Chapter 16: What we did wrong (edited)
I silently glided on the ice, Yurio practiced his jumps and step sequence and Victor was talking on the phone. I bit my lip, it had only been a week since I declared that I wanted to end our relationship. After that day Victor ignored me most of the time only occasionally giving me small comments and statements, I felt horrible.
I couldn't handle the pain I felt each time I looked into his eyes by accident, the flicker I see in them yell despair and hatred toward me, so of course, I couldn't deny that it was my fault. My ankle felt a little better so I was able to take the cast off, but it made no difference either way. It wasn't going to change the tension between Victor and me, I was the one who made this happen.
My mind was wondering, it was a bad habit of mine, and I wasn't looking where I was going I ended up bumping into Yurio. "Hey watch out!-" He turned. "Oh..I thought you were Victor." He muttered and sighed. "He's been on my ass all day." His voice was strained. "Why? Is something going on?" I asked worriedly, he looked at me with regret-filled eyes. "I can't tell you...I don't want to hurt you." The way he now spoke in a lower tone I quickly understood what he meant. "...he's seeing Angela..." I mumbled glumly. "...yeah, ever since I got back to school she's always bugging me about Victor." Yurio frowned.
Why would Victor move on so quickly? Did he not say that I was the one who caught his attention? Didn't he know me longer than I knew myself? He was my savior, my everything. And now with him silent and the both of us not even bothering to look at each other, I grew more desperate and depressed, and lovesick. I missed the feeling of his lips against my own, I hated the fact that the same lips were pressed against another person's lips, I had lost everything to Angela.
I then realized something as Yurio skated toward the edge of the rink, I hadn't lost Yurio's trust, he was still with me, and as long as he at least acknowledges my presence then I'm pretty sure I can stay strong for a little more. But I knew Angela also had her eyes on him, and not in the good way. I noticed how terrified Yurio looked when she came to talk with him, she had sent him a glare that literally yelled bloody murder. "Yuuri practice is over!" Victor called out to me, once again I had managed to doze off.
I looked toward Victor, our eyes met. I was suddenly frozen in a trance being held by his intimidating stare, I swallowed thickly and skated toward the exit of the rink even then I could still feel his eyes on me. I lowered my head and somehow managed to get to the locker room, Yurio was lacing his shoes. "You should stop doing that you know." He said and sat back up. "Doing what?" I asked and sat beside him unlacing my skates. "Dozing off, going off into your little LaLa land." He grabbed his water bottle and unscrewed the cap. "You'll cause trouble for yourself and others." He brought the bottle to his lips and tilted it up.
I slid off my skates. "How is your ankle?" Yurio asked when he finished drinking his water. "It's better, I'm ready for the next competition." I forced a smile. "I want to get to the Grand Prix final with you Yurio, I know it may seem ridiculous but I really want to be able to move forward with you." I felt my face heat up. "S-stupid." He muttered and looked away with his own blush, I laughed and grabbed my bag that rested on the ground against the bench, I dug around it and grabbed a couple of bottles.
I took the pill bottles out and placed them between Yurio and me before stuffing my skates in the bag. "Are you sick? I've noticed you've been taking those a lot." Yurio said with a hint of worry. "Ah...I guess you can say I'm sick." I opened the bottles and took a couple of pills from each, I grabbed my own water bottle and quickly swallowed the pills. Yurio watched me with curious eyes, I put everything back and slid on my shoes, the sound of the double doors in the rink slamming open caught my and Yurio's attention
I stood and went to the doors of the locker rooms looking out the small windows, I spotted Angela and Victor, both of them were talking to each other with frowns on their faces. I wanted to hear their conversation, they both looked so upset it worried me, Yurio was now beside me looking out the window as well. "What do you think they're talking about?" I asked. "Who knows, I don't really care. I just want her to leave already, it's bad enough that she stalks me at school." He glared at her. "That creep." He muttered.
