Chapter 24

I grow up thinking that if you do good, it will be enough for people to treat you good, too. I thought that was how the world works. If you are good to other people, then you can rest assured that they will never or at least hesitate to do bad things to you in return.

I was wrong.

Humigit ako ng isang malalim na hininga. Ilang araw na kaming nananatili ni Mama-jan sa bahay ng mga Ferrer at sa totoo lang, tinatamaan na talaga ako ng hiya. Gusto ko mang umalis para makaiwas na kami sa abala, alam ko namang wala kaming mapupuntahan.

And Zeus...

"You're not taking her away from me," mataman niyang wika kay Malik. "What the hell are you talking about, man? You've only showed up after hearing the news of your wife nearly getting killed by the townspeople. And now you want to take her to Sulu? Are you nuts?"

"Zeus..." mahinahong wika naman ni Malik. "This is not for you to decide. This is for my mother-in-law and my wife." Bakas ang iritasyon sa mukha niya. "My wife." He said in gritted teeth. "She will decide, not you. Although I am very grateful for all your help to my family. But Parvana will be the one to decide if she wants to come with me to Sulu. There, she would be safe. She will get the finest education and no one will dare to harm the future Datu's wife."

Umigting ang panga ni Zeus sa galit. He turned to me, his eyes drilling with questions. Bumukas lang ang bibig ko at nang mapagtantong wala akong masabi ay isinara ko ulit iyon. I don't want to rush my decisions. I've yet to talk to this with my mother. She will know what to do. Alam niyang hindi namin basta-bastang iiwan nalang si Baba dito sa Governor Generoso, nakakulong at nag-iisa. That will not happen.

"Pag-iisipan ko pa, Malik..." sa huli ay nasabi ko. I gave him a rueful smile before I pulled myself up and dusted my long skirt. "Salamat nga pala sa pagdalaw mo dito."

"Can I talk to you in private?" he asked me while staring at Zeus. The tension between the two of them didn't die since the day that Zeus learned I am going to get married with him. I nibbled my lower lips and nodded. Irritably, Zeus swore under his breath and got up from his seat, before stalking away stiffly. I want to reach for him and at least held his arms to calm him down, but I know that I couldn't. I placed my hands on my lap and clenched it to control myself.

Malik turned to me. I shot him another apologetic look. "Pagpasensiyahan mo na talaga si Zeus, Malik. He's just pissed. Mabait siyang tao, alam mo yun..."

"Oo naman, Parvana. Alam ko iyon." Malik sighed and smiled a bit. "He stares at you like a man who would do anything to protect his woman. He kind of reminds me of a warrior. He has the built and the will of it." Tapos ay napailing siya. "But this is the kind of battle where swords are not drawn, Parvana."

"I know." I nodded in agreement. Violence had never been promoted in our culture, however harsh some of my Baba's punishments are. My mother doesn't want me to grow up in an environment where violence is a part of the culture and is considered a norm. Ayaw niyang nadadawit ako sa kung ano mang gulo kaya matinding pinsala talaga ang nangyaring pag-atake ng mga taong-bayan sa amin.

"I tried paying the Ferrer's for everything they've done for the two of you, but they refused." Patuloy ni Malik. "It is not an insult to my wealth, but I could see the genuine generosity of them. They're good people, Parvana."

Gumuhit ang isang maliit na ngiti sa mga labi ko. However rough Zeus may have appeared at most times, there are soft spots of him. He has a good heart and an even greater soul. I am grateful that he lets me touch the softest parts of him and I've seen his vulnerable side. The Ferrer's are truly a great people. Their parents did a good job on raising their kids with principle and compassion, albeit the brothers have different ways of showing it.

"I have hired a lawyer for your father, Parvana. I think he can help him get out of the jail as soon as possible. Kapag nakalabas na siya, at sang-ayon ka naman, dadalhin ko na kayong tatlo sa Sulu."

