Chapter 17

The sun was high and glaring in the sky when I stepped out of the house. Carrying the metal tray with a pitcher of apricot juice, I practically bounced my way towards my husband, sitting on the cemented table with his headphones on, writing music.

Inilapag ko ang tray sa kaniyang harapan at marahang tumikhim. Zeus lifted his gaze and immediately painted a smile on his lips upon seeing me.

"Hey." He said, pulling his headphones off. Ikinawit niya ang kaniyang kamay sa aking baywang at hinila ako palapit sa kaniya.

"Hey." I replied back, smiling. Malambing kong hinaplos ang tuktok ng kaniyang ulo. Zeus kissed my stomach while I'm toying with his soft hair.

"How's that music going?"

"Great." He murmured, but I could hear the tiredness in his voice. Last week, they performed for a noontime show and was ambushed by a surprise interview on their way to studio. I waited for him until midnight just to have dinner with him.

"Kanina pa po naghihintay si Ma'am Parvana sa inyo, Sir." Mahinang wika ni Monica nang dumating si Zeus. She thought I haven't heard it, but my head snapped to the direction of the door when I heard his familiar, heavy footsteps.

I heard him curse.

"Nasa kusina po siya."

Inayos ko ang pagkakaupo ko at tinitigan ang niluto kong adobong manok para sa asawa. I bit my lower lip. I heated the food earlier when he failed to show up two hours after I prepared the food. Kanina ko pa din kinakausap ang ibang kasambahay dito para lang maiwasan ang pagkabored at matinding pagkagutom.

"Habibti..." ang mainit na yakap ni Zeus ang sumalubong sa akin pagkatayo ko mula sa upuan. I put on a cheery smile when I saw him. "You were waiting for me?"

I nodded.

"Kumain ka na ba?" tanong ko sa kaniya.

Hindi kaagad siya nakasagot. Nagkatitigan kaming dalawa. Right. Siguro ay kumain na siya sa studio o sa kung saan mang restaurant kasama ang mga kabanda niya. I should've known that he's already eaten when he's home this late.

"I'll eat again." mabilis niyang wika.

"Ay, huwag na. Ilagay nalang natin sa ref—"

"I'll eat again, habibti." He said, cupping my face and kissing my lips. When he leaned away, he licked his lower lip sensually, making my cheeks burn. "I'll eat with you."

Nanghihina akong tumango at iginiya siya sa lamesa. Even though we were married, I couldn't stop myself from trembling and sighing every time he touches me. Dalawang linggo na kaming kasal. I discharged myself from using the wheelchair three days ago, when I finally regained my strength. The surgery is scheduled and we all but hope it's going to be okay.

Right. I'm going to be okay.

"How was your sleep?" he asked softly, his head still buried in my stomach.

"Slept like a baby."

"Good." He finally leaned away. umusog siya at tinapik-tapik ang bakanteng espasyo sa kaniyang tabi. "Sit with me."

I nodded and sat next to him. Sumilip ako sa sinusulat niya. He's writing notes for his music. Though I couldn't understand any of it, I think it's going to be beautiful. Especially if he's going to play it with the piano.

"Anong title?" inosente kong tanong habang pinagmamasdan ang magulo niyang sulat-kamay sa papel.

One of the corners of his lips curved in a teasing smile. Zeus pulled me closer and kissed my temple.

"Wala pang title."

Nang hindi ako sumagot, Zeus gently nudged me in the shoulder.

"May naiisip ka?"

"I'd have to listen to the song first before I can come up with a title." I smiled sheepishly at him.

Humalakhak si Zeus. So this is one of the perks of being the rock star's wife, huh? You get to listen to the songs first before it is released to the public.

"I'm not planning to release it to the public." He said all of a sudden, as if reading my thoughts.

Kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya. "Why not?"

"There are songs that I haven't and will not release to the public."

Tinitigan ko ang asawa. He lazily placed the pencil between his lips, his brows furrowing as he tried to pick up where he left off. Hindi na niya ako pinansin.

"And why's that?" I pressed, after a few moments when he's completely ignored me and went back to writing.

