Chapter 1

"Wanda, bless ka kay Ninang Naia mo..." Zoey said, dragging the little girl's attention from the tall glass of lemonade. Inilapit niya ako sa bata. Wanda stared at me with her wide, doe-like eyes. Her hair, a wild tumble of honey-blonde curls, glistened under the mercy of the sunlight streaming through the big, naked windows. She stared at me for a long time, before her curious gaze dropped to my waiting hands.

"C'mon, baby... take Ninang's hands..." Zoey encouraged her.

Ngumuso ang bata. Tapos ay nag-aalangang kinuha ang kamay ko at dinala sa noo niya. I laughed a bit and patted her curls.

"Now, there's a good girl." I commented.

Tila natakot si Wanda sa akin nang magsalita ako at mabilis na niyakap ang ina. Zoey chuckled and hugged her daughter back, running her fingers through her curly hair.

I tilted my head a bit. Isang multo ng ngiti ang sumilay sa mga labi ko.

"I still can't believe that you had a child..." I muttered.

"And I can't believe that you took your hijab off." She retorted. Nagtawanan kaming dalawa. When the laughter died down, Zoey put Wanda down and allowed her to play with the plush toys scattered on the floor.

"When you called me and told me you were pregnant, I was really happy for you. Kahit na hanggang ngayon ay hindi mo pa rin sinasabi sa akin kung sino ang ama ni Wanda."

Nawala ang ngiti sa mukha ni Zoey. Sumimangot siya. "Well, I don't need that bastard to raise my daughter. It's just a one-night stand. Yun lang at wala ng iba." She scoffed.

"Don't make it sound as if you regret having Wanda in your life, Zoey..." I reminded her.

Her cheeks flushed. "Of course not! Wanda is the best thing that has happened to me, though she caused quite a scandal to me and the band." Natawa si Zoey. "Mabuti na rin ito at nang may kalaro na ang pamangkin ko," she said, referring to the daughter of her brother, Leonard who is three years older than Wanda.

Itinago niya sa publiko ang pagbubuntis niya. Only her close friends and family knew about her pregnancy. When she called me to tell that she's pregnant and she wants me to be the godmother of her child, I was in a remote village of Zamboanga. The signal doesn't work and I have to go to the town just to take her calls. Nagtagal ako ng ilang buwan doon kaya hindi rin ako nakabisita sa kaniya. Nalaman ko nalang na nanganak na siya nang lumabas ang mga litrato niya sa internet at sa dyaryo. The press feasted on the news of The Luminaries' pianist being pregnant. Isa din ito sa mga dahilan kung bakit iilang Asian tours ang hindi siya nakasama.

Both the fans and the press are speculating. They wanted to know who the father is. Tanging pamilya lang ni Zoey ang nakakaalam kung sino nga ang tunay na ama ni Wanda. But one look at the angelic face of the little girl, the honey-blonde hair, and the pointy nose and I could tell that her father must be a foreigner. Now the press is digging up photos of her with a foreign actor, musician, and even producers, determined to know who the real father is. The only foreigner I've seen with her is the college boy who'd been her friend when we were still in high school. Isang beses ko lang siyang nakitang kasama ang lalaking iyon, at hindi na rin ako nagtanong pa kung sino siya.

Hindi ko rin naman siya pinilit na tanungin pa kung sino iyon. Kapag handa na siyang sabihin sa akin ay makikinig ako. For now, I am contented with what we have. The friendship that has lasted more than a decade is more than enough for me.

Wanda is a big ball of energy. That, she is. For the past half an hour that I've been in Zoey's house, she hasn't stopped moving, yapping, and jumping. Magda-dalawang taon na siya, ayon sa kaibigan ko. She's very energetic and hyper. Many times she tugged on my hair. Her mother silently scolded her and told her to behave. Ngumunguso lang ang bata kapag napagsasabihan.

"Kumusta naman ang trabaho mo? Hindi ko alam na may isasanto ka pa pala... teaching bajau children in bangka..."

