Things between Yug and I were a bit awkward since he told me about him kissing another girl and all that. I dint even know how to move forward from here, maybe the whole idea of me being with him was wrong, especially when I hadn't completely moved on from Arnav.

Recently though, things had started getting good between us, and I really thought that we were going to work out, maybe he wasn't right for me or I wasn't right for him.

Maybe it was time for me to move on without actually needing a guy in my life to help me move on, I needed to learn how to be okay on my own, how to be perfectly happy without having someone in my life, and until I learnt how to be happy on my own, I wasn't going to find it anywhere else.

Maybe it was time for me to focus on myself, on my career and just be on my own, I was going to stop trying to find someone to love me or someone I would love, when the time would be right, that would happen too, but for now, I was done with relationships.

As usual, a knock at the door disturbed my thoughts, but today it wasn't Yug, it was Arnav, I was pretty surprised to see him here.

"Hey." He said as he walked in looking nervous.

"Hey." I replied wondering why he was here.

"Yug told me about what he did, and I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I am okay actually, perfectly fine." I faked a smile, I mean I did feel bad but quite strangely I dint feel that terrible, maybe because things were just so complicated between us.

"If you need to talk, I just want you to know I'm around."

"Oh... so now you suddenly care about me? Oh wait, you showed up here because you heard about Yug and I breaking up and you thought, this is my chance, I should just swoop in and win her back, well too bad because that isn't going to happen." I said bitterly.

I just couldn't understand him, I mean I begged him so much and he never listened to me and now suddenly his mind was changed and he thought he would just walk back in my life like that.

"No Khushi, I am here because I care about you, I just wanted to make sure you were okay, that's it."

"You should have cared when you left without informing me, you should have cared when I spent all that time looking for you, you should have cared when I begged you for forgiveness Arnav. Look, I know where this is coming from, since the whole Sharmila incident, but you should know, I would have helped anyone in that situation.

Look, we've been close since childhood, and it's always going to be impossible for me to stop caring about you, I will always care for you and wish that you are always well Arnav, but that doesn't mean I would want you back in my life.

When I needed you, you left me and I did all I could, but then I realized I can't force things and I let things go, it took me a lot of time to do that, it took so much for me to finally be able to do that and I just want to be okay for once, I haven't been in so long.

So please, just leave me alone, you had left me anyway so continue living your life without me while I also do so without you. I am really tired Arnav, I just want to be happy and it's never going to be possible with you after all this mess."

"I get it Khushi, I understand what you mean... It's just that I never thought we would lose our friendship like this. Us not being together is even fine, but our friendship... you were the only friend I had for so long."

"And you chose to break that friendship Arnav, it's broke and no matter how hard we try, it's never going to be the same, so why don't we just save ourselves and decide not to try it. Look I am fine, I am okay, everything with Yug was great but it served it's purpose, It taught me what I needed to learn and I am grateful for that.

All I want in my life right now is peace, and I would have that if you stop this, stop trying to talk to me, stop trying to get us back to being friends and just leave me alone!"

"Okay, when I asked you to leave me alone, you listened, this time, I will listen. I just want you to know that I am truly sorry for everything, I just..."

"I know, you came from a terrible childhood, but that was no excuse to act the way you acted with me when everything I ever did was for you. You will always be special to me Arnav, I mean our friendship was since childhood, and deep down in my heart, it will forever live."

"I know... I hope you'll find the peace you are looking for." He smiled faintly and the turned around to walk away, I kept on looking at him until he disappeared and he dint even turn to look back even once and that was how I knew, whatever that was between us, was over. For good.

*****

I headed to get lunch at lunch time alone, Yug hadn't shown up to work today and I thought he wasn't going to show up at all today, but then while I was seated all alone, he showed up, he got his food and sat with me.

"You okay?" He looked at me with concern.

"I think so... you?"

"I think so too." He smiled faintly and then opened his mouth to say something but then he didn't say it, it happened a few times it made me wonder what it was that he wanted to say but wasn't sure whether to say it or not.

"Just say it." I said.

"I just wanted you to know I am not that kind of a guy Khushi, I know I screwed up but I didn't want to, I would never hurt you or anyone on purpose. I hate myself for what I did, I'm really sorry." He apologized.

"It's okay Yug, I know you are a good person, the situation between us just wasn't right. I wouldn't really blame you for anything and trust me, I don't think any less of you either."

"I hate that I messed up, I really thought we were going to be great together."

"Maybe some things aren't meant to be, maybe some things happen to teach us lessons, I got mine, I'm sure if you look deep into it, you'll get yours too."

"I don't know... I just don't feel right."

"Don't worry, you will feel okay once you don't see me around."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I'm thinking of applying for a job in some other companies, I really liked working here but I will always be bothered by the fact that I got this job because of my dad's recommendation you know... I just want to do things on my own, create my own life, and now thanks to you, I also have some experience which would really help in me getting a job."

"So you're running away from me?"

"No... I just think it's best if I left my past behind and started a new life and I can do that only when I actually leave my past behind. It's not like I'm shifting to another city or anything, I just want to be on my own for a while, get a job on my own, work hard, build a life, go out, have fun, enjoy life and just be happy."

"Well, if it makes you happy, so be it." He sighed.

"So be it." I nodded. The thought of finding a new job was pretty scary, the thought of living alone in Mumbai with no friends was scary too, but I think I needed that, I was eventually going to make new friends and till then I was going to be fine enjoying my own company.

"Anyway, I should get back to work, it was a nice talk." I said as I stood up.

"Yeah it was." He nodded.

I grabbed my phone but before I walked away, I looked at Yug for a moment, he had been so great with me all this time and I also wanted for him to be okay and happy in his life, I mean without him, i wasn't even sure I would have felt this okay.

"Hey listen... that girl that you kissed, if you want to pursue it, you really should, don't feel guilty for it, I'm not holding any grudge against you for it." I smiled, he smiled back at me and then I walked away.

I know I still had a long way to go, create my resume, send it to companies, go for job interviews and find a new job, and go out, make new friends and all that, and as scary as it seemed right now, at least it was a beginning to something right?

It's better to start somewhere than to never start at all, and this was just my beginning.