Chapter 3

I patted Tamara's hair, smiling down at her. She beamed at me and lifted her tiny hands, offering the cookie she'd been gnawing for the last ten minutes.

"Mama... cookie..." she yapped.

I chuckled and kissed her cheeks, taking a small bite of what was offered. Just then, her father emerged from my kitchen, frowning at the leftover chicken soup that I ordered last night from a Chinese restaurant.

"Ito lang ang kinain mo kagabi?"

Bahagya akong nagtaas ng kilay sa sinabi niya. Leaning a hip against the back of the sofa, I crossed my arms and lifted my chin defiantly.

"I don't have the time to cook, you know."

"It's supposed to be your vacation but you're still answering calls and checking up on the kids."

"Alam mo namang hindi ako nahihiwalay sa kanila ng matagal na panahon," ani ko. I dragged a hand through my hair and blew a sigh. "I think about them in almost everything I do. Kung kumain na ba si Rika, kung pumasok ba sa klase si Elias o sumisid na naman siya kasama ang mga kapatid, o baka napagbuhatan na naman ng kamay si Yna ng ama niyang lasenggero."

"You're very attached to them..." Malik commented.

I gave him a sad smile. "I would die for them, you know? They are very precious and they're all my kids."

"Hindi ka pa rin talaga nagbabago, Naia..." humalakhak nang bahagya si Malik at inilapag ang lalagyan sa lamesa. "Why don't I treat you outside for a nice dinner? Isang beses lang naman. I can't have you sulking here all day when we've traveled from Sulu just to meet you."

I grinned. "Yeah. That's a good idea."

"And while we're at it, ano yung sinabi mo na ipapakilala mo si Tamara sa idolo niya?"

Mas lalo pang lumaki ang ngisi ko. "We'll get to that..."

15 minutes later, we were driving our way around the city to a Chinese restaurant I mentioned earlier. Tamara settled on my lap. I busied myself fixing the scarf on her head while occasionally giving directions to Malik on where to go. Ilang beses na rin naman akong nakapunta rito sa Maynila kaya medyo nagiging kabisado ko na rin ang lugar. But I'm not as expert as when I am in Zamboanga. I am fearless, even stepping into the remotest of places there just to reach out to young children and offer education they didn't know they deserve.

"When are you going back?"

Isinandal ko ang ulo sa headrest. Tamara leaned her head against my chest and hugged my waist, sighing comfortably. I kissed her temple before turning to her father.

"I don't know. But I assume I wouldn't last a month here. Marami pa akong iniwan at gusto ko nang magtrabaho ulit."

"Shay told me that you went to Singapore last time."

My cheeks flushed. Napanguso ako nang bahagya saka tumango. I attended The Luminaries' concert in Singapore despite the pricey ticket. I only stayed there for two days but it nearly drained on what was left in my bank account. Hindi ko rin naman pinagsisihan iyon. It was one of the best concerts they've had. And I admired how Zeus interacted with their fans after the performance. Dapat ay wala ng meet and greet pero pinayagan niya pa rin. They are tired and sleepless but the smiles they gave to everyone weren't near as trite. It's genuine and it surely made their fans' heart very happy.

"Yeah. I stayed there for two days."

"You could've told me. Padadalhan sana kita ng pera. Nalaman ko nalang na nagpunta ka pala ng Singapore nang pinadalhan mo kami ng mga regalo ni Tamara."

I chuckled. "It's okay. I still have some money left. And I didn't go there for business. It's just... let's just say, my guilty pleasure."

"Zeus is your guilty pleasure."

Itinikom ko ang bibig sa sinabi ni Malik. This time, it was his turn to laugh.

"So... nagkita na kayo?"

Iniwas ko ang tingin sa kaniya at tinusok ang pisngi gamit ang dila. Ayoko sanang may ibang makaalam na nagkita kami ni Zeus, lalo na ang mga katrabaho kong patay na patay sa kanila. They know I am a discreet fan, too. But some of my co-teachers are almost worshipping him! Ano nalang magiging reaksyon nila kapag sinabi kong matagal ko nang kilala si Zeus. At hindi lang basta kakilala.

I sighed.

"Yes, Malik."

"And...?" he glanced at me expectantly.

"And that's it. We talked. I got mad. I left."

Malik's eyes rounded. "You got... mad?"

"Yes. Why?"

Bahagya niyang iniling ang ulo, a small grin tugging at his lips. "You rarely get mad. I couldn't even imagine your face getting mad. Even when the townspeople back then..." he drifted off and shook his head again, a dark look touching his face with the painful memories. "You don't get mad easily."

