Chapter four - Yesterday

"Why she had to go?
I don't know, she wouldn't say.
I said something wrong.
Now I long for yesterday." - Yesterday, The Beatles.

Paul was perched on the edge of his chair at the side of his bed. His chin rested on his hands. He couldn't sleep. Most likely, he was even awake before his dad. His eyes were still heavy and his head was clouded. He couldn't stop thinking how careless she had acted last night. Words were beyond him; he thought she loved him. Scenarios raced through his mind about what he could've said or done to change her mind. Constantly blaming himself for what he had said, he was furious with himself. He tried to avert his thoughts to something else, feeling physically sick as he replayed last night over and over again inside his head. It was impossible.

He suddenly shifted his gaze to the small crack between his door and door frame as a shadow skimmed passed it. He swallowed hard and leaned forward, part of him hoping it wasn't Mike, but also a slightly bigger part of him hoping it was. He wanted to apologise for the way he acted last night and explain what had happened to get him in the state he was. He placed his hands on his knees and stood up slowly before creeping toward the door and placing his hand on it, peeping through the crack with one of his eyes. He could hear someone in the bathroom. He waited silently before taking a sharp gasp when he saw Mike exiting the bathroom, quickly starting to debate with himself whether he should approach him or not. He opened his mouth, trying to speak but nothing coming out. He felt his heart pounding in his chest from being so nervous, placing his hands on the door and opening it slightly more.

"M-Mike..." His voice was shy and sheepish, swallowing hard. Mike didn't hear. "M...Mike." He raised his voice slightly, breathing heavily and quickly through his his mouth. Mike turned his head, looking around with a scowl before suddenly spotting Paul, instantly breaking eye contact. He rolled his eyes and began to walk back toward his room. "Mike! Please..." Paul whined, almost pleading for Mike to walk over to him. Mike sighed deeply and lifted his head, looking directly at Paul.

"What?" He asked bluntly, attempting to cross his arms across his chest but wincing slightly as he placed them back by his sides, his body aching from the way he had fallen last night. Paul stayed silent, gesturing for Mike to follow him inside his room as he held his door open fully. Mike gritted his teeth and walked forward into Paul's room, resting his hands in his pyjama bottom's pocket. Paul stayed silent for a few moments and chewed his bottom lip, sitting down on the end of his bed, "What do you want, Paul? If you don't speak, I'm leaving."

"I.. How are you feeling?" Paul asked nervously, looking up at him.

"Oh, how am I feeling? How am I bloody feeling?!" Mike laughed sarcastically, widening his eyes, "I'm feeling like someone who got thrown against a wall last night because his stupid big brother couldn't wait to use the bathroom." He grumbled, rolling his eyes. Paul blinked quickly, unsure of what to say.

"I- I'm really sorry, Mike. I was a mess last night." Paul swallowed hard, resting his hands in his lap.

"Because you couldn't use the bathroom?" Mike scowled, clearing his throat.

"No... I told you. M-Me and..." Paul's voice faded, feeling his eyes instantly starting to fill up.

"Oh, you mean what you told me just before you aggressively barged passed me after me saying I wanted to help?" Mike squinted his eyes, sighing loudly. Paul stayed quiet and swallowed the lump in his throat, staring down at his feet. "Are you and Daisy actually over?" He questioned, studying Paul closely. Paul nodded hesitantly, staying quiet and feeling his bottom lip starting to tremble as his head sank lower into his hands. Mike's eyes suddenly widened, walking closer to Paul and taking a deep breath, feeling himself becoming frustrated about the fact that he didn't really have any choice but to forgive what happened last night if he didn't want his brother to feel like this. He wanted to pat his back and try and make it better, but another part of him wanted to hold the grudge from how Paul had been last night. As he reached forward, placing his hand on Paul's shoulder, Paul crumbled beneath him. Mike gasped softly as he watched his brother break down into a flood of tears, almost burying his head against his knees. "Paul, oh, Paul... Come here.." Mike narrowed his eyebrows and sat next to him, wrapping his arm around Paul's shoulders and starting to rub his back gently, pouting his lips.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry.." Paul blubbed into his hands, shaking his head.

