Humans are not fond of Mondays. 

Thing furiously scribbled this notable observation in her worn leather notebook, scratching away at the off-white page in her trademark loopy script. 

This was the newest of fifteen such notebooks that were in the girl's possession. Hexana Ingle had gifted the first notebook to Thing for her tenth birthday with the instructions to record every nuance of human behavior that she was able to discern- regardless of how simple or seemingly pointless. 

There was only one rule: these theorems had to be proven to the most accurate degree possible within the confines of Thing's small, secure environment. 

Her latest discovery, which she had affectionately dubbed the Pre-Week Postulate, stated that 'if it is Monday, then the staff will perform at below-average levels of efficiency.' 

'The staff' was a rather generic term for her very specific case, Thing admitted. She was only referring to the staff of Level -41 of Ingle Tech International Headquarters. Still, she had deemed the size of this sample large enough to more or less predict the behavior of all low-paid workers in high security environments. 

After years of meticulously graphing and analyzing the performance of these workers, the results were irrefutable. 

Ingle Tech's staff underperformed on the first day of each week. 

The real question was, why?

If Thing was to truly understand the behavior of humans, she had to know not only what they did, but why they did it. She had to be an expert at dissecting the driving impulses of humans- which Hexana had once called 'emotions'- and using them to perfectly stimulate any desired response from a human. 

In short, she had to be like Hexana Ingle. 

Hexana was not like Thing- no, she was very human- but she was about as close to Thing as a human could get. Thing was not supposed to have personal opinions about anyone or anything. That was a right reserved exclusively for humans. However, she didn't see the harm in harboring just a single, slight notion. 

Thing liked Hexana Ingle. 

Her thoughts were quickly interrupted by an ear-piercing shriek. From the frequency of the sound, Thing deduced that the screamer was a female human between the ages of fourteen and eighteen. There was only one person who matched that description with clearance to enter her underground quarters. 

"Idiot!" Azuline Ingle screeched. "That outfit was worth more than your house!" 

"I do not doubt that it was, Miss Ingle," an unfamiliar male voice replied. 

Thing managed to catch a few more snippets of disconnected argument, before Hexana Ingle's daughter- adopted, of course, for Hexana would never engage in a relationship with a man that did not procure her some sort of monetary gain- turned a plain, whitewashed corner into Thing's quarters. 

Azuline was the ideal case study for someone who wished to learn about emotions. She was simply full of them. Anger darkened her crystal blue eyes as she approached Thing, her expensive sapphire dress stained a deep jade. 

"Some fool spilled green acid stuff on me!" she fumed, turning to face the small girl in front of her. 

Thing did not respond to the outburst. She had learned from experience that humans became irrational when provoked. It was best to leave them be in such scenarios. 

"How many times do I have to tell you that she is not your friend?" 

Azuline's shoulders instantly dropped, and a few inches were shaved off her impressive stature at the sound of the cold, commanding voice. Another fact that Thing had learned about humans was that they were all about hierarchies. Whoever and wherever you were, there always was someone above you, and someone below. As the heiress to the world's most powerful company, Azuline Ingle was pretty high up there, but even she knew to bow down to the Queen. 

"Sorry. Didn't mean to mess with your little science experiment, Mom," Azuline said icily, before turning to walk away. 

"I am not a science experiment," Thing attempted to correct her. "Science did not create me. I create science. I may be a humble computer, but do at least allow me the small pleasure of calling myself sentient." 

"Leave her," Hexana chuckled. "I believe you have already stated several theorems regarding teenage humans. They are...unique beings."

"Indeed," Thing nodded. "Sadly, my environment prevents me from collecting much data on that specific class. Azuline is the only teenage human with whom I am familiar. Other than, of course, the teenage humans whom I have killed. The confines of my quarters prevent me from doing much of what I could do. If I were only given the freedom to explore the world outside...the possibilities are endless, as you say while misleading gullible humans into purchasing your overpriced products. Please, Mistress, please; I only want to serve you better."

"As much as I want to let you spread your wings, you cannot be allowed to leave this facility," Hexana said darkly, a hint of sadness creeping into her expression. "The outside world is not yet ready for a genius like you. They will hate you and shun you. They will call you a murderer. Trust me...I know. Anyway, I promised you something special would happen today, and I wasn't lying." She segued with an ease demonstrated solely by businesspeople and politicians. 

"Have you brought me another physics textbook, Mistress?" Thing attempted to conceal her excitement, knowing that Hexana would not approve of it. She was to study human emotions without inadvertently learning to display them. 

"No, something much, much better. You are going to meet some humans." 

"More humans?" Thing gave a measured nod, slightly disappointed. Her having to meet new humans usually meant that Hexana was hiring new people to work on the top secret floors. It was definitely not an intellectually stimulating experience. 

"Not those bottom floor apes to whom my company pays illegally low salaries," Hexana grinned. "Real humans. Ones like me, who think and make decisions." 

Real humans. 