I bit my lower lips. Just the thought of going to Sulu makes my heart ache. Talaga bang aalis na kami dito? Pwede pa naman sigurong maareglo ang nangyari kapag napatunayan na wala talagang kasalanan si Baba-jan? Kahit huwag na silang humingi ng tawad, basta't makatira pa rin kami dito.

"Parvana...?"

"Sasama ako sa iyo sa istasyon. Magbibihis lang ako saglit, Malik."

He stared at me and then nodded. I excused myself and went to the room that the Ferrer's have given me. Mabilis kong pinalitan ang blusa na suot. Nang maitali ko na ang sintas ng rubber shoes ko, lumabas ako at kinatok ang kwarto ni Mama-jan. Walang sumagot kaya naman pinihit ko nalang ang pintuan at nakitang natutulog pa rin siya. I closed the door quietly and went out. Naghihintay na si Malik sa akin sa labas.

"Where are you going?"

Napalingon ako nang marinig ang baritonong boses ni Zeus. Nakahilig na siya ngayon sa amba ng pintuan at matamang nakatingin sa aming dalawa. I smiled at him.

"Sa istasyon ng mga pulis, Zeus. Kakausapin namin ang abogadong magpapalaya kay Baba-jan." I said in a rather enthusiastic voice.

He pursed his lips on a thin line. Naninimbang na naman ang mga titig niya. Saka ibinaling niya ito kay Malik na para bang wala siyang tiwala na kasama ko siya ngayong araw. Then after a while, he nodded stiffly.

"Get home early or I'll be ransacking the police station for you." He said with a hint of warning. Tinawanan ko iyon pero bahagya pa ring natakot na baka totohanin nga niya ang sinabi. There's no telling what goes inside the mind of a Zeus Vincenticus Ferrer.

"Sige, Zeus at aalis na kami..."

He nodded again and stared darkly at the two of us as we headed towards the gate. Hindi naman ako hinahawakan ni Malik. In fact, he maintains a safe distance between the two of us. Isa rin iyon sa mga nagustuhan ko sa kaniya. He respects me a lot and helps me a lot. And he is even willing to free me of this marriage when the time comes. Nilingon ko si Zeus. Muntik na akong matumba nang makitang nakatitig pa rin siya sa akin.

Hesitantly, I waved my fingers before I climbed inside the cab that Malik called for us. Doon pa lang ako nakahinga nang malalim nang makitang wala na siya ngayon sa paningin naming dalawa.

Tahimik lang kaming dalawa ni Malik habang bumabiyahe patungo sa istasyon ng mga pulis. When we arrived there, I noticed that he had been given special attention by the officers compared when I first inquired about my father's condition. I stayed silent most of the time until we were led to a room where we can freely talk to the lawyer.

Isang matandang lalaki ang bumungad sa akin. Kitang-kita ang pamumuti ng mga buhok niya at hindi na siya nag-abala pang mag-tina. The silver-rimmed glass sat low at the bridge of his nose. His eyes aren't friendly, and so is his smile. I feel so uneasy with him as I sat across him.

"Where's your mother?" tanong niya kaagad nang makaupo ako.

"Uh... hindi po maganda ang pakiramdam ng Mama-jan ko kaya nasa bahay pa po siya ng mga Ferrer at nagpapahinga."

He sighed, a bit irritated. "She should be here. I've something to tell her."

"We can listen to what you want to say." Malik insisted. "After all, it is me who hired you."

"Alright." The lawyer said, clasping both of his palms at the table. Then he looked at me seriously. "I think we would be able to save both our times and efforts if your father just admits that he's guilty."

Namilog ang mga mata ko sa narinig. "Ano po..."

"If he pleads guilty right now, this would not reach the court. Pwede tayong makipag-areglo sa pamilya ng biktima. And if they insist on a trial, I have higher chances of convincing the judge to at least lower the punishment for your sick father."

"Pero wala pong kasalanan si Baba-jan!" giit ko.