"Well, I guess Zeus can really drive me mad..."

"No. You love him dearly that's why you're getting mad."

My breathing was caught in my throat. Hindi ko inaasahan na sasabihin iyon ni Malik. He looks like he was surprised with what he said, too. Malik cleared his throat and slyly smiled at me.

"Pagkatapos ng isang dekada, Parvana... siya pa rin?"

My heart clenched painfully. Fragments of memories invaded my mind. I may not be able to call the two of us as old sweethearts but we were something back then. I promised him. I promised to wait for him. And he promised to come back for me. Now that we were two consenting adults and religion is no longer an issue for the two of us... is it still possible? Because someone could be in his heart right now and I may have not known. Someone must've touched his soul deeper the way I did and I may not be aware. Tama bang nagpakita pa ulit ako sa kaniya?

I turned to the window. The passing blurry lights from the city somehow soothed me, but failed to bring comfort to my chaotic mind. Kung anu-ano ang pumapasok sa isipan ko ngayon at hindi ako mapakali. I bite my lower lips. Hindi ko nga magawang masagot si Malik sa simpleng katanungan niya.

I never have to say it out loud. He knows it. Everyone knows it. The time, money, and effort I dedicated just to have a glimpse of him in the stage every time he performs. I still go and follow the desperation of my lonely heart that calls to him. I still want to see his face even when to him, I am just one of the hundreds and thousands of people who adore him and the band. Kahit na walang tyansang magkatagpo ang mga mata namin sa dinami-dami ng mga tao, pumupunta pa rin ako at sinusuportahan ko pa rin siya. I am the first one to listen to their newly-released albums and I always stalk on him on social media. When I miss their concerts or if the ticket is too costly for my tight budget, I would settle on watching live stream videos and replays later on. I became his fan when I first heard him singing in the classroom with Zoey and a decade later, I am still his number one fan.

My heart sting at the thought that I would be forever just his fan. He's mad at me. I hurt him and the way he's acting right now, frustrated and angry, is just reasonable.

"I'm not going to ask you any more questions about Zeus if you're uncomfortable..." Malik murmured.

Hindi rin ako sumagot. Tahimik lang ako hanggang sa makarating kami sa kakainang restaurant. It is one of the best in the cities, especially for me who have limited food choices because even after the conversion, I am still uncomfortable with eating pork and other haram foods.

I climbed out of the car, still carrying Tarama on my hip as she sucked on her thumb. I introduced The Luminaries' music to her at a very young age and was glad that she responded very well. Albeit her father would lift a brow every time she dances to the beat of their music, Tamara was smitten too, and would always ask for their songs each time.

The waitress greeted us and led us to a vacant table. I could see from a distance that all the VIP rooms are occupied. Itinabi ko si Tamara at tinanggap ang menu na ini-offer sa akin ng waitress, kahit na halos kabisado ko naman kung ano ang ini-ooffer nila dito at kung anong dapat piliin.

My half-distracted eyes gazed at the elongated shadow that moved nearby. The familiar manly scent sent my body to a sudden electric shock and before I could stop myself, I snapped my head towards the source of the enticing fragrance that couldn't belong to anyone but him. Some may be able to afford the perfume he's wearing but it smells differently when it clung to his skin, and that's why I could easily identify Zeus from half a mile.

Hindi nga ako nagkamali sa inisip. My heart pounded wildly. Even with the black mask, shaded glasses, and cap he's wearing, I know it was him who just strode by, accompanied with a helix of clothed officers. The manly stance, the long, impatient strides, and the soft waves of hair falling to his forehead. I couldn't be mistaken.

Kung gaano siya kabilis na nagpakita ay ganun din siya kabilis na nawala. Nakita ko silang pumasok sa VIP room kasama ang madami niyang mga bodyguards. May ibang napansin na si Zeus nga iyong dumaan, at kaagad na nagbulong-bulungan. I swallowed hard. Some dared to near the VIP room, just to have a glimpse of him through the smoked screen that separated them from the regular customers.

But Zeus... what is he doing here?

Ibabalik ko na sana ang paningin ko sa menung nasa harap nang bumukas ulit ang malaking glass door. A tall woman with tanned skin and long legs entered the restaurant. Isa lang ang kasama niyang bodyguard. May ilang nagtilian nang makita siya. She didn't bother to hide her face and lifted a brow arrogantly as she walked down the floor as if she's walking on a fashion show.