"Because..." he answered in a low voice, his hands making lazy circles on my arms. Zeus frowned and erased something, before he gave me a lazy sidelong glance. He pinched my nose. "Because it's for you."

Rumehistro ang gulat sa mukha ko. Along with the surprise is the surge of pride that my husband is actually keeping all the songs he made for me for me only.

"I made it for you..." he went on. "Why the hell should I share it with anyone?"

The wind blew. The air was hot and the leaves are rustling. But even so, as I stared at him, I thought of how a woman's luck could stretch this far? Zeus' devotion to me as his wife is something I couldn't decipher for as long as I live.

"Thank you..." I said softly.

"Hmm." Distracted niyang sagot nang muli siyang bumalik sa kaniyang pagsusulat.

Napangiti na lamang ako. I get to see parts of him that he doesn't show to the public. They are under the delusion that Zeus' life is an open book, considering that he is a rock star. A famous one, for that matter.

But there are parts of him that he only allows me to see. There are sides of him that are only visible to me. Our marriage allowed me to see him for who he really is. Behind the rock-n-roll façade and tough bad boy image, Zeus is actually a sweet, tender-hearted guy. He's just as vulnerable as any other man.

Whilst most girls adore him for his looks, I adore him for his heart. Whilst they all worship the ground he walks unto; I worship the way he sleeps like a baby. Whilst they all but scream his name during the concert, I whisper the lyrics of his unreleased songs when I'm alone and daydreaming.

Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala na akin siya. Sa akin siya umuuwi. What we two have is something I couldn't explain. It's more than marriage. More than a relationship. More than what the public has perceived us to be.

Albeit the wedding was supposed to be private, some paparazzi captured blurry photos of us and a few crazed journos managed to get inside the reception just to write down the details as it landed to tomorrow's headline. Zeus was mad, but he could do nothing to those who were invading his privacy for he is considered as a public figure. Least he could do is to confirm the marriage that yes, he is already married and yes, his wife is a Muslim. The follow-up questions of him becoming a converted Muslim remained unanswered, as he refused to give more information, but we all know that he really did it.

"Shouldn't you be resting right now, Dear?" Tita Belle asked me, when she spotted me walking towards the kitchen.

It was one of those delightful weekends that we spent in their beach house at Governor Generoso. Levi is in the country again and the Ferrer couple is trying their best to get grasp of their sons before they became busy again.

Niyaya ako ni Zeus na doon na lang namin sa bahay nila i-celebrate ang holiday season at um-oo naman ako. Gusto ko rin namang makalabas paminsan-minsan.

"Ayos lang po ako, Tita—"

"Mama..." she said gently, touching a hand to my clothed arm. She smiled her motherly smile at me. "Mama nalang, Naia. You're Zeus' wife now. And I've always wanted to have a daughter."

Napangiti naman ako sa sinabi niya.

"S-sige po... Mama..." medyo nahihiya ko pang wika sa kaniya.

Mas lalong nagningning ang mga mata niya sa sinabi ko. She nodded and gestured to the unmixed flour and egg. "I could use a little help here."

Tumango ako at tinulungan si Mama Belle. Sa labas ay ang mga lalaki, nag-iinuman at nagkakatuwaan. Levi came a little late earlier, and I was surprised to see that Tancy isn't with him. Gusto ko mang magtanong ay inunahan na ako ng kaba at takot na baka magalit siya kapag masyado akong nakikiusyuso sa buhay niya.

I appreciated the fact that she tried her best to serve us halal foods on the table. Working with her in the kitchen reminds me of my Mama-jan. We used to work together like this. Sobrang nami-miss ko na siya.

After the last of the roasted turkey has been feasted on the table, we left the dining and went to the living room. I noticed the renovations in their house. Though, it isn't surprising considering that the Ferrer patriarch is an engineer and his best friend is an architect.

Natutuwa kong pinagmasdan ang mag-asawa habang sumasayaw sila. The Clash's voice singing Should I Stay or Should I Go? echoed in the whole house. Paired with the soft crashing ocean waves, it was indeed a perfect night for the rest of us.