I chuckled. Three years ago, I've quit teaching in a private school and joined the Cartwheel Foundation. It is a non-government organization that is dedicated to giving quality education to indigenous children. Since then, I've been travelling to remote places of the country to teach young children. Every village, every culture, and every class is very unique and refreshing to the soul. Kapag nakikita mo kung gaano sila kasaya sa mumunting bagay gaya ng mga bagong lapis at bag ay mapapaisip ka nalang talaga kung gaano ka kaswerte sa buhay.

"It's really fun, Zoey. I love my job..."

"I suppose that's right. Otherwise, you wouldn't be traveling to places that are nearly erased from the Philippine map just to teach people who don't speak the same language as you."

Ngiti lang ang isinagot ko sa kaibigan.

"Eh si Malik at Tamara... kumusta na?"

"They're doing fine. Kasing-edad na ni Wanda si Tamara." Nangingiti kong sagot sa kaniya.

"Okay..." she leaned back and stretched. Even though she'd given birth to a healthy baby girl, Zoey being a public figure, managed to maintain her body. Her hips have gotten wider, her breasts bigger, and her waist trimmer after the scandal. Mas naging blooming din siya ngayon. I guess it is the motherly glow that has to do with it. "Enough with the inconsequential conversation. I really wanted to know..." tinitigan niya ako nang mabuti. "Anong nangyari sa inyo ni Zeus kahapon?"

I clamped my mouth shut. Yesterday was... it was not what I expected. After so many years of attending his concerts without his knowledge, I've finally found the courage to show myself to him. It has been ten years. In ten years that we've been apart, not a day had gone by without him crossing my mind. Even when I'm busy, Zeus still manages to enter my mind here and there. The thought of us meeting again is a bit overwhelming. Ilang taon din akong nag-ipon ng lakas ng loob para makausap siyang muli.

"I don't know if it's really a conversation, Zoey..." mahina kong wika, pinapanuod si Wanda na putulin ang ulo ng manikang hawak. She grinned wickedly and threw the head away, then directed her gaze to her next target – the dollhouse. "He just keeps on cursing at me... for not wearing my hijab. Masyadong naging mabilis ang mga pangyayari. All I know is that, a few moments later, I am being escorted outside by two bulky men. Pinabalik na din si Zeus sa loob."

"So walang nangyaring pag-uusap?"

I shrugged.

She sighed. "That twat..." Zoey muttered and dragged a hand through her short hair. Ngumuso siya. "He's been silent all these years."

"Is he?"

"Yes. He didn't mention your name once. I'm sorry, I just have to say it."

Tumango ako kahit na nagsisimulang manikip ang dibdib sa naririnig.

"All these years... the tours, the practices, the performances... ni minsan ay hindi ko narinig na banggitin ka ni Zeus sa akin. He's been very silent about you. But we both know that the girl in his song, Never My Bride, is you. Kahit ilang beses na siyang tinatanong ng media kung sino ang babae sa kantang iyon, hindi niya sinasagot. Hindi rin naman kami ang nagsulat ng kanta kaya wala kaming karapatan na sabihing ikaw iyon."

"Ako nga ba?" I laughed bitterly.

Zoey rolled her eyes at me. "Well, duh... who was the one who got married when she was 14? Grabe ang iyak ko nun, alam mo ba iyon? Zeus attending the wedding is one of the hardest things he's done for you. But he did it anyway... because he promised."

The humorless smile faded from my face. Now my heart thumped with misery and extreme longingness. I so wanted to caress his face yesterday... but I couldn't. We were face to face. We were just inches apart. But still... he's still out of my reach.

"There are few women who kept him entertained, yes. But none of them lasts for more than a month. He's got a bad boy image and he's damn well living with it. He tosses them around like toys. Parang teenager kung makaasta!"

I dropped my gaze to Wanda when she crawled back to me. She started reaching for my hair and tugging it a bit. A cunning smile touched her lips.

"Pretty, pretty, pretty..." she repeated.

My heart warmed. I've always had a soft spot for children. They are just so pure and adorable and innocent. I want to protect as much children as I can. And if the only way that I could do it is by giving them the education that they deserve, no matter how hard it is, I'm willing to sacrifice.

