Chapter 14

The moment I opened my eyes, I lay still on the bed. My cheeks throbbed painfully, an aftermath from the hard slap I received from Baba last night when I'd pulled myself harshly from my seat and objected his word of my getting married.

"I'm not going to get married, Baba! No one's getting married!"

"Watch your mouth, Parvana."

"Azir, Parvana is too young to get married..." Mama-jan said calmly, when she saw my frightened eyes. She chuckled nervously. "it's an old tradition... getting married at 14. Parvana is still studying."

"Do not, by any chance, laugh or belittle the Islamic culture, Normillah. Girls as young as ten years old at our community get wed to a rich, well-bred guy! Someone who can sustain their needs and provide them comfort for the rest of their lives..."

Nangilid ang mga luha sa mata ko. Tumayo ako at ibinagsak ang dalawang kamay sa lamesa. "But Baba... I don't want to get married. That's meaningless and—"

I choked on my own words when his large, rough palm hit across my face. My lips quivered violently at the harsh contact of skin against skin. More tears blurred my vision when a cry of plead tore from my Mama's throat, begging Baba to leave me alone and not hurt me.

"You ought to watch your mouth when you're talking to your father, Parvana." Baba snarled at me, his teeth gritting and his veins popping because of anger. "No one in this house questions my decisions. It is best for you. You will get married before I die. I will see to it that you're in the hands of a capable man as a father looks after his daughter's welfare."

Nanginig ang mga balikat ko sa hikbing nilunok. Hindi ko sinagot si Baba. Mabilis akong umalis at nagpunta sa kwarto. I locked the door behind me and broke into quiet sobs as I pressed a fist against my mouth, while my parent's argument on the dining room echoed faintly in my ears.

Maga ang mga mata ko kinabukasan. I stared at myself distastefully at the mirror. However much I glowed with happiness after spending a quiet afternoon with Zeus faded into vague memories with Baba's sudden and rather shocking announcement of my marriage.

Ayaw ko pa munang harapin si Baba. Masama ang loob ko sa kaniya. I know he's just doing this for me, but I don't think he can tweak whatever destiny had readied for my life. Ayokong maikasal sa taong hindi ko gusto, at lalong sa ganito pa kabatang edad.

I bit my lower lips and sighed. Just thinking about the groom he talks about made me shudder. How old is he? I'm sure he came from a monied family, well-bred, and certainly not an enemy of Islam. He must be really loaded, for my Baba demands dowry that's a bit higher than the standard for his blessing of marriage.

Ihinilamos ko ang mga mukha sa kamay at humigit ng isang malalim na buntong-hininga. Gumapang ako pabalik sa kama at nagtalukbong ng kumot. I curled up on my bed, trying to ease my feelings and knowing that it would do me no good if I get carried away by my emotions.

"Parvana! Oh my gosh! You wouldn't believe what happened..." Zoey's voice trailed off when she saw me. She paused, studied my face, before her doe-like eyes widened in worry. "What happened?"

I weakly shook my head. Zoey grasped both of my limp shoulders and tried to shake me gently.

"Are you OK?"

"Fine."

"Parvana..."

"Gusto ko munang mapag-isa..."

She stared at me, contemplating. Naninimbang ang mga titig niya. Then she sighed and nodded her head. I felt bad for draining the excitement from her system, but I couldn't pretend to be excited when Baba and I had another nasty argument last night.

He wouldn't listen to me. He thinks I'm stupid and naïve to make my own decisions in life. And he loathes me for talking back to him. Hindi lang sampal ang inabot ko sa kaniya kagabi. But it was all worth the pain knowing that he's heard my side. But what good would it do if he sees nothing but his own decisions and his belief that marriage is a sine qua non for a successful life. And how can I rebel against a man who introduced me to Islam, clothed me, sent me to school, placed the food on my table and a roof above my head?

Namimintig na ang sakit sa ulo ko at halos wala ako sa sarili. Ni hindi ko magawang kausapin nang maayos si Zoey. Mabilis din akong umuwi noong araw na yun. I don't want to see anyone... especially Zeus. Manunuot lang ang sakit sa dibdib ko kapag nakita ko siya. I couldn't even bring myself to convince that I really am getting married, so how am I suppose to tell it to him?

When I went home that day, I noticed something unusual. Our quiet house is buzzing with silent noise and clatters of utensils inside. My heart pounded as I neared the house and stepped inside.

A dark man, standing almost seven-foot tall, glanced at me with his sharp eyes. I instantly backed away the moment I saw him. The robe he wore gleams in our dim lighting, and rubies decorated his long, dark fingers. The gold link on his powerful neck is undeniably winking in authenticity, as the rest of the jewels on his body.

