Chapter 15

The fear of what my Baba will do to me once he found out that I escaped from the house and the disappointment in my Mama-jan's eyes because of what I did was pushed at the back of my mind.

For once, I don't want to think about them. This night is mine. I want to do things I know I could no longer do once I'm wed with another man. I want to sing in front of everyone and be applauded, just like with what happens in my most private daydreams.

Kahit ngayon lang naman.

"Parvana!"

Zoey thrusted me a tall glass that contains amber liquid. I stared at it in a leery manner, then lifted my gaze at her.

"You know I can't drink alcoholic—"

"That's not alcohol, silly. Alam ko namang bawal sa iyo."

I was still feeling suspicious about it, but then I downed on the drink as the fruity taste exploded in my mouth. Hindi ko inaasahan na ganito karami ang tao sa bahay ng mga Ferrer. They had so many friends and acquaintances. The house is suddenly filled with the smell of onions and grilled cheese, sounded of laughter and cheerful voices, and the eerie feeling of belonging.

I sighed on my seat and glanced at the gleaming piano, pushed against the corner of the wall. People came by and disappeared in one of the many rooms of the house. Busy ang lahat. May nakita pa akong nagli-lechon sa labas. All of them were polite enough not to mention it to me, or even offer me of pork when we started eating earlier.

"Hey."

Napatalon ako sa gulat nang maramdaman ang hininga ni Zeus sa likuran ng leeg ko. I turned and saw his stern-looking face, his lips curved in an amused smile. He's changed into a white oversize shirt and skinny jeans when we arrived from the restaurant and went straight to their house for the party.

I smiled at him in response of his greeting. Zeus' fingers tugged my hijab a bit and then leaned in closer. Umatras kaagad ako. He chuckled.

"I'm not going to devour you. Come closer." He almost whispered.

Nag-alinlangan ako. Ang daming tao sa paligid! Alam kong tinitingnan nila kami mula sa gilid ng mga mata nila. The last thing that I want to happen is to stir issues with Zeus now that I'm about to get married. Datu Kiram wouldn't be pleased to hear it and Allah knows what Baba might do to me again.

"Ano?" tanong ko sa kaniya nang hindi lumalapit.

Nanginig ang mga balikat niya sa tawa at umiling-iling. It looks like he's gotten straight out of shower because water keeps on dripping from his hair and his fingers earlier felt so cool against my hijab. It brought a shiver to my spine which I learned to ignored these past few weeks whenever I am around with him.

"Aren't we going to practice? They're looking forward to hear you sing."

Tumango ako at dahan-dahang tumayo. Nang igala ko ang paningin ay nawala na si Zoey. Zeus started lazily walking to where the piano is rested and so I followed him.

I stared at the nape of his neck. His raven hair is teasing the soft skin of its strong column, and so is teasing my fingers to run through the cool skin. I wonder how it will feel like to have my fingers tracing and making circles on the nape of his neck? Or just to ran a hand through his disheveled yet soft raven hair?

I blinked and nearly slapped myself with the carnal fantasies that my mind fabricated! I closed my eyes and paused, trying to regain my composure.

"Naia?"

Nag-angat ako ng tingin kay Zeus at napahiya nang nakitang nakatitig pala siya sa akin. Tamad na itinagilid niya ang ulo.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I said, and licked my lower lips. I gave him a thin smile to assure that I'm okay and swallowed the rest of the distance between me and the piano.

"Alright." He said, already placing himself before the piano and occupying the bench. "What are you planning to sing?"

"Salvatore."

His brows shot up in surprise. He turned to me, and then chuckled. "A honeymoon song?"

My cheeks brightened as I placed a tiny hand on the lid of the piano. "I d-didn't realize that it was a honeymoon song. I just like the song. That's all."

And it speaks of you to me.

"Alright, habibti. We're gonna sing it." He winked and then turned his gaze at the keys in front of him.

My heart thundered inside my chest. I bit my lower lips as my small hands balled into a fist. Get a grip of yourself, Naia. Sing it right and say it to his face afterward. You've only got this night.

"Sa Davao ka mag-aaral?"

Nag-angat ulit ng tingin si Zeus sa akin. When I saw the questioning looks in his eyes, I quickly supplied him.

"Levi told me earlier."

"You know, for a boy, Levi sure is a loud-mouthed ox." He muttered under his breath.

Napangiti ako. "Levi's a good kid."

He smirked, for no apparent reason, and then gazed at me. "I'm glad you see him the way he is. A kid."

Kumunot ang noo ko, hindi masyadong naintindihan ang sinabi niya. When Zeus long, expert fingers hovered over the keys, he stole a quick glance from me.

"I'm going to board in Davao. My Dad and I agreed that I'm going to take a degree in Philosophy and when all is well and done, I get to continue my music. Don't worry, Davao is just a four-hour drive from here. Uuwi naman ako sa tuwing Sabado at Linggo."

Uminit ulit ang pisngi ko. Why does it sounded as if he's making a promise to see me during the weekend? Was that some kind of an assurance?

"It's just four years. You'll graduate in high school and I'll graduate in college..." he trailed off and then stared at me. "You're going to take education, right?"

