Whoever's reading this,

I'm sorry. For not being who you wanted me to be. For not being strong. For not being pretty. For being nerdy. For existing. I'm just a worthless, ugly, waste of space. That's what I'm told every day by the people at my school. 

The four biggest lies I've been told: "It gets better" When? "It'll be okay." No, it won't. "I'm here for you." Bullshit. "It's okay." No, it's not.

I know you don't care I'm gone. Just another nuisance is gone. Another mistake erased from the earth. And that's okay. It doesn't hurt me anymore. I'm finally free. 

From my pain.

My sadness.

My scars.

My tears.

The lies.

There's a lot of quotes that I've kept close to my heart in the past weeks, but these two are the most meaningful

"Suicidal people are just angels that want to go home." That's true. I want to go home where I can finally be happy and loved.

"I hope you realize how much you're hurting me someday." The pain you cause me is eating at me, chipping me away.

You probably don't care. But it's been tearing me apart. When someone tells me that I'm not pretty, I'm fat, I'm good at nothing, and laugh at the end so it doesn't hurt me, it hurts me. Ending something hurtful in a laugh or 'I'm only joking' doesn't make it better. It makes it worse. Because then you can't trust people.

This world is cruel. But don't cry for me. I'm happy now. If you ask why I killed myself, the answer is this: You wanted me to be happy. I'm happy now. Don't grieve for me, don't miss me. I'm just worthless and nothing to be dwelled on. The stars still shine, the sun still rises, the seasons still change, life goes on.

I'm sorry I had to put you through this pain. But now I'm finally happy...

~~~~~~~~~~

Please do not worry. I am not dead. But the thought has been so tempting recently. Nobody truly understands...