My mouth hung open as waves of surprise reverberated throughout my body. The man and my father are sharing a glass of Jose Cuervo. Even if Baba is dressed in his best robe and elegant taqiyah, the elegance and royalty exuded in the dark man's face was nothing compared to the rest of us. My legs buckled a bit.

"Ah, the young bride has arrived." Baba gestured for me to enter. Rumehistro ang takot sa mukha ko nang pagmasdan ako ng lalaking iyon. I closed my eyes and wished a silent prayer to Allah. I know exactly who he is, and I don't know what a man as powerful as him is doing in our house. "Come, Parvana, and meet your groom."

Kumalabog ang puso ko sa sobrang kaba. I didn't notice him right away. His guilty stares at his hands, the quiet gaze, and long, pleading looks when I sat in front of him.

Malik.

"I assume you have already met my son, yes?" the dark man's voice was surprisingly gentle, a glaring contrast to his rough and dark appearance.

I swallowed and nodded nervously.

"He insisted on enrolling in your school to get a glimpse of how you get by the mundane routine of life. Rajah muda is interested in the outside world, and often wants to interact with commoners as he pleases."

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at binalingan si Malik, ngunit nag-iwas lamang siya ng tingin. Anger bubbled up in my blood as I continued to stare at him.

"Your father and I just talked about the wedding. All is set. I will see to it that my men will prepare a grandiose celebration of my heir finally having a wife. We get ready before the next new moon starts."

"Datu Kiram..." my mother cleared her throat and ignored my father's warning glance when she spoke without permission. "I understand that you've agreed that Parvana, despite being wed to your son, will stay with us until she's turn 18, right?"

Kumalabog ang dibdib ko ulit sa kaba, lalo na nang makita ko ang disgusto sa mukha ni Datu Kiram.

"Yes, Normillah. We've talked and I have given you my word. Until Parvana is a riped woman, capable of carrying a child, then she will stay here. Her husband will continue his training of being a ruler back in Sulu."

"Thank you."

Nangilid ang mga luha ko sa mata. Baba-jan didn't just announced my getting married. He planned it all along! And for him to drag a Datu's son all the way here to the house is a diabolic plan that I wouldn't shake my way out of this marriage easily. Sumasakit ang dibdib ko sa naisip. At mas lalo pa akong nagalit kay Malik nang mapag-alamang minamanmanan niya lang pala ako.

The festive dinner and the talk went on for hours. I remained silent and murmured my words when it was my turn to speak. Malik was silent, too. Kitang-kita ko ang bakas ng pagsisisi sa kaniyang mukha.

Nang matapos kaming kumain ay nagpaalam akong sa portico lang muna at magpapahangin. I need to breathe from all these whirlwind events that's making my head dizzy. Gripping the wooden hand railings hard that made my knuckles turned white, I shut my eyes and tried to regain myself.

"Parvana..."

Nang buksan ko ang mga mata ko ay nakita kong nakatitig sa akin si Malik. He stood a few feet away from me. When he tried to step closer, I raised my palm as a warning and for the first time, let my anger show by glaring at him.

"You didn't bother telling me..." I said in a clipped tone.

"I-I did... many times... I tried to..." he said helplessly. "I just couldn't find the courage to tell you."

"Because I was afraid." He murmured.

"Afraid of what?"

"That you'll hate me." He said and averted his gaze away in shame. For someone who is training to be a Datu, he should do better than averting his gaze when confronting someone. I stared at him with lips pursed.

"You could've told me sooner. Datu Kiram shouldn't be here in the first place. Sana ay napigilan ko pa ang Baba ko!"

"I'm sorry." He murmured again.

Nangilid ang mga luha ko sa mata. I'm going to be a princess, and it's going to be the worst nightmare of my life. I've only got four years left after the wedding. Four years and I'll dedicate my life to the royal family. I'm going to be a breeding object of the Datu, a nameless mother to his many heirs and a decoration in the throne. I will be forced to drop out of school and before I reach 20, I'm sure I'll be carrying a little one.

The thought made me shudder. All the dreams I've built when I was a kid is slowly starting to crumble hard and fast in front of me. The dream of becoming an elementary teacher, having my own apartment, traveling the world, and marrying the one I love. All of it would be but a dust in the wind. A vague memory 40 years later, when I'm dressed with the finest silk and jewelry and lonely in a big, empty mansion.

"Tell him. Tell him, Malik, that I do not wish to get married to you..."

