ARNAV

"Arnav!" She looked at me like she couldn't believe that it was actually me. I dint even know what I was supposed to say to her, I had been mad at her for years, how was I supposed to talk to her suddenly, how was I supposed to talk to her when I was mad at Khushi for talking to her?

"Arnav please talk to me, come out of the car, let's go inside the house, we sit down and talk please?" She begged me.

A part of me wanted to step out of the car and go along with her, my heart was breaking for her, despite all her mistakes, she was the woman that gave birth to me, she was my mother, my heart obviously melted for her but a part of me was still so angry at her and I just wanted to ignore her and leave from here for good.

"It's been so long Arnav, please." She looked at me hopefully, as much as I dint want to go, I couldn't say no, maybe Khushi was right, it was time I talked to them, so I mastered the courage and decided to step out of the car.

I inhaled a deep breath as soon as I was out, she held my hand excitedly and pulled me along with her inside the house, how could the woman I've hated for years still have so much excitement towards me?

I stepped inside the house and looked around it was like a flashback, all my childhood memories came rushing back and I was overwhelmed with so many different kinds of feelings I dint know how to deal with.

"I never thought I would get to see you, I am so happy you are here Arnav. Do you want anything to drink or eat? I can cook you whatever you like?" She asked.

I hadn't even said a word to her till now, and I still dint know what I was supposed to say to her.

"I am okay." I finally managed to say something, she sat down beside me and looked at me sadly.

"I heard about Sharmila, I am so sorry." She apologized.

"You knew I was here?"

"Yeah, Khushi's dad told me the day he saw you, but I dint know whether you wanted to see me or not so I dint come to visit you, it took everything in me not to come because all I wanted to do was see my son." She placed her palm on my cheeks and I just moved backwards, just because I came didn't mean I wasn't still angry or hurt.

"I am sorry Arnav, your dad and I are both very sorry about everything that happened in the past. We know we should have listened to you, we should have believed you but..."

"Well you didn't."

"And we regret that, every day of our lives Arnav. All we wanted was the best for you, always. I am so sorry we ended up messing it all."

"How am I supposed to be okay with just a sorry mom? I've grown up knowing what happened and knowing that you weren't there for me when I needed you the most, the only person that was there for me was Khushi, and I ended up pushing her away too, just because you had to come in between our friendship.

Once I left, all I wanted was a good life with my best friend by my side, and I no more have it because I am too broken to heal from the wounds you gave me!" I shouted angrily.

"I know Arnav, I know your dad and I have done some really terrible things in the past, but I am not sorry for trying to make sure you were okay, yes I stayed in contact with Khushi because there was no other way for me to know you were okay, she was the only one that was around you, she was the only one that could tell me about you and if you needed anything.

You can't blame her for that, as your best friend she was looking out for you, she was making sure we knew that you were okay and happy even though you weren't with us and knowing you were okay was the only thing that kept us going Arnav.

Look at me Arnav, I am not denying the fact that we were wrong, yes we were and I know we messed up and if it was possible, I would go back in time and change things but I can't. all I can do is apologize to you and accept my mistakes and hope that you would forgive me."

"Why do you think I would forgive you or dad? You never trusted me!"

"Because before being your parents, we are human beings Arnav, and as humans we are entitled to making mistakes, we made mistakes too, I am sorry we weren't the perfect parents for you then, but we know where we went wrong and all we want is to make things better for you now."

"What, are you a therapist now?"

"I actually am." She nodded.

"What?" I looked at her in surprise, I had no idea, I hadn't been in touch with them for so many years and I never even bothered finding out what the both of them were up to.

"After you left... it took me really long to accept things for the way they were Arnav, I went for therapy myself... anyway it helped me see a lot of things in a different way, and I just thought maybe if I studied psychology, I would be able to help people and I would be able to understand what you might be going through and know where we went wrong.

Anyway that's not the point, the point is, I know you are hurting Arnav and I know it's because of us, but I also know how much you love Khushi and you would never really be happy without her. please don't push her away, I will be okay if you still don't want to keep any contact with me or your dad but please don't punish yourself by pushing the only person you have loved."

"Do you think I wanted to push her away mom? I was so mad in the beginning but when she explained things to me, I understood her, I understood her point but right now, I am so broken in my life, I am so hurt that despite wanting so much to trust her again, I can't. I feel like nothing inside me works anymore, I can't even bring myself to trust Khushi, you have no idea how much that hurts me, because all I want is her, I want to be with her to love her and be happy with her, but I can't because I am broken beyond repair, I am at a point in my life where I have nothing to do.

You know before I found out Khushi was talking to you, I was doing well, I was trying to live a normal life like every guy out there, I was trying to stop being so broken and the only thing that was helping me was Khushi's presence in my life but then you took that away from me, she lied to be because of you and I just felt like I couldn't trust anyone anymore.

I know I sound stupid right now and I know none of this makes sense and if I knew how to make sense, I wouldn't be here, I would be with her, but I can't be with her because I can't heal from this pain, I just can't." I broke down into tears.

How was I supposed to explain what was going on in my mind when I couldn't understand it myself? How was I supposed to be okay with all of this? I tried to be okay and normal for so long in my life but now I felt like giving up, nothing really seemed to be working.

"Do you want to be with Khushi or not Arnav?"

"Haven't you been listening to me? All I've ever wanted was to be with her... but I can't."

"And why can't you Arnav?"

"I don't know okay... I just don't know. I tried, believe me when I said I tried so hard, I just can't seem to bring myself to trust anyone. What am I supposed to do, I want to love her and trust her but no matter how hard I try I can't and that breaks me, everyday knowing that I will be all alone my whole life because I no more have the ability to trust anyone, not even the only person I ever trusted."

"You can trust people if you want to Arnav, you just have to want it that badly."

"Yeah I wish it was that easy. What else do you think I want in my life more than her mom? Tell me? I want her, so badly so why is it that I still can't trust her?" I was so frustrated, I couldn't understand what I was feeling or why I was feeling it.

For a while, I believed Khushi and I being separate was for the best, but I couldn't stop thinking about her, I couldn't stop loving her and missing her and every time I wanted to go crawling back to her and tell her how much I loved her and wanted to be with her but I knew it wasn't possible because whatever that created the trust inside me was broken.

"I think I might help you Arnav." Mom said, I wanted to laugh at her, I was beyond repair, nothing could help me anymore, I was doomed. Maybe I should just end my freaking life and get done with this drama for once and for all, at least this pain could end.

"How will you help me, by giving me therapy?" I laughed at her.

"Not me, I can't do that because you're my son, but you do need help Arnav. I can take you to see a psychologist." She suggested. Seriously? That was her solution? It was a wrong idea to come here, I shouldn't have, maybe it was time to leave.

"No thank you, I don't need your help. I should get going." I said as I stood up and started walking away.

"You say you love Khushi, and want to trust her. For the sake of that love Arnav, give this a chance, please." She said. Why? Why was she doing this to be? Why did she have to bring Khushi into everything? I mean what was a psychologist going to do to make me start trusting people again?

"You said you tried hard, now try harder. Let me help you please Arnav. If you don't want me to be in your life I won't be, but just let me help you please. I promise things will work out."

"And what if they don't work out?" I turned to look at her.

"It's still better than not trying at all."

She was right, I hated that she was right though. I never thought that at one point in my life I would be taking help from the woman that I never wanted to even look at. So much had changed.