"You know how when someone is getting electrocuted their muscles tense up? The dick gets hard. So a dude's dick would be like a kickstand"

"The shit we talk about at dinner"

"We should talk like this in front of (relative's name removed) to see how she reacts"

"You're coming to Hell with me, AND MUFASA"

"We all float down here, wITH MUFASA"

"It's like that one douche canoe who says the gays are putting chemicals in the water that turn the frogs gay"

"Gay sex while begging a demon to possess you?"

Me: You know what demon that would probably summon?

Mom: Assmodeus