"If only that was so easy..."

Pinalis ko ang luha sa mga mata at nilingon siya. "Why?"

He smiled sadly at me. "This is Datu Kiram we are talking about, Parvana. He didn't choose you randomly. Before you were born, our families have already made an agreement that the first-born daughter and the first-born son shall get wed."

Suminghot ako at nag-iwas ng tingin. Mabilis ang pagtataas-baba ng mga balikat ko dahil sa pinaghalong galit at sakit.

"Bakit ako?" I cried.

"I'm really sorry..." he said sincerely.

I bit my lower lips and remained silent. Malik took it as a sign of dismissal and left me alone with my thoughts at the portico that night. The cool, airy breeze blew and caressed my cheeks. With the tears that had soaked my skin, it felt so cool. Yet I feel so miserable that night, especially when words of vow between our families were exchanged and Datu Kiram stared at me in approval.

"Kung may gusto kang sabihin, sabihin mo lang..."

"Huh?"

Napalingon ako kay Zoey. She stared at me and then shrugged, before sipping on her juice.

"Kanina ka pa tulala eh. Actually, you've been zoning in and out of yourself these past few days. What's wrong?"

Bahagya akong umiling.

"Wala naman."

"Graduation na nina Zeus sa susunod na linggo. Sama ka, ah?"

I smiled tightly at her.

"And the guys are bugging me to convince you to sing with them. Narinig ka daw kasi ng magkapatid na Ferrer na kumanta." Humilig siya sa kaniyang kinauupuan at tamad na ipinatong ang kaliwang paa sa kanan. "I don't suppose you'll want to sing with our band—"

"Kailan?"

Napatuwid nang upo si Zoey at nanlalaki ang mga matang pinagmasdan ako. Her mouth opened wide.

"Seryoso ka?"

I licked my lower lips nervously and nodded. This might be the last chance to do it, so I'll do it anyway.

Nagningning ang mga mata ani Zoey sa sinabi ko. "Shit! Excited ako!" she swore again, tossed her head back and laughed in delight. "Akala ko hindi mo man lang pag-iisipan ito kapag tinanong ko sa iyo."

I smiled sadly at her. If I haven't known that I'll be getting married in roughly three weeks, I would've said no. But this time...

"Baka hindi pumayag ang nanay at tatay mo? Gabi yun. Tsaka sa isang party pa magpi-perform."

I turned to her and gave her the best I could make of a cheerful smile. "I'll escape from them, then."

The more I wake, the more scared I get. The day of my wedding keeps getting nearer and nearer. I've exhausted all possibilities of escaping, but I know deep in my heart that I couldn't do it to my parents.

I attended Zeus' graduation when Zoey dragged me to the event. Katabi ko sa bleachers si Levi na hanggang ngayon ay tahimik lang at madalang akong kinakausap.

"Bibili muna ako ng coconut water. Anong gusto mo, Naia? Levi?"

Levi shrugged. I smiled at her. "Kahit ano nalang akin."

Zoey nodded and bounced off the gym. As soon as she was out of sight, I turned to Levi. Before I could even open my mouth, inunahan na niya ako.

"Don't ask me if I'd mentioned it to my parents just yet. I already did. Para kang timang na natataranta d'yan."

A fresh wave of relief surge through me. Nginitian ko siya. "Talaga?"

Tamad siyang nakahilig sa sandalan at binalingan ako nang hindi ginagalaw ang leeg. I felt good seeing him look healthy and active today even with the shifting of moods.

"Yeah..." he said and then stared at me.

"That's good to hear."

"Kaanu-ano mo nga pala si Malik?"

Nanigas ako sa kinauupuan ko nang biglang tanungin iyon ni Levi. I turned to him once again.

"B-Bakit mo natanong?"

"Pinapatanong ni Kuya. Sabi niya huwag ko daw sabihin sa iyo. Parati daw nakamasid ang gago mula sa malayo." He shrugged.

I stared at him, stunned.

"Nagseselos lang yun..." Levi directed his gaze to the stage when the program has started. Bago ko siya sinagot ay tumayo muna kaming dalawa para sa pambansang awit na sinundan ng panalangin. When we were seated once again, I licked my lower lips nervously.

"Malik is just a f-friend..." nauutal kong sagot sa kaniya.

"Well, that'd be a relief to my brother." He tapped his fingers on his knees. I spotted Zeus with his parents, dressed in a white toga and a blue sash strapped across his broad shoulders. We didn't have a chance to meet earlier before the program started because I was late. I stared at him as he leaned closer to his mother and listened intently to what she has to say, nodding every now and then.

