Aries: I'm late because my dad was punishing my younger brother. He was beating him with my shoe 

Taurus: I won't be into work today on time. My brain is full. 

Gemini: I can't come to work today because my cat is very lonely and stressed out. If I don't spend quality time with him, he will keep peeing on the furniture! 

Cancer: Do you know how long it takes to give a dollar to every Santa you see? (the struggle XD)

Leo: My husband thinks it's funny to hide my car keys before he goes to work. 

Virgo: You should have to me to be here on time.

Libra: The line was too long at Starbucks

Scorpio: The bartender wouldn't let me leave

Sagittarius: I was losing my mind this morning. It took me half hour to find it.

Capricorn: I wasn't thinking and accidentally went to my old job.

Aquarius: I tried to catch the newspaper from the paperboy and the car keys flew out of my hand and over into the bushes, so, I had to search for 20 minuets just to find them.

Pisces: I was abducted by aliens. After being transported to the mother ship, the aliens decided not to suck out my brains. They sent me back home.