"No, Paul... Don't worry about it." Mike spoke softly, squeezing his brother's shoulder, "Listen, I understand... J-Just, uh... I don't know.. J-Just let it all out." He wasn't entirely sure what to do in this position, he had never really experienced seeing his brother like this. Paul continued to cry through his fingers, feeling himself becoming light headed from all of these emotions shooting through him, "Paul, you and the guys, you're going to have an amazing time in Hamburg, alright? You're going to have the time of your life doing exactly what you love in front of an audience that loves watching it just as much." Mike tried his best to comfort Paul and lighten the mood, keeping his eyes close to him. Paul gradually lifted his head, shakily wiping his wet cheeks with the backs of his hands.

"I- I hope... But there's nothing I'm going to look forward to coming back to now." Paul sniffled, looking at Mike with red, swollen cheeks.

"Hey, there's me and dad!" Mike exclaimed, trying to make Paul laugh as he nudged him. Paul swallowed hard and shrugged, trying to push his hair back into position with his hands. Mike frowned at his reaction and lightly rubbed Paul's shoulder, "We're going to miss you, Paul. We'll be here, waiting for you to come back. We're so proud of what you've done so far, Paul. Who knows what's to come, hm? What's the one thing you go to, to cheer yourself up?"

"Daisy." Paul mumbled, trying to catch his breath. Mike took a deep breath and shook his head.

"Besides Daisy. Not a person. What's the one thing you can always guarantee to make you happy?" Mike raised a brow, trying to flicker his eyes towards Paul's guitar.

"M-Music..." Paul spoke quietly, chewing his bottom lip. Mike nodded and smiled.

"Exactly! And that's exactly what you're going to do. Music. You're going with your best friends to perform your absolute passion. Go out there and have fun. Forget about everything at home and enjoy yourself." Mike pouted his lips, narrowing his eyebrows.

"It's not as easy as that, Mike..." Paul sighed, rubbing his fingertips against his forehead, "But thank you. I really appreciate how much you're trying. Thanks, mate." Paul half smiled, patting Mike's back. Mike's pout turned back into a frown, swallowing hard as he watched the genuine sadness in his brother's eyes.

"Y-You're welcome..." Mike spoke quietly, keeping his eyes on Paul's. Paul looked over at Mike before the both of them turned their attention to the door, hearing a few knocks.

"Paul, are you awake?! They'll be here soon to pick you up!" Jim's voice followed the knocks.

"Y-Yeah, yeah.. I'm up and ready, dad. Thanks." Paul replied, trying to sound as casual as possible. He stood up and took a deep breath, his brother following his every move.

"Are you going now?" Mike asked, also standing up.

"I- I guess, yeah..." Paul shrugged uneasily, scratching the back of his neck. Without saying a word, Mike stepped forward and wrapped his arms tightly around his brother, hugging him in an almost protective manner. Paul widened his eyes slightly in shock and hugged Mike back, taking a deep breath as he rested his forehead against his shoulder.

"Have fun. I'll miss you." Mike whispered, feeling his nose slightly squashing against Paul's chest from the height difference.

"Thanks... I'll miss you." Paul whispered back, lightly rubbing Mike's back before bringing his arms back by his sides and swallowing hard as he stepped away. "I... I'll get on my way. I'll see you when I get back." Paul attempted to smile.

"I'll be waiting." Mike smiled back, following Paul out of his room and down the stairs. Paul let out a small sigh as he walked over to his boots, slipping them on.

"Would you like something to eat before you leave?" Jim called from the open kitchen door.

"No, thanks. I'm not hungry." Paul replied, walking toward the kitchen.

"Well, tough. I've made you a packed lunch for your journey!" Jim chuckled, grinning at Paul as he held up a small and sealed see-through tub which contained a couple of sandwiches. Paul glanced down at the box and then back up at his father, raising his eyebrows as he let out a single chuckle.

"You're the best." He shook his head with a slight grin. Jim winked in response and suddenly pulled Paul in for a big hug.

"Look at my boy! He's going out to live his dream again." Jim sighed softly, pulling back and placing his hands on either of Paul's shoulders, gazing down into his eyes.

"My dream?" Paul bit his lip, speaking jokingly, "Maybe if my dream was to be playing hours on end, day and night in a sweaty club, then to go back to a cramped, damaged, looking like it's practically about to cave in room... Then you're right."