"Just give him some time, Parvana. I'm sure he's still in shock to see you again. It's been a very long time."

"Yes, it is." With sagging shoulders, I scooped the little ball of fire in my arms and placed her gently on my lap. Nginitian ko nang malapad si Wanda.

"Ilang linggo ka ba dito sa Maynila?"

"Hmm, hindi ko alam. I was asked to take a forced vacation because according to the chairman, I've been working too hard for the organization..." napailing ako at natawa. "He sent me here, paid for my tickets. Binisita ko na din ang apartment na nabili ko two years ago."

"So you're not staying here for good, then?"

"I don't think I will. Eventually, I'll go back to work. Ang gusto ko lang naman ay makausap si Zeus."

Matagal akong tinitigan ni Zeus. She tilted her head. "Makausap lang?"

"I just want to ask for forgiveness. What we have back then is just a young, puppy love. Tell me, Zoey... it's been ten years. Don't you think Zeus have moved on from it?"

She seemed taken a back with my question. Matagal siyang nag-isip bago siya nakasagot.

"I can't answer that. Si Zeus lang ang makakapagbigay sa iyo ng sagot, Parvana."

I touched the ends of my hair and nodded. "Right."

"Ikaw ba? Sa loob ng sampung taon, nakapag-move on ka na mula kay Zeus?"

I bit my lower lips and dropped my gaze. "I'm afraid I can't answer that too, Zoey..." mahina kong sagot.

Life has never been too good nor too bad for me. Ten years ago, I'd lose hope for the first time. And now here I am, giving hope to the little children who I believe, will be the light of today's generation. I've landed on a job I love, a have a few properties, and I've kept a friend for ten years.

Ano pa nga ba ang mahihiling ko?

I stared at our family picture when I flicked the lights open. The only family picture we've got. Baba is standing behind the two of us. Mama-jan had her arms wrapped around me. Baba-jan may not be smiling, but I could feel the power, the love, and the affection of just his hand touching my mother's shoulders. It was taken when I was still five years old with all of us still wearing our traditional Muslim attire.

Nilapitan ko at pinulot ang picture frame. I traced both of their faces using the end of my fingertips. Bago pa ako mapaluha ay pinigilan ko na ang sarili ko. I bite my lower lips and placed the frame down. I missed them so much. The death of my parents is the kind of death they don't deserve. Baba-jan died inside the prison, a futile heart attack that took his life away. And what's worse is that, we were both in Sulu when it happened. I've completely lost hope at that time, and even questioned Allah. I had the audacity to question Him, as sorrow has driven my heart to the darkest of the grief. My young, weak mind back then thought that my faith to Him wasn't enough that He'd snatched Baba away from me.

Five years later, Mama-jan followed him. She died of breast cancer. At least I was by her side. But it was still painful to watch her slowly get weak and eventually die. I could smell death and sorrow in the hospital room every time I visit her. If it weren't for Malik, I would've gone crazy because of the extreme sadness.

Shrugging off my linen jacket, I stripped my clothes off and stepped into the tub. I poured lavender and scattered some petals of white rose when I arrived so I could spend the rest of the night bathing and trying to relax. I couldn't even remember the last time I have been in a tub as luxurious as this. In remote villages I've been before, swerte nalang kung may matinong tubig at banyo na pwede kaming magamit. Natuto na akong matulog sa sleeping bag at makipagsiksikan sa kapwa ko mga guro sa isang maliit na kwarto. We've been granted several benefits for our sacrifices. A trip to London, some insurances, and financial support. The pay isn't princely, but I love what I am doing and I am very contented.

Ever since I've been alone in life, traveling to different places had been my way of escape from the reality. Tinatakasan ko din noon ang mga alaala ni Zeus. Sampung taon ang nakalipas at napagtanto kong hindi ko pala talaga kaya. Kaya naman nag-ipon ako at sinimulan siyang hanapin ulit. It wasn't really hard, with Zoey's help. But getting near to him is next to impossible. I'm not sure I can't be alone with him right now without his bodyguards or the paparazzi trying to get a scoop of his latest woman.

