Chapter 16

As soon as Zoey stepped inside the room, she immediately jumped into me for a big, warm hug.

"Oh my God!" her cheeks were flushed and she was breathless. But her eyes are shining with so much joy. Just like mine. "Oh my God..."

Nginitian ko siya. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala pero heto kami ngayon at mamimili na ng wedding dress ko. I bit my lower lip to try and suppress a smile but I couldn't. Instead, I pulled her again in a hug.

"You're getting married..." she started to cry. "My best friend is getting married!"

Wanda clapped her hands in her nanny's arms. I chuckled and patted her head, all the while her mother is bawling in front of me.

"Thank you for coming, Zoey. I know you're really busy with your practices..."

"What practices?" she rolled her eyes and wiped a tear away. "You're getting married and there's no way in hell that I wouldn't be there!"

Ngumiti ulit ako sa kaibigan. Zeus and I decided to get married as soon as possible. If it was because of euphoria or the thrill of being a husband and wife, that we still don't know. All we know in that moment was that it is very important for us to finally confess our love in front of Allah after so many years.

"You weren't this enthusiastic in my first marriage," I kidded.

Zoey rolled her eyes again. "Well, duh. You're marrying that Malik guy. I mean, no offense, ha? Dude is a good guy. But I'd rather watch you getting married with Zeus more than anyone else."

Pride and love bloomed inside of my chest. Para na atang sasabog ang puso ko sa sobrang saya. At dahil na rin sa sayang idinulot na ipapakasal na ako, sa wakas, sa taong mahal ko ay inignora ko ang sinabi sa akin ng doktor.

"The surgery is needed, Miss Bukhari. And it's going to be a long, painful process. Can't this wait after the surgery?"

I was being stubborn again. I told the doctor that I am feeling good (which is really true). For the past few days, I haven't been puking or losing my hair all over the place. Hindi rin ako masyadong nanghihina. In fact, I am becoming more and more restless as days passed by.

"If I really can't talk you out of the wedding, then you should remember to take care of yourself. Do not exhaust yourself in the wedding, Naia. And you may not be able to enjoy your honeymoon until after the surgery."

I gave him my word. I know I should be listening to him, doing endless lab tests and getting ready for my surgery but I still declined. Somehow, at the back of my mind, a voice was telling me that I should get married soon or it will be too late. Maybe this explains the rush and the thrill that I felt these past few days.

I knew what was about to come. But I was still stalling.

"Naia..."

Napaigtad ako nang makaramdam ng mainit na kamay sa aking balikat. I blinked and Zeus came into vision. He's staring at me darkly. Malalim ang kunot ng kaniyang noo at halos magsalubong na ang kaniyang kilay.

"Gabi na. Bakit gising ka pa?"

Ignoring his growing foul mood, I smiled brightly at him and showed him the wedding magazines I've been flipping since this afternoon.

"Look, I have some ideas for the wedding. Nabisita na namin ni Zoey ang tatahi ng wedding gown ko kanina. Tapos nakausap ko na rin ang ibinigay mong wedding organizer. I wanted to choose the florist, may mga bulaklak kasi akong gustong isali..." I trailed off and smiled cutely, nagbabakasakaling baka patawarin niya ako kapag nginiti-ngitian ko siya.

"Baby, I hired a wedding organizer for a reason." He said and began strapping the guitar case off his back. "Sila na ang gagawa ng mga yan. Don't sweat yourself too much. Alam mo naman ang sinabi ng doktor..."

I nodded, half-listening to his rants. I know exactly what he's going to say, but I just couldn't contain my excitement!

"And Zeus... Malik said he's going to be there with Tamara. I know this is just going to be a small and private wedding, but would you let me invite some of the teachers from Cartwheel Foundation? Gusto ko din sanang imbitahan si Chairman."

"Of course, you can." Medyo malumanay na niyang sinabi ngayon. "But as I've said, you should be sleeping by now and not busying yourself with the wedding preparation."

I pouted. Zeus stared at me. Mas humaba pa ang aking nguso. Alam kong hindi niya ako matitiis. Itinago ko muna ang naglalarong kapilyahan sa aking mga mata upang mas maging epektibo ang pagpapaawa ko sa kanya. I know Zeus would let me get away with almost anything, but I just wanted to push my luck this far.