Angela looked our way, I flinched when our eyes met and I quickly pulled Yurio down so that she wouldn't spot him, she gave me a hateful glare before turning her attention back to Victor. "Let me go!" Yurio pulled away from my grasp and gave me his own hate-filled glare. "I'm sorry." I apologized guiltily. "..thank you though.." He turned away and gathered his belongings. "Can we go now? I'm tired." When I looked out the window again Angela was just heading out. "Yeah let's go." I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder and headed out the locker room with Yurio following close behind.
Victor turned around with a plain look on his face. "I'm going to stay behind, go on without me." He said. "Why?" The question left my lips before I could stop myself. "I need to take care of something really quick." He answered. "Oh? And that is?" Yurio asked this time with a scowl. It was easy to tell that Victor was lying, he fidgeted, his hands twitched a bit. "I'm going to buy more dog food for Makkachin." There was a stammer in his sentence. "My mother bought a new bag yesterday, do you not remember?" I frowned, his face paled, his face paler than it already was.
I wanted so badly to hold his hand and take him home, bags rested under his now dull looking eyes, Yurio clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes. "It's obvious he's going to see 'her' again, they just made plans." He sighed. "I'm out, I'll see you there pork cutlet bowl." He gave me a wave goodbye and left leaving Victor and me alone, I was frozen again. I kept my gaze down I noticed that Victor's hands had balled into tight fists, my hand moved on its own, I felt Victor's cold skin. Victor flinched and pulled his hand away, I was suddenly embarrassed and upset. "Sorry.." I muttered quickly. "Just...please be careful." With that, I turned away and stormed off with tears stinging my eyes.
It has only been a couple of weeks and I'm already falling apart without Victor, it was then that I finally realized I needed Victor with me, and hopefully, he needed me as well, but I doubted myself so much. I probably wasn't good enough and that's why he left, I was weak, I still am. I'm pathetic.
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It was early in the morning, my father had barely gone to drop Yurio off at school. Yurio and my father were getting along quite well, I think my father reminded Yurio of his grandfather, there would be days where Yurio would run into my room and kick me out so he could talk to his grandfather. There was one time where his grandfather didn't know how to use video chat, and Yurio was laughing as he tried explaining to him how it worked. I had never heard Yurio laugh like that before, it surprised me the first time I heard him.
I walked to the kitchen, Makkachin slowly padded after me, his head hung glumly it pained me to see the cute pup look so depressed. Victor hadn't come home yesterday so Makkachin slept with me in my bed, I poured food into his bowl, he only sniffed it and looked up at me. My heart dropped and I kneeled to the ground bringing him into my arms. "Please don't do this Maka, I'm sad too but you have to eat." I patted his head. "Please.." a whimper was the only thing I got in response, but I couldn't be upset at him, I was doing the same too.
I skipped my meals like before, and I drank much more of my pills, my anxiety became worse along with my depression, I was a total mess. I headed toward the front door and slid on my shoes. "Makkachin, I'll be back okay? Please eat some food." My voice was filled with desperation and fear, I didn't want Makkachin to get sick, he also helped calm me down when my anxiety got out of hand, and if something were to happen to him I would surely break down.
I reluctantly headed out and stretched for a bit before breaking out to a light run, I ran pass by the fisherman and greeted him as I passed by, I decided to stop by the ice castle to see if Yuuko or Takeshi were free. When I arrived I grasped onto the rail of the staircase, I became lightheaded and kept my ground in fear that I would fall and end up cracking my skull on the concrete steps, I closed my eyes and focused on evening out my breathing, the sound of clicking caused me to straighten my posture and open my eyes.
I was met with Angela walking down the steps, she wore a white sweater and black jeans, she had beige boots that reached to her knees with dangerously thin heels. Our gazes met I expected her to pull on a fake smile, but she gave me a scowl and walked more towards me now. I couldn't back away, she abruptly stopped in front of me I had to look up to face her. "It's you." She muttered darkly. "Uhm, I'm sorry?" I cocked my head to the side in confusion. "Don't play stupid, I know what you're doing. Victor and I were meant for each other, so leave him alone, and stay away from him or else." Her tone of voice was dangerous.
