakasagot kaagad. With all the things that's going on inside his head, I am surprised that he could still think about these little things in life. Amidst the busy schedule and an occupied mind, there is still a place reserved for the thoughts of this place alone.

"C'mere..."

Nagulat ako nang marahan niyang hilahin ang kamay ko. I glanced around and saw another car parked behind the two of us. Madilim na at ang nag-iisang lamp post na may kalayuan pa ang tanging nagbibigay liwanag sa lugar na ito. I bit my lower lips when I heard one of their songs being played by the car's stereo nearby.

I thought he was pulling me away with him for the sole reason of avoidance of admirers at this time of night. Tinulungan niya akong akyatin ang isang maliit na burol, walang matinong daanan at malambot ang lupang halatang lulubog sa isang tapak lamang.

When we reached the top, I got a better view of the forest. But then Zeus pointed to an abandoned station ahead of us.

"Ano yan?"

He just grinned wickedly at me, and a flash of a devil entered my mind. A sinful creature making a deal, offering his hand, asking me to be a rebel just for this night. He pointed to the abandoned zipline station, with the yellow paint chipping at the metal bars and the dangerous debris scattered around.

"I hang out here a lot." He pulled my hand when he sensed the hesitation in me. "Come on...."

"Delikado d'yan," lumiit ang boses ko at naningkit ang mga matang pinagmamasdan ang dati'y tourist attraction na ngayo'y inabandona na. There is a big DO NOT ENTER sign hanging loosely at the metal gate that he ignored.

Kahit na nagrerebelde ako sa gusto niyang mangyari ay nagpatianod din naman ako sa yakag niya. I bit my lower lips again and glanced around nervously. If we were to be caught hanging around a dangerous, abandoned zipline station, it's surely going to be a serious trouble. But from the parked cars filled with teenagers and old couples, I'm sure no one would mind us trespassing here.

Hindi pa rin humihinto sa pagkabog ang dibdib ko. I took a deep breath and turned to him. He kicked a piece of thin sheet of iron that was used to block the gate and held it for me, a cruel smile forming on his lips.

Napailing ako. If anyone would see the holy Zeus Vincenticus Ferrer trespassing a private property and being just a plain rebel... I don't know what they'd think of. Mat-turn off ba sila? Or would they see this misbehavior as sexy because it's Zeus doing it?

I reached for his waiting hand as he pulled me into the metal stairs. Kinakabahan ako dahil umiingit ang hagdanan sa bawat tapak naming dalawa. The station itself is swaying a bit. Years of being abandoned had crusted its durability and turned it into a danger zone.

"Are you sure it's safe up there?"

"I'm not going to bring you here if it's not safe." He said in a serious tone.

Lumobo ulit ang pisngi ko. Itinulak ako ng kuryosidad na tahakin ang isa pang hagdan saka pikit-mata na akong sumunod sa kaniya. I keep on telling myself that I've been a good girl all my life and a little rebellion such as this wouldn't hurt.

A lazy smirk of satisfaction touched his lips. He led me to the highest floor of the station. I sucked in a deep breath when I saw that some of the safety railings are missing. The tarps are nothing but a mess of holes and the metals creak everywhere.

"Zeus..."

"Look here, Naia." He held both of my shoulders. Nakapikit pa rin ang mga mata ko sa sobrang takot. I could feel his firm body against mine, and his hot breath fanning my neck. He crouched a bit and whispered on my ears. "Open your eyes..."

"Natatakot ako."

"Trust me. Open your eyes."

Tears threatened to spilled from my eyes. A 26-year old adult who's afraid of heights may seem so silly to him. Gathering the dregs of my scattered courage, I open my eyes.

Napanganga ako sa nakita.

The view here above is nothing like what we've seen from the car below. The Mt. Apo stood tall and elegant in the dark, a huge, silent king protecting the city. The forest spread out at the foot of the mountain, a wide vast that lures anyone to darkness. The wind is harsher, colder, and for some reason... more comforting.

Ilang beses din akong tigagal sa nakita. I tried to took in everything and then sighed. Naramdaman ko din ang dahan-dahang pagbitaw ni Zeus sa mga balikat ko. Tourists who had a chance to try their zip line here before must've had a great time with the picturesque view and height.

I turned to Zeus, only to find him lighting a cigarette and leaning against a weak metal bar. Staring at him, I could see nothing but an epitome of rebellion and sex. A walking sinful creature. Though I am corrupted myself, Zeus is just another level. And with the city lights blinking at his back, the glow of his cigarette is radiant and powerful.

Cupping the metal box lighter on his hand, he slowly lifted his gaze at me. With the cigarette hanging loosely at his mouth, he managed to form what was like a crooked smile.

"Enjoying the view?"

You, the city lights, and the night.... "Yes, Zeus." I admitted.

"Good. Are you still upset?"

Hindi ko napigilan ang pagsilay ng mumunting ngiti sa mukha ko. Kaya niya ba ako dinala dito dahil nag-aalala siyang sumama ang loob ko?

"Hindi nga kasi ako galit."

Zeus let out a half laugh and then took a slow drag of his cigarette. Even though he's soothing nicotine right now, the ruthless look on his eyes melted me. For someone as religious as me, I should be backing away right now. I should be turned off, I should avoid him.