My heart swelled in pride. Sa tuwing nakikinig ako sa mga kanta nila o nakikita ko siya sa telebisyon, gusto ko nalang siyang yakapin. Gusto ko siyang puriin at kausapin.

Zeus, ang dami nang nagmamahal sa iyo. Diba sabi ko sa iyo, isang araw, magiging matagumpay ka rin? You're successful now and I am very proud of you.

Zeus, alam mo ba... sa milyon-milyong taong nagmamahal sa iyo ngayon, isa din ako doon?

Tears burned at the back of my eyes. I gathered my knees to my chest as more tears brimmed and streamed down my face. Nagsimula na akong umiyak. I bit my lower lips to muffle my cries to no avail. Isinubsob ko ang basang mukha sa mga palad at mas lalong napahagulhol.

Zeus, sa sobrang dami ng nagmamahal sa iyo ngayon, mapapansin mo pa ba ako? May silbi pa ba ang pagmamahal ko sa iyo gayong marami namang makapagbibigay nito sa iyo?

Sobrang hapdi ng dibdib ko. I tried to calm down. I've never broken down for him before. Ngayon lang. Marahil dahil nagkita kami ulit kahapon. I thought all these years, I'd be able to forget him. But seeing him yesterday brought back all the memories. And all the pain. I know right then and there that my feelings for him haven't faded for a bit. Siya at siya pa rin.

I spent the rest of the night wallowing in self-pity and regrets. When I got out of the bath, I felt more tired than relaxed. I quickly retired to bed in my satin sleepwear with puffy eyes and tired soul.

Nang magising ako, mabigat din ang katawan ko. I've no plans of getting up early today if not for the honking of a vehicle outside my apartment. Frowning, I got up and grabbed my robe. Sumilip ako sa bintana at namilog ang mga mata nang makakita ng isang limousine sa labas. Pinagtitinginan na din iyon ng iilan sa mga kapitbahay ko.

A tall man, who appeared to be a butler or a bodyguard, is standing outside my gate. His blank expression and steely gaze brought shivers to my spine. For a moment, I thought of just locking myself inside the apartment for the guy give me the creeps. Convincing myself that I've done nothing wrong, I gathered the courage that I needed and fixed my hair. I haven't gotten rid of the habit of wrapping my hair in a shawl, even though it's been months since I've been converted. Lumabas akong nakabalot.

"Good morning, Miss Bukhari." The guy said in a polite tone. Nagulat ako sa narinig. Dahan-dahan kong binuksan ang gate at tinitigan ang mukha niya.

"Uhm... good morning sir...?"

"Just call me Nigel, Madame."

"Ah, okay. Nigel." I nodded and cleared my throat. I don't know how to act around him. So, I just gave him what I hoped was a friendly smile. "Do we have a problem here or...?"

"I've been summoned by someone to fetch you."

"Someone?" kumunot ang noo ko.

"I'm sorry, I cannot say the name for security purposes. But you are to come with me."

Tinitigan ko siya. Does he really think I'd go with him without knowing who this someone he is referring to? He could be a rich serial killer for all I know. Bahagya akong nakaramdam ng takot.

"I'm sorry, I don't think I'll be going with you."

Nigel shifted on the balls of his feet, directed his steel gaze at me. Nagkamot ito sa batok.

"Well... my boss says he wants me to get his habibti back home." Wika niya sa pormal na boses. He cleared his throat. "He also said that his habibti can be a bit stubborn, so if the circumstances require force to bring her back to him, then I will do what is necessary."

I gaped at him, my knees turning weak. My pulse leap and my heart pounded wildly inside of my chest. My mind is roaring Zeus' name inside of my head.

"Are you... are you talking about Zeus?" I croaked.

"Madame, I really cannot disclose the name. But he says he wants to see his Mufasa back. I guess that's enough for you to know who I'm talking about."

Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko. A laughing sob escaped from my throat. "You're definitely talking about him..."