The video above is one of my favorites by a YouTuber called JaidenAnimations. Her channel is, for the most part, a comedic storytelling animated channel. But this video is different. It hits home pretty hard. After watching it, I realized that so many other people go through the same things I do. It hurts.

I don't want people to go through that. I'd take all the pain, all the tears, all the grief, all the stress, everything, just so nobody would have to go through that. Nobody deserves such pain. I had two small slices of pizza that probably equal one slice. I felt sick after eating them. Not sick like food poisoning, which I've had, but 'I shouldn't have eaten that I'm going to be fat' sick.

There's this voice in my head that won't stop nagging me.

"You're too fat."

"Don't eat that, you'll get fatter."

"If you don't eat, you'll be pretty."

"Eating is unhealthy."

"Look what eating has done to you."

"Stop eating and you'll be skinny."

"If being skinny and beautiful is what you want, stop eating."

I've begun to listen to it. Before you tell me to stop, that I'm pretty no matter what, that I'm not fat, listen to me. I don't feel comfortable in my own body. I feel gross. I feel like I'm so fat. I don't force myself to not eat. This past week I've eaten the equivalent of one meal. And it makes me feel sick. I have zero appetite. I'm forcing myself to eat.

But I've begun to notice things.

I'm becoming skinnier. By not feeding my body like I used to, I'm slimming out. Slightly, almost unnoticeable, but I'm slimming out.

The dark circles under my eyes. I've hardly slept in two weeks. I look exhausted. And I am. Everything I'm going through is so stressful and exhausting.

People who don't typically talk to me are noticing when I sit with my head in my hands. One of the girls who picked on me since first grade saw me. She came over to me and crouched down in front of me.

"You okay?"

I nodded, and closed my eyes. 'No I'm not okay' I wanted to scream. 'My life is falling apart at my feet.' As I nodded, I felt a tear slip down my cheek.

The girl put her hand under my chin and lifted my head up. My hair was covering one of my eyes, and she gently brushed it out of my face and tucked it behind my ear. "I know you're not okay. But you clearly don't want to talk about it" She looked at her friends, and I followed her gaze.

They were laughing and smiling together. I felt claws squeeze my heart, and that voice in my head whispered to me 'they're skinny and beautiful and popular. If you don't eat, you'll be like them'

"If you don't want to talk, that's fine. Just don't cry, okay?" She took my hand and squeezed it gently, and walked to her friends.

She was the first person to notice. I'm gonna say names because at this point I don't care who knows. Amelia, Tess, and Rachel. The four of us were best friends until a few years ago, when we fell away. The three of them became friends again, but I found Vic and Bri.

When they left, I drifted back to the trio, who accepted me in again. But it wasn't the same. I'm ignored. By the people who I thought were my best friends.

If you're curious to know if Amelia,Tess, and Rachel have Wattpad, Amelia does. I'm going to put it here, but if you guys go be mean to her, I'll block all of you. It's unacceptable.

Sure, she tore my life apart. Sure she ruined me. Sure I am the way I am because of her.

But I still talk to her, we still get along, we're still kind of friends. Novami2164 . You know what you did, Amelia. Please don't feel guilty about it. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have found the wonderful people who support me here. Polar, Owl, Zoro, Sigh, everyone. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. You guys help me and keep me strong.

Please please please don't commit suicide. I talk about it enough on here. And while I will try to follow my own advice, I don't know how much longer I can.

Please everyone, stay strong. You're beautiful and kind and wonderful. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. I love you guys so much, and I can't imagine being here without you. ❤️