ARNAV

Nothing felt better. I thought once Sharmila was punished for her deeds, I was going to feel better, I was going to feel safer, but I wasn't feeling any of that. None of this was able to take the trauma I had been through as a child, I had grown up with it, thinking about it every single day, feeling disgusted on all the things she had done to me.

Now she was behind bar, hopeful for a long time and I was supposed to feel okay, I was supposed to feel safe but I still didn't. Why?

"Are you okay?" Khushi looked at me curiously.

"I don't know. I don't feel any different than I did before." I replied honestly, she just stared at me in confusion, maybe she also thought I was going to feel better, then why wasn't I feeling better?

"Thank you for coming here, I wouldn't have been able to do this without you." I tried to smile but even smiling seemed like a difficult task.

"You didn't really need me, I mean I understand as a kid you couldn't do much she was a grown woman and you were just a little scared boy, but right now, you have grown up, you've become stronger than you were before, you could have handled her on your own, even without me."

"You remember as kids, we would listen to and read stories about monsters and were so scared of them?"

"Yeah."

"Are you still scared of them?"

"No, monsters don't really exist."

"You believe that, why? Because you've never seen one right?"

"I guess so. What's your point?"

"We both heard the same stories, you imagined your monsters to be terrifying beasts, just a scary image that your mind would create, because you had never come across a monster. You know what image I had in mind for my monster? Sharmila.

Monsters are supposed to be scary, and she was my only fear, she was my monster. As you grew up you stopped getting scared of monsters because for you they dint exist, I dint stop getting scared because for me I had met a monster, I was terrified of her and as I grew up, I grew up being scared of the monster, the fear never went away, because I knew there were so many monsters like Sharmila, they were humans like us, and they had the power to make people like me so vulnerable.

You are right, I am grown up, I am strong, I could have handled this on my own, but you know looking at that woman just reminded me of my past, of the pain I had endured, the trauma she had caused me, so I might be strong Khushi but seeing her made me vulnerable because to me, she was this huge scary monster and I didn't believe I had the power to tackle.

Strength comes from within us, when I see her, all I remember is how weak I was when she did all those terrible things to me, and until today I have just believed that I was the same weak Arnav who couldn't do anything about it."

Khushi just kept on staring at me blankly trying to understand what I had just said, I wish it was easier to explain, I couldn't really put it into words. We all had fears in our lives, dint we? I mean just imagine being scared of a cockroach. We all knew it couldn't do any harm to us, we were way stronger than the cockroach, yet we still feared it, why? It is hard to explain it isn't it? Exactly, that was just how hard it was to explain the fear I had with that woman.

"I get it... but I hope with time you will get better now. That woman has ruined so much in your life, don't let her ruin more."

"I hope so too." I sighed.

The police officer called us to sign some documents so we both stood up and walked towards the table where he was seated, and went through them making sure this woman was staying in that jail for however long possible.

After the police station, Khushi went back home and I came back at my hotel room just feeling empty. You've ever had those moments in your life where nothing felt okay, no matter what you did, there was just some sort of emptiness? I felt like that and I dint know how I was going to get rid of it.

I locked my door and lied down on my bed, Khushi said she was going back tomorrow morning, she dint have much left to do, the woman was behind bars, we had solid proof against her, so I just needed to go to the court with my lawyer and things would be done.

I dint know what I wanted to do after that, for the past two or so years, I had just been running, first to Mumbai then to here and none of these places seemed to be able to give me the peace I was searching for.

I wanted to leave from here as soon as possible, but I dint know where to go from here. I dint know how to move on in life, it was like I had a life with no purpose, and living such a life, wasn't really fun.

I tried to sleep but with the mess that my life was, even sleep wouldn't come easy, so I just took my sleeping pills and went to bed hoping I was going to feel better the next day.

*****

I stood outside the airport with Khushi, I dint have any words to say that, I was just thankful to her that she came here for me, even after I had hurt her so much.

"Thank you once again, I would always be grateful for what you did for me."

"This is like the fifth time you're thanking me Arnav. I would do this for anyone, people like Sharmila deserve to be punished." She said.

"I know." I nodded.

"Anyway, it's time for me to leave, so I'll get going, don't want to miss my flight." She said as she grabbed her bag, looked at me.

"I don't know if I should be saying this or not but... go see your parents Arnav. Maybe you will find whatever you're looking for to help you feel better." She smiled faintly and then started walking away.

I stood there hoping she would turn around to look at me, I don't even know why I was hoping for that but anyway she didn't turn, she continued walking until she was inside the airport and in a few minutes she disappeared.

I just stood there wondering where to go from here, the court date was after a week so I had to be here for at least a week and I had no idea what to do.

I dint even know whether I wanted to see my parents or not, I had stayed away from them for years, I had broken all my ties and when I found out they were in touch with Khushi, my hatred towards them just got worse.

I don't know why Khushi suggested I should go see them, how were they going to help me feel better? How was I even supposed to step into that house? They were the reason why I was so traumatized, only if they had for once believed me and taken an action against that woman, I wouldn't be like this right now... so freaking broken!

As if that wasn't enough, they even had to put their nose in between mine and Khushi's friendship, all my trust issues were because of them, so how was I ever going to be able to see them let alone talk to them?

I wish I could reverse back time, I wish I could go back to those college days where Khushi and I were just two stupid best friends happy with each other's company. I wish our friendship hadn't broken, I wish I had the courage to trust her again.

I got into the taxi and decided to head back to my hotel room, maybe I would just stay there until the case was done then go back to Mumbai, that was the only option left.

While the driver drove me to the hotel, I kept on thinking about Khushi's words, and in between I told him to pass through the route that passed from my home.

I dint even know if I could call that place home.

I mean wasn't home supposed to be a happy place? I place where you felt safe? This was never the place for me, the only place where I felt at home and happy was with Khushi.

"Can you park aside for a bit?" I asked the driver, he just nodded as he parked the car on the left of my house, from there I had a clear view of the house.

I stared at it blankly, remembering all the memories I had attached to this place. All the good memories, all the bad memories, yet I dint have the courage to step out of this car and go in there.

I saw three ladies walk out the next moment, they seemed like they were in their fifties, I dint know two of them, but one of them was my mother. I hadn't seen her in ages, she was so changed, she was growing old.

She talked to the two ladies for a moment and then they all waved goodbye at each other, while the ladies walked away, I saw her gaze focus on me.

Holy Shit! She saw me! Maybe I should tell the driver to drive off, maybe I should just run away and never come back. But another voice at the back of my head asked me, how long I was going to run. I was seriously tired of running, I just wanted to settle down.

She started running towards me and I felt my heart beat so fast I thought it was going to jump out of my chest, was I ready to face her? Was I ready to face the woman I had stayed away from for so many years? I mean what was I even supposed to say to her?

Maybe I should just run away! Ahhh, mind. Make a decision already.