And she entered the same VIP room where Zeus disappeared earlier.

Hindi iyon matanggal sa isipan ko nang lumapit na ang waitress sa amin at kinuha ang mga order namin. Malik noticed the arrival of the unusual guests, but wasn't able to catch Zeus when he entered so he started interrogating the waitress instead.

"Sino yun? Mga VIP customers?"

The young woman gave him a hesitant, polite smile. "Opo, Sir."

"Ah... artista, kung ganun?"

She glanced nervously at the VIP room. I guess it is forbidden for them to say that the holy Zeus Ferrer is here. Baka magkagulo ang mga tao, lalo pa ngayong may nakakapansin na sa presensiya niya.

"Hindi ko po alam, Sir, eh." She lied instead and took a step away, as a sign of dismissal. "Your order will be ready in 15 minutes."

Tumango na lamang si Malik at binalingan ako, nagtatanong pa rin ang mga mata. I cocked an eyebrow at him but didn't answer. Nagkunwari pa akong itinuon ang sarili kay Tamara na nasa tabi ko at kanina pa pinaglalaruan ang mga metal chopsticks.

Hindi ako mapakali habang nasa upuan at naghihintay sa order namin. Though I managed to maintain an inconsequential conversation with Malik, I couldn't strip my mind off Zeus. How he's just a short distance from me right now, and how he must've seen me with Malik and Tamara. Assuming he saw me...

I sighed again. Dalawang beses na akong namaalam kay Malik na pupunta ako sa ladies' room pero sa totoo lang ay pasulyap-sulyap lang din ako sa VIP room. Sa pangalawang pagpunta ko ay sinama ko pa si Tamara. I almost yelped when the door to the VIP room burst open and came the woman from earlier storming out, her eyes hot with anger and her pretty, curved lips cursing. She yelled something at her bodyguard before she walked briskly past me and Tamara, too engrossed at the turmoil of her own emotions.

Bumalik ulit ang tingin ko sa VIP room. What's going on? Was it Zeus who made her cry? Itinagilid ko ang ulo at nag-isip nang matagal. Kung hindi pa nagreklamo si Tamara na matagal na kaming nakatayo ay baka makalimutan ko pang balikan si Malik sa lamesa.

Theories after theories blared inside of my head as I sup with Malik. I could barely keep up with the conversation and in the end, I gave him a rueful smile for being such a bad company. Nang ihatid niya ako pauwi, personal na akong humingi ng tawad sa inakto ngayong gabi. Hindi rin naman niya tinanong kung bakit ako nagkakaganito. He just waved a dismissive hand and suggested I sleep early tonight.

"Let me know if you change your mind about the Hongkong trip I mentioned to you earlier. I could still book the three of us a flight... bago man lang kami makauwi ni Tamara sa Sulu."

"Huwag mo na akong alalahanin, Malik. Kayong dalawa nalang ni Tamara ang magpunta. I'm okay here."

"You sure?"

"Yeah..."

"Still, give me a call. We'll be staying here in Manila for a few days. Namimiss ka na din nitong bata."

I took a step and planted a kiss on her forehead. She's sleeping in her father's arms now. I caressed her cheeks and smiled, before I looked up to Malik.

"I've got nothing to do. We can hang out anytime."

"Hmm, maybe you should really think about my offer after all." He said and grinned at me, before stepping away as I closed my gate. "Good night, Parvana."

"Good night, Malik. Thank you for the dinner."

I watched him slip his daughter inside the backseat of his rental car and circled the vehicle to occupy the driver's seat. The car honked twice. Kumaway ako at pinanuod na maglaho ito sa aking paningin bago ako tuluyang pumasok ng apartment.

Stepping inside the unit, I flicked the lights open. Medyo nanginginig pa ako sa lamig na dala ng gabi. I glanced at the clock that announced it's half past eleven in the evening. Hindi pa naman ako inaantok pero ayoko ring mapuyat at may gagawin pa ako bukas.

I went upstairs and decided a good book would probably help lull me into sleep. Stripping my clothes off and taking my night shower, I imagined the woman again earlier with Zeus. She's very pretty and looks very elegant as well. Is she one of his many girlfriends? I'm not sure...

Nang lumabas ako ay pinatuyo ko na ang buhok ko gamit ang tuwalya. I slipped into a pair of fluffy pajamas and wrapped myself in a robe as I slipped into my white linen sheets. Huminga ako nang malalim at inabot ang librong binabasa nang bayolenteng tumunog ang cellphone ko.