"Oh, come on! You love it." Jim laughed at his son's dramatic response, playfully nudging his shoulder.

"I do." Paul nodded, holding the tub containing the sandwiches tightly in his hand. Jim smiled widely at Paul, crinkling his nose. The both of them jumped slightly as there was a loud car horn from outside, making Paul widen his eyes.

"Well... Get going before you make me cry!" Jim sniffled playfully, rushing toward Paul's encased guitar before handing it to him.

"Oh, give up." Paul pulled a face at his dad, trying not to laugh as he made his way toward the door. He opened it carefully, shivering as the cool September air hit him before turning back to look at his father and brother, "I'll see you when I get back."

"Go do us proud, son. Don't get up to too much trouble." Jim's grin shon from ear to ear, placing his arm around Mike's shoulder as the both of them waved him off.

"No promises." Paul joked, waving back at them before stepping out of the door, "See you soon!" Was his final words before closing the door behind him and stepping down onto his garden path and toward the car.

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Paul, George, John and Pete were half way through their journey down to London on their way to Hamburg with their manager, Alan, and a driver. They were meeting Stuart Sutcliffe over in Hamburg. They still had to reach their port in London and hop on the ferry over to Hamburg, but the mood inside the van was full of excitement. Paul was still a little quieter than usual, keeping himself to himself for the majority of the journey.

"Pit stop!" The driver called as he drove the car into the lay-by at the side of the road, switching the engine off once parked.

"Pit stop? More like 'piss stop'!" John shouted back, undoing his seatbelt and quickly throwing the back van door open before hopping out, Pete following close behind. Paul sighed to himself quietly and rested his forehead against the window, staring out of it blankly. Sure, he was looking forward to playing shows in Hamburg... But he wasn't looking forward to coming back. He didn't even know if he'd want to come back... Who was there to even come back for now that Daisy didn't want him? His family, yes, but he felt empty without his girl by his side. Usually, while missing her madly, the main thing that would keep him going was the thought of wrapping his arms around her as soon as he got back and holding her so lovingly tight against his chest. He didn't have that reassurance this time, and that's what he was afraid of; not wanting to come back.

"Paul..." George approached Paul softly, leaning forward slightly as he studied Paul's face. Paul blinked slowly and continued to gaze out of the window, swallowing hard and completely oblivious to the fact that George had spoken, "Paul." George raised his voice, the two of them completely alone in the back of the van. Paul shook his head out of his trance and turned his attention to George, raising his eyebrows unenthusiastically as he wasn't over keen in engaging in a proper conversation. He stayed quiet, staring at George's face with barely any expression on his own. George frowned and knitted his thick eyebrows together, "What's wrong, mate? You've not been acting yourself for the whole journey."

"I'm fine..." Paul shrugged, chewing the inside of his lip as he flickered his eyes down into his lap.

"You're not." George scowled, keeping his eyes directly on Paul, "I know you too well to know when you're lying. Tell me what it is!" He widened his eyes. Paul sighed heavily, slowly lifting his head and looking over at George.

"It's Daisy. Me and Daisy..." His voice weakened and trailed off.

"What? You're not missing her already, are you?!" George attempted to joke, crinkling his nose.

"No," Paul shook his head hesitantly, "W-Well, yes... I am, but.. We broke up." He blinked hard, his eyes growing watery.

"You... Broke up?!" George gasped loudly, instantly reaching forward and placing his hand on Paul's arm, rubbing it gently as Paul nodded slowly.

"Who broke up?" John arched a brow as he made his way back into the van with Pete, taking his seat before fastening his belt again. Paul quickly shifted his gaze to John and blinked quickly before looking back down again, staying quiet.

"You and Daisy? Are you alright, mate?" Pete frowned, pulling his seatbelt on and keeping his gaze on Paul. Paul remained emotionless, just simply nodding.

"Christ, Paul, what happened?!" John questioned, clearly intrigued.

"We argued... We broke up. That's it." Paul's voice remained quiet and brittle, starting to bite on the tip of his thumb.

"Well, we'll be able to have you shag around with us in Hamburg now." John smirked, wiggling his eyebrows playfully.

