So this week was midterm week for me. We got out biology and algebra and literature exams back and holy Christ I thought I'd fail.

I got a 98 on my biology, an 85 on my algebra, and an 85 on my literature. That's an A and 2 B's.

And I'm so exhausted from studying and then taking the exams, and then stressing for the next exam, and worrying about my grade. And I have strict helicopter parents who make me "go to bed" at 9

9. Too early. Hell, I'm a total night owl and definitely not a day person. I'd stay up till 6 if I wasn't so damn tired all the time

But even though I'm tired, I stay up wayyyyyyy too late and get a max of 5 hours of sleep if I don't wake up. Because when I wake up in the middle of the night, I stay up for at least 2 hours either sitting in bed thinking about how much I hate myself and want to die, writing poems, or ranting to a fucking notebook because, really, who's up at 4 am on a Monday night?

Anyways, the group chat I'm in on skype (called 🔥) has been having fun and staying up late while I'm grounded and forced to go to bed early. And I had to remove my friend from the chat because 2/5 (5 people including me) have a problem with her.

Oh yeah! Can't forget that I've been replaced at my normal lunch table! Yayyyyyyy everyone in my school hates me!

I've gone back to the rubber band method (snapping it on my wrist every time I want to cut but can't because I'm in public) and drawing over some new scars I have on my wrists.

Is ink poisoning deadly? I think it is. Maybe I should keep drawing and hope I get ink poisoning. I mean, I'd fade from everyone's memories eventually. I bet I wouldn't be missed by 10 people irl. I mean, who irl actually gives a fuck about whether I'm alive or dead? Half of my "friends" are the reason I want to die so badly.