"So you've got to let me know... should I stay or should I go?"

I stared at the two of them. Three decades and two years of being married but they still looked at each other as if they're kids in love. The affection in their eyes are palpable and Alas Ferrer still held his wife ever so gently in his arms as they danced.

The more I watch them, exchanging smiles and dreamy kisses, the more I thought that I wanted to have this kind of marriage. A love that lasts. Whilst pain is always part and parcel of love, I pray to Allah that we can overcome it and just grow old together.

"Dance with me?"

Nag-angat ako ng tingin at nakita si Levi na tipid na nakangiti sa akin. Gulat akong napatingin sa kaniya. He smiled shyly.

"Don't worry, I asked permission from Kuya."

Nilingon ko si Zeus. Isang tango ang ibinigay niya sa amin, pero hindi nakaligtas sa paningin ko ang bahagyang panlilisik ng kaniyang mga mata, na para bang binabantaan niya ang kapatid. I chuckled and shook my head, before I pulled myself up.

The music switched to Moondance, and we were moving slowly to match the rhythm of the music. Mas matangkad na sa akin si Levi ngayon. He is the complete opposite of his brother. In a few years, I'd be calling him Dr. Leviticus Ferrer.

"Where's Tancy?" hindi ko mapigilan ang pang-uusisa.

Malungkot na ngiti lang ang ibinigay sa akin ni Levi. Tahimik siya habang sumasayaw kaming dalawa. I bit my lower lip, instantly regretting my rude question. Dapat talaga ay hindi ko na tinanong iyon!

"She's getting married..."

Shock vibrated throughout my body. Muntik ko pang mabitawan ang kamay niyang nakahawak sa akin nang sabihin niya iyon. Malungkot ang mga mata at sumisilip ang luhang gustong tumakas na tinitigan niya ako pabalik. Ngayon ko lang din napansin ang bahagyang pamumula ng sulok ng kaniyang mga mata. If it's because of alcohol or because he's holding back tears, that, I do not know.

"Leviticus..."

Humigit siya ng isang malalim na hininga. Isang nanginginig na ngiti ang inalay niya sa akin.

"It's okay. I had it coming. I just chose to ignore it and now I am paying the price..."

Bahagyang kumunot ang noo ko. So, all those moments they spent together in the last few months, Constance is already engaged? I never saw a ring. That, or I have failed to notice it.

Ngayon ko lang nakita ang bakas ng sakit sa mukha ni Levi. He had been silent and a bit distant since earlier. Napansin din ito ng kaniyang ama na kanina pa kinukulit si Mama Belle kung anong nangyari sa anak.

"It'd be stupid and rude to ask if you're okay right now, Levi..."

Mahina siyang tumango.

"I will pray for your peace of mind and healing, Levi." I tiptoed and whispered to his ears. "You deserve a good love, more than anything else."

The Ferrer boys are vulnerable, that I have discovered and proven. Later on that night, I saw Levi, a grown man, laying his head on his mother's lap while they talked in silence. Malungkot ang mga mata niya. Ang ma niya naman at si Zeus ay nasa likod ng sofa, tahimik lang na nakikinig sa usapan nila.

"You'll be okay, Levi. The healing process is painful and sometimes you feel like you're not going anywhere... but trust the process, love. You will heal, eventually."

I agreed silently to his mother's words before I blend with the shadows and quietly walked to the guestroom. Some time in the midnight, I heard the door creaking open.

I was half-awake when I felt the weight of the bed shift. Tumabi si Zeus sa akin na walang pang-itaas na saplot. The warmth radiated from his body. I placed my palm gently on his back and felt the steady rise and fall of his chest until he fell asleep.

Isang halik sa kaniyang pisngi ang iginawad ko bago ako humimlay sa pagkakatulog.

Dalawang araw lang kaming nanatili sa Governor Generoso. Kailangan na naming dalawa na bumalik sa Maynila dahil nalalapit na ang concert ng The Luminaries at sa susunod na din na linggo ang schedule ng surgery ko. The Ferrer couple promised that they would fly to the city a night before the surgery, to support me and wait for me together with Zeus.