I nodded my head slowly. Hindi ko masabi sa kaniya na sa loob ng apat na taong iyon, may asawa na ako. At pagkatapos kong gumraduate ng highschool, baka hindi na ako makapag-aral. They're all expecting me to give Malik a child by the time I turn 18. The thought terrified my young heart.

"Good." He said and then relaxed. "I'm going to visit you a lot, here. When you go to college, hopefully I'm starting on my music at that time. We'll get both busy but... we're just going to find time for each other."

Tinitigan ko si Zeus. Why is he making plans all of a sudden? Why does he think that this is all permanent and that there's no possibility of me disappearing like dust in the wind? My heart ached at the thought.

"Pero... paano kung mawala ako?" mahina kong tanong sa kaniya. His head snapped violently to my direction. I swallowed and fueled myself with bravery to meet his piercing eyes. "Paano kung mawala ka?"

He chuckled. "Habibti, I'm not going anywhere..." then he muttered under his breath that I didn't quite catch.

"Paano nga?" I insisted. This time, the amusement was all but gone in Zeus' eyes. He stared at me seriously.

"Paano kung mawala ka?" he swallowed violently. His hand reached for the end of my hijab, resting on my stomach and played with the beads while staring at me intensely. "Eh di hahanapin kita..."

The first wave of pain hit me with his words. I choked on a sob, letting out a cry of struggled escaped from my throat as I stepped back from him. Mabilis na tumayo si Zeus mula sa bench.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine..." I said weakly, blinking back the tears in my eyes.

"Naia..."

"Listen..." I told him and placed a trembling hand on his broad shoulders, letting the heat from his body linger under my palm and sinning so much that I enjoyed every second of it before I withdrew my hands away. Naupo pabalik si Zeus sa kaniyang bench. "We don't have the destiny in our hands, Zeus. Whatever happens, happens. I'm glad I know you. And... this song is for you."

He stared at me, dumbfounded. I took a deep breath, and then signaled him that I'm ready. He hesitated for a bit, but then he started playing the song. I stared at him and waited for the cue.

All the lights in Miami begin to gleam

Ruby, blue and green, neon too

Everything looks better from above my king

Like aqua marine, ocean's blue

I blocked everything and stared at him as I sang. I want to let him know that this is for him, even with my trembling voice. I want him to know how much he means to me through this song, for I am too coward to voice it out loud.

Ah ah ah ah

Ah ah ah ah

Cacciatore

La da da da da

La da da da da

Limousines

Ah ah ah ah

Ah ah ah ah

Ciao amore

La da da da da

La da da da da

Soft ice cream

As I crooned a series of Italian phrases, I stared right on him even when his attention is on his moving fingers at the keys. Some of the visitors stopped to watch the two of us silently, and I all ignored him. The only thing that matters to me right now is for Zeus to listen, and understand that I am saying goodbye.

All the lights are sparkling for you it seems

On the downtown scenes, shady blue

Beatboxing and rapping in the summer rain

Like a boss, he sang Jazz ang Blues

The moment I heard the song for the first time, I couldn't stop thinking of Zeus. How far our worlds are for each other, and how we're bound to break each other's hearts. Silly to some, because we're just kids, but I know that this is once-in-a-lifetime feeling and I would never feel this attracted to another man as long as I breathe.

Ah ah ah ah

Ah ah ah ah

Cacciatore

La da da da da

La da da da da

Limousines

Ah ah ah ah

Ah ah ah ah

Ciao amore

La da da da

La da da da

Soft ice cream

It doesn't matter. Both of us is a tragedy waiting to be written by a brokenhearted writer. I'm going to break Zeus' heart, but time will heal it. I'm going to watch him become a successful musician of his own while I care for my children with the stinging regret that we didn't end up together.

But that's okay. That's what life is, right? You don't get what you want simply because you want it and you're working hard for it. Some things are just created to break our hearts. That's what makes us humans after all.

The summer's hot

And I've been waiting for you all this time

I adore you, can't you see, you're meant for me?

Summer's hot but I've been cold without you

I was so wrong not to tell, I'm in regine, tangerine dreams

It's easy to be in an old romantic film. We both feel so intensely about each other. One of us would suggest we elope, us against the world, for the sake of love and happiness. But we just couldn't. I'm just 14. He's just 18. What good would it bring to rebel against our religions?

Catch me if you can

Working on my tan

Salvatore

Dying by the hand

Of a foreign man

Happily

Calling out my name

In the summer rain

Ciao amore

Salvatore can wait

Now it's time to eat

Soft ice cream

His dark eyes. Alluring. His cool skin. Tempting. His expert hands. Music. Zeus and I. A tragedy.

Someone told me that sometimes, heartbreaks are great for writers and musicians and artists. Their emotions are more raw, more uncensored, more appealing when they're done of their masterpiece.

Does Zeus needed to go over a heartbreak just to create good music? Do I need to go into the same misery just to write good songs? Maybe, yes. Maybe not...

