Chapter 19

I stared at the screen of my phone for a long time. Nibbling my lower lips nervously, I typed Zeus' name on the search box and waited for a few seconds for the results to load.

Zeus Vincenticus Ferrer

4 mutual friends

Ngumuso ako at pinindot ang pinakaunang profile na nakita. His profile showed up. I clicked the display picture but it was set to private. Sa huli ay nagpunta nalang ako sa timeline niya.

All of his posts are set on public. And it seems like he's very popular, especially with girls. He has so many friends and lots of followers. Hindi na rin ako nagtaka. With a guy as handsome and talented as him, he wouldn't be a secret especially now that he's studying in the city.

Biting my lower lips, I clicked the tagged photo of him by someone named Orianna Acosta. First few photos are just pictures of Zeus and his friends. Mukhang nasa bar ata sila. Habang tumatagal ang pags-scroll down ko sa mga pictures ay mas dumarami rin ang mga larawan nila ng babaeng nagngangalang Orianna.

She was smiling widely at the camera. Zeus' arms are lazily resting on her trimmed waist in a dimly-light place with neon lights blinking at the background. He was dressed in a white floral polo shirt and skinny jeans, but it didn't make him any less elegant. In fact, it suited him very well. And the girl wore a skimpy outfit. Her collarbones, shoulders, and a bit of her cleavage are exposed. The little black dress made her elegant face more regal.

My eyes caught glimpse of the 130 comments below. They're all but congratulating and teasing the two. Kumunot nang bahagya ang noo ko habang binabasa ang mga comments nila.

"Sagutin mo na kasi yan, Orianna!"

"Aww. You two look adorable."

"So much talent and beauty in one photo. Lol."

Hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman habang binabasa ang comments ng mga kaibigan nila sa litratong iyon. They are very enthusiastic about the two of them. Try as I might, I could feel the first prick of jealousy poking my bones. I was about to close the tab when I saw the reply of Orianna Acosta to the first commenter.

Orianna Acosta: He says he can wait ;)

I quickly clicked the home and turned my phone off. Burying my face into the pillow, my heart throbbed painfully. What was that picture and comments all about? I bit my lower lips and tried not to think about Orianna. If the schoolgirl who keeps on coming to Zeus when he was still in senior high school looks elegant, Orianna looks like she's born to be a princess. She's every bit as a girl who should be with someone like Zeus.

And all of her friends are very supportive about the two of them. Tumingala ako sa kisame at bumuntong-hininga. What would it feel like to have them all support me and Zeus?

Disappointment started to gnaw on my bones. You're a married woman, Naia! How could you think of... of things like that? Ashamed at myself for where my thoughts drift by, I pulled myself up and hastily grabbed one of the wooden drawers open. I pulled out the piles of papers where I wrote the songs I want to sing for him and stared at it.

He said he loved me. My lips trembled. He said it himself but now he's seen with a different girl, just a year after we've been painfully separated. The more I stare at the papers I've worked so hard on, the more it seemed ridiculous to me. Why would he even want a girl like me for a long time? Sure enough he'd find some nice girl in the city with no complications. The one who'll not give him heartaches and headaches.

Tears brimming my eyes, I crumpled the papers and tossed it at the trash bin. Enough of your ridiculousness, Naia. What's done is done. You're married now and you can't have Zeus, no matter how hard you try.

Kaya lang naman siya pumasok ulit sa isipan ko dahil nagkita kami kahapon. We didn't much have of a conversation. A teacher approached him and led him to the faculty office. It seems like he only came to our school to process the rest of his papers. He's back in Davao for all I know.

Classes start in two weeks. I tried to carry on with my life and married the thought that a Zeus Vincenticus Ferrer will never wait for me the way he'll wait for that pretty girl Orianna.

To ease my mind off my burdening thoughts, I got up and changed. Pupunta nalang siguro ako sa bayan ngayon upang mamili ng mga gamit ko sa eskwelahan. I decided to go on all creamy white today – from my hijab, to my dress, slacks, and a dainty pair of doll shoes. Nagpaalam ako kay Mama-jan na aalis na at pinayagan niya naman ako.