"I-... I guess." Paul shrugged, his tone of voice not sounding so sure.

"Come on!" John exclaimed, moving over to sit next to Paul and tilting his head, "I'm sorry, mate, honestly. You know us lot are here for you." He smiled kindly, rubbing Paul's arm. Paul stayed silent and nodded slowly, taking a deep breath.

"We'll make sure you have the time of your life in Hamburg." Pete grinned, looking over at Paul. Paul half smiled, reaching into his pocket for a packet of cigarettes and placing one in his mouth before quickly lighting it.

"We'll sort you out." George winked, also lighting a cigarette of his own.

"Coming from the baby member." John teased, reaching out for a cigarette off George.

"Fuck off." George rolled his eyes, taking a drag from his cigarette.

"Oh, he's such a grown man smoking and swearing! Respect your elders, Harrison." John joked, winking at him and trying not to laugh. George shook his head and laughed, exhaling the smoke and gazing over at Paul. Paul flicked his eyes between each person as they spoke, taking drags from his cigarette every now and then but also staying quiet

"We'll cheer you up, Paul." George narrowed his eyebrows, noticing Paul's mood barely lightening at all. Paul looked over at George and let out a small sigh, smiling appreciatively at him.

"Thanks, guys... Really." Paul spoke softly, leaning back into his seat.

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"Home sweet home!" George smiled sarcastically as the four of them made it into their usual, cramped bedroom. They laughed and dropped their bags before taking each of their instruments out of their cases and sitting on the bed. The room was probably even smaller than Paul's own bedroom, and that was for five of them to sleep in, though Stu would most likely be staying at his girlfriend, Astrid's. The bunk beds were extremely cramped and hard, making the little amount of sleeping time difficult.

"Lads, five minutes." Alan, their manager, called through the door.

"Five minutes?! We've only been here five bloody minutes!" John exclaimed, making Paul laugh slightly. He continued to tune up his guitar along with Paul and George, humming softly to himself.

"Come on, Paul, lets go down and play a killer show. Get a few beers down you, that'll make it all better!" Pete looked over at Paul with a toothy grin, reaching for his drum sticks and starting to lightly tap them against his thighs.

"I hope! I think the adrenaline will cheer me up at least." Paul swallowed hard, playing a short riff on his guitar as he glanced down at his fingers.

"Alan said Stu is meeting is down at the gig, he'll have his guitar with him." John said, hanging his guitar around his shoulder by the strap and quickly lighting a cigarette, "Let's go!"

"Here we go again." Paul chuckled quietly to himself, also picking up his cigarette and walking toward the door with the others.

"There we go, I heard a laugh!" George winked, speaking in a playful tone and following them, patting Paul's back.

"Piss off." Paul crinkled his nose, keeping a protective grip on his guitar as he made it out of the apartment.

It was true, Paul's mood had slightly lifted. Only a little. But he was feeling much better than when he woke up. He knew he could count on the guys to cheer him up and make sure he would have a good time. The first gig of this trip was surely something to look forward to, it's the after part he wasn't so keen on - going out drinking and ending up in some stranger's bed. Sure, he did have a little bit of built up frustration from the way Daisy had been with him, constantly pushing away his affection, but he hadn't quite reached the point yet where he wanted to fool around with random women.

"Stu!" John shouted as soon as they made their way into the club, widening his eyes. Stuart gasped and turned around, showing off his full leather gear from head to toe.

"Hey, guys!" Stuart smiled, moving forward to give each of them a welcoming hug, "Is everyone alright?"

"Yeah! Well, except Paul." George pouted, climbing up on the stage and carefully resting his guitar against one of the amplifiers next to where Pete was setting up his drums.

"Oh? What's up, mate?" Stuart arched a brow, moving closer to Paul.

"J-Just me and Daisy... We kinda broke up." Paul stuttered, feeling his chest immediately growing tighter as he tried to block out all memories from the night before.

"Christ! I didn't see that coming..." Stuart gasped, genuinely surprised.

"Neither did I." Paul shrugged slowly, staring down at the floor for a few moments.

"Well, lets make tonight an even better show, then! Put that charming smile back on your face to woo all the ladies." He winked playfully, teasingly nudging Paul's shoulder.

