ARNAV

I sat there, trying to inhale deep breaths, trying to calm myself down, trying to relax. I kept on spinning the fidget spinner while staring at it hoping it would make me calm, but it dint seem to be helping either.

"What's going on in your mind?" Shreya asked. Shreya was the therapist my mother suggested me to see, so as soon as I shifted back here, I started seeing her, I would be lying if I said she wasn't helping, she had helped me a lot through which I could see things clearly and learn how to deal with my emotions.

"Nothing."

"You seem restless Arnav, and the whole point of doing this is honesty, if you can't talk to me or tell me about what's going on in your mind, how am I supposed to help you?"

"Yesterday I walked into Yug's room, his mother had called and I kind of forgot to knock, I just walked in and him and Khushi were about to kiss." Inhale Arnav, Inhale.

"Did you do that on purpose?" she looked at me accusingly.

"What? No! I would never do that, I am just used to going into his room without knocking, it's a habit, one that I have to change. I feel awful about it already, I'm sure they are both thinking that I did it on purpose.

"So that's what's bothering you? Them thinking that you did it on purpose?"

"No... it's just... hard. I mean knowing that Khushi had moved on and actually realizing it are two different things. Seeing them get intimate just... broke my heart.

I thought I was okay with it, I mean it's been a while, they've been going out and I dint feel much pain, but yesterday, it just felt too much."

"Do you regret pushing her away? Do you feel guilty about it?"

"Of course I do, I feel guilty, I know I made wrong decisions and that's why I'm letting her be, she has done so much for me, it would be selfish of me to try and ruin thing for her when she's finally getting some happiness.

I know Yug loves her and I want them to be happy together, but I don't know how to be okay about it anymore, I have been trying since yesterday not to think about it, but the thoughts wouldn't just leave my mind." I looked at her, she wanted honesty, here it was.

I screwed up, there's nothing I can change about it and I really wish I could, but I can't and that's just heartbreaking." I said sadly.

"Look Arnav, whatever that has happened, it's all in the past, worrying about it or overthinking it won't change it, so how about you try to move on from it." Shreya said.

"Isn't that what I'm trying?"

"It is, but you can't move on if you keep on feeling guilty continuously, you have to apologize to Khushi, it's the only way you will be able to accept thing the way they are now and actually move forward with your life.

You said she's happy and you don't want to mess that up and I agree with you, but unless you apologize and move on yourself, there are chance that you will mess it up."

"What if I just move out of Yug's house, or I go live in some other city, that way I won't ever have to face them again." It seemed the easiest way out of this.

"Running away from your problems doesn't solve them Arnav. You have to stop running away, that's your problem don't you see, you run away from everything without trying to solve it, you ran away from Khushi without trying to solve it, if you would have tried to solve things, we wouldn't be here now.

Better late than never, so how about you stop thinking about running away and master up enough courage to apologize for your mistakes?"

"What if she doesn't forgive me?"

"And what if she does?" Shrey stared at me continuously without blinking. She really knew how to convince me.

"Fine! I'll try to talk to her."

"Great, our session ends here, I'll see you day after tomorrow?"

"Sure." I nodded as I stood up to leave. How was I supposed to just walk up to Khushi and be like I am sorry for being stupid? She would never forgive me for the pain I caused her.

*****

I arrived home after a long drive, the Mumbai traffic was always so time consuming. As I walked upstairs to the apartment, I kept on wondering on how I was going to start apologizing to Khushi, I mean what was I even supposed to say? I couldn't think of anything.

I pulled out my keys from the pocket and shuffled through them until I found the one that opened the apartment door, I unlocked the door and walked in just to find Khushi seated there in the hall, all alone.

Where was Yug?

"Hi." I greeted her.

"Hi." She said as she stood up ready to leave. She didn't even want to be around me, how was I going to be able to get her to listen to me for a few minutes so I could apologize?

"Where's Yug?" I asked looking around.

"He had to rush back to the office for something, he will be back soon, I'll wait in his room." She said as she turned around and walked towards Yug's room.

"Khushi wait."

She stopped walking and turned to look at me curiously.

"Can we talk please? I won't take much of your time?" I asked nervously. It was funny how there was a time, I dint care about anything around her, she was my best friend, I was never awkward around her but then I ruined everything.

Yayy. Congrats Arnav for losing the only person that cared about you because you were an idiot.

She nodded as she walked back towards me and sat down on the sofa and looked at me, I sat down beside her making sure to maintain enough space between us.

She looked at me waiting for me to speak but I dint even know where to start from, so instead I just looked back at her while I tried to come up with a meaningful sentence.

"I... I just wanted to apologize." I finally said, wow, this took me two minutes to think of?

"For what?"

"Everything I did. I was too blinded by my pain and my rage that I acted out terribly regarding everything, with time I came to realize my mistakes and I just wanted you to know that I am really sorry for everything.

For running out on you, leaving you behind like that searching for me, that was really heartless of me, I am so sorry Khushi, I should have been more mature and faced it instead of running away.

I hurt you so much but even when I needed you, you came running to my rescue, you were the only one holding our friendship together and I am so sorry for disappointing you so much.

You were there for me when no one else was and I should have appreciated that but instead I just ended up hurting you.

I know after everything that I did, I don't deserve your forgiveness, but if you find it in you, please forgive me for everything I did, I really feel terrible about it, and if it were possible I could change it, but I can't so all I can do is apologize." I looked at her sadly.

She stayed silent, she didn't even say a word... I wished she could say something that way at least I would know what she was thinking.

"Arnav you know I am with Yug now..."

"Don't get me wrong Khushi, I am not asking you to leave him or anything, you seem happy with him and he's a good guy, you two are perfect together, all I need is forgiveness so I can try to love on from my past. I just need your forgiveness nothing else."

"So the roles are reversed." She laughed sarcastically.

"When I was running behind you, begging you, doing everything possible so that you could forgive me just once, you were so heartless to me Arnav and just because now you've had a mature approach on things you think you would just ask me for forgiveness and I will forgive you?

I came to Hyderabad to help you because Sharmila deserved to be punished, I would have helped anyone in your situation, me helping you dint mean I forgave you Arnav. You've done too much damage to me for me to be able to forgive you."

"I understand you... I just..."

"You just what? You left me heartbroken Arnav, you were the first ever guy in my life, you were my best friend, you were the only guy I loved and you hurt me so freaking much and now you come and ask for forgiveness and expect me to forgive you just like that? I am done trying to be a good person to you. I am done being so vulnerable about you, so no Arnav, I don't forgive you, it shouldn't be too hard to understand, you couldn't forgive me either right?" She stood up angrily and headed to Yug's room and locked herself inside.

Well I was hurt, but we all know I deserve this right?