I almost dropped the book as my other hand reached for the phone. Kumunot ang noo ko nang makitang unregistered number ang tumatawag. Frowning, I accepted the call.

"Gising ka pa?"

The blood from my face drained when his cold, baritone voice filled my ears. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. The way he said it makes me feel like he's really here, whispering to my ears and fanning my neck with his hot breath. Kinilabutan ako at muntik nang malaglag ang phone na hawak.

"S-Sino 'to?" nauutal kong tanong kahit na alam ko din naman kung sino ang nasa kabilang linya. He didn't answer, but I could feel his ragged breathing. Ipinikit ko nang mariin ang mga mata at kinagat ang pang-ibabang labi bago ko sinubukang hanapin muli ang boses na naiwala nang marinig ko ang boses niya. My heart wouldn't stop pounding wildly in my chest. "Zeus? How did you get my number?"

"Connections." He answered simply. I could hear the wind bellowing from the other line. Maybe he's outside right now? Sipping wine on his terrace after he got home from the restaurant?

"Why are you still awake?" he asked again in a calm voice.

"I...uh..." nagsimula nang kumalat ang unang bugso ng taranta sa sistema ko. I glanced wildly at my bed, the tangled sheets and the ignored book, before I swallowed hard and answered. "I'm on my bed right now."

"Really?" I could hear the added intensity in his voice. It became deeper, darker, and more alluring. "What are you wearing, then?"

My lips parted to answer his question before I realized the underlying playfulness and a hint of darkness in it. Kumalat ang init sa mga pisngi ko at bigla akong namula kahit na hindi naman niya nakikita.

"Bastos!"

He chuckled darkly at the other line. Manginig-nginig na ang isa kong kamay na nakahawak sa cellphone. I took few deep breaths to steady myself. I need to calm down.

"If you refuse to tell me what you're wearing right now, then you're gonna have to let me see it..."

"O, eh di lumipad ka dito..." sarkastiko kong wika bago ako tinamaan ng reyalisasyon. My throat went dry. The wind roared softly again from the other line as my windows rattled. Napatingin ako sa labas. Sa banig ng gabi at sa kumikinang na mga bituin. Ayokong isipin ang mga naiisip ngayon pero...

"Nasa labas ka ba?"

"Hm?" ngayon ay may halong lambing na ang malalim niyang tinig. Lambing at pang-aasar na labis na nagpakaba sa akin.

"Zeus!" halos kapusin na ako sa hininga.

"Habibti, why don't you see for yourself?"

Nanigas ako ng ilang segundo sa kama ko. Before I knew it, I was dashing to the window and throwing it open. Half of my body shivered at the punch of cold air that greeted me. Sumabog ang buhok ko sa matinding hangin. Mabilis na bumaba ang tingin ko sa saradong gate.

And there he is. The faint glow from his cigarette glowed like that of a lighthouse in a dark sea guiding sailors back home. I could only see the dangerous glint of his dark eyes and the rest of his features was swallowed by the darkness. The faint yellowish light from my house didn't manage to reach and bless him. He hid and moved swiftly in the shadows, tilting his head and looking up at me. His stare is intense that it makes my mind numb and my knees wobble.

I swallowed hard and shut the windows. I clutched my chest, a futile attempt to calm the erratic beating of my heart. Kinagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi at ipinikit nang mariin ang mga mata.

Okay, Naia. Let's not embarrass ourselves and just go downstairs...

Humigit ako ng isang malalim na hininga at hinigpitan ang pagkakatali ng roba. I even checked my hair in front of the mirror before I threw the door open and hurried downstairs.

Lakad-takbo ang ginawa ko hanggang sa makarating ako sa maliit na bakuran. Zeus took a lazy drag of his cigarette, filling his lungs with nicotine before exhaling the smoke, his lips protruding sexily at the gesture. He watched me over the thick haze of the smoke and for a moment, I wished I could read what's going on in his mind right now.

Zeus threw the last dregs of his stick in the nearby trash bin, before shoving his hands in the pockets of his ripped jeans. Hindi ako makagalaw sa kinatatayuan ko. How can he look striking in just a simple white shirt? He's always been a charmer, that he is. Even when we were still young, he could crane the neck of almost every girl in school. And just by the looks of him, he made it look like the gods themselves worshipped him and took their time sculpting every angle of him to perfection. His Greek god name was justified.

"Paano ka nakapasok..." halos hindi ko marinig ang boses ko. I glanced at the locked gate, then back to him who's now leaning languidly against the metal bars.