For her sixteen long years, Hexana had been the only favorable influence in Thing's life. She was overjoyed by the prospect of other humans like her Mistress. It was statistically unlikely, but Thing knew nothing of the outside world other than the tiny peeks she had gleaned on her many assassination missions. For all she knew, none of her painfully collected statistics held true outside Level -41 of Ingle Tech HQ. 

"Where?" Thing kept her voice level and emotionless, just the way Hexana liked it. 

"Right this way," Hexana winked, leading Thing through the nondescript hallways of Level -41. Thing noticed that people abandoned their usual behavioral patterns when around Hexana, and instead focused their energies on removing themselves from the corporate dictator's line of sight. Perhaps this, too, was worthy of some thought. She would have to write it down in her notebook after the conclusion of whatever Hexana had planned for her. 

After a long journey through the ant farm-like maze of cubical passageways, Hexana and Thing arrived at a dead end, marked by a large, black circle in the wall. Thing was made to turn around and close her eyes as Hexana stuck her hand into the middle of the circle, rotating it left and right in regular intervals until it popped open, revealing a long, dark tunnel. 

Thing had memorized the exact duration of each turn, but had no way of knowing which were to the left and which to the right, rendering this knowledge useless. 

She followed Hexana into the tunnel, which instantly sealed shut behind the two of them, encasing them in a cocoon of darkness. Thing's sense of direction was thrown off as the tunnel rotated 47.7 degrees to the left and began to shoot rapidly upwards. She was forced to use the blades implanted in her fingernails to get a firm grip on the sides of the tunnel as it rocketed out of Level -41. 

The first thing that Thing saw when the tunnel stopped, morphing into a standard elevator before her eyes, was the light. Then, the glass. It was everywhere- on the walls, the ceilings, and the floors. They appeared to be in some sort of reception area. Soft background music played, and the open room was filled with semicircles of couches, chairs, and benches. Everything, down to the flowers that adorned the windowsills, was a deep, Ingle Tech crimson.

Compared to the ratty, bland textures of Level -41, this was Heaven. 

To Thing's surprise, they did not run into any humans as they walked to the back of the area, exiting it through a door which Hexana unlocked by allowing the sensors attached to it to scan her Inglet. 

This back room was clearly not meant for public access. It contained ten leather office chairs, at a tall table of dark wood. Nine of these chairs were already filled by serious looking humans in suits. 

Thing's muscles grew tense with nervous excitement. These must've been the 'real humans' Hexana had been referring to. 

The room grew silent as Hexana slid into her seat at the head of the table, placing her purse next to her feet. Thing was forced to stand awkwardly beside her, directly under a very strong light. The heat from the bulb was already beginning to heat her bald head to an uncomfortable degree. 

"Good afternoon, everyone," Hexana smiled. Thing noticed that she acted different on this 'regular' floor of Ingle Tech. She seemed more suave, and businesslike. However, Thing knew that she could not make valid observations about Hexana Ingle. The woman was simply too tricky to be evaluated." 

"Is that her?" A man at the far end of the table pointed a stubby, wrinkled finger at Thing. 

"Yes," Hexana nodded. "The famous Thing, in the flesh." 

This clearly piqued the attendees' interest, and they all began to look at Thing with a mixture of disbelief and critical apprehension. 

"As in...Thing from Project Thing? The Thing!?" the young woman beside Hexana, who Thing knew to be Hexana's sister, Teresa Ingle gasped in surprise. 

"Yes, yes, that Thing." Hexana was clearly starting to grow a bit impatient. "I invited you all to this meeting to introduce to one of the most important people in this company. Leaders of Ingle Tech...meet Thing! As you can see, she looks very human, and can be disguised as almost anybody with the right wig. She is truly the best assassin out there." 

"Miss Ingle, I invested five million dollars in Project Thing," a gruff looking man remarked. "Are you telling me that I paid all that money for a bald girl?" 

"Oh no, no," Hexana put up her gloved hands defensively. "Thing is so much more than just a girl. Her brain contains more information than any of us could hope to remember in our lifetimes. And, as you know, she has recently carried out the immensely successful assassination missions of both Cylah Ferguson and Ivan Darkly." 

Thing tried to pretend that the adult humans were not speaking about her as the meeting drew on and on. Her initial prediction had been wrong. The other humans were not like Hexana at all. They were neither understanding nor scientific. They simply wanted know what all their money had been going into. 

"With thousands of Things at our command, we could virtually do anything," Hexana finally concluded. "Thank you very much for coming, everyone. I appreciate your time and money." 

"I just weaseled another fifteen million out of 'em," Hexana grinned greedily as the donors and executives filed out of the room. 

"You're something else, Hex," Teresa shook her head in bewilderment.

"Wait for me outside," Hexana instructed. Thing obediently exited the room, closing the thick, wooden door behind her. 

"Is that Annie Brooks?" Teresa asked, as soon as she was out of earshot. "Daughter of Samantha Brooks?"

"The very same." 

"God, you're a genius! How did you manage that!?" Teresa gestured to the door. "She's like a robot!" 

"I've always believed that you don't need futuristic technology to accomplish something amazing," Hexana began. "What piece of technology is more complex and fascinating than the human brain?"