ARNAV

I tried, so hard to cry, but this was the moment that made me really sure that no matter what I did, I was never going to have Khushi back in my life, not even as a friend. All this while, I always had this little hope inside me that things might change and maybe Khushi might decide to forgive me one day but after today, I knew it wasn't going to happen, I had no hope left and that was the most painful realization ever.

I wouldn't blame anyone else for losing her but myself, yes Tanvi might have done things, but letting her go was my decision, not forgiving her was my decision, she was right, she begged me, she tried to talk to me but I dint try to listen to her, if only things were different.

I mean look at the irony, I left her because she was talking to my parents and now I was going back to them. If someone had told the past version of me that something like this was going to happen in the future, I would have laughed at them like they were crazy, I hated my parents more than anything else and I always believed I would never have anything to do with them, but since I started taking therapy, a lot has changed.

I have learnt a lot of things, I have learnt to manage my anger and a lot more things have changed, only if I had realized my problem earlier, I would have started getting therapy earlier at least I wouldn't have messed up my relationship with Khushi because of my anger.

As I walked away from her, I knew this was the last time I was going to see her, maybe I was going to bump into her somewhere someday in the future but I knew she was going to act like a stranger to me and it was okay, I brought it upon myself.

If I couldn't forgive her for lying to me, why should she forgive me for hurting her, I had hurt her worse than she had hurt me, I know it wasn't a competition about who hurt whom more but I was just trying to make myself understand why she made this decision.

I stopped at the entrance and turned around to see if she was still there, maybe I could get one last look, she was still standing there looking at me, I stood where I was and stared at her hoping things would have turned out differently for us.

At this moment I didn't even feel like turning around and walking away, so I just kept on staring at her while she stared back at me.

How did we end up like this? We were best friends, we couldn't do a thing without each other and now we were standing so far from each other acting like strangers.

Oh Arnav, what did you do?

It was as if, standing here, looking at her like that gave me courage to go back and talk to her, if it had to end, we had to end it properly, not like this, so instead of turning around and walking away, I walked back to her while she looked at me in surprised.

"I get it, you don't want me in your life, and I won't try to come back but for that to happen do we really have to do this? Act like we hate each other?" I asked as I stopped in front of her.

"I don't know any other way to act around you Arnav." She looked at me in defeat.

"Look I get it, I made mistakes, I hurt you and you can't forgive me, I understand, I really do and I am okay with you wanting me to stay away from you, I will do that but at least for the sake of our friendship and love, can we just end this on better terms?

I am not asking for you to have me back in your life, all I am asking for is a better ending, so if someday in the future I run into you, I don't have to pretend I don't know you, because I know you, I always will and you will too.

So why can't we just end this like two people that were together and couldn't make it work so they went separate ways?"

"And why should I do that?"

"Because you deserve peace and so do I, and if we leave it like this, neither of us is going to be able to find peace."

I looked at her silently waiting for her to say something or agree, but she kept on staring at me as if thinking about this deeply.

For so long she just stayed silent without saying anything, so I assumed maybe she wanted to disagree with me but she wasn't able to.

"It's okay, your silence gave me the answer, sorry to bother you once again." I said as I turned around to leave but she grabbed my hand and pulled me back.

"You are right, it has to end but that doesn't mean it has to end on a bad note. Let's end this like two adults and go on about our lives." She nodded.

"Thank you so much Khushi." I smiled at her, she smiled a little then looked at me awkwardly, so how were we supposed to end this on a good note?

"I am really sorry for the things I did in the past, I wish I had a better understanding, I wish I had taken help when I needed it then things would have been different, but I cant really change the past and these are the consequences of the decisions I made in the past and I am okay to live with them and thank you for always being there for me when I needed you the most.

You were right, I didn't deserve you, you did so much for me and I was always so selfish, just thinking about my problems and my pain, but you were my true best friend, you always put me above everything else and I will always cherish the memories we had together.

I hope you'll remember me by the good too even though I broke you heart and hurt you so bad, I hope you'll find it in you to forgive me and I hope someday if we ever cross paths again, you'll stop to say hi and tell me how awesome your life has been." I smiled

"Sure, I'm going to live a great life so definitely showing it off to you." She joked.

"I would love to hear about it." I said and then we both went silent again.

"I hope you're getting the help you needed and I really hope things with your parents finally work out." She said.

"I hope so too."

"So... goodbye then? Until we cross paths again."

"Goodbye." I nodded as I moved closer hoping she would allow me to hug her one last time.

"Can I?" I asked, she nodded so I wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly in my arms telling myself to take in this moment because after this I wasn't sure if I was going to see her again or not.

Things could have been so much better if I hadn't messed up right?

She pulled apart so I had to pull apart too, even though I didn't feel like, she took a step backwards and waved at me so I waved back and finally walked away, this time... for good.

I walked till the exit but this time I didn't turn to look at her, I knew if I did so, I'd never be able to leave, so I continued walking and with every step I took away from her, my heart broke into more and more pieces.

I waited for a cab and as soon as I got one, I got in and headed home straight, I had to get my luggage from home and then head to the airport so I could travel to Hyderabad.

Maybe I was going to run into Khushi someday back at Hyderabad, when she comes to visit her parents or something, or maybe someday I'll come back here and run into her, the world was anyway a small place right.

Once I got home, I headed to my room and grabbed my bags to leave, I had them packed already and my flight was in the next two hours, with the traffic in Mumbai, I wasn't even sure if I was going to get to the airport on time.

"So you're also leaving." Yug said as soon as I got to the hall.

"I have to go home Yug."

"I know, I wish I could stop you but uncle and aunty really need you, they have stayed away from you for so long so I can't even stop you." He pouted.

"I'll always call, we'll keep in touch don't worry."

"I know... greet them on my behalf and call me as soon as you reach."

"I will." I smiled as we both hugged goodbye and then I headed downstairs where the cab was waiting for me.

This was like starting a completely new life, in a new place with new people, I didn't even have any friends, was I ever going to be able to make new friends? Or the void was always going to be there? If I had hope left, I knew I would still be hoping that maybe like in the movies, Khushi was going to show up at the airport and stop me from leaving but this wasn't a movie, it was real life, we had said our goodbyes and she wasn't going to come to stop me. This was my life now, without her...