I don't want to be alive.

Davon is a dick.

I'm cutting more.

I miss my irl best friends.

I cry myself to sleep, if I do sleep.

I broke down Monday morning.

I had a panic attack Wednesday.

Anna left, but now she's back and louder than ever.

I've found Zach, but I can barely hear him (I'm trying, but Anna keeps screaming in my ear, drowning out Zach)

Now for the good things:

Yeah I can't think of any.

Let's explain the Davon thing, shall we.

It started when Novami2164 stayed home yesterday. She was the one who made us laugh, who made us smile (by us I mean Tess and Rachel). So Davon was an asshole all day.

At our confirmation class, he brought the school slut. Reagan M. He sat with her (during dinner) and talked to her only. Prince went and sat with them, Tess and I (its not a whole class thing. Tess Rachel myself Davon and prince are the only ones from my class) sat near them, and Tess texted prince and asked why Reagan was here.

Prince didn't know, but said that he didn't like her or want her to be here. Davon told prince to get off his phone (while he and Reagan were on their phones!!!!). Prince asked Tess if he could show Davon the texts, and Tess said no. Davon got pissy because Tess was 'hiding something' from him.

So I turned to Tess and said "let him be mad all he wants"

Davon goes "don't. Don't start this. You wouldn't want me to expose you"

Now I didn't know what he'd expose about me, since I didnt have anything to hide. "What's there to expose"

"You told me stuff last year that you wouldn't want me to blab to everyone, now would you."

I fell silent. It hurt. He was one of my good friends. I knew I was about to cry, so I got up and locked myself in the big stall in the bathroom. Once in there, I began to cry. After a few minutes, I heard someone running in the bathroom, so I quickly wiped my eyes and tried to stop crying. Tess pulled on the locked door.

"Emma are you okay?"

"I'm fine." My voice cracked slightly, and I felt a tear slip down my cheek, which I quickly wiped away.

"No you're not. You're crying."

"I'm fine." I unlocked the stall and walked out, and Tess pulled me into a hug.

"I have so many things I'd say to him if he said what he threatened to say."

We walked back, and I spent the class trying not to cry. Jonathan noticed me.

"You okay?"

I nodded, and looked at my pastor, who was teaching the class that night.

"You sure?"

I whispered 'yeah' my voice cracking slightly again from the bottles up emotions.

The rest of the night was horrible, and I went to sleep crying. I actually slept for a few hours. Yay!

But this week has been so bad...

I just want to talk to Isaac...

To talk to Oscar...

To be away from all the stress of school...

Sometimes it all gets a little too much...