After a few seconds of me pouting to him and him staring darkly at me, he let out a noncomiital grunt.

"Goddamit. Fine. You win."

Isang malaking ngiti ang sumilay sa mga labi ko. I squealed and pulled him into a hug. Hinalikan niya ang likod ng aking leeg kahit pa may suot akong hijab.

"Thank you..." I sincerely said.

Hinigpitan niya lamang ang yakap sa akin bilang sagot.

"I know I'm not the perfect guy for you, Naia." He breathed in despair as he buried his head on my neck. "I am a converted Muslim, yet I still drink. I still smoke. Sometimes, I am swayed by the temptations and I'm still so afraid that I might wake up one day to find you gone."

"Zeus—"

"So bear with me, baby, please?" napapaos niyang bulong sa aking tainga. "I want to marry you so badly, as soon as possible, because I want you so bad it's starting to hurt... I want to put you where I can see you, to assure myself that you're not going to disappear anytime. I want to cook your breakfasts and dance with you every night. I want to be the one to pin your hijab and be there for you every time you need me."

Tumango ako. Ang isang kamay niya ay bumagsak sa aking hita. He started making lazy circles on my thighs, and even though I was wearing one of my rosemilk silk dresses, I still felt the shivers running along my spine and making my body jolt. Suminghap ako at hinuli ang kaniyang kamay, bago pa ito kung saan-saan maglakbay.

I am never ignorant when it comes to those things. It is normal for a husband and wife. Intimacy is as important as the air that we are breathing right now.

I want to feel Zeus in my skin. I want to be as close to him as I can. I want that connection. But there will be right time and right place for that.

Sa ngayon, kailangan muna naming asikasuhin ang dapat naming gawin para sa nalalabing kasal.

"Matulog na tayo..." he grunted and voluntarily removed his hands away. I saw him swallowed violently. Napahagikhik tuloy ako.

"Tabi ka sa 'kin?" pangbibiro ko pa sa kaniya.

His brooded eyes turned dark at my naughty choice of words. Tinitigan niya ako nang masama.

"Naia..." he warned.

I shrugged innocently. "Tabi naman tayong matulog noon, ah?"

"Yes, I know but..." he trailed off as his lips went into a thin line.

"But what?"

Marahan siyang umiling. Frowning, he gave me a sidelong glance and then sighed.

"I don't trust myself when I'm with you." He admitted, finally. "Baka kung ano pang magawa ko. I'm preserving it for our wedding night."

Natawa ako sa sinabi niya. Hindi na ako nag-abala pang sabihin sa kaniya na pinagbawalan ako ng doktor na gawin iyon.

"I guess I'll be sleeping alone in my cold bed, then?"

Nagulat ako nang biglang hinila ako ni Zeus patayo. Before I could protest, he crashed his lips with mine and grabbed the back of my neck. My heart exploded as he devoured me like a hungry beast, his other hand squeezing my arms as if he's restraining himself from doing something more than this.

Nevertheless, I got lost in his hot and wet kisses. Hindi na ako makapag-isip nang maayos kundi ang rumesponde sa kaniyang mga halik. He moved his tongue expertly as if he wanted to brand every inch of me his. Inilapat ko ang isang kamay sa kaniyang dibdib at nagulat nang maramdaman kung gaano kabilis ang pintig ng kaniyang puso.

Through my fluttered lashes, I stared at him and was stunned of how vulnerable he looked right now. Gone was the dangerous energy he always exuded. The flame of arrogance faded and all inhibitions gone. Even the usual lethal glint in his eyes are nowhere to be found.

All I see right now is a man in love.

Heart soaring to the sky, tears started pooling in my eyes. So, this is how my Baba looks at my Mama-jan every time he kisses her? Or how Malik would stare at his wife when they're alone and happy and contented with each other?

Ang sarap pala sa pakiramdam.

Nanggigigil niyang kinagat ang aking pang-ibabang labi. I bit my lower lip to suppress a moan from escaping. Arching my spine towards his body, I angled so that I could respond to his kiss better. It didn't even bother me that he's dragging me to his lap and making me straddle him. Langong-lango lang talaga ako sa bawat siil ng mga halik ni Zeus.

"Zeus..."