Ah ah ah ah

Ah ah ah ah

Cacciatore

Ah ah ah ah

Ah ah ah ah

Limousines

Ah ah ah ah

Ah ah ah ah

Ciao amore

Ah ah ah ah

Ah ah ah ah

Soft ice cream

I closed my eyes and let the words linger at the back of my throat as Zeus pressed the final keys of the song. By the time we were finished, we were both panting hard. I heard a clap from behind and saw Levi watching the two of us in silence. Nginitian ko siya at binalingan si Zeus.

"Pwede ba kitang kausapin sa labas?"

"Sa labas?" kumunot ang noo niya at sumilip sa babasaging bintana. The night is dangerous with thunderous rain that poured a little while earlier in the middle of the song. "It's raining."

"It's okay..." I assured him.

Zeus stared at me, confused, but he followed me outside. We waded our way through the guests who retired inside the house when the rain poured. Wala ng tao sa portico nila nang magpunta kami roon.

I ran a hand through the wet railings, and then tipped my palm towards the sky, letting the raindrops rest for a second and slip through my fingers.

"You're acting weird. Do you want to tell me something?"

I nodded my head slowly. Zeus shoved both his hands at the pockets of his jeans. Humilig siya sa pader at pinagmasdan akong pinaglalaruan ang tubig-ulan.

"What is it?"

I glanced at him and smiled.

"Kumusta ang kalagayan ni Levi?"

"How do you know—"

"I saw him." I closed my hands into a fist and dropped my hands back to the railings. "When he was coughing up blood."

Zeus nodded. I felt a huge wave of relief when it was confirmed that Levi didn't lie and he did exactly what he told me. Nag-aalala ako na baka itinatago niya sa pamilya ang kalagayan niya.

"They're set to go to Davao for a check-up. The hospitals here don't have the right equipment to determine his condition."

"I see."

"But he's fine. That kid's stubborn."

Tumawa ako. "Of course, he is."

Tinitigan niya ulit ako. His eyes darkened with the raw emotions that he displayed without saying a word. I only have to look into his eyes before I'm carried into a whole new world of shifting and varying degrees of emotions a man could feel towards a woman.

"I supposed we're not here to talk about that."

Bahagya kong iniling ang ulo ko.

"What is it? You're killing me, Naia. Don't tell me you're going to say that you're on a terminal stage of whatever chronic disease it is because I swear to God—"

"I'm getting married."

The blood drained from his face. I stared at him as the first batch of tears burned at the back of my eyes. I smiled at him sadly.

"Anong sinabi mo?"

I stepped into the rain despite his protest. The water penetrated my silky hijab, and I could feel the weight of it on both my head and shoulders. The heavy rain made the world so loud. Doon ko pa hinayaang tumulo ang luha ko. I let the rain conceal my tears and put on a shaky smile on my face.

"A week from now. I'm getting married with Malik, Zeus."

He slapped both hands on the wet railings and stared angrily at me. "Naia!" he roared. "Come back here. Nababasa ka ng ulan..."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you right away. I didn't have the guts."

"Fuck it, Naia!" his eyes darkened with so much anger that it made me quiver in the summer rain. "Damn." A fist connected to the wooden pole next to him, rattling the wind chimes as it fell to the ground.

"I'm sorry, Zeus..."

He dragged a frustrated hand throughout his hair. Mabilis ang patataas-baba ng dibdib niya.

"No one knows about it, yet. Ikaw pa lang..." nabasag na ang boses ko habang pinagmamasdan siyang parang hindi alam ang gagawin. Balisa at galit. Pinaghalo-halong emosyon na tumutusok sa puso ko sa tuwing nagtatama ang mga mata namin.

I chuckled humorlessly. "I guess you're too mad to attend my wedding, huh?"

When Zeus lifted his eyes at me, I almost yelped in fear. I could see murder and blood in his eyes. He angrily stormed to the raging rain with me, the wind whipping his hair around his head as he snatched my arm and yanked me to him.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Z-Zeus..."

"You're seriously inviting me to your wedding?" his voice came low and dangerous.

Bumuhos ulit ang mga luha ko at marahang tumango.

"I... I don't think I can do it... if I couldn't see... you..."

His mirthless eyes stared at me. Then it was his turn to laugh humorlessly. "Damn. You really know how to kill a guy, huh?"

"But if you don't want to attend—"

"Forget it. I'll wear my best suit. I'm attending your wedding." He said through gritted teeth.

My red-rimmed eyes, stinging with the salt tears and the rainwater, widened at his words.

"You're going?" suminghot ako at hinayaang nakahawak pa rin siya sa akin.

Zeus looked so angry, so lost, yet so ethereal at that night. The rain that had clung to his shirt, the strands of hair that are sticking to his forehead, and the way his eyes ignited with fury.

"Of course." He said silently. "I'm your friend, remember?"

Mas lalo pang nanginig ang mga labi ko. I know back then and there that I'd made a terrible mistake of hurting him and there's no turning back. I swallowed the rest of the tears and nodded at him.

"Thank you, Zeus."

"Always welcome, Naia." He said coldly, before letting go of my shoulders as if I disgust him. His eyes are full of anger and resentment as he continued to stare at me and for the first time, it was him who first broke the stare.