I wanted to let you guys know that I might be gone for a while...

So many things are going on in my life and my mental condition is rapidly declining. I'm wanting to die more and more, and I can't even glance in the general direction of our kitchen knifes without thinking how wonderful it would be to cut through my skin and end my life. It feels like I'm all alone right now, which I know isn't true.

When I look at depression quotes, I don't cry because someone is going through undeserved pain. I cry because they are relatable. I cry because I just want to be freed from this meaningless life.

I'm so mentally unstable and broken, and faking my smile is so hard. Faking things is my reality, and my reality has become fake. The past and the present are blurred together. I cling to the future because it is the only steady and sure thing in my life.

So if I randomly disappear for a bit, you know why. If I disappear and don't come back after a month and a half... I'm gone. I'm dead.

It's so hard to continue living knowing that everything I lived for is gone. I don't know why I haven't killed myself. I just keep on going. I'm not even living anymore. It's breathing. I'm just breathing.

I'm sorry for all that I've put you through, worrying about me. I love you guys, and I'm glad you've stuck with me...

I'm sorry.