Unedited.

"Geez! Stop eating my brain, mom. I told you that I have already said 'No' to that Shreya!" I said in an annoying tone as she was continuously coming after my life for this issue.

"It's Shwetha and it's a relief that you didn't even remember her name. So now I am completely assured that you aren't at all interested in her. Hehehe. You are really my son." She gloated as I shook my head.

"By the way, when will you start taking a driver along with you whenever you are going out?"

"Why will I, when I have my son at my beck and call?" She passed me a sweet smile and I just scoffed at her words.

"This is going to be the last time that I am letting you use me as your driver," I told her in a final say.

"You said the same thing at the last time too." She snickered while looking out of the window.

"Hey! Stop the car!!" She shouted all of a sudden as I slammed the brakes abruptly.

When I turned towards her to get an answer, I saw her attempting to get off the car as I followed her line of sight to see what had caught her attention.

But when I did so, I halted in my actions when my gaze fell onto the figure who was standing in front of her car with her phone in her hands.

She looked troubled as she was trying to call someone over the phone. When she saw that someone was approaching her, she lifted her face to look at my mom. Though startled at my mom's unexpected presence, she managed to pass her a smile.

They both soon started talking about something and I couldn't hear what that was about even when I stretched my neck but I could tell that Yuktha was resisting whatever my mom had said as she appeared to persuade her. Suddenly I saw my mom dragging her towards the car.

Seeing this, I immediately sat back in my place properly, and to not come out as a curious being, I tried my best to appear cool.

When mom came to my side and knocked on the window, gesturing me to pull it down, I did what she asked me to do and looked at her with questioning eyes.

"What's the matter?" I asked her in my usual tone.

"Her car broke down in the middle. So let's drop her at her house." Mom said and I instinctively glanced at Yuktha who was standing behind her while biting her lips.

"No, no, Aunty. It's totally fine. I have already book for a cab and he is on his way too." She said hurriedly, trying to shook off her request.

"Then let me accompany you till he arrives. It's already so late. In no way I am allowing you to stay here all alone."

"Aunty, I don't want to impede you. So please go and I swear, I will stay inside the car only and won't step outside till the driver comes." She requested my mom but that stubborn old lady just stood there with her arms crossed over her front.

"I didn't give those many options to you, young lady. Either let us drop you at your home or despite the cold weather, let me accompany you till the driver comes to pick you up." She said, pretending to be pitiful while guilt-tripping her and this time I openly rolled my eyes at her pretentious words.

"My dear mom, don't you know we have the heater turned on inside the car and you have another option called 'waiting inside the car too.'?"

I wanted to say these words so badly but I knew if I do so, the old lady in front of me would make my life which I had cherished so well, a living hell.

Just then Yuktha's phone started ringing, and after attending and hearing the content of what the other party had said, she sighed in annoyance before hanging up.

"Aunty, you guys can go. He may take another more hour to reach here." She said in a low voice, waiting for my mom's response.

"Aish. Cancel that ride and come with us. Please show some mercy on this old lady. I can't stay out in this cold weather very long and at the same time, I can't leave you here all alone." My mom said dramatically and I could still see that she was hesitating in coming with us.

"Get in the car," I sounded stern as she got startled a little before glaring at me but didn't say anything except for going back to her car to get the keys while informing the driver to not come anymore.

After seeing her getting into the car, my mom sighed in relief and went to join her in the back seat.

"Where to?"

"To my mom's place." She replied curtly.

All the while during the ride, my mom kept on talking to her as she was just giving the curt replies with smiles.

"Ha. Now tell me. Any plans on getting married anytime soon?" My mom asked her like a nosy aunt as yuktha froze on her spot but didn't answer her question. I frowned a little but kept my silence.

"Young people these days! I don't understand why do you guys always show so much reluctance to get married? Don't you guys know how blissful it is to have someone to call our own? You guys don't understand at all. Geez! I can't even convince my son then how is it possible to convince you?"

"I seriously wonder whether you guys have ever even experienced first love or at least have a crush on someone in your entire life. Go, get some life, pals!"

She said while sighing and continued giving some advice to Yuktha about how good it was to be in a relationship but my mind was still lingering over her earlier words.

"Have ever even experienced first love?" I tightened my fists over the steering wheel as I glanced at Yuktha through the rearview mirror, who was sitting there in a daze as if she was in her world.

I shifted my attention back to the road and didn't pay any attention to their conversation furthermore.

Once we reached her home and when she was to get off the car, my mom stopped her and exchanged numbers with her.

"Aunty, it's your first time coming to my house. My mom is also at home. Why don't you come inside and have some tea before going?" She asked my mom with an expectant look.

"Thanks for asking ra but 'No'. Maybe next time. It's already so late and your uncle must be home by now. So I have to go now but don't worry. Since I have your number, be ready to get bugged by me daily."