Kakarating pa lang namin ay umalis na kaagad si Zeus. They were very busy with their upcoming concert. Mas mauuna iyon ng isang linggo kaysa sa surgery ko. I wish to attend his concert, pero pinagbawalan niya ako. He wants me to rest in the house as preparation for the surgery.

"Overprotective kasi yang asawa mo!" natatawang komento ni Zoey nang tumawag ako sa kaniya sa hapon ng kanilang concert. I was surprised that she took the call. For all I know, they are very busy right now. "Tsaka ang init dito, Parvana. Dyan ka nalang sa mansion. Magpahinga ka. Panuorin mo nalang ang live mamaya."

Napanguso ako. Monica is just a foot away and she always follows me around, pero hindi niya naman ako kinakausap. Para lang akong nakikipag-usap sa hangin sa tuwing sinusubukan kong makipagkaibigan sa kaniya. For her, professional boundary is really important. If it's not anything that concerns work, she really does not talk to me.

"Gusto ko pa rin kayong makita..." I sighed and rubbed the bridge of my nose. Kanina pa sumasakit ang ulo ko at bahagya din akong nahihilo kaya naupo muna ako. I stared at the high ceiling, the grand chandelier dripping with diamonds and colored glass. Mas humaba lamang ang nguso ko.

"It's okay. We have a tour and I'm sure, once the surgery is over and you've finally recovered, Zeus will allow you to watch our upcoming concerts..."

"Hmm." I suppressed a moan when the pain vibrated inside of my head again. Humigit ako ng isang malalim na hininga at napagpasyahang umakyat na lamang sa kwarto upang makapagpahinga.

Masyado atang napabilis ang pagtayo ko, dahil biglang umikot ang buong mundo ko. I squinted my eyes as everything turned upside down in my sight. The pain exploded in my head and in the side of my stomach. Before I knew it, cold blood dripped from my nose and I could no longer hear Zoey's voice from the other line.

"Parvana? Parvana!"

I grunted and reached for the armrest to steady myself. Nahulog ko ang hawak na cellphone na siyang ikinagulat ni Monica. Her eyes widened as fear struck in her eyes and rushed over me.

"Mrs. Ferrer? Are you okay?"

Hindi ko na masyadong narinig ang mga sinasabi niya dahil tuluyan nang binalot ng matinding sakit ang ulo ko hanggang sa nagdilim ang paningin ko.

I was half-conscious when I felt that I was being rushed to somewhere. I heard calm yet firm voices, instructing each and everyone what to do and where to go. May kamay ding nakahawak sa akin.

"—inform Mr. Ferrer that she passed out and she's bleeding. We're on our way to the hospital now."

Para akong nakalutang sa buong byahe. I am aware of what's happening, but my clouded mind is confused. Why am I being rushed to the hospital? Whose hands am I holding right now? Why am I seeing stars under my lashes?

Mas tumindi pa ang pagkirot ng aking tagiliran nang ilipat na ako sa wheeled geriatric bed mula sa sasakyan. Someone is saying something to me, though I couldn't comprehend it.

The smell of disinfectant and death entered my nostrils. Mas lalo pa akong nahilo. The bed stopped wheeling and someone injected something to me. Moments later, my consciousness finally vacated my body.

Then there was darkness.

I don't have any idea how long I've been out, but when I opened my eyes, a masked medical practitioner came into view. Mukhang nagulat ito nang makitang gising na ako. Sobrang nanghihina ang katawan ko at umiikot pa rin ang paningin ko.

"Anong nangyari..." I croaked.

She gave me a cheerful smile behind her mask. Before she could even respond, the door slammed open and my husband came rushing in.

"Naia!"

I turned to him weakly. He's sweating, wearing nothing but a black studded leather jacket and black jeans with his combat boots. His eyes are bloodshot and it looked kind of glassy to me... like he's about to cry or yell at anyone any moment.

"What the fuck happened, Monica?" dumagundong ang galit na galit niyang boses sa loob ng hospital room.

Monica, who remained calm and poised, took a step forward. "I'm sorry, Mr. Ferrer. She passed out earlier while making calls with a friend."