My heart hammered against my chest and I swallowed my courage. "I can't do that, I don't care what you say, Angela. I'm going to stay beside Victor no matter what you do, you don't matter to me so please...stop getting in my way." I looked at her with a strength I never knew I had, a shocked look came across her face, then she frowned angrily and rose her hand. I braced myself, I knew what was coming.
Smack.
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I walked passed Victor and Yurio quickly trying to make my way to the locker rooms, I lifted my face mask up higher. "Wait up Yuuri." Victor grasped onto my shoulder. "Go on Yurio, I need to have a word with Yuuri..alone." His voice was low and terrifying. "Fine, don't do anything weird." Yurio went to the locker room without a second glance. "Yuuri I received a bit of upsetting information from Angela." He said. I flinched and stayed silent. "She said you threatened her." He added I didn't dare look up at him.
His grip on my arm tightened. "She came to me crying." I gasped. "Is that where you were? You were with Angela, is that why you didn't come back yesterday?" I asked almost angrily. "You're changing the subject Yuuri, but I can't hear you that well. Can you remove that mask?" He suggested. "It's cold," I muttered. "But I can't hear you well." He frowned. "Yuuri look at me." He demanded, I shook my head as soon as he demanded it. "Why not? What are you hiding? Are you guilty?" He asked. "N-no." I stuttered.
He gripped my chin and forced me to look up at him, the mask nearly slipped from my face. "It's nearly spring how can you be cold?" He reached for the mask on my face, I quickly turned my head away. "I-I told her that she didn't matter to me!" I exclaimed, he stopped instantly. "You what?" He asked. "I told Angela that she didn't matter to me and that I didn't want her to get in my way." I trembled. "Why?" He asked. "Because...I didn't want to lose you." I slowly looked up at him, his eyes held something unreadable. "Got you." He gripped onto my mask and pulled it off, my heart dropped.
Victor's eyes widened. "Yuuri..." His hand softly caressed the scratches on my cheek. "What happened?" He asked in a demanding tone. "I fell," I said quickly. "These are perfectly made scratches Yuuri, who hit you?" He grasped onto my shoulders and looked deep into my eyes. "Tell me, now." He was so intimidating, I whimpered. "I can't tell you." My voice was unsteady. "Why not!?" He raised his voice.
I couldn't stay strong this time, I broke. "Because then you'll lose your best friend! You'll lose the one that was truly meant for you! The person who knew you first." I pulled away from Victor's grasp. "She loved you first." My heart shattered at the realization that I was now giving Victor up, I accepted that I wasn't good enough, but just as I was about to turn away a strong pair of arms engulfed me in a tight embrace, my back was pressed against Victor. "Yuuri, you're the only one. You are my only one, I can't lose you. I was so miserable and had so many mixed emotions, I'm so sorry I brought this upon you." His voice calmed me down.
"I was homesick, I got frustrated easily, oh god Yuuri I'm so sorry I hurt you." He turned me around, tears trailed down my cheeks stinging the cuts on my cheek. "Look at you." A pained smile was on his face. "My beautiful Yuuri, I did this to you." He wiped away my tears and placed a soft kiss on my cheek. "I'm never going to hurt you." He grabbed my hand and placed it on his chest. "Because it hurts so much here." He stated.
I felt his heart beat strongly against the palm of my hand. "It hurts me to see you in pain. I hated being separated from you, I made the biggest mistake in my life. I'm so stupid." He looked close to tears, I forced a bitter smile. "Vitya." I hugged him tightly, wrapping my arms around his neck and buried my face in the crook of my neck. "I love you Vitya! Please don't leave me!" More tears trailed down my cheeks. "Stay close to me." A small sob escaped my lips, Victor held me tighter.
I was happy, but the moment was ruined when the doors of the front lobby revealed Angela walking up the stairs. "Victor.." I whimpered, she spotted me, anger filled her features. "What is it Yuuri?" Victor asked. "I'm sorry." I pulled away. "I-I." I couldn't speak, but Victor noticed where I was looking at and turned around. I heard him growl. "Don't worry Yuuri." He held me close to his chest. "I'll protect you." He smiled.
"I'll stay close to you."
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