Hearing my mom's words, she smiled at her which obviously didn't reach her eyes, and nodding at her, she bid us goodbye before making her way into the home whereas I kept on looking at her retreating lonely figure.

While looking at her disappearing figure, fear engulfed my heart like she was going far away from me where I couldn't even get a glimpse of her.

"Indra! Where have you lost? Start the car." I came out of my stupor and started my car before exiting her locality.

After getting off his car, I numbly entered the house and saw that mom was busy writing something on her notepad. When she noticed my presence, she kept her book down and stood up from her seat.

"Stop there!" She said as I was about to pass into my room.

"Is it true? What your grandpa has said! Is it true?" She demanded and when she noticed my silence, she softened her stance a little and placed her hand on my shoulder.

"Ammu! Look at me and say. Are you sure about this? Don't do this because you are forced to do it. Indeed, I always want you to get married and out of all, Ikshith seems best because you both literally grew up together. So there will be no one who will understand you more than him but all these are my presumptions.

" I wanted to know what's your true opinion on this marriage. If you don't want it but doing this just for the sake of your dad's company, then please don't. He may not be with us but I am sure, if he was to choose between you and the company, he would definitely choose you over his dream. So think wisely and don't force yourself to say 'yes'." She said in a worried tone as I blinked back my tears and tried my best to pass her an assured smile.

"Don't worry, mom. I never took a wrong decision in my life. So if I am going to say 'yes', then it means that I am sure of my decision. I will give a visit to grandpa next week to convey my answer personally.

"Btw, I am not really hungry, so I will directly hit the bed. Rest early."

I told her and without giving her a chance to reply, I escaped from there...escaped from the bitter reality and my scary life.

Once I was inside my room and my safe haven, I collapsed near my bed and buried my face in my knees. The emotions which I had been holding up till now were gushed out in the form of tears as I choked up over my sobs.

I kept my palm over my mouth in fear that my mom would hear my sobbing and cried for my impending ruin. Gathering some strength, I lifted myself from the floor and went near a drawer to grab my diary.

Holding it, I cried even harder as I couldn't take this pain anymore. Sitting on the floor and wiping my tears, I slowly flipped the pages while running my fingers through the words which hold my ten years of beautiful yet painful memories. They were the proof of my craziness and my silliness.

For everyone, I was a nerd who would always appear, burying her face in the books. For everyone, I was a very unapproachable person who didn't even know how to enjoy life but no one knew about the secret I had been carrying for over ten years.

Nobody knew about the girl who would always yearn to just get a glimpse of him and would run miles just to see him, even it was just from the distance. No one knew that the girl who they labeled as cold-hearted had already got someone in her heart to melt her pain.

Nobody had ever noticed how her eyes reflect with love when she was in front of him and that's the very reason why she would always appear cocky in front of him, afraid that someone would see through her.

But what's the use of loving someone who never looked at you as if you were the only precious thing in this world.

Except for his occasional chidings and snarky remarks, I was worth none as he never even looked into my eyes till now. I wondered whether he even looked at me as a man would look at a woman.

I let out a sad chuckle and took out my pen before opening a new page to write the last entry of this jaunt.

[Date: xx/xx/xxxx.

"Have you guys ever even experienced first love?" His mom asked.

'First love? Hahaha. How can I tell her that the first love she was talking about is none other than her son in my whole life? I don't know how people would describe the term love but for me...

it was running all the way from my dorms which were so far away to the main campus just to get a glimpse of him. It was, tagging along with his sister shamelessly when he wanted to bring her over for dinner even when I wasn't fond of the outside food just so that I could get some time to spend with him.

It was, crying over his return when he went for his training. It was, praying for his safety and wellness when he went on the missions. It was, feeling his pain when he got injured. It was, being proud of his achievements. It was feeling happy, just by watching him smiling slightly.

It was...

I choked up in the middle while writing as I wiped my tears furiously and forced myself to let it all out in the form of words for the last time.

It was, feeling content with even having a chance to look at him from aside. It was, experiencing a wrenching pain in my heart when I remember that I could never have his love.

For me, he was the epitome of perfection where a person like me, a tainted, bruised, and dispirited soul was only worthy of worshipping him from afar.

I could neither own him nor unlove him. What to do? What to do? I thought I could live all my life with those little sweet memories but I knew I can't. I have responsibilities to take care of. So even if I can't, I have to lock him in the deepest corner of my heart.
.
.
.

My love, who let me experience the beautiful phase of my youth, I am bidding you a Goodbye with a promise to cherish you forever and love only you, even it means to love you secretly like I always do.]

With that, I closed the diary painfully and locked it again in its place just like I had locked my heart.

'Hope I will never be in a situation to open it again.' I thought as the tears brimmed my vision again.

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