Dear Universe,

Why do you do this to people? Why do you hurt the already broken? Why do you give pain to those trying to heal? Why do you put the happiest people on earth into the darkest places? Why do you bring only sad times to those trying to get happy memories? Why?

Does anyone else think this that the universe is against them? Honestly I do all the time, it may be because I might have depression and the chemical imbalance is doing this but I hardly have anything good happen anymore like all I get is heartbreak. I smile rarely because when my smile is real is with my friends... my family. But you know the good ol' universe has something to say about that no I can't have many friends, no I have to have at least one to leave me each year and with them a piece of my heart. Does anyone else do this like when they become attached to someone like becoming their friend they take a bit of the heart and metaphorically place it in them and that way they know I will always be there. But it sucks cause when they go away or move or stop being friends with me I don't take the piece of my heart back it stays with them because I will always still be their friend. But as I'm sitting here on my balcony at night I realise I never know if my friends do that with me so when they leave or stop being friends with me is cause they took their bit of heart back and left a hole. Like how I feel so empty like something is missing when they leave and it's not just them that's missing. So if I put a bit of my heart in them and they do the same but leave and take back there's I'm left with a hole in my heart and if I do this with all my friends and the ones that moved and I never saw again I have a massive hole in my heart but if I keep giving my heart away I soon won't have any love left for myself because I don't know if they have trust issues or if they really actually like me so I'm left with any even bigger hole and nothing to fill it with. So right now as myself I don't really love myself I kinda just know I exist and not really care about what others think and be myself and many might think that's because I'm comfortable with myself and I like myself but well that's not the case it's because I don't care about what I look like because I'm to busy existing and waiting for this to be over than loving and living. So when I look back I really don't honk I should of gave people my heart if they were going to leave and never come back because I might be whole if I didn't but you know I don't regret it because I don't care if I'm sad al the time or if I constantly fighting my demons at least I know that there is someone out there who used to be my friend but has forgotten about but they still have a whole heart and are not empty. Because you know my friends aren't just platonic relationships they are my family because they get me, I can talk to them easily, be myself around them, and feel just a little bit loved around them. But you know my real family do this as well it's just my friends get me more even thought I've known my family almost my whole life, I'm sure you would agree, friends just know you better.
Well I'm done ranting.
Sorry if there are spelling mistakes I didn't edit.

- V out.