The town is buzzing with people who're all busy shopping before the sun sinks beyond the mountains. Mabuti nalang at hindi gaanong kainit ngayong araw. I saw the alfresco café where we once had our coffee and the tiny plant house next to it and my heart clenched. Everything and anything that reminds me of Zeus seems very painful at the moment, especially after what I saw on his Facebook timeline.

I entered the small and the only shopping mall in our town. Isinaulo ko na ang dapat bilhin kanina – notebooks, pens, yellow paper, and probably a new bag if my money permits. Cruising down the mall, I felt as if I've escaped from drowning in my thoughts of him. Mabuti na rin siguro itong mayroon akong ginagawa upang hindi ko na siya iniisip pa nang ganito.

I was in the middle of checking out the binders and notebooks displayed on the rack when a familiar mop of hair caught my attention. Startled, I leaned over the rack to see who it was.

"Levi?"

Gulat ding napatingin sa akin si Levi. Then his face broke into a smile as I neared him.

"Ikaw pala, Ate Naia..."

I smiled at him. "Here for shopping? Sinong kasama mo..." the words died in my mouth when I saw the tall figure of Zeus crouching in front of a rack next to Levi. When he heard my voice, his head quickly snapped to my direction. Muntik na akong mapaatras nang tumitig siya sa akin.

"Ah, si kuya..." Levi said awkwardly.

I cleared my throat and chuckled nervously. "Ganun ba..." gathering up my courage, I took a deep breath and glanced at him. Tumatayo na siya at pinapagpagan ang kaniyang pantalon. What is he still doing here? Ang akala ko ba'y bumalik na siya ng Davao?

"Hello, Zeus."

He nodded at me in acknowledgement, stuffing his thumb at the pockets of his jeans.

"Oo nga pala, Ate Naia, baka gusto mong sumama sa amin mamaya sa Sigaboy Island?"

Namilog ang mga mata ko sa suhestiyon ni Levi. Even Zeus looks startled. He looks like he's ready to bit his younger brother's head off and stuff him in the pocket of his jeans. He glared at him for a few seconds, before he looked away, completely uncomfortable.

I chuckled nervously. "Ah, hindi na... ayos lang ako dito."

Levi raise an eyebrow at me. "You should think about it. My brother's been making noise last night that he wants you to come—fuck!"

Inis na nilingon ni Levi si Zeus. He must've hit him on the back or something. For a moment, the two looks like a pair of pitbulls ready to fight each other.

"Ayos lang talaga, Levi..."

"No. You should come." Zeus was the one to break the glare, then he glanced at me. "Come with us this afternoon. Babalik na ako ng Davao bukas."

I stared at him incredulously. Why is he saying this to me all of a sudden? I am very confused right now. There he goes, crying in front of me, saying he doesn't want me to get married to another man, and then now he's treating as if he's forced to see me. Now I'm caught in a tangle of feelings that are overwhelmed by confusion of Zeus' strange actions.

But this afternoon would be a good chance to talk to him. It has been over a year since it happened. There are still things that I wanted to say to him. Maybe we just needed a good talk.

"Alright, then." I agreed.

He shrugged and then stalked out. Levi murmured something under his breath before following his brother. Iniwan ko ang tiningnang notebook saka sinundan ang magkapatid na Ferrer.

We slipped inside the slums, where most fishers are living in the village, just near the water. Apparently, the brothers have rented a boat earlier and was just strolling inside the mall to kill time before their time starts.

Pinauna ako ng sakay ni Levi sa bangka. I smiled at him gratefully. Then Zeus followed. The motorboat is tiny and sways lazily with the current of the water. I could feel his presence at my back as he occupied the center, manning the motor. Pinakahuling sumakay si Levi.

The motorboat swayed violently when a wave crashed upon us. Kumapit ako sa magkabilang dulo ng bangka upang panatilihin ang sarili.

