Have you ever felt like sometimes you're not you?

I mean, like in a way, you would act like you're someone else, but you're you at the same time, like you cannot have control over yourself and you're acting differently. And then you start acting like a whole new person. You forget that your actions could hurt someone. You forget that you weren't supposed to reveal something. You forget how to feel.

Later, you're feeling confused. You cannot decide which act is the real you. Maybe you were you from the start or maybe you're not. Maybe you lost yourself.

So what happens if you lose yourself? What would you do? Would you fight for getting back to being the real you? Or would you give up, because you just feel tired? Not just tired, but completely shuttered. Like your mind has gone nuts trying to figure out who you are.

And then guilt knocks on your door. And then everything is gone. Everything you're trying to do is just gone. Yeah, just like that. You crawl back to your sins, adding more and more on the endless list. You keep hurting and hurting people, the people you once used to care about, but you just go on.. and it just goes and goes. It's like a circle, that keeps going.. on and on and on.

Then you are just numb. No feelings, nothing at all.

No pain, no tears, no love.. just plain numbness.

You're alone, trapped in your mind trying to escape. Maybe you knew from the start that there was a possibility that this would happen. Maybe you just refused to see it.

You have nothing.

Just guilt deep inside eating you alive.

Just a mind that fucks you up every second.

You gave up.

But then something happened. You started having hope.

Hope that things could get better. But will they really be?

You're trying. You're fucking trying every day.

You're fighting back. Your mind is quite a fighter, but you manage.

Then you start feeling again. You have fallen, but now you're standing on your knees. They are so frail. Ready to break down. But still. You fight back. There are days, when your knees start to shake, not ready to take a break. But you still hold on.

You are not standing tall, but you are trying.

And I guess that's all it takes.

Hope

-Startstruck-

(I found this in my notes, will probably delete it)