But I just can't.

I didn't wait a decade to run away at the sight of him with a cigarette. Not when he looked so mysterious and ethereal in dark.

Nilapitan ko siya at tinabihan, ginaya ang pagsandal niya sa gumegewang na railings. He watched me from the corner of his eyes, para bang binabantayan ako na hindi mahulog o gumawa ng kung ano mang katangahang papatay sa akin sa station na ito.

He took a step closer. Lubusan na niyang kinain ang distansiyang namamagitan sa aming dalawa. Now we're breathing the same nicotine air. If he was some other people, and I was in some other place, I would've hated the burning smoke from the cigarette. But right now, all I could feel is contentment. I found myself lusting for more time with him alone. I want to be with him as much as I can because there's no telling when will this end.

Ayoko nang may masayang pa ulit na taong magkasama kaming dalawa.

"I haven't realized it until now..." he turned to me and stared. "When's your birthday?"

Umangat ang isang kilay ko sa sinabi niya, bahagyang nagulat sa naging tanong niya. He asks the most random of questions and brings me to the most random of places!

"Birthday?"

"Yes." He swiped a tongue across his lower lips and then placed back his cigarette. "You're already 26, right?"

"Yes. But we don't celebrate birthdays."

"Say that to me again when you're wearing hijab next time."

I clamped my mouth shut. Right. The conversion. Ipinikit ko nang mariin ang mga mata ko. I might've converted and took off my hijab, but my mind, my soul, and my heart still belong to the Islam faith.

"January 15."

"January 15?" his eyes turned into angry slits as he turned to me. "Your birthday was just last week!" he almost barked. "Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa akin?"

I shrugged. "I don't think you'd want to know. And this is your first time asking me this."

He raked a frustrated hand over his already messy hair and sighed. He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again and decided to shut it. I smiled coyly at him.

"My turn."

"Your turn?" nangungunot ang noo niyang tanong sa akin. "Are you going to ask me my birthday, as well?"

I laughed. "I know it already." Tapos ay nagseryoso ako. With one swift move, I jabbed a finger at his hipbone. He remained calm, but I caught a flash of wariness in his eyes. "Why do you have my name in Arabic inked in your skin, Zeus?"

Hindi siya sumagot kaagad. But I watched as his eyes darkened with the night. Slowly, he reached for my hand on the side of his torso. Nakatitig pa rin ako sa kaniya. The warmth from his calloused hands spread throughout my body. I tried to remain calm and unmoving, as he slowly curled out my fingers. He dragged my hand to his chest without breaking the stare.

"Why do you think I have your name inked to my skin, Naia?"

I didn't bother to answer.

"I am so good in doing bad things..." he said in a raspy tone. For a moment, I suspected that he's drunk, the way his voice turned into a sleepy tone and his eyes darkening. But then I realized that this is just his natural voice, especially when he's serenading. "I was too good being a bad boy that I lost you."

I opened my mouth to protest but he held his other palm up, before he used the same hand to take the cigarette from his mouth. Pinagmasdan ko ang pagkalaglag ng mga abo mula sa sigarilyo at ang pagtangay ng hangin dito palayo. He rested his other hand on the railings, with the short stick of cigarette stuck between his middle and pointing finger.

"Your name itself is water. I was drunk back then when I decided to have this tattoo. Maybe the tattoo artist was drunk, too." He snorted out a laugh. "It was too fucking painful for a first-time experience. Maybe he didn't bother injecting me something and came a sloppy job."

For him to search for the meaning of my name in Arabic and know how it is written in that alphabet warmed my heart. Humigit muli siya ng isang nanginginig na hininga.

"I tried to bury you at the back of my mind. I thought of you as water... always flowing, always there to nourish, always there to give life. But water is never meant to stay in one place, and water is never meant to supply exclusively to an individual. It's meant for everyone. Whenever I think of you, going to remote places and teaching children, I think you really justified your name."

Hearing these words from him brought ache to my chest. Could it be that he'd found me a long time ago and he'd struggled to keep his promise to me not to show up? He waited for me to find him instead, despite the power to get me in just one flick of a finger.

"This tattoo got infected, did you know that? I went through a series of surgeries for this, but despite the recommendation of the doctor, I never had it erased from my skin. It remained still. For the first time in the empty years of my life, I could feel you in me. The weight of your Arabic letters on my skin, it reminds me that you're somewhere... somewhere far and doing some heroic action, dedicating your life to the children in need. And it helps me to calm myself. The fact that you're still alive and on your way to find me, it keeps my demons silent."

"Zeus..."

He glanced at the dying cigarette. Itinapon niya ang nauupos na sigarilyo at ikinuyom ang kamao. His breath is a bit shaky right now. Nanunubig pa ang sulok ng kaniyang mga mata at bahagyang nanginginig ang mga labi.

"If there's one thing I don't want to be good at, it's losing you, Naia. I don't want to be so good in losing you and not finding my way back to you again."

My heart pounded wildly inside of my ribcage and my insides are screaming. Seeing him this miserable, this lonely... it made me think twice of the decision I've made.

Natatakot din ako. Despite all the sacrifices I've made for him, I'm afraid that I might really destroy him this time.