"It isn't too high..." he pointed at the gate, and then shoved his hand back to the pockets of his jeans. "And the security system in your area is weak. Ikaw lang ba mag-isa diyan?" biglang nagdilim ang ekspresyon niya sa mukha.

I blinked. I was too smitten by the sudden change of mood in him that I almost forgot to comprehend what he was asking. I pushed the admiration deep inside of me and took a deep breath. Much as I tried, nothing has really changed in me. The same devotion I offered to him when I was younger only intensified after years of being separated.

Tumango ako. Mas lalong naging madilim ang eskpresyon niya sa mukha. He licked his lower lips before his gaze roamed around my body. For some reason, it sent me chills. Unconsciously, hinigpitan ko pa lalo ang kapit ng roba ko. Albeit I'm not wearing anything revealing under the robe, I doubt that's what's in his mind right now.

"Tamara is not your daughter." He said in a brisk tone. Umarko ang kilay ko sa sinabi niya. Umabante siya at maangas akong tiningnan na para bang hinahamon ako. I clamped my mouth shut.

"I look up on it. She's the daughter of Malik and Hegia Kiram. So why claim her yours, Naia?"

"It doesn't matter if I'm not her biological mother, Zeus." Mariin kong wika. "I guess you didn't do your research well. Hegia died giving birth to her. Ako na ang tumayong ina ni Tamara."

Imbes na magalit ay lumiwanag ang mukha niya. A hint of smile touched his lips as he stepped closer to me. Napaatras ako at mabilis na nilingon ang pinto. Kung patuloy akong aatras, I'm sure I'd end up getting trapped again. I took a deep breath and stood my ground, lifting my chin defiantly at him as a sign of my rebellion.

"So... she's not yours?" halos pabulong na niyang tanong sa akin.

"I told you, Tamara is my—"

"She's not yours, Naia..." he breathed to my face. Wala na akong ibang narinig kundi ang matinding kabog ng dibdib ko. I bite my lower lips, and Zeus' dark eyes fell on it. With the simple gesture of mine, his eyes turned shades darker. And more... lustful. Nanginig ang buong kalamnan ko. Sa titig niya pa lang, hihiwalay na ata ang kaluluwa ko sa katawan.

I watched him raised a fist to the air, before he slowly curled out his fingers that reached for my hair. He did it without breaking his gaze from me. Zeus twisted the ends of my hair before his hand traveled to my arms. Nagtapos ang paglalakbay ng mainit niyang kamay sa isang marahang haplos na halos magpahimatay sa akin.

Then, without thinking about it, Zeus pulled me into a tight hug. My chest exploded as my soft body was pressed against his. I could feel the firm muscles and his chest underneath. Mas hinigpitan pa ni Zeus ang yakap sa akin. It reminds me of the hug I received from him the night before my wedding. Ang mahigpit na yakap na tila ba maglalaho ako sa hangin kapag pinakawalan niya ako. He held me tight for a long time.

"Do you know how you were driving me insane these past few days? Thinking about that child of yours, and how I could be a father all of a sudden because I desperately wanted you and I'll do anything to have you... even with a child or not."

"Zeus..."

Imbes na pakawalan ako ay naramdaman ko ang kamao niyang bumabaon sa aking buhok. The rise and fall of his chest matched mine. Ipinikit ko ang mga mata at dinama ang init ng yakap niya at ang matigas niyang katawan sa akin.

"I couldn't sleep at night, Naia. You told me not to look for you for ten years and that was a fucking torture. I killed the part of me that longs for you for a decade. And I'm done killing it, Naia. You're here now..." he sucked in a deep breath before pulling away. Zeus cupped both my cheeks and stared straight into my eyes. "I missed you so much..." he said in an emotional voice that I could barely recognize. Basag at mukhang hindi pagmamay-ari ng isang Zeus Vincenticus Ferrer. No, he's not the man to surrender to anyone, especially a woman. "Tell me you missed me too, baby, because I couldn't count the number of days I've been miserably missing you that the need to see you is starting to hurt me."

Nanginig ang mga labi ko na tinitigan siya pabalik. I licked my lower lips and tried to calm myself.

"Naia... baby, damn, I am dying to hear it. Tell me... please?"

"I missed you, Zeus..." I blinked back my tears and lowered my gaze a bit, struggling to steady myself.

"God..." he pulled me again into a hug. "What have you done to me, Naia? There are days when I'm sober and I missed you, and there are days when I'm not... and I still missed you. And somewhere between being awake and being out of my mind, I still missed you so, so much..."