Zoey came back with our drinks. Itinigil na din namin ni Levi ang pag-uusap naming dalawa. While watching the program, I saw some of the girls fan-girling over Zeus. Mukhang taga-ibang school ata sila. They were cheering for his name especially when he climbed to the stage to receive his diploma. I was surprised to know that Zeus was one of the STEM's higher honor students. He exuded of danger and trouble, the bad boy type and not the academic type. But he'd proven that he's more than looks and talent. Zeus is the holy trifecta of talent, looks, and brain.

I watched his female classmates swarm towards him to take pictures after the event. Someone like Zeus cannot lead a private, cloistered life. He is meant for the mass. Meant to perform and stand before thousands of people. Someone like him cannot be humbled to a simple, urban living. Wherever he goes and whatever he does, there'd be someone admiring him... watching him from afar. Take me as an example.

I tugged my hijab a bit to ease the discomfort caused by the heat. Excited akong niyaya ni Zoey pababa para daw makapagpicture kami kasama si Zeus ngayong tapos na ang program. I hesitated for a bit, but in the end, I let her drag me.

"Parvana! It's so good to see you, hija..." Tita Belle greeted. Nasa likod niya ang asawang matiyagang naghihintay na matapos sila sa kakapicture. He wrapped an arm around his wife's waist when she stepped back after hugging me.

"It's good to see you too, Tita Belle..."

"Sayang at hindi ka nakapunta sa birthday ko. I told the boys to invite you, none of them had the balls to get you to my party." She laughed and then turned to her husband, whispering something. Tumango naman siya at mayamaya pa ay umalis.

Nang makabalik si Zeus mula sa mga kaklase pagkatapos nilang magpakuha ng litrato ay inatake na naman ako ng matinding kaba.

"Hey." He placed a hand on the top of his baseball cap that I wore today. "Buti nakapunta ka."

Zoey smiled smugly at him. "And she's singing with you, too!"

Zeus' eyes twinkled as he stared at me. "Really?"

Nahihiya akong tumango.

"That's good to hear." Binunot niya ang iPhone mula sa bulsa. He harshly thrusted it to his brother. "Hoy ikaw, kunan mo kami ng picture."

Sumimangot si Levi sa inasta ng kuya. He muttered something and called him names under his breath but he ignored it. Tumabi sa akin si Zeus. Tatabi pa sana si Zoey pero mabilis niya itong iwinakli palayo.

"Kami muna. Mamaya ka na."

Zoey rolled her eyes and placed a hand on her hips. "Tita Belle, ang anak niyo o, ang landi-landi..."

Natawa na lamang si Tita Belle sa sinabi ni Zoey. I stood awkwardly and smiled at the camera as I heard a series of shutters. I was glad that Zeus maintained his distance from me, and didn't bother touching me even for the "sake" of picture. Little gestures like this made me want him more to the point that it aches my heart, knowing that I'd be getting married in a week or so.

When we were done, Zoey took a picture of us, too. Nagrereklamo na si Levi at inasar-asar na ni Zoey. Bumalik din naman ang Dad ni Zeus na may dalang bottled water at ibinigay sa asawa.

I lifted my gaze to Zeus when he suddenly removed the baseball cap on my head and replaced it with his graduation cap. The tassel swayed in front of my eyes, of which he rested on the other side. Nagtaas ako ng kilay sa ginawa niya.

"Every time I see you, you keep on making me wear something on my head."

Zeus grinned. "Can't help it."

I bit my lower lips and stared back at him. If he keeps on doing this... Allah knows it's going to be so hard to forget him when time comes. The memories we share are often stolen and of limited time, but each one of them are precious and I treasure the most. I know that in exchange of the temporary bliss I am feeling today, I'll probably feel miserable once the memories will start to haunt me in my dreams, and in my life as a married woman.

Both his parents cleared their throat. There was no physical contact between the two of us but I could feel my skin heating at the intimacy. My cheeks burned and immediately took a step away from him. Tamad na ngisi lang ang sinagot ni Zeus sa mga magulang.

"Parvana, we're going to eat outside. No, you can't say no to us. We're going as a family. Dapat kasama ka..." ani Tita Belle at hinawakan ang kamay ko, inilalayo na sa anak niya. "Ayos lang ba sa iyo?"

"Of course, Tita Belle."

I turned to Zeus and found him staring darkly at me while scratching his jaw, following behind with Levi and Zoey next to him. We exchanged meaningful smiles with each other before I dragged my gaze away and decided.

Tonight, I'm going to tell him about the marriage. And also invite him to my wedding.