When we pulled apart, we were both gasping for air. My cheeks are flushed and my pulse leapt to my throat. I stared at him with glassy eyes.

"Oh God..." a series of curses escaped from his mouth. Biglang nag-alala ako dahil baka kung anong maysakit sa kaniya. He acted as if he's in pain. "What have you done to me, Naia?"

"What?" my brows creased. Did I kiss him the wrong way? Is there even a right way to kiss someone?

Isang mapaglarong ngiti ang sumilay sa kaniyang mga labi. Gigil niyang hinila ang aking hijab at inangkin mula ang mga labi ko. I closed my eyes and submitted myself to him.

"What have you done to me?" he whispered in his usual raspy tone, in those few seconds when our lips are not salvaging each other. "I'm so fucking in love with you..."

Gusto kong maiyak sa sobrang tuwa. I couldn't even find the right words to say to him, or if those words can even justify how I felt about him. No words, no matter how I decorate it, can exactly define my love and devotion for this man.

It was easy for me to ignore the pain as the day of my wedding neared. Everyone was so enthusiastic about it, and I don't have the heart to tell them that I'm feeling ill. There is a reason why I'm just a teacher and my doctor is always the doctor. I was wrong. He was right. I should've listened to him, but I couldn't take the risk.

"Ayos ka lang ba?" nag-aalalang tanong sa akin ni Zoey, a night before my wedding day. "You look really pale."

"I'm fine..."

"Parvana..." her eyes turned into slits. Alam na alam na niya siguro kung ano ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Those angry slits still held the gentle care, pero mas nangingibabaw ang labis niyang pag-aalala ngayon. "We can call off the wedding—"

"No, we don't." I immediately grabbed her hand and with the last of my remaining strength, squeezed it. Even that simple gesture made my chest ache. "We don't..."

"Either we call it off... or you're gonna use a wheelchair on your wedding."

Seryoso ang mga mata niya. I smiled sadly at her and nodded. Even though her eyes are silently begging me to choose the first option, I decided to press and stand on my decision.

"If I'm going to crawl in my wedding dress just so we could have this wedding tomorrow, Zoey, believe me, I will."

"Parvana..."

"Huwag mong sasabihin kay Zeus, ah?"

Mangiyak-ngiyak siyang tumango sa sinabi ko. I swallowed hard and shut my eyes closed. Gusto ko lang makapagpahinga nang konti ngayon. I just have to finish the ceremony and then we could have the treatment. Magiging okay lang ako.

The wedding dress is dreamy. Zoey and Zeus took their time in looking for the best wedding dress tailor in town. She was able to pull off such a magnificent dress, even though it was only a short period of time.

"If we have enough time to work on your dress, I'm sure even the princess of England would get jealous of you!" Lily, the wedding dress designer, would often say, while pinning on my waist and measuring my shoulder blades.

Palakaibigang ngiti lang ang inalay ko sa kaniya. The dress must've cost a fortune. She is well-known and she's the best in town. Alam kong hindi basta-basta ang magpagawa ng wedding dress sa kaniya.

The dress, like I said, is made of love and magic. Its bodice is plain white silk covered in pearls and the skirt seemed to flow endlessly as I walked. The combination of silk, luxurious jewel, and the colored glass reminded me of what I really am. A woman of Aceh and a daughter of Allah.

I'm sure if I get married in my own country as one of the minor princesses, I would wear a gown as wonderful as this. My uncle, the sheikh, would make sure that his niece be given the best of a ceremony as he will be judged as a man and as a royalty.

Those thoughts are buried deep at the back of my mind so long ago that I thought it hadn't existed in the first place. Kung tutuusin ay parang panaginip lang ang lahat. The decade that I've been alone taught me so many things, and one of them is letting go of the past I could no longer conquer.

Head held high, the designer help me wear my headdress. Just like the dress, it was fascinating and everything a Muslim woman could wish for. I saw a glimpse of a small crown and pearls, of jewels and other ornaments that should suit only a Muslim royalty had they known that I really have mixed blood running in my veins.

"You've got to be the most beautiful bride I have ever worked for," natutuwang wika sa akin ni Lily. Malaki ang kaniyang ngiti sa mukha. "Most women glorify themselves with their hair but you... you look beautiful with your hijab."

