Mom stops me in the way in

After my long run

My forced run

To stay fit

To stay skinny

Where have you been

She asks

She says I've been gone all morning

And she wanted to bring me shopping

Because my old clothes are too big

I was just running

I tell her

Then I regret the words as soon as I say them

She turns her head away

And tries to contain her tears

Maybe I'm sorry for always hurting her

In ways that she can't stop

Nor I

Because I'm only a puppet

In the end

She asks if the doctors helped me

And I'm tempted to lie

Once again

But I tell the truth

No

Mom keeps a brave face

As I break down

And tell her that I love her

But I can't help it

And I can't stop it

We need to get you help

She says

She suggests counselling or something

But I can't hear

Because a voice in my head is screaming