"Tangina."

Hindi na nakasagot pa si Monica sa pagmumura ni Zeus. The doctor cleared her throat. Galit niya itong binalingan ng tingin.

"Mr. Ferrer, can we speak in private?"

Binalingan ulit ako ng asawa. Kitang-kita sa mukha niya na ayaw niya pa akong iwan. Pero wala siyang nagawa at napilitang samahan ang doktor sa labas. If it weren't for the mouthpiece, I would be smiling and reassuring him that I'm going to be okay. Pinanuod ko silang dalawa na lumabas.

Monica turned to me. She looked tired.

"You're going to have the surgery tonight, Mrs. Ferrer." She said silently. "The doctor saw the urgency and..." her voice went silent. Ngayon ko lang siya nakitang may bakas na ganito katinding emosyon. She's blank and unreadable most of the time. She gave me a shaky smile. "I know you're going to make it."

Nanghihina akong tumango. Siya ding pagbukas muli ng pinto. Zeus entered. Now he looks like an enraged Greek god. Na para bang gusto niyang ibalibag ang hospital bed at pati na rin ang buong building. I could see the veins starting to pop in his neck. Namumula ang kaniyang leeg at mga mata.

"I'm not leaving you..." he said with finality as he neared me, taking my hand into his.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. I glanced at the clock. The concert's about to start any moment from now!

I earned a look of disapproval from the doctor when I removed my mouthpiece and scowled at my husband.

"No, you are..." I said, my voice fading into the wind. Halos wala nang lumalabas na boses mula sa lalamunan ko. I swallowed and winced at the burning sensation at my throat. "You've got to be in the concert. Now."

"The hell with that fucking concert, Naia. I'm not leaving you." Ulit niya sa mas matigas na tinig.

Other times, I would've agreed with him especially when he's this mad. But I can't. Not right now. Marahan kong inabot ang kamay niya.

"Zeus..." I said softly. "Please. I'm going to be okay. Thousands of your fans are waiting for you. Don't break their hearts by not showing up tonight."

"Naia." There was warning in his voice that I chose to ignore.

"Please... do it for me. Maraming nagmamahal sa iyo, Zeus. I don't want you to give up a part of yourself just because mine is weak. It's just a surgery. Magkikita tayo bukas ng umaga. For now, you've got somewhere you need to be and it's not in this hospital."

His jaw clenched in so much anger. Alam kong sinisisi niya ang sarili niya ngayon kaya naman mas naging malumanay pa ang boses ko.

"Please... Zeus?"

Matagal pa siyang nakatitig sa akin. Nagtitigan kaming dalawa, nagtitimbangan at nagtatagisan. There was a war between the two of us, a war I am very determined to win.

When I thought he would burn me with his cold stares, Zeus dropped his gaze to the floor as his shoulders slump. Gusto kong maiyak sa nakita.

"You're going to be okay?"

I nodded and smiled.

"I'm going to be okay."

"I swear to Allah, Naia..." pumiyok na ang kaniyang boses dahil sa sobrang panginginig. "If you're going to leave me, I will burn my guitar and I will never sing again."

"You're not going to burn your guitar, Zeus. You're going to sing for your fans for as long as you want. Go."

"Naia... please..."

"Go now. I'm going to be okay."

Matagal pa siyang nakatayo sa harapan ko. I could see the painful battle in his face. He clenched and unclenched his fists, before he leaned closer and planted a soft kiss on my forehead.

"I'm going to be back, habibti."

"I'll see you again, habibi..." I whispered.

He nodded. Nanghahapdi ang dibdib kong tiningnan siyang lumabas ng pinto. I closed my eyes. Sa totoo lang, sobrang natatakot ako ngayon but the thought that Zeus will be there in the morning, waiting for me, lifts my spirits.

"Doctor... please do your best and save me. May naghihintay po sa akin..." halos nagmamakaawa ko nang wika sa doktor.

She smiled gently at me before she put on my mouthpiece again. "Of course, Naia. Of course."

I finally closed my eyes, knowing it's going to be the biggest night for the both of us.