"I think this is not a matter if he really has sinned or not. Mabigat ang ebidensiya laban sa tatay mo. He was there. He's got blood in his hands. And half the townspeople are witnesses of what happened. Do you think you can fight against them?"

Nangilid ang mga luha sa mata ko. I cannot believe that he's saying these things to me.

"If you can convince your father to plead guilty, then I can help you with the case."

"Why does it sound like you're doing us a favor? I hired you!" medyo nagagalit na ring wika ni Malik sa kaniya.

"Well, for starters... you're all Muslim."

Sinapo ko ang sentido. Again with my religion! "What does it have to do of my being a Muslim?"

"Think about it. The townspeople's testimonies versus the Muslim. Whose words do you think would weigh more?"

"This is stupid. If you really don't want to fight for her father, you should've declined the job offer in the first place."

"I'm just being a realist here. Or if you can't convince your father to plead guilty, then maybe you can bribe the family a little of something from your ancient wealth? I am sure you can make your way through this if you pay them."

"We're not paying anyone in exchange for my father's freedom. Alam kong wala siyang ginawang masama. Hindi totoong pinatay niya si Thea!"

"Then good luck getting your father out of jail..."

Kumalat ang hapdi sa dibdib ko dahil sa talas na dulot ng mga salita niya. Is this how a lawyer really works? Is this how he really speaks? Bakit ganito? Bakit sa lahat-lahat ng bagay, parati akong alinlangan dahil lang sa katotohanang kaiba ako sa mga tao? Is wearing a hijab a sin? Is being a Muslim a sin? Why are they punishing us this bad?

Hindi ko na napigilan ang pag-iyak. Malik pressed his eyes close in disappointment. The lawyer stared at us with his cold, ruthless eyes. Patuloy lang sa pag-agos ang mga luha ko. Nakakapanghina na ganito ang mangyayari sa amin. And here I thought I would get a least a flicker of hope just by talking to a lawyer. Pero siya mismo, sinusukuan kami hindi pa man nagsisimula ang laban.

"Parvana..."

Halos hindi ko imikin si Malik nang ihatid niya ako pabalik sa mga Ferrer. He is staying at one of the seaside hotels in town. Bumibisita lang siya sa aming dalawa ni Mama-jan kapag kailangan. Zeus makes sure to make him feel like he's not welcome here. Kaya naman nililimitahan niya ang pakikipagkita sa akin.

"Magagawan din natin 'to ng paraan. Huwag kang mag-alala, maghahanap ako ng ibang abogado."

My lips trembled in fear. "But what if... what if the next attorney you hire happens to hate Muslims, too? Paano kung hindi niya naman ulit tayo tulungan dahil lang sa mga Muslim tayo?"

"Eh di maghahanap ulit ako. Huwag kang mawalan ng pag-asa. May iba pa namang abogado diyan, mas magaling at mas may puso na pwedeng makatulong sa atin at sa tatay mo."

I hold on to his words, his promises when I got home that night. Sinabi ko kay Mama-jan ang nangyari, kahit na mabigat sa loob ko. She remained silent, as if she was expecting it to happen. Niyakap niya lang ako at bumulong na maaayos rin namin ang lahat.

Hindi ko nakita si Zeus sa gabing iyon. Levi stayed in his room the entire day, too. I saw one of the housemaids carrying a tray of medicines and entering his room. Siguro ay hindi maganda ang pakiramdam niya ngayon.

Lumabas ako sa likurang gate at binuksan ang tarangkahan. The sandy path feels cool under my toes. I could hear the dark waters ahead. And a large silhouette of a man sitting just a few blocks from the surf.

Kalmado akong lumapit sa kaniya. The more I neared him, the more I could hear the whispering of lyrics and the strings of his guitar being plucked. The song is not familiar to me but it is very soothing. Huminto si Zeus sa pagkaskas ng gitara nang maramdaman ang presensiya ko sa likod. He turned and I smiled shyly at him.