"I hope! I- I mean I'm not so sure about the wooing ladies part, bu-" Paul spoke until he was cut off by Alan's voice, making them all turn their attention to him.

"Backstage! Now!" He called, gesturing for them all to come follow him. The guys nodded and headed toward the backstage area, their hearts pumping madly with excited butterflies in their stomachs.

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Throughout the entire performance, Paul could feel his mood lifting higher and higher. It was true, music was one of the only things that could touch Paul and really make him feel something. Despite still feeling a little down, it didn't stop him giving it his all and belting out both his guitar and vocals into the atmosphere of the crowded, smoky club. If every show was going to get even half of the reaction that they had just gotten, this trip would be absolutely amazing.
By the time the gig had finished, it was well into the earlier hours of the morning. The guys were definitely more than a little intoxicated and situated around the bar, John and Pete taking regular trips to the bathroom and dark corners of the club with several different girls, both of them coming back with slightly more scruffy and out of place hair each time. George was with a girl sat on one of the bar stools, he had given it up for her so she could sit down while he rested his still slightly inexperienced hands against her thighs. Paul watched as Pete guided a girl back up against the back wall practically just by his hips and tongue, the both of them grunting as their bodies finally hit against each other once her back pressed against the wall. Stuart was leant against the bar talking to his girlfriend, Astrid, and giving her sweet pecks on the cheek every now and then. Paul felt his frustration starting to gradually rise a little inside him, it was usually him who was leading this. Him with the girls all over him and the exciting buzz of being wanted to badly by any girl who even barely glanced in his direction. He wasn't even nowhere near as drunk as the other lads. Tonight, it just didn't feel right for him.

John had been gone some time by now, looking slightly dishevelled as he emerged from the bathroom once more. Paul rolled his eyes as a girl followed close behind him, gripping onto his hand shyly. Paul leant back against the bar, rubbing his eyes slightly and taking a deep breath.

"You're cute." A girl mumbled as she approached him, biting her lip sensually.

"Hey, I called him first." Another girl butted in, scowling slightly as she moved next to him at the bar.

"H-Hi, girls..." Paul blinked hard, rubbing his sticky forehead with his thumb and slipping his other hand into his pocket.

"Just simply gorgeous..." A different girl gasped softly and playfully, stepping closer to him and slowly walking her fingers up his chest. Paul felt his lips parting, swallowing hard and nervously as he glanced down at her fingers, trying his best to stay calm.

"E-Excuse me, ladies, sorry." Paul spoke in a quiet, almost nervous tone as he stepped away and walked to the other end of the bar, chewing the inside of his lip. The girls widened their eyes, gasping as they watched him walk away from them. This wasn't like Paul at all, everyone knew that. He loved nothing more than knowing he could have a girl at the click of a finger. He didn't want that, he wanted Daisy. How on Earth was he going to get over this?

"Macca, what the fuck was that?!" John slurred and scowled, meeting Paul at the bar. Paul quickly looked up at John before leaning back slightly from the odour of alcohol radiating off him.

"What was what?" Paul squinted his eyes, still feeling his breathing slightly heavy.

"That! Right there! You know you can have literally any girl you want, and you just pushed three of them away!" He raised his voice, widening his eyes as he waved his arms around in drunken motions.

"I... I just didn't want to do anything." Paul mumbled, looking down.

"Why?! You could've had any of them! All of them!" John's voice started to get slightly louder with each exclamation, staring at Paul with a genuine baffled expression.

"B-Because.." Paul shrugged, looking back up at John, "What would Daisy think?" He stuttered, feeling his voice getting quieter.

"What would Daisy think?" John questioned, "What would Daisy think?!" He repeated, louder this time, "You're not together anymore, who gives a flying fuck what Daisy thinks?! You've got girls falling at your bloody feet!" He let out a heavy breath before looking behind him as a different girl tapped him on the shoulder, smirking and winking at her as he reached down for one of her hands.

"I- I.... I don't know..." Paul spoke nervously, darting his eyes around the room awkwardly before inhaling sharply as John quickly spun back around, prodding Paul's chest with his index finger, speaking firmly as he looked down at him;

"Paul, you're in a rock n roll band, for Christ sake. Start acting like it."