With trembling hands, I reached for hers and gently squeezed it. I didn't even have the energy to mutter a thank you for making this wedding more special. A flash of concern clouded her doe eyes.

"Ayos ka lang ba, Miss Bukhari?"

"Naia, please" I said softly. "And yes, I am fine." My heart sank when the door opened and came in Zoey, pushing the wheelchair inside. Napatingin din doon si Lily at doon niya napagtantong taliwas sa sinasabi ko ang nararamdaman ko ngayon.

We both decided to opt for a more traditional wedding. Heaving slowly, I got into the wheelchair and Zoey kissed my cheeks before she fixed my veil. Then we both went to the room where I am supposed to meet my husband and the men in my family.

Since I don't have any relatives, at least not here in the country, the room was filled with my co-teachers and the men of Zeus' family. Levi, his father, and some other cousins that I haven't known since today.

Pagkapasok ko pa lang ay ang madilim na mga mata kaagad ni Zeus ang humuli sa akin. Everyone was shocked to see me in a wheelchair, but they said nothing and watched me in silence. Zeus remained silent in his seat, too, but he looks like he's about to kill someone or turn the building upside down in anger.

My eyes landed on him, lingered for a few moments, before I was able to wheel myself towards his brother. I haven't seen him dressed in white throbe and headdress until today. And he looked much of a Muslim royalty with his aristocratic and strong features I think I would melt. The contrast of his white throbe and midnight hair was so much for a Muslim woman like me to handle.

"I am happy for you," Levi whispered on my ears as he kissed my cheeks. A flash of pity crossed his face but it was soon gone. "May you live the best life with my brother, Ate Parvana."

I smiled tightly at him before I wheeled myself to his father. He kissed me in a gentle manner, and whispered words of reassurance.

"My son loves you more than his own life. I only wish you the best, and I know you deserve the best. I'm glad my son married a pure heart."

I nodded in tears. I'm about to burst in happiness because no one in his family questioned me or him for being a Muslim. There were no words of judgement, no mute accusations or silent discrimination. They all seemed genuinely happy to see me.

Nang sa wakas ay haharapin ko na si Zeus, doon pa ako tinamaan ng sobrang kaba. My heart thundered in my chest as I stared at him, my soon-to-be-husband. He sat silently in his chair as I wheeled myself to him. Nang makaharap ko siya ay matagal niya akong tinitigan. Unti-unti, natunaw ang galit na namamamhay sa kaniyang mga mata.

My hands were cold and trembling. Dahan-dahan ay lumuhod si Zeus sa harapan ko. My pulse leapt as he lay his head gently on my lap and grabbed on my hands as if he's going to die if he let go.

Marahan kong inilagay ang kamay ko sa tuktok ng kaniyang ulo. Nanginig ang mga balikat ni Zeus at mayamaya pa ay naramdaman ko ang mahinang pag-daloy ng kaniyang mainit na luha sa aking mga palad.

"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen..." he said in a murmur, as he wept and held my hand. "Thank you... I love you..."

There was so much to say and so much that are better left unsaid. I could see it in his eyes. He need not to mutter the words for we have the connection only two of us could decipher. We touched our souls and hearts with our love that the exchange of words becomes unnecessary. We both know what we were feeling in that very moment. Bliss. Contentment. Genuine happiness.

I nodded and blinked back my tears. Hindi ko alam kung ilang segundo, minuto, o kung buong magdamag ba kaming nagyakapan sa harap ng kaniyang pamilya. I just found myself listening to the words of Koran, spoken in Arabic, as we both hold unto each other.

After the ceremony, the procession began. There was music and laughter and good food. Our guests covered themselves in expensive silks and we received a lot of gifts from Zeus' friends and families. It was a simple marriage, yet it was so meaningful. There was even throwing of rice and dancing to the music.

And flowers. There were lots of pale pink flowers. The room was heavily scented with roses and perfumes that every now and then I would pinch myself to convince that I'm not dreaming. For an hour or two, we sat under the dell and received the endless congratulations from our family and friends.

Somewhere between receiving gifts and exchanging cheek kisses, I glanced up to the clear, blue sky and muttered a silent prayer to my deceased parents. They would have been very happy for me to see right now, dressed in a beautiful wedding gown and finally, finally marrying the man I truly love.