"Are you okay there?"

Kinilabutan ako sa boses ni Zeus sa likod. I closed my eyes and nodded. Hindi ko kayang lingunin siya. No. It's just too dangerous. He's just inches away from me that I could almost feel the heat radiating his body and his manly scent assaulting my nose.

The loud sound of the motor filled my ears when he started the boat. May sinasabi si Levi sa likod pero hindi ko na marinig dahil sa sobrang ingay. I clamped my mouth shut and tried to ease the erratic beating of my heart. Bakit ganito? A year should be a long time to get over him. But I still feel the same way about him the way I did when I first saw him.

Slowly, the island came into view as we crossed the currents. I watched the sparkling waters under the mercy of the sunlight as he silently manned the motor, swerving every now and then. I spotted some tourist boats from the distance.

"Ate Naia!"

I turned and came face to face with the serious Zeus. Apparently, he's been staring darkly at my back and didn't even bother to turn his gaze away when I met his. Nakipagtitigan siya sa akin ng ilang segundo habang ang dalawang kamay ay nasa compressor.

"Mamaya na kayo magtitigan d'yan! Picture muna!"

My cheeks heated at Levi's words. He's holding the same polaroid camera he's got when we were on the beach. Zeus cursed under his breath and with a frowning face, turned to his brother who immediately snapped a photo while laughing.

Mas dumoble pa ata ang kaba sa dibdib ko. Kulang nalang ay tumalon ako sa tubig para lang makalayo sa kaniya. I feel uncomfortable and thrilled and literally confused whenever I'm around him. Nagpasalamat ako nang makitang malapit na naming marating ang isla. Few more minutes to endure...

I hopped to the sand when we reached the island, stretching my sore arms and legs. Sumunod sa akin si Levi. Zeus remained on the boat a bit to stop the engine and tied it to the nearest pole.

Pinagmasdan ko siyang ginagawa iyon. He seemed very serious in doing such simple things. He really is a man of passion. Everything he does, he does it very well. Maybe that's why he stands out in the crowd.

Paglingon ko ay nawala na si Levi sa paningin ko. There are few tourists milling around the area, and a group of family enjoying the late morning water at the beach. Nagpanic ako nang makitang bumababa na si Zeus mula sa bangka. I stood there awkwardly, playing and tugging my hijab while he languidly walked towards me.

"Where's Levi?"

"Nawala... hindi ko alam kung saan siya nagpunta..." tahimik kong wika. Sometimes, I felt like Levi did it on purpose. Napanguso tuloy ako.

Zeus raised an eyebrow with my pouty lips. Mabilis kong inayos ang sarili ko. I cleared my throat.

"You've ever been here?"

I shook my head.

"C'mon. I'll give you a tour then." He said and walked, leaving large and heavy footprints in the sand. I followed his steps and stared at his thick, soft hair dancing with the wind. Biting my lower lips, I clipped my hands to the back to prevent it from reaching for his hair and caressing it.

I almost bumped into his back when he suddenly stopped and picked up something on the sand. Hindi ko na nakita kung ano iyon. It disappeared in the pockets of his jeans.

"Zeus..."

He didn't answer right away, but I know he's listening. Patuloy ang pagsunod ko sa kaniya. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung paano sisimulan ang usapang ito. Maybe I shouldn't talk about it in the first place.

Defeated, I sighed and then shook my head. Siguro ay wag nalang talaga. There's no use peeling old wounds open.

"Kumusta na kayong dalawa ni Malik?" his voice sounded crisp and silvery with the hymn of the wind picking up around us.

"We're fine."

He turned to me, and then stared once again. His soulful eyes are always looking for answers in mine. He licked his lower lips and then shrugged.

"How about your father? Is he hurting you again?"

Umiling ako.

"I hope you're not lying."

"Hindi talaga!" agap ko sa kaniya. I blinked and then sighed. "At least not physically. He's cranky, Baba is. But... I know he loves me and he's just doing it for me."