"Can I sit?"

Isang tango lang ang isinagot niya sa akin. It's been a long time since I've seen him holding and playing a guitar. Sa sobrang dami ba naman ng nangyari nitong nakaraan. I don't even have the time to write songs for him. The thought that all of my writing pieces may have been destroyed by now aches my heart.

"Where's Malik? Umuwi na ba ang gunggong na iyon?"

Nagpakawala ako ng isang marahang ngiti. "Umuwi na siya, Zeus."

He only scoffed before turning his attention back to the guitar. Zeus continued strumming again but did not bother to sing. The steady rhythm of the waves decided to sing along with his tune. I pulled my knees to my chest and leaned my chin on it. Tapos ay binalingan ko si Zeus.

"Can you do me a favor?"

"What is it?"

Tumitig lang ako sa dagat sa may di kalayuan. I don't know how to say this to him, but I know I have to. Sinilip ko ng tingin si Zeus. Patuloy pa rin siya sa pagkaskas ng kaniyang gitara.

"If one day I'm suddenly gone... please don't go looking for me."

Bigla siyang huminto at nag-angat ng tingin sa akin. Kumunot ang noo niya.

"What are you talking about? Are you leaving?"

I shrugged. "Hindi ko alam. Sa ngayon, wala pang sigurado. But if these things will happen, I don't want you to look for me, Zeus."

"Why?"

"I want you to continue your studies. Don't ever pause your life for me again. If I'm suddenly gone, don't look for me anymore. I'll look for you instead. When the time comes..."

"I don't understand. Are you saying goodbye to me right now?" napapaos niyang tanong sa akin.

I didn't know where I picked the courage to scoot closer and placed my palm on his cheeks. He tensed at my sudden gesture. Nginitian ko nang banayad si Zeus. Tapos ay umiling.

"I'm not saying goodbye. I'm sure we'll still see each other again."

"Then why the bidding? I hate it that you're forbidding me to look for you. You might as well say that I should get crazy already." Ibinaba niya ang gitarang hawak at tinitigan akong mabuti.

I swallowed hard. Then nibbled my lower lips.

"Naia...?"

"Kasi Zeus... ayoko nang may isakripisyo ka pa para sa akin. Ang oras mo, ang pag-aaral mo, pati na rin ang ibang bagay. I don't deserve them all. Atsaka, alam mo naman na magkaiba ang mundo nating dalawa. You'll gain nothing from this, and yet, you're still doing it."

"Maybe I've gone insane..." he murmured.

"I don't want you missing opportunities because of me. I don't want you pausing your life because of me. I want you to live the life that is meant for you. Kahit na wala naman talaga ako doon sa litrato."

He swore under his breath.

"Tsaka, huwag kang mag-alala. Hindi naman ako aalis nang walang paalam. I'm saying this because... for the first time in my life, I am losing hope. Hope for my own life, hope for my father to get free... and hope for the two of us together."

"Hey, don't say that!"

"Zeus, andaming pwedeng mangyari sa buhay mo. You are talented. You could be a star someday. Just know this, that every time you perform on stage, you have me. I am still your number one fan from the humble start of your career until you dominate whatever concert area it will be. You have me and you'll always have me..."

"Bakit..."

I stretched my legs unto the sand and tried to smile. Matagal ko nang tanggap ang sa aming dalawa ni Zeus pero hanggang ngayon, nasasaktan pa rin ako. Even if Malik promised that he'll get me out of this marriage soon, I can't still have Zeus. He's not meant for me. He's born and meant for everyone. He is meant to share his music. Ayoko siyang ipagdamot sa mga taong pwede niyang mailigtas gamit ang musika niya.

"Can you play for me?"

Zeus stared at me for a long time. I could see the battle of fury in his eyes, before he stiffly nodded his head. Nginitian ko siya pabalik.

"What do you want me to play?" nanghihina niyang tanong sa akin.

"Be my mistake."