"Bullshit." He murmured under his breath.

Humapdi nang saglit ang dibdib ko. I ignored the growing pain and studied his face. "Ikaw? Kumusta ka na?"

He shrugged. "I'm cool, I guess."

The image of Orianna and Zeus appeared in my mind again. I stared at the dark blue waters and a small fisher's boat passing by.

"Hindi ba magagalit ang girlfriend mo na nandito ka?"

He turned sharply at me. Kumunot ang noo niya. "What girlfriend are you talking about?"

Nguso lang ang isinagot ko. I don't want him to know that I've been stalking him on social media.

"I mean... baka may girlfriend ka?" I tried two give him a friendly smile but failed. "It's been a year, Zeus."

"Yeah, so what?"

"Are you mad at me?"

"I'm not mad at you." He said in a clipped tone.

"Then why are you..." I trailed off, and with shoulders sagging, realized that I would never find the courage to say what I want to say to him.

"If you're referring to Orianna, she's not my girlfriend." Matigas niyang wika.

"But the comments..." I clamped my mouth shut. It was a bad move. He'd figure out I've visited his profile.

"What do I care about the comments? They're not my friends anyway."

"I see..."

"Why do you sound so upset?" he turned to me fully. I suddenly felt attacked now that his full attention is on me now. Nagpalinga-linga ako. I felt foolish not knowing what exactly to do in front of him.

"I'm not u-upset... just curious."

"Hmm. If you're so curious then you should know by now that the only girl I want to be my girlfriend got married to another man last year."

It was all it took for my heart to explode. I stared at him, stunned and stupefied. It felt like a blow to my guts and I suddenly I found myself melting in front of him under the scorching sun.

"Zeus..."

He waved a hand dismissively at me. "Did I feed your curiosity, Naia?"

I was hurt at the bitter tone in his voice, but I ignored it. "Hindi mo nililigawan si Orianna?"

"Hindi."

"Hindi ka rin naghihintay para sa kaniya?"

He scoffed. "What are you talking about?"

Umiling ako. I averted my gaze and shifted my weight at the ball of my feet, before I turned to him again, my cheeks reddening.

"Can we be friends again, Zeus?"

"No."

The answer was quick and firm. Hindi na niya pinag-isipan pa. Bahagyang kumirot ang puso ko sa sinabi niya.

"Bakit?"

"Because I am trying to move on from you."

"Pero..."

"Don't make this such a torture, Naia. You know too well that I don't want to be your friend." He said before his hand reached for my hijab and played with the gold glass beads at the top of my head.

"Can't we be friends while you're moving on?"

He stared at me like I'm an idiot, then he shook his head. "You really don't know a thing or two about this kind of things, huh?"

Bedazzled, I continued staring at him.

"No, Naia. We can't be friends." Kalmado niyang paliwanag sa akin. "At this point, I couldn't get over you if you keep on reaching out to me."

"Bakit ganun? Kahit kaibigan lang, hindi pwede?"

"Hindi pwede."

"Zeus—"

"Damn it, Naia!" he placed both of his hands on my shoulders, his fingers digging into my skin. Gulat akong napatingin sa kaniya. He leaned his face close to me as he looks very stressed and in a lot of pain right now. "I am this close... this close to begging you to leave him and come back to me. And I've never begged to anyone in my entire life. The thought that you could easily make me drop on my knees terrified me. Let's not make it hard for each other, okay? We can't be friends while I fantasize about you being mine. It hurts. It's killing me. So, no. Drop that silly request of yours."

"Pero Zeus..."

"Kapag hindi ka pa tumigil, hindi na ako magdadalawang isip na dalhin ka pabalik sa Davao. I swear to God, Naia, kapag ako tuluyang nabaliw sa iyo..." he shook his head and pulled the last thread of his self-control, let go of my shoulders and stepped back. "You can't be my friend, baby. You can't be just